Honest opinions please

[jamrok 0]

I agree, the distance is there everyday so if one person was going to do something they shouldn't that can happen at any time. I know alcohol can make things happen, but I don't think they happen unless the person wants them to happen, just my opinion though.

You don't think that good people with the best of intentions under certain circumstances are capable of making decisions they will later regret?

I definitely do. It all depends on the person and how they handle their liquor. Those who have not had a bad experience tend to not believe that people could honestly do things that they do not want to do.

I don't blame your friend for being hesitant, but hopefully he knows his fiancee well enough to know whether this is a bad idea.

His fiancee doesn't normally drink, but about a month ago she was at a house warming party drinking vodka shots because she said she felt obliged to the host, then drove home. Luckily she made it home in one piece.

Personally I dont see a problem with it. SINCERE relationships are based and trust amd mutual respect.

If that person dishonors that trust under any circumstance then it's on THAT person. Been there and done

that.....a sense of individuality in a relationship is one of the most important ingredient . Really not a huge deal. If people have a cheating intention; they dont need 'drinks' or distance to act on it.

[William33 110]

Who among us condones their SO attending an "overnight drink fest" alone?

I certainly don't, nor does my Fiance.

Going to a reunion or party and departing the same night is one thing, staying overnight is something else.

On the beach, no less. Is personal security not a factor here?

[jordanianprincess 0]

Who among us condones their SO attending an "overnight drink fest" alone?

I certainly don't, nor does my Fiance.

Going to a reunion or party and departing the same night is one thing, staying overnight is something else.

On the beach, no less. Is personal security not a factor here?

Good point Will. I have 2 seperate comments. The first is that I would trust my fiance in any situation. The second comment is that I would be more alarmed with my fiance wanting to go to the overnight party than actually being in that situation. IMO it shows a bit of immaturity. However if in the end he did decide to go I would trust but dissapointed that he chooses to spend his time getting drunk on the beach like a teenager.

[jjjimmy 0]

i would tell your friend that trust is a must in a relationship but so is respect and if this in some way makes your friend uneasy he should tell her and hope she has enough respect for him to refrain from going to a frat party(innocent though it may be) just because he ask her not to.a big part of remaining faithful is keeping yourself out of situations that might not promote monogamy!!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

My fiance and I don't drink or party so I can not really relate but I think a

compromise should be reached where she goes Sunday but won't stay overnight.

She should have a designated driver if she will drink. Just yesterday a drunk firefighter(!!)

from my town ran into a family with 2 kids and a grandmother, all 6 people were killed.

An entire family was wiped out because of stupidity.

There is no need to stay overnight in my opinion, especially if it makes your "friend" feel

uncomfortable............communication is needed to reach a compromise so everyone

is happy.

[MrMrsKnight 0]

I definitely do. It all depends on the person and how they handle their liquor. Those who have not had a bad experience tend to not believe that people could honestly do things that they do not want to do.

I don't blame your friend for being hesitant, but hopefully he knows his fiancee well enough to know whether this is a bad idea.

I agree!

I also think that people shouldn't put themselves in a position where mistakes can be made. I'd assume anyone would be responsible enough to know how vulnerable they are when they drink.

Everyone knows people make stupid decisions, and do things they regret in the morning, when they're drunk. But in my opinion, it's the decision you make before that, when you're sober, that counts the most. The decision of letting yourself cross the line and put yourself in that dangerous place where anything could happen, is the one to be avoided.

Talking to her and letting her know how he feels about this is the best thing he can do.

Good luck to your friend!

[Karen_L 1]

I wouldn't be so concerned about the event in and of itself, BUT... if my SO had an ex that was going to be there that he was once seeing seriously and they have a big history together... then I'd feel a little uncomfortable with him going to an overnight party with her in attendance where an ocean of liquor will be served. But ultimately, I would just let him go, wish him a good time, and trust that he will do the right thing (that is, that he won't do anything).

[rebeccajo 14]

All night drinking party? Isn't that a little bit 'high school'?

Been there, done that....high school and beyond. People get drunk and do stupid chit, including groping when not invited to grope, being overly aggressive, and throwing up.

Doesn't sound like a trust issue to me. Sounds more like a problem of two people not being at the same point in their lives.

[Perseverance 1]

This is a delicate situation...your "friend" does not want to seem obsessive and controlling by saying not to go, and yet deep down inside there is a very real fear. Can a compromise be met? Is it really neccissary for her to stay ALL night on the beach? Perhaps she could go and then safely arrive home and call your "friend"? If it was me in a situation I was not comfortable with, I would tell my man, and we would talk about it.

