RUB - FSU children compared to USC children & others

[highlander08 9]

Holy ####### wall-of-text. tl;dr

well ? everybody kept asking, now you know more.

[baron555 934]

Tnx for that background; maybe more than we needed. I do have a few more questions and will respond to you privately with my info, just to be fair and informative.

Tell us about this first FSU woman you were involved with? How did you meet? What about that one trip after 4 months of correspondence and then the marriage there and then the decision by her to not pursue anything.

Tell us, if you haven't already, briefly, how you met this current woman, how and by what means do you communicate?

....you both don't speak much of each other's language so what is the basic content of your correspondence?

Have you two met yet? Why the talk now about comingling the families?

[highlander08 9]

Timelines are just eye candy, it's not going to reveal intentions. Neither will "sharing his story." But yeah...troll.

YUP

[AmyWrites 593]

Child rearing is child rearing. Children are children. There are no differences.

This is something you NEED to discuss with your fiance so that you both can be on the same wavelength in ragards to eduction, parenting, discipline, and how you will attempt to assimilate the two kids together. That may be your biggest issue.

You seem, based on all these generalized questions, have this thought that FSU people are so magically and mysteriously different than anyone else. If you really are serious on making this work...this time...then get talking with your fiance.

How is her English?

I've asked you many specific questions and you have rarely answered them. We need specifics if you really want some of our insight.

Yep, in RUB most people dedicate themselves to talking ####### about American women and about how RUB women are better, but this guy just takes it to levels that indicate incredible naivety or just trolling. If he's actually serious, he's going to be very easy to disappoint after he sees his RUB hottie still goes #2 and being human, is not perfect. Since she doesn't speak much English and he not a lot of Russian I imagine their talks are composed of her flashing cute smiles; OP, if you're not trolling, be careful, you demonstrate that you'd be as easy to scam as an old man who thinks those webcam women want him.

Edited April 5, 2012 by AmyWrites

[^_^ 5,021]

Women aren't supposed to fart, but they do. There oughta be a law.

[baron555 934]

The reasons behind my questions stem from a concern I have relative to what this new immigrant has been told about what her life here will really be like. Living in a rural area and not be at least half way fluent, what will and can she do all day? We've already talked about the most likely job scenario....which is none to be had.

Also with his smaller income (and probably little bank savings, etc) what will this family do? The new son will need education and maybe extra language classes. And will there be any money left for her continued education, etc?

OP, make sure you have detailed discussions about your income and ALL of your expenses here you need to pay to live. Yes food and clothes are cheap here compared to there, but we have many many expenses here that they do not have. She will have no idea about real estate taxes, and the real cost of medical and all those fees we must pay. These are usually a big sticker shock to FSu folks who move here.

Maybe these discussions are premature and we'll find out when you tell us about the background concerning this relationship but obviously you must have some interest as evidenced by your questions.

Do you yourself have a good understanding of the added costs?

[eekee 182]

My observations of Russian kids:

They grow up faster. The MAJORITY of my friends lost their virginities around 13, 14, started smoking and drinking young, etc. You see kids out and about at much younger ages--8, 9 year olds on the metro or going to the produkty alone. I have encountered sixteeen-year-old girls out drinking at the bar at 6am and I am just like, "Where are your parents?"

On the flip side, parents also seem to be much less willing to treat their kids with kid gloves. When I work with children as an English tutor in their homes, their parents have no problem straight up yelling at them for not paying attention to me or doing their homework, etc., whereas I feel like an American parent would not berate their kid like that in front of a relative stranger. There is less concern with self-esteem and the like.

[slim 1,514]

their parents have no problem straight up yelling at them for not paying attention to me or doing their homework, etc.,

So, no participation trophies in Russia?

[eekee 182]

So, no participation trophies in Russia?

Not that I've seen.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Every parent and child is different. This would be a great conversation to have with your fiancee. What are her methods and beliefs in child-rearing?

Rather than a non-answer which will be +1'd until "popular" for no apparent reason other than it attempts to discourage discussion among people with FSU families...I actually have experience in this matter. I have two American sons and two FSU sons.

In my experience the critical factor is that you both, you and your wife, make the children first priority in your life. You also must agree on child rearing. This has to be number 1 if you are going to have a family together, especially if you are blending a family. Fortunately ALL our children were taught respect of their elders from the beginning. I think this may be more common in FSU culture where Babushka often has a lot to do with child rearing. We NEVER have any backtalk or trouble from any of the kids. I am sure they do not always like being told what to do, but there is no indication of it. As long as they do what they are supposed to we are happy. We do what WE are supposed to.

You BOTH must present a united front, there can be no "end around", there can be no "don't tell MY child what to do" It is DEADLY. If it happens you may as well hire a divorce attorney and get it over with. Decide NOW. The children are BOTH of yours, they are NUMBER ONE. If the children KNOW that the parents care for them and are ALWAYS the "go to guys" then you will have a lot less problem.

