Divorced american man now married to filipina

[Peter_Pan 661]

Spouses do tend to come and go when you put others before them. Just an opinion, I'm not trying to offend, but offer another point of view. In my own view, making a great relationship with your spouse benefits your children. Going from spouse to spouse hurts your children, but so does staying in a bad relationship. My wife knows my wishes, she'll see my children are taken care of per my wishes if I should die. Even if they're not her children. I know this because I trust her and put her first.

Let me make it easier for you, the house is burning and you can save either your child or your spouse. Whom do you chose?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Unreasonable question...but..the answer is obviously...both or die trying.

The rescue would be attempted and based on a choice of strategy... not loyalty. Priority would be given to the one needing quickest response.

My assumption would be...my wife must need 1st response bcoz as an adult, she should be able to save herself. Must be her situation is dire. My wife's inability to save herself would tell me she needs first response. Therefore, I would seek out my wife 1st. Then..if my wife is able..we would work together to rescue the child. I think a child (depending on age) would be less capable of survival but, I would not automatically assume the child is in a worse situation than my wife. I think the propensity for greater need leads to my wife. (and) Having her assistance would increase probability of rescuiing the child.

(or) At least we would all burn together and remain a family.

Edited May 31, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[adiiann 163]

No, he is the husband waking up to make me breakfast, he does all the house chores and gives me pleasure. What sort of justification is that? You aren't some submissive 17th century wife, whose whole life revolves around cooking and chores and who expects to be valued because of what she does, not because of who she is.

And the beneficiary should always be the children, sorry.

I do understand why it is disrespectful to you, and I agree to a degree that he should alter his behaviour, but you need to learn to get your rights in a more efficient manner.

I am not divorced as well as my husband, so I am hoping to make sense. What efficient manner you wanted to suggest to the OP after she already talked to him about her feelings? As for beneficiary, yes, children should always be the priority but I believe that you need to consider your wife. When you get older and kids will have their independence, who's going to stay with you?... your spouse. He/She is there for you to remember your birthday even though your kids forget it, he/she is there to take care of you when your kids are too busy with their lives. We marry our spouses because we love and trust them, that's why we make them part of ourselves, as part of ourselves, you don't want to hurt them and we respect them. But if you marry your spouse with different agenda and it showed on how you deal with the marriage, then he/she have the right to react in a way to cope up with the situation, as he/she marries you for the reason of loving you.

We're not in the shoes of the OP, to just say, "Hey, this... and that.... what you need to do.." She's in the middle of uncertainties, she's not happy and scared to loss her marriage. I guess she tried to gather experiences from VJ members, to analyze her situation as well as to make sure that she's not trying to justify her behavior.

It is called decency. People that are on decent terms with ther exes are rare, and they shouldn't be given grief about it. You, on the other hand, sound awfully insecure.

I don't think OP giving grief on that. It's more the lack of respect for your spouse. Talking more than the concerns of their kids is not necessary esp. if your wife is around. Their only binding string is the kids, and that should be the boundary of the communication. I think "decent terms" is you talked civilized, negotiate for the greater good and act accordingly(which mean also, respect individual's partner).

[Caryh 5,206]

Let me make it easier for you, the house is burning and you can save either your child or your spouse. Whom do you chose?

Crashed~N2~Me answered pretty much how I would have answered. I would try to save all or die trying. I also would not leave my wife destitute dealing with debt I left behind because I'm more worried about my kids after I'm gone. I have an obligation and duty to my children to help them grow and stand on their own two feet. I have an obligation and duty to my wife to be there for her forever, even beyond my death. Are you going to hand a quarter million dollar life insurance policy to a six year old and leave your spouse struggling over debts you helped incur? That money would be wasted, in no time in the child's hands. Put it in my ex's hands and she'd find reasons ton convince herself things she wanted were in the interest of my kids. My wife after my death could pay off the debts and see to it the support I'm no longer there to pay is paid so her and my kids live's can continue without hardship. She could also hand out the money for their education in the manner I would have, had I still been around. Given even state law where I live states I must have her written permission to have an insurance beneficiary other than her, I'd say there is most likely a majority that agree with me. I trust my wife to do what is right in regards to my children if I were to die. We've actually discussed this topic, so she knows exactly how I would want things done. If she were to die, her family back in her home country would also not be forgotten. She trusts me to do what she would want done and I'd do it.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Absolutely. Only normal for one's wife to care for the children.... if..

P_P tend to pop onto the Philippine forum to stir things, must be bored in the Romania forum

[TiklingGuy 211]

Wow, completely disagree, children should always come first. Spouses may come and go, children are above them.

If someone has a life insurance policy, say a 250,000 dollar coverage. Why would you make the children the beneficiary of that money? Can a child invest that money to ensure that they will be taken care of for years to come? No they can't and they would'nt. However the spouse can. My wife is not even my beneficiary, my father is. He has reputable credit and is very wise in investing. He would invest that money so that my wife and children would receive money every month after i am gone. Its not that i don't trust my wife, its just that my father has much better chances of making that money grow. Donald Trump himself would tell you that, that advice is Money.