My man several months ago went to a party with people he barely knew, he drank,(he can NOT handle his liquor) I called him in the middle of the festive events, unbeknownst to me untill I called, what was going on. I was more worried about him being jumped and robbed more than anything else. He was fine the next day and I felt silly for worrying.

We talk about EVERYTHING no matter how big or small it may seem. TRUST is very important in situations such as ours we are thousands of miles away. The only way for the other to know is to talk about it. I urge your "friend" to not go into this blind TALk about it, But then you must TRUST what she says. And that is my honest opinion

Edited October 4, 2006 by Heather & Justice

[Karen_L 1]

All night drinking party? Isn't that a little bit 'high school'?

Been there, done that....high school and beyond. People get drunk and do stupid chit, including groping when not invited to grope, being overly aggressive, and throwing up.

Doesn't sound like a trust issue to me. Sounds more like a problem of two people not being at the same point in their lives.

I agree -- I don't think it's a trust issue at all. Drinking a lot can have a lot of unintended consquences especially in a mixed group of men and women, and I think this guy is more concerned for his fiancee than he is jealous, especially since she has driven drunk in the past. An all-night beer bash is a little juvenile, but if going to these types of parties isn't something she normally does, and it's more or less a one-time thing and she's only going to meet up with old friends, then I don't think it necessarily indicates they're at different places in life. Personally, I HATE those kind of parties and I never just go out drinking, but maybe if I were invited to a party with a bunch of old friends from school, I would go anyway even if it will be a booze-bath, and I'd probably figure out a way to stay just until it stopped being fun.

[ILIKEALLCAPS 0]

I think your friend and his fiancee need to have a talk. Explain your his feelings to her, and find out what the major draw is for her. Is she faced with an upcoming immigration and looking at the prospect of not getting to go to these shindigs for a while, maybe wanting to have one last great night with the friends? Is it something else? An honest dialogue will do you them a lot of good. Just remember that she loves you him, speak from love and not fear and you'll he'll be just fine.

[William33 110]

Gotta love the subtle inferences!

I think your friend and his fiancee need to have a talk. Explain your his feelings to her, and find out what the major draw is for her. Is she faced with an upcoming immigration and looking at the prospect of not getting to go to these shindigs for a while, maybe wanting to have one last great night with the friends? Is it something else? An honest dialogue will do you them a lot of good. Just remember that she loves you him, speak from love and not fear and you'll he'll be just fine.

[Perseverance 1]

"I don't think it's a trust issue at all."

When it comes down to it isnt it always about trust??

Edited October 4, 2006 by Heather & Justice

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think your friend and his fiancee need to have a talk. Explain your his feelings to her, and find out what the major draw is for her. Is she faced with an upcoming immigration and looking at the prospect of not getting to go to these shindigs for a while, maybe wanting to have one last great night with the friends? Is it something else? An honest dialogue will do you them a lot of good. Just remember that she loves you him, speak from love and not fear and you'll he'll be just fine.

Your typewriter doesn't have correction ink? B)

...........................................

I relayed all of this to my friend to which he said he is very grateful for all the honest feedback from everyone here. He says you guys rock! He has good news that he and his fiancee worked out a compromise. She will go to the beach on Sunday.

Much appreciated! My friend says!

Edited October 4, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[bowhunter 0]

I think your friend and his fiancee need to have a talk. Explain your his feelings to her, and find out what the major draw is for her. Is she faced with an upcoming immigration and looking at the prospect of not getting to go to these shindigs for a while, maybe wanting to have one last great night with the friends? Is it something else? An honest dialogue will do you them a lot of good. Just remember that she loves you him, speak from love and not fear and you'll he'll be just fine.

Your typewriter doesn't have correction ink? B)

. . . but I think that's correction 'ribbon'. Ink came after typewriters, right?

This gets pretty subjective. But, if you have a long distance relationship, you really have to come to terms with the trust thing . . . esp when the distance involves two people with an entire planet between them. You have to trust no matter what. That's always a risk, but that's life. If you can't trust, you might as well end it now. On the other hand, you have to wonder why she would want to go to an all night beach party without her other half. But for some people, it would be no big deal. This is where it gets subjective. If Evelyn wanted to go, it would bother me because it would be out of character for her. But I know some women who could go, and it wouldn't mean anything.

...........................................

I relayed all of this to my friend to which he said he is very grateful for all the honest feedback from everyone here. He says you guys rock! He has good news that he and his fiancee worked out a compromise. She will go to the beach on Sunday.

Much appreciated! My friend says!