if husband doen't want to go to the AOS interview

[sonechko 1]

Hello everyone! i'm very curious. what happens if my husband will not want to go to the AOS interview? What if he will want a divorce. My concerns are:

How will i get home?

Who will have to pay for my ticket? (i'm broke)

What if i want to come back to the US in the future? (E.g.for a visit or to study )Will my previous marriage be an obstacle?

And the last question. I've been thinking about that a lot. Do u find it difficult to be married to an American? Do u feel that sometimes they just don't want to realize that you are from a different country, so u have a different culture and ways of thinking? Has anyone ever experienced serious problems in their marriage with a USC? i know that's a lot of questions, but sometimes hearing someone else's opinion really helps. I have no one to talk to.

[GC got thanks VJ 6]

Hello everyone! i'm very curious. what happens if my husband will not want to go to the AOS interview? What if he will want a divorce. My concerns are:

How will i get home?

Who will have to pay for my ticket? (i'm broke)

What if i want to come back to the US in the future? (E.g.for a visit or to study )Will my previous marriage be an obstacle?

And the last question. I've been thinking about that a lot. Do u find it difficult to be married to an American? Do u feel that sometimes they just don't want to realize that you are from a different country, so u have a different culture and ways of thinking? Has anyone ever experienced serious problems in their marriage with a USC? i know that's a lot of questions, but sometimes hearing someone else's opinion really helps. I have no one to talk to.

Urm, i'm not one too judge but why wouldn't your husband go with you to the AOS interview? Living with anyone from another culture is tough but there is also a lot of fun to be had trying new things etc.. As long as you are both open minded there is no problem and I actually believe an advantage.

[jay21 10]

Hello everyone! i'm very curious. what happens if my husband will not want to go to the AOS interview? What if he will want a divorce. My concerns are:

How will i get home?

Who will have to pay for my ticket? (i'm broke)

What if i want to come back to the US in the future? (E.g.for a visit or to study )Will my previous marriage be an obstacle?

And the last question. I've been thinking about that a lot. Do u find it difficult to be married to an American? Do u feel that sometimes they just don't want to realize that you are from a different country, so u have a different culture and ways of thinking? Has anyone ever experienced serious problems in their marriage with a USC? i know that's a lot of questions, but sometimes hearing someone else's opinion really helps. I have no one to talk to.

Your husband has to go to the interview. The only exceptions are for military in deployment or an extreme circumstance that he can't appear. Just because he doesn't want to appear is not a reason. If I'm not mistaken, if your husband decides no to attend, your application will be denied and you will have 30 days to leave the country. After that, if you don't appeal your case, you will be out of status and risking deportation.

I think you should have a conversation with your husband about your travel expenses. I don't know the situation, so for me to give you a "how-to" advice is complicated, but if you don't think your marriage is working anymore, talk to him.

If you go home, before the removal, on the book you are okay, but it depends on how they will look at your situation. Think about it, you applied for a immigrant status, got denied, left and then are trying to come back here to visit or study. This is totally my personal opinion, but this screams "trying to live i the US" to me.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I would recommend some marriage counseling. I don't think it's hard if both parts are willing to work things out. The cultures clash, and this is normal, but it all depends of how much you and your husband wants to make the relationship work. I am Brazilian and my husband American. Thankfully I never felt any type of struggle in our relationship. But every time we feel that our cultures are getting too much in the way, we try to figure it out the best way to handle the situation. My only advice it would be trying some counseling for now. Good luck

[sonechko 1]

Urm, i'm not one too judge but why wouldn't your husband go with you to the AOS interview? Living with anyone from another culture is tough but there is also a lot of fun to be had trying new things etc.. As long as you are both open minded there is no problem and I actually believe an advantage.

my husband has a very hot temper. He loses patience and starts yelling at me for every little thing. he calls me names, cusses at me. But that only 10% of everything that is going on. So when he is in a "bad mood" he says he would get rid of me, he will not go to the interview, he will send me home etc. so i just want to be prepared for everything

[sonechko 1]

Your husband has to go to the interview. The only exceptions are for military in deployment or an extreme circumstance that he can't appear. Just because he doesn't want to appear is not a reason. If I'm not mistaken, if your husband decides no to attend, your application will be denied and you will have 30 days to leave the country. After that, if you don't appeal your case, you will be out of status and risking deportation.

