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How did you tell your family you are moving?

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This is the 2nd time I have moved to America with my wife so it is the 2nd time I have to break my parents hearts letting them know I am leaving.

The first time it was easy because it was expected that my wife and I would leave New Zealand for America but then we moved back to NZ 3 years later.

3 years after moving back to NZ we are moving back to America; we feel New Zealand just isnt a good fit for us anymore; our 3 years in America changed the way we (mainly I) think.

So how did you break the news to your family?

thanks for your input.

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"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You see.. NZ is not a good fit for us anymore. We want to move back to the US. It is for the best. You can always come visit us if you like." :thumbs:


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I-129F NOA1 : 2011-09-27

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"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You see.. NZ is not a good fit for us anymore. We want to move back to the US. It is for the best. You can always come visit us if you like." :thumbs:

Yeah thats pretty much what I am gonna be saying BUT what I would like to know is how you broke the news?

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You know... now that I think about it I don't think I ever really sat them down or anything. I think I just said something like "Tony and I are filing for a K1 visa which means I'll move to the US to get married and live there".. or something like that... hmm.. Good qn. I'll ask mum!

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You know... now that I think about it I don't think I ever really sat them down or anything. I think I just said something like "Tony and I are filing for a K1 visa which means I'll move to the US to get married and live there".. or something like that...

Because two things were true for you: The parents didn't have you trained to fear telling them such a thing out of the emotional drama that would ensue. You also respected your parents - that they could handle being told such a thing straight.

Some cultures are more unaccustomed to family separating than others but New Zealand isn't known as some especially fragile people. When you start asking yourself how you are going to tell someone something, that is sign there is something wrong. For example, manipulative people will train you to fear telling them what they don't want to hear, making scenes or using emotional blackmail so you know that you are "in for it" when you tell them. A person can also make too big a deal out of it in their own heads - expect drama when none comes about. But even so, if your spouse got hit by a bus, you'd call the parents up straight away and tell them instead of second-guessing yourself on how to tell them. "How" means like right this very instant, no dancing about the point: hit by a bus and killed. Are you going to wait until after they are dead and buried to call? Or in this case call them up after you get to the USA and say "guess what"?

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I just went through EXACTLY what you are dealing with. Five years ago, I moved to the UK to be with my husband. We then moved back to the US after about a year and a half. Now I have just moved back to the UK. I slowly started breaking the news when we were thinking about it. I don't think its an easy thing either way. My mom was upset...as was my dad...but they understood. Its hard no matter what. Just remember its normal for children to move away and the world is a VERY small place with the internet. Good luck.


10/26/03 Met in Yahoo chat room
06-2004 Glyn flies to Boston for 2 week holiday with me in White Mountains
06/07/2006- HE PROPOSES!!
12/13/2006- Glyn and Simon the best man fly in for wedding.
December 16,2006- Happiest day of my life
12/25/2006- Best and worst Christmas ever. Glyn flies back to England at 6 pm Christmas Night.
02/19/2007- UK spousal visa approved in NY after only 4 days.
March 2,2007- Reunited in England with Glyn.
01/21/2008-mailed I-130 to USCIS in London
01/24/2008-NOA1
04/13/2008-Panic. RFE received
April 17, 2008-Mailed off again.
April 22, 2008-NOA2 received dated April 21, 2008.
April 26, 2008-Packet 3 received
April 28, 2008-Mailed off DS-230
May06,2008-Packet 3 sent
May 08, 2008-Medical scheduled
May 22,2008-Packet 4 received
June 03,2008-Interview APPROVED!!!!!

