bad american or bad problem

[Andy-n-Maricar 6]

If this guy goes back to the village I think the village will be able to handle him. Since it is a remote fishing village this guy could end up as chum.

[gretchen_darren 67]

ok, sorry for some ambiguity in the posts (sometimes I lose clarity because my typing skips a word or two. (I try to proofread my posts, but sometimes I miss things.) I am not better then this guy. I am only concerned on the repercussions this situation may cause to Kanos in the area.

The girl is related to my wife. She was our escort (me and my then fiance) when I first visited the village. I ended up paying for her meals/transport/etc plus my wife (girlfriend/fiance) at the time. I am glad I knew of the "escort" rule in the philippines before I got there. I spent a solid week (24x7) with BOTH girls before I finally got up the nerve to ask her, plus Gretchen's parents to allow me and Gretchen have some time alone before I left to go home.

No, I did not introduce this guy to them. He was talking to them long before I was. While I was in the air coming back to the states, he befriended my fiance on FB before I was even aware of him. Of course being curious and wondering who this kano was befriending my fiance even before her family and friends or me, I contacted him and asked to know more about him, and his relationship in the village. I offered to meet the guy face to face to know more about him, the "run around" then proceeded of where he was. I traced his phone numbers to relay numbers in California and realized he could be anywhere in the world for all I or anyone knew. I urged the girls and families caution with this guy and to be extremely careful since something just did not feel right to me. Then left is alone. I focused on my relationship with Gretchen and her family plus getting to know others in the village as well.

the only reason the family is involving me is because of telling me what is going on. We plan on visiting the village every few months, plus the "grapevine" is very active between the family here in Phoenix and back in the village. You want the village to know something, just tell the "right" girl in the family. It will be all over the village in 24 hours and vice-verse. (it also helps me to know how gossip spreads and who the key players in the village are. I am getting to know the grapevine lines now.)

the father of the girl will not talk to him or return his calls. The girl is still engaged to him on FB, and from what I gather still very much in love with him. But I do not know all of the story yet. All I know is this guy plans on showing his face in the village after this latest episode with his fiance.

This girl is like a sister to me and my wife. She is very headstrong in her own determination but also young and naive. To see a Kano treating a girl this way infuriates me. I am trying to help the village understand not all kanos are like this. This guy is not only hurting himself, but me and other Kanos as well. My worry is not only for him, but how he may affect me and other kanos coming to the village in the relationship to the village. The only safety and saving grace I presently have is being "adopted" into the village family plus the local catholic parish.

This village is hurting massively right now from the 5 floods since June 2011. Last October my in-laws house flooded for the very first time since building. The area where we had the engagement party in February 2011 is now under water. The basketball court is gone. my biggest worry is this guy may louse things up for other kanos.

[sam357 4]

Darren, maybe you should just let them sort this out themselves. If the girl is over 18 she is an adult and free to do as she pleases. You will not be able to save her from every foreigner that comes along. She got into that situation on her own accord, let her leave on her own. You can give her advice and tell her the guy is no good but that is as far as you should go. Remember how everyone bashed you when you were dating your then fiancee?

[Laser1 63]

The best way to help is to leave it alone, to pull out and not get involved. This is a social problem, and adding yourself to it just complicates it.

[Caryh 5,206]

If you want to truly help, then keep your nose out of it. If this girl's father cannot convince her to forget about the guy, who do you think you are to change her mind? Putting your nose in another person's business is giving a bad name to kanos coming to the area. You're acting like they are too stupid and naive to handle their own affairs and need being saved by the big great white man. Her father knows he's trouble, and no doubt everyone else does to. You really need to stop portraying the village as being these helpless tribal natives who don't know what they're doing. You're just setting yourself up for an eventual big fall if you keep it up. They know thousands of times better what works there than you do with your few weeks of vacation time in the country.

[tmma 467]

If you want to truly help, then keep your nose out of it. If this girl's father cannot convince her to forget about the guy, who do you think you are to change her mind? Putting your nose in another person's business is giving a bad name to kanos coming to the area. You're acting like they are too stupid and naive to handle their own affairs and need being saved by the big great white man. Her father knows he's trouble, and no doubt everyone else does to. You really need to stop portraying the village as being these helpless tribal natives who don't know what they're doing. You're just setting yourself up for an eventual big fall if you keep it up. They know thousands of times better what works there than you do with your few weeks of vacation time in the country.

darren-

1. Stay out of it.

&

2. Tracing phone numbers without the proper authority through your job is terms for dismissal and illegal.

Edited June 6, 2012 by tmma

[Darnell 8,478]

Darren - is huge difference between:

1. someone telling you about 'the situation' and

2. someone asking you to 'do something' about the situation.