Spouses always come first in a marriage before children do. If you don't, then thats when spouses come and go.

[DaRoq 36]

The answer to the OP's problems is to stop whining and become self-sufficient. Unfortunately, it seems obvious that her husband chose her because of her apparent neediness. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the woman. But if a woman wants to think like a modern, independent woman, she should be able to pull her weight in the relationship. That means doing things other than what men can do for themselves. Most men [hopefully] can take care of themselves. They know how to wash dishes, do laundry, cook their meals, etc. We can even get our "needs" satisfied. So you really need to have more to offer in this day and age. Otherwise, be prepared to settle and possibly take this kind of abuse.

For the record, every woman I've dated as an adult has been a Professional. All were Filipina, and their family values were still intact. Even my would-be Fiancee is a Licensed Midwife who rarely has time to chat, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My plan for her, if/when she comes here, is to study more and work hard so she can get as close to becoming an OB-GYN as she desires. That's my legacy to her; not an insurance policy. We'll both benefit because our goals will be more easily attainable if both of us are successful.

[TiklingGuy 211]

The answer to the OP's problems is to stop whining and become self-sufficient. Unfortunately, it seems obvious that her husband chose her because of her apparent neediness. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the woman. But if a woman wants to think like a modern, independent woman, she should be able to pull her weight in the relationship. That means doing things other than what men can do for themselves. Most men [hopefully] can take care of themselves. They know how to wash dishes, do laundry, cook their meals, etc. We can even get our "needs" satisfied. So you really need to have more to offer in this day and age. Otherwise, be prepared to settle and possibly take this kind of abuse.

For the record, every woman I've dated as an adult has been a Professional. All were Filipina, and their family values were still intact. Even my would-be Fiancee is a Licensed Midwife who rarely has time to chat, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My plan for her, if/when she comes here, is to study more and work hard so she can get as close to becoming an OB-GYN as she desires. That's my legacy to her; not an insurance policy. We'll both benefit because our goals will be more easily attainable if both of us are successful.

Thats an awesome plan! I have had many of those in my years. But unfortunately life got in the way. I never planned on being a paramedic, but i did plan on becoming a Doctor once, until the reality of what it takes to become a Doctor got in the way. Full custody of two kids, working full time to support them. Success goes way beyond being good at your work and making lots of money. I have found success in the last few years doing what i am doing. House and cars paid off. Debt free. Wife and kids extremely happy. I have seen many people die doing what i do and i learned real quick that even an OB-GYN can be smoked in the blink of an eye in a vehicle driving down the road. Having an insurance policy is the responsible thing to have for your family if you are able to afford it.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Thats an awesome plan! I have had many of those in my years. But unfortunately life got in the way.

[B_J 2,752]

Thats an awesome plan! I have had many of those in my years. But unfortunately life got in the way.

Life always seems to change the best of plans.

[TiklingGuy 211]

I figured you'd like that one!

[TiklingGuy 211]

Life always seems to change the best of plans.

I had a plan to be a Gastro Doctor, then all of the sudden my stomach starting hurtin bad. When it was over my dreams were flushed down to a watery abyss. My stomach felt better, and i haven't looked back since. LIFE!!

[adiiann 163]

The answer to the OP's problems is to stop whining and become self-sufficient. Unfortunately, it seems obvious that her husband chose her because of her apparent neediness. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the woman. But if a woman wants to think like a modern, independent woman, she should be able to pull her weight in the relationship. That means doing things other than what men can do for themselves. Most men [hopefully] can take care of themselves. They know how to wash dishes, do laundry, cook their meals, etc. We can even get our "needs" satisfied. So you really need to have more to offer in this day and age. Otherwise, be prepared to settle and possibly take this kind of abuse.

For the record, every woman I've dated as an adult has been a Professional. All were Filipina, and their family values were still intact. Even my would-be Fiancee is a Licensed Midwife who rarely has time to chat, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My plan for her, if/when she comes here, is to study more and work hard so she can get as close to becoming an OB-GYN as she desires. That's my legacy to her; not an insurance policy. We'll both benefit because our goals will be more easily attainable if both of us are successful.

Most women wanted to be self-sufficient. Yes, she should prepare herself to be able to protect herself on whatever outcome of her marriage. But being self-sufficient needs to have more support and luck in life. Moving in the different places without money or very little savings, with culture adjustment and familiarization and trying to adapt in new environment are not an easy task. Even though, for a professional person, moving here will return your accreditation to zero. You will start again from the bottom.

We can try to make ourselves self-sufficient as much as we wanted, but its a long way down the road.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

Let me make it easier for you, the house is burning and you can save either your child or your spouse. Whom do you chose?

I don't know about all that but when the oxygen masks drops I'm told to put mine on first before any other

[shure 8]

My husband doesn't have an ex-wife. Thanks!

then I dont need your response... I was asking for those american that has exwife. Make sense?