June 04, 2008-Visa in hand
June 20, 2008-Shippers come for our things.
June 25, 2008-Flying to the USA smile.png
November 15, 2010-Sent off VERY late I-751 along with many prayers.
04/09/2011-10 year GC arrives in mail.
09/08/2011-Glyn leaves for UK
01/30/2012-Biometrics for UK spousal & dependent visas sent out w/ application same day
02/24/2012-UK settlement visas issued smile.png

04/16/2013-I-130 sent off-----04/19/2013 NOA1

05/15/2013-NOA2

Never received packet 3 although it was mailed to us on May 29th

07/17/2013-Sent off packet 3 after finally getting ALL our documents together

08/19/2013-Medical scheduled (there were earlier appointments but unfortunately, we couldn't get there for them due to hubby's work)

09/24/2013-Interview APPROVED

11/01/2013-POE BOSTON

01/13/2014-10 Year green card received

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Because two things were true for you: The parents didn't have you trained to fear telling them such a thing out of the emotional drama that would ensue. You also respected your parents - that they could handle being told such a thing straight.

Some cultures are more unaccustomed to family separating than others but New Zealand isn't known as some especially fragile people. When you start asking yourself how you are going to tell someone something, that is sign there is something wrong. For example, manipulative people will train you to fear telling them what they don't want to hear, making scenes or using emotional blackmail so you know that you are "in for it" when you tell them. A person can also make too big a deal out of it in their own heads - expect drama when none comes about. But even so, if your spouse got hit by a bus, you'd call the parents up straight away and tell them instead of second-guessing yourself on how to tell them. "How" means like right this very instant, no dancing about the point: hit by a bus and killed. Are you going to wait until after they are dead and buried to call? Or in this case call them up after you get to the USA and say "guess what"?

I don't know if this was meant as a compliment but I'll take it as one :D I don't buy into manipulation and they're well aware of that :P

That said.. if I tell my parents (really mum.. dad won't really understand anymore :( )we're moving back to Aus... mum would LOVE it. She was upset when I left of course. Still is years later. I think though in the OP's case if I imagine going back home, in my family opinions FINALLY, and then a couple of years later turned around and went back again... I think that would be harder. In fact I would probably do the same as I did for the K1 (quick and matter of fact) "So we've decided it's not really working for us here so we're moving back to the US" and let them deal with it but I would be stressing out about it before I did it.

I think it needs to be a bandaid and with plenty of warning. I'm sure they'll try and convince you to stay (mum occasionally will mention a job ad back home that would be AWESOME for us) but while I love my family (and I'm sure OP you do too) they don't live my life. They don't stress over what I stress over. They won't be there every second of every day so as I've done with the K1 we'll find a way to make it work and it's not the end of the world. As someone else said above, with the internet the world is VERY small!

Edited by Vanessa&Tony

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I proposed the idea quite a few times. On one of Daniel's visits my Mum gave him a ring to give me as a family heirloom ad he promised he would take care of me and love me. He did the same thing with my Dad. After their talk Mum seemed less stressed by the ifes. Both my parents are sad I'm moving but they want to see me happy.


We became a couple : 2011-05-29
I visited him : 2011-10-28 - 2011-11-17
He visited me (and my crazy family) : 2012-02-05 - 2012-02-17
I-129F Sent : 2012-02-05
I-129F NOA1 : 2012-02-14
I entered on VWP to stay 3 months: 2012-04-11 - 2012-07-03
---
Went to get my medical done for interview in Australia (much cheaper in the US and I was already here):2012-05-20
Medical issue diagnosed
K-1 petition cancellation request sent to CSC : 2012-06-01
Married: 2012-06-21
Filed for AOS : 2012-08-08
NOA1 : 2012-08-10
Biometrics : 2012-09-14
EAD approved : 2012-10-16
Applied for SSN : 2012-11-01
Received SSN : 2012-11-13
Received interview notice :2012-12-27
Interview- APPROVED :2013-01-28
Green card received :2013-02-04
Baby girl born :2013-03-09

Filed for ROC :2014-12-05
NOA :2014-12-11
Biometrics : 2015-01-15

ROC Approval : 2015-05-14

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What will make it hard this time around is that we have a 13 month old son.

Yeah I'm sure it will be :( My sister is about to have a baby (June) so this really has mum thinking about the fact that she'll miss any kids WE'LL have grow up and that they might not know her etc etc but with the internet now they'll see her online, and in photos and all that. It's going to be hard no doubt, but you do have to do what's best for your family.

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