If you've not been asked to DO something, and you've NO INTENT TO DO SOMETHING,

why are you making a 2nd topic about this? You made a similar topic earlier, and iirc, you got trounced all over the place.

What's up? Why to make 2nd topic with the same stuff?

[actob99 156]

Tchismoso king -

We have heard this whole drama/story from you before. You were pissed he was trying to hook up with your girl behind your back. In your previous posts/thread about this guy you definitely sounded jealous of this guy. Seems the filipino gossip bug has got you too. This is an everyday occurance there and you only hear a portion of it. They would take care of the issue if you werent around so let them solve it.

I'm going to give you some advise, with years of experience behind it, by living in a small poor fishing community like the same as this village. Now I know you ask for advise and opinions and then just argue them and don't listen to anyone anyway.... BUT.... Stay the hell out of it!!!! Let's put aside the fact that you don't like this guy and you have expressed jealousy towards him. Take the high road and just be queit about it, they will figure it out. He can't hide it for long if he is truly an ####. If he receieves a cold reception then he probably won't be back. If he receives a warm reception from family and neighbors then your just going to be a part of the game. And believe you-me, we can't figure out that game!!! Absolutely no matter what you do or say is not going to change the outcome....

Maybe you should start a thread and we can give you tons of examples..

[MuDelphi 159]

Isn't this guy the same one who called your wife, or your wife called, and you threatened to send her back home, while pregnant, because of these phone calls? You aren't properly balanced.

[DouglasFiel 53]

Time for a History Lesson.

Ferdinand Magellan

Magellan's expedition of 15191522 became the first expedition to sail from the Atlantic Ocean into the Pacific Ocean (then named "peaceful sea" by Magellan; the passage being made via the Strait of Magellan), and the first to cross the Pacific. It also completed the first circumnavigation of the Earth, although Magellan himself did not complete the entire voyage, being killed during the Battle of Mactan in the Philippines.

Moral of the story...

These So called natives can take care of an unwanted foreign intrusion themselves.

Regards and good luck with the chismoso.

dc

Edited June 6, 2012 by DouglasFiel

[Laser1 63]

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

[Penny Lane 8,159]

[envy_me 18]

nonsense post!

[Hank_ 9,173]

Another... as the Darren turns post.

[gretchen_darren 67]

darren-

1. Stay out of it.

&

2. Tracing phone numbers without the proper authority through your job is terms for dismissal and illegal.

2. I tracked the numbers online.... amazing what you can find on the internet....I don't have access to the applications at the office.

(I try to stay out of it, but since the two girls are like sisters... I get dragged back in like a riptide.)

1) the only reason I got involved was:

A) I never heard of this guy until after engaged to my fiance.

B) He was the first person to befriend my fiance while I was in the air coming home.

c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in for a serious relationship. Besides, I spent a lot of time with "his" girl as our escort, I thought he might want answers to questions, or to know more about the village and her from me.

D) I just got engaged, I was curious to what was going on that I did NOT know about.

E) after getting my fiance to the states, she talked to him on the phone within a couple of days at the family house. He did not call her number or my number to talk with her, but waited until she was away from me. The family was sleeping at the time. It really raised my eyebrows on what was going on and should I be concerned. My wife and I had a long conversation then on her intentions. I explained to her how I felt about him, and left it alone after that.

F) this guy recently came up with some hair brained scheme to catch one tuna with a banka boat and run up to the Japan market to make money. He was going to bank the money and leave the village hanging. I refused to go in the venture with him which ended up with him cussing me out.

G) this guy sent money to the family INTENDING the money to be used for a business but the family used it for their needs. What was done, and what was INTENDED were not communicated.

h) This guy has been auditing all money spent and brought in by the boat he bought for the family. He wanted to know how much money was being made on a daily basis. He considered the boat his, and not the families.

I) the guy has stated he will not marry or bring the girl to the US but leave here there in the village. His intent is to have them work (boat/some girls run a sari-sari) while he lays on a beach drinking Mai-tai's, san Mig, and tanduay.

J) the two dads are brothers (my wife and this girl). So no matter how much I try to stay out of it. I still have issues to deal with in my in-laws because of what he is doing to the other family.

k) the village is a VERY, VERY close knit family. (think of Hatfields and McCoys) Even if you are not related to the other parts of the village, you are considered family. (of course there are a few exceptions.)

L) the girls are like sisters, if she ends up marrying this guy, I will no doubt be seeing a lot of him no matter where in the world they are. I was trying to extend friendship to someone who would be an extended part of the family.