dealing with fiances ex

[PACIFICO2011 1]

has anyone married a ficance with kids? how do you deal with the ex in the picutre. meaning he calls the kids during the relationship and after you get married?

did that break your relationship or did you end up marring her

[Hank_ 9,174]

He's their father, of course he should call his kids and talk to them.

No reason for any of that to affect a good relationship.

[NickD 203]

has anyone married a ficance with kids? how do you deal with the ex in the picutre. meaning he calls the kids during the relationship and after you get married?

did that break your relationship or did you end up marring her

Thought about that, very seriously, married a gal where her ex is 4,000 miles away. My divorced friends that married the girl next door homes are like Grand Central Station. Beside that, the girl that actually picked me, was and is still special. But nobody told me about the USCIS.

Besides ex's, also in-laws to deal with, unfortunately, I love my new in-laws, but also very far away, future mom-in-law even offered to sell her apartment to help us, but said that wasn't necessary. Little problems with a new stepdaughter at first, but that worked out okay, still thanking me today for guiding her the way a parent should.

Actually was dating a gal from my hometown with kids, nothing but problems, dealing with the USCIS was well worth it.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Just a brief note OP: You accepted the children from the beginning and knew they had a biological father from the start. Asking a question such as this shows Insecurity on your part. Theres no reason to feel that way.

Most Ex'es don't even contact thier children. But, it is good he does and if this offends you the children can read you like a book when he does call. You could be causing your own marital problems by showing jeliousy when a call comes from the Ex to talk to his children.

Also, your Fiancee/Wife can read your behavior. If you care which I'm sure you do, don't be offended by the Ex (father of the children) trying to stay in contact.

If your Financee/Wife and the children catch-on that this offends you then it is posible that they will make arrangements behind your back so they can talk. (That would be your fault.)

Let them talk and don't be offended. Thats just plain greedy/stuborn/childish/immature. Live and let live.

Hank_Amy was correct as posted above.

[PACIFICO2011 1]

Just a brief note OP: You accepted the children from the beginning and knew they had a biological father from the start. Asking a question such as this shows Insecurity on your part. Theres no reason to feel that way.

Most Ex'es don't even contact thier children. But, it is good he does and if this offends you the children can read you like a book when he does call. You could be causing your own marital problems by showing jeliousy when a call comes from the Ex to talk to his children.

Also, your Fiancee/Wife can read your behavior. If you care which I'm sure you do, don't be offended by the Ex (father of the children) trying to stay in contact.

If your Financee/Wife and the children catch-on that this offends you then it is posible that they will make arrangements behind your back so they can talk. (That would be your fault.)

Let them talk and don't be offended. Thats just plain greedy/stuborn/childish/immature. Live and let live.

Hank_Amy was correct as posted above.

Thank you for putting me on my senses. i agree it is childish, greedy and inmature. I just needed to hear that part. I see it differently now, i will do better and show them that im ok with it. i did not see it from that point of view. the ex will be 1,0000s of miles away if i was him i would want to talk to my kids. i dont want the kids to think im not supportive.

thanks fro this great post.

[Ann25 4]

My husband was married for like 20+ years and they had 4 kids, 2 of them live with us. They had a happy marriage till his ex cheated on him. I accepted everything but there's something I didn't understand when I got here and made me upset. I was cleaning our room and found their wedding albums and some stuff of them together with the kids before. I was upset and cried but he explained and told me that he doesn't love his ex anymore. Well, I don't want to make the situation worst so I just tried to forget it. Sometimes, I wished we could move to a new house where everything is not from past but yeah, I know he was married before and that's the house where they live so just got to accept I guess the situation.. but every time I see some stuff of them, i throw it or show him and let him put at the box..

[jojolicious 38]

He's their father, of course he should call his kids and talk to them.

No reason for any of that to affect a good relationship.

This post is exactly right. His relationship with their kids is completely different from your relationship with your wife/ fiancee and your relationship with the kids.

Blended families are very normal in this day and age. You'll get used to it

[Tim/Mav 305]

My husband was married for like 20+ years and they had 4 kids, 2 of them live with us. They had a happy marriage till his ex cheated on him. I accepted everything but there's something I didn't understand when I got here and made me upset. I was cleaning our room and found their wedding albums and some stuff of them together with the kids before. I was upset and cried but he explained and told me that he doesn't love his ex anymore. Well, I don't want to make the situation worst so I just tried to forget it. Sometimes, I wished we could move to a new house where everything is not from past but yeah, I know he was married before and that's the house where they live so just got to accept I guess the situation.. but every time I see some stuff of them, i throw it or show him and let him put at the box..

WRONG !

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

He's their father, of course he should call his kids and talk to them.

No reason for any of that to affect a good relationship.

In our particular case the father never calls either the kids or my wife. I never discuss their father at all with the boys. Nothing bad, nothing good, non issue, He is free to call them if he wants.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Thank you for putting me on my senses. i agree it is childish, greedy and inmature. I just needed to hear that part. I see it differently now, i will do better and show them that im ok with it. i did not see it from that point of view. the ex will be 1,0000s of miles away if i was him i would want to talk to my kids. i dont want the kids to think im not supportive.

thanks fro this great post.

Children will almost always love their parents even if they do not LIKE them and to try and interfere is a fools errand, nor should you. I actually wish the boys father WOULD have some contact with them but he does not. When birthdays and holidays pass and there is no word from him I feel bad for the kids. But we care for them well and I hope that has meaning to them., I think so. It is not like he had any contact with them before I met Alla, he did not, so our relationship did not change that.

NEVER say bad things about a childs parent to that child. You may as well blow your brains out if you do.

[Susita 175]

NEVER say bad things about a childs parent to that child. You may as well blow your brains out if you do.

well said

meaning he calls the kids during the relationship and after you get married?

If you care about the kids, you will be happy their father calls & talks to them. This is a GOOD thing for them.

[isleta521 5]

Kids need both parents, even if they are not living together. I encourage both my stepsons to call their dad. But the dad never calls them back so after awhile, I do not push it anymore. The boys know this about thier biological dad and do not try to call or really want to talk to him anymore anyway. It is sad really.

I also have two girls of my own. My wife hates it when I have to talk to my ex regarding our girls but she understands that it is something that has to be done.