Now I said I would not give a non-answer as you immediately received. So what does all that mean exactly? I means you ALWAYS do what you say you wlll. You MUST be 100% reliable. It means when your child calls you and you are at work, you answer the phone! It means you tell them "If you go to a party and you get drunk or someone else does, DO NOT get a in a car with a drunk person, call me and I will come for you, anytime, anywhere, no questions asked" It means you GO to every basketball practice, lacross practice, parent/teacher conference, it means you LOOK for activities for them it means you look for jobs for them. I even started a small business for Pasha and I before he was old enough to be "employed" and he actually made quite a bit of money at it. It means you do not accept a grade of 91% when you know he can do 97%. It means you take them to the doctor when they are sick. It means when they say "can you help me change my windshield wipers?" you drop what you are doing and go to help them, then check the other stuff on their car. You make sure the car they are driving is SAFE. We gave him a birthday gift of paying 1/2 for his new "summer tires" and then made sure he got new tires to put on the car. we made sure when he bought the car he had enough money to buy winter tires. Our child does not drive a car in winter in Vermont without winter tires! It means you buy them a season pass to skiing so they can go with their school ski club and have a healthy outdoor activity and fun with friends. YES it costs MONEY! You INVEST in your children. Your children are NUMBER ONE. They ARE my investment portfolio and there is NOTHING you can do with money that returns better than investing it in your children. NOTHING.

IF you can commit to that, and you and your wife agree that it is how it is, then you will have a happy marriage and a happy life because your children will always need you for something. FSU women often are seeking, more than anything else, a MAN to be a good father. Be one. BE that guy!

Practical results? Sergey, our number three son (age wise) has accepted a paid scholarship with stipend and assistant professorship for a doctoral degree in physics at Rice University to start this year! He speaks perfect English with almost no accent.

Pasha, who barely spoke English when he arrived, is in his 3rd year of high school, won the Governors Math Olympiad last year, (usually only Seniors are even entered, he was a sophmore) has already finished ALL the high school math courses and has moved on to taking AP Calculus and AP Statisitcs at the University of Vermont. He goes there two days per week and will receive full college credit for those courses. He will have another year of college math before graduating high school. He was in ESL 8th grade classes when he arrived in September 2008. By Christmas the double promoted him to 10th grade, put him in regular classes though he continued with a 4 year program of high school, he just skipped a lot of the classes for the first two years (this is why he has now finished all the other math classes) I worked with him on his English EVERY night for 2-3 hours when he arrived as Alla was doing her homework for her Masters Degree in English. Pasha now speaks English as well as any kid his age, places in the top percentiles in the NECAP exams and has virtually no accent in speaking English. I STILL give him English vocabulary work every night. Alla works with him on his Russian so it does not stagnate at an 8th grade level. ENGLISH ONLY was the rule at first but now we speak almost exclusively Russian at home. Both Pasha and Alla have mastered English, Pasha needs to keep in practice with Russian

I am sure that bitter people may say I am either imagining this or boring people. I really do not care what "no lifes" have to say. They offer little in benefit to anyone. I figure you are asking about children because you care. Maybe because your fiancee is worried about her children (if any). If she is a good mother, she would be.

Be assured that how children behave is a direct result of what parents offer and tolerate. Their opportunities here are endless. But nothing is handed to them, just as Alla discovered

So far my life has produced two great accomplishments in my opinion. More to come I am sure. One was being "hired" by our oldest son to be the contractor to build his home for his family. I have been sent around the world to build stuff, picked up a wife along the way, and the BEST thing I ever built was the house our son his wife and our grandsons sleep in. For a housewarming gift I built them a dining room table and chairs in my woodshop (And I HATE building chairs) The other is that our son Sergey will have a masters degree from Russia, a doctorate form the USA, speak four languages and be abe to work nearly anywhere in the world. I cannot possibly think of a better return on my money. Take all the money we sent to him, all the money we paid for his education (we paid full non-citizen price CASH in advance for his bachelors degree)and there is NOTHING I could have bought with that money that would be better. Nothing.

My wife may be another great accomplishment but I cannot take all the credit for that. I was very proud to see her speak to a medical conference, had a great evening in Boston and then headed back because the summer skeet leagues start tonight and I am going to shoot without Alla (she is still at the conference until tomorrow) and she is PISSED to be missing her shooting.

Now some with no lives will try to "pooh-pooh" this. I am lucky, I am not normal and the most bitter and lifeless among them will say it is BS, that I make this up to live vicariously through non-existant people. Those people never offer advice as they have no experience. I take none of that to be true. Four sons and a wife all exceptional, all well educated all with eother excellent jobs and a fammily or headed in that direction, that is not "luck". It is dedicated parents doing the best they can for their children and expecting the best and making them number 1. Thats all. No secrets.

Your wife can be a lot more than a great sex toy and she can actually accomplish a lot and so can your children. The man that makes his family number one will always be happy.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My experience. My 14 y/o step-son has been very respectful, very hard-working and well behaved. He is immediately getting straight A's in 9th grade, having before only completed grade 7 in Russia. He is getting these A's without any special considerations, no 'English as a 2nd language' etc. He takes regular 9th grade english and knows grammar better than his American classmates, is taking 11th grade math, etc. He gets along well with his 16, 17, and 18 y/o step-brothers. He was quite surprised to find out that it was accepted to dress in blue jeans and t-shirts for school here. There, he always wore suit and tie!

