Tragedy in home country

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

Glyn and Kathy, I don't think it's comparable. The UK is the UK and Chile is Chile.

(BTW, My husband (USC) and I would give a LOT to move to the UK to live there. Have been there many times and LOVE it.)

Well, that's true. BUT, Chile is the country of her spouse...and where his family is from, I for one would have thought of the possibility existing of having to live with my spouse in his country for at least a short time no matter where he was from. He will always have family there...so a part of him will always be there. Its one of the things we have to realize going into a relationship with someone from another country.

[AmberOctober 25]

Yes, I know.

Still, I think there are many emotions going on right now. At least one of them has to have cool head and it has nothing to do with soul searching or being a bad wife.

If this were me, I'd get my husband a one way ticket to go home and comfort his parents for as long as needed and started working on their documents at the same time. From what I know, a GC holder can do this, it still takes about 5 months (according to USCIS processing times).

When emotions calm down a little, they will see from there.

IMHO.

[Kajikit 65]

He needs to wait until he has his full greencard. At that point, he can come and go as he pleases and he'll be able to go back and visit his parents as often as you can afford the plane tickets... leaving the US for more than a short time now could throw a real monkey wrench into the works.

[at long last 58]

This is only how things have gone within my family this year. This is all I'm basing my opinion on.

This year I lost my father and step father within 6 months of each other. Glenn (my fiance, USC) and I had just begun to get things in place for our I-129F journey. The one very important thing for us was that my parents only wanted us to do what we could to be together and be happy in our lives. My parents were adamant about this saying they have had so much of a life already and what they wanted most was for us to have ours. They did not want sacrifices of that happiness to be made to care for them. Although if it was needed of course we would. It was difficult to see things clearly when grief is weighing heavily on your heart. My mother is here still and is elderly and not in the best of health but she does not want me staying "to look after her" She wants her independence even if that means moving into an assisted living situation. My point of this comes down to the being in a financial situation to have the freedom to hop on a plane if it is needed or wanted to see them. My suggestion is the same as a few mentioned here. Take care of business here to gain the freedom of choice first. If he needs to connect with Mom and Dad for a bit then of course it should be. But I do not believe they would want all that the two of you have gone through to be together with the best possible life to be sacrificed to care for them until their time comes.

I'm still trying to make sensible decisions with all that life has thrown our way this year.

Now If they would just approve us so we can see our happiness getting closer. I miss my fiance and my fathers. Two I will never see again but take hope in the life with my fiance. Life is short...

My heart goes out to you and your family in this tough time..

Terri

[popthecork 0]

Thank you everyone. Your advice is very useful, even the negative. Let me give you some background... my husbands brother was killed in a plane crash. We, of course, went there immediately together - my husband stayed for several months. The loss of a loved one always brings one to the realization that the remaining loved ones may not be around forever - especially when the one who has left this earth was so young and wonderful and left so suddenly. The family is dealing with emotions and situtations that continue to be surreal.

I dont have all the facts to be able to make a full decision. I continue to research what will be best for us. Hearing what others have been through - leaving and regretting it - leaving and loving it - is helpful to me. I cannot thank this community enough for giving me an arena to think this through. My husband has respected my wishes to get through the holidays before we talk this through properly. At that point we will need to discuss in more detail if this can be a sabattical or if it is permanent, how we will support ourselves, what expectations there are within our families, and where we are in the immigration process. Thanks again for your assistance.

For those