How did you tell your family you are moving?

[G0ds1ay3r 30]

This is the 2nd time I have moved to America with my wife so it is the 2nd time I have to break my parents hearts letting them know I am leaving.

The first time it was easy because it was expected that my wife and I would leave New Zealand for America but then we moved back to NZ 3 years later.

3 years after moving back to NZ we are moving back to America; we feel New Zealand just isnt a good fit for us anymore; our 3 years in America changed the way we (mainly I) think.

So how did you break the news to your family?

thanks for your input.

[Imagination 15]

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You see.. NZ is not a good fit for us anymore. We want to move back to the US. It is for the best. You can always come visit us if you like."

[G0ds1ay3r 30]

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You see.. NZ is not a good fit for us anymore. We want to move back to the US. It is for the best. You can always come visit us if you like."

Yeah thats pretty much what I am gonna be saying BUT what I would like to know is how you broke the news?

[rlogan 2,036]

Yeah thats pretty much what I am gonna be saying BUT what I would like to know is how you broke the news?

The longer you wait the more unnecessary suffering over it.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You know... now that I think about it I don't think I ever really sat them down or anything. I think I just said something like "Tony and I are filing for a K1 visa which means I'll move to the US to get married and live there".. or something like that... hmm.. Good qn. I'll ask mum!

[rlogan 2,036]

You know... now that I think about it I don't think I ever really sat them down or anything. I think I just said something like "Tony and I are filing for a K1 visa which means I'll move to the US to get married and live there".. or something like that...

Because two things were true for you: The parents didn't have you trained to fear telling them such a thing out of the emotional drama that would ensue. You also respected your parents - that they could handle being told such a thing straight.

Some cultures are more unaccustomed to family separating than others but New Zealand isn't known as some especially fragile people. When you start asking yourself how you are going to tell someone something, that is sign there is something wrong. For example, manipulative people will train you to fear telling them what they don't want to hear, making scenes or using emotional blackmail so you know that you are "in for it" when you tell them. A person can also make too big a deal out of it in their own heads - expect drama when none comes about. But even so, if your spouse got hit by a bus, you'd call the parents up straight away and tell them instead of second-guessing yourself on how to tell them. "How" means like right this very instant, no dancing about the point: hit by a bus and killed. Are you going to wait until after they are dead and buried to call? Or in this case call them up after you get to the USA and say "guess what"?

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

I just went through EXACTLY what you are dealing with. Five years ago, I moved to the UK to be with my husband. We then moved back to the US after about a year and a half. Now I have just moved back to the UK. I slowly started breaking the news when we were thinking about it. I don't think its an easy thing either way. My mom was upset...as was my dad...but they understood. Its hard no matter what. Just remember its normal for children to move away and the world is a VERY small place with the internet. Good luck.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Because two things were true for you: The parents didn't have you trained to fear telling them such a thing out of the emotional drama that would ensue. You also respected your parents - that they could handle being told such a thing straight.

Some cultures are more unaccustomed to family separating than others but New Zealand isn't known as some especially fragile people. When you start asking yourself how you are going to tell someone something, that is sign there is something wrong. For example, manipulative people will train you to fear telling them what they don't want to hear, making scenes or using emotional blackmail so you know that you are "in for it" when you tell them. A person can also make too big a deal out of it in their own heads - expect drama when none comes about. But even so, if your spouse got hit by a bus, you'd call the parents up straight away and tell them instead of second-guessing yourself on how to tell them. "How" means like right this very instant, no dancing about the point: hit by a bus and killed. Are you going to wait until after they are dead and buried to call? Or in this case call them up after you get to the USA and say "guess what"?

I don't know if this was meant as a compliment but I'll take it as one I don't buy into manipulation and they're well aware of that

That said.. if I tell my parents (really mum.. dad won't really understand anymore )we're moving back to Aus... mum would LOVE it. She was upset when I left of course. Still is years later. I think though in the OP's case if I imagine going back home, in my family opinions FINALLY, and then a couple of years later turned around and went back again... I think that would be harder. In fact I would probably do the same as I did for the K1 (quick and matter of fact) "So we've decided it's not really working for us here so we're moving back to the US" and let them deal with it but I would be stressing out about it before I did it.

I think it needs to be a bandaid and with plenty of warning. I'm sure they'll try and convince you to stay (mum occasionally will mention a job ad back home that would be AWESOME for us) but while I love my family (and I'm sure OP you do too) they don't live my life. They don't stress over what I stress over. They won't be there every second of every day so as I've done with the K1 we'll find a way to make it work and it's not the end of the world. As someone else said above, with the internet the world is VERY small!

Edited March 24, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[Xanax 349]

I proposed the idea quite a few times. On one of Daniel's visits my Mum gave him a ring to give me as a family heirloom ad he promised he would take care of me and love me. He did the same thing with my Dad. After their talk Mum seemed less stressed by the ifes. Both my parents are sad I'm moving but they want to see me happy.

[G0ds1ay3r 30]

What will make it hard this time around is that we have a 13 month old son.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

What will make it hard this time around is that we have a 13 month old son.

Yeah I'm sure it will be My sister is about to have a baby (June) so this really has mum thinking about the fact that she'll miss any kids WE'LL have grow up and that they might not know her etc etc but with the internet now they'll see her online, and in photos and all that. It's going to be hard no doubt, but you do have to do what's best for your family.