My 3 y/o step-daughter is the smartest and cutest toddler everywhere she goes. Could I be biased? Probably!!

Will your experience be the same? Like the new car ads discussing expected fuel economy, 'your mileage may vary'!

I know that you are professionally knowledgable of children rather than myself, I only do it for a hobby.

Yet, amazingly the results are similar, because I know, James, that you are one that makes your family number one and it was a primary consideration of yours. Congratulations. It is not an anomoly. and to be honest, your clear dedication to your family always makes me think about what you say even when you are wrong (y'know, when you don't agree with me ) I cut a lot of slack to people that make their family number one and figure they really can't be too bad.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My observations of Russian kids:

They grow up faster. The MAJORITY of my friends lost their virginities around 13, 14, started smoking and drinking young, etc. You see kids out and about at much younger ages--8, 9 year olds on the metro or going to the produkty alone. I have encountered sixteeen-year-old girls out drinking at the bar at 6am and I am just like, "Where are your parents?"

On the flip side, parents also seem to be much less willing to treat their kids with kid gloves. When I work with children as an English tutor in their homes, their parents have no problem straight up yelling at them for not paying attention to me or doing their homework, etc., whereas I feel like an American parent would not berate their kid like that in front of a relative stranger. There is less concern with self-esteem and the like.

First day of school here, Alla told the principal..."You can beat Pasha if you need to, try not to really hurt him too bad. Do you have a stun gun? Those work good."

Pasha got caught smoking with two other boys once in Donetsk by the police when he was 11 or 12, the cops shook them down for 7 UAH (woo Hoo!, almost a dollar!) and then gave each boy a shock from the stun gun! Alla said "One shock? I would have given you THREE!"

[Fandango 1,439]

You called both your daughter and your internet girlfriend 'angel'. That's kind of creepy.

Also, where is the nearest 7-11? I feel like your story is a little incomplete.

[1HappyGuy 45]

We are still communicating exclusively via e-mail getting better aquainted, I have not filed yet as we have not met in person yet .thats why the questions as I do not want to screw things up with her... I am not involved with the other websites as many are putting down FSU women based on thier bad experiences, due to ignorance and listening to other lonely hearts who were unsucessful, based in whole or in part upon taking advice from those other websites...I do my best to be a winner not a quitter as winners never quit and quitters never win.. therefore I am seeking advice from winners who have been there done that. and are happily married.

Again I thank you all for your advice and counsil in the past and the future. I have gained a lot of respect for you guys as good people as you are positive and know how to get what you want in life.Like the FSU hotties.....

Wow, I just was wanting to make sure you weren't another type that we get frequenting this forum. We have had others come to the RUB specifically looking for information and weren't in anyway actually involved with a fiancee from the FSU.

Well good luck and we hope that things will go well for you.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The reasons behind my questions stem from a concern I have relative to what this new immigrant has been told about what her life here will really be like. Living in a rural area and not be at least half way fluent, what will and can she do all day? We've already talked about the most likely job scenario....which is none to be had.

Also with his smaller income (and probably little bank savings, etc) what will this family do? The new son will need education and maybe extra language classes. And will there be any money left for her continued education, etc?

OP, make sure you have detailed discussions about your income and ALL of your expenses here you need to pay to live. Yes food and clothes are cheap here compared to there, but we have many many expenses here that they do not have. She will have no idea about real estate taxes, and the real cost of medical and all those fees we must pay. These are usually a big sticker shock to FSu folks who move here.

Maybe these discussions are premature and we'll find out when you tell us about the background concerning this relationship but obviously you must have some interest as evidenced by your questions.

Do you yourself have a good understanding of the added costs?

Good advice

Do not put much faith in the minimum required for getting a visa. That's nonsense. Education costs. A woman coming on a K-1 cannot work until she has an EAD or Green Card and if she needs education that is going to mean she can't earn a lot of money. So cover all that before you make decisions. I am by no means a wealthy guy but we had enough to cover all the education costs, eat, have electricity and a little entertainment (the cheap kind).

And yes, the cost of living here is far higher than Ukraine despite cheap clothes and shoes.

Gosh Gary, it's like you have the perfect family. Far from being bored about your wall of text that seemingly goes on forever, I am riveted by this manifesto of child-rearing in so many ways. Your wife is the perfect wife, you are the prototypical husband, and your children...such cherubic spawn should be the envy of all. How ever shall the OP live up to such an impossibly high standard? For truly it is beyond the ken of mere mortals.

Once again Gary, you are to be commended on your absolutely perfect life, family, and ageless philosophies. Take heed OP! You will never attain such perfection, but perhaps--but only perhaps!!--you might attain such heights as to graze your fingertips upon Gary's mighty robe of manliness.

Way to go Gary, thank you so much! Seriously!

Perhaps you have some experience to share?