I think you should have a conversation with your husband about your travel expenses. I don't know the situation, so for me to give you a "how-to" advice is complicated, but if you don't think your marriage is working anymore, talk to him.

If you go home, before the removal, on the book you are okay, but it depends on how they will look at your situation. Think about it, you applied for a immigrant status, got denied, left and then are trying to come back here to visit or study. This is totally my personal opinion, but this screams "trying to live i the US" to me.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I would recommend some marriage counseling. I don't think it's hard if both parts are willing to work things out. The cultures clash, and this is normal, but it all depends of how much you and your husband wants to make the relationship work. I am Brazilian and my husband American. Thankfully I never felt any type of struggle in our relationship. But every time we feel that our cultures are getting too much in the way, we try to figure it out the best way to handle the situation. My only advice it would be trying some counseling for now. Good luck

thank you for your advice! i tried to ask him to buy me a ticket to go home, but he doesn't want to pay for it. and it's totally my problem. i really want things to work. I love him, still. we have no money for the counseling. i'm not working, so we are living on a very tight budget

[VanessaTony 3,567]

If he doesn't attend the interview your AOS will be denied.

You should contact your home countries embassy and ask for assistance returning home. Or ask a friend or family member.

Your previous marriage no. Your previous status yes. If you didn't overstay. If you cancel the process as opposed to it being denied etc etc those are all factors.

No. I don't find it difficult to be married to an American in the sense you discuss... but different personalities might be the issue, not culture. Not everyone thinks the same way as each other. The biggest thing I've found here (not just my husband) but many American's I find are missing basic manners (what I was brought up to consider "basic"). I'm not saying they're mean or rude most of the time but it's definitely been pointed out to me several times that I'm "overly polite" by saying my please and thank yous and bless yous (sneezing). In fact my husband never said "bless you" after someone sneezed but it's a habit for him now and he once told me that he did it at work without thinking and it was "my fault" he did it (in a joking/loving way). I asked him, "it's my 'fault' you were polite?" It's just not done here is the thing and people found it odd.

Your issues with your husband, the "culture" and not realising things are done differently is something I encountered at my previous job. The didn't like my "funny words" and one girl would yell (thinking it was funny) "SPEAK AMERICAN" at me. I had them telling me certain words didn't exist (not just in the US, but AT ALL) such as "learnt" instead of "learned" here. Please bear in mind though this isn't every person. I've encountered just as many who appreciate the differences, who want to learn new words and ask me questions and just treat me like a normal person instead of interrupting me every 5 mins to laugh at me, correct me or something equally condescending/offensive. My husband does occasionally "correct" my words and that bugs me because if he KNOWS the word he doesn't need to correct me (he's trying to make sure I know the US word so I'm understood).

Regarding your status... You need to decide whether you want the GC or not, and whether you're okay continuing to live the way you are. Life in the US isn't easy. I have no family here and next to no friends (in this area anyway). There is no doubt in my mind that I would have returned to Australia if my relationship with Tony didn't work. If you're not willing to continue with the relationship, if you're really unhappy then I wouldn't stay. I would speak to your embassy about helping you get home and whether that's an option and what you have to do. Then decide what to do about your status, either go to the interview and see if he attends or withdraw your process.

Good luck.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

thank you for your advice! i tried to ask him to buy me a ticket to go home, but he doesn't want to pay for it. and it's totally my problem. i really want things to work. I love him, still. we have no money for the counseling. i'm not working, so we are living on a very tight budget

My dad has this saying "want in one hand and p*ss in the other and see which one gets filled first"... vulgar but it has a point. You said you've asked your husband for a ticket and he said no. You didn't say he begged you to stay, he just said that's your problem.. You want things to work but he doesn't seem to give two hoots. You WANT it to work but it doesn't read like he's doing anything to help that happen.. either by wanting to help, or wanting to change.

A lot of people have to make this tough choice. Between loving someone else and loving themselves more and respecting themselves enough to know they don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve to be made to feel bad about who you are and your cultural norms. You don't deserve to be yelled at and belittled and called names. He is being emotionally abusive and you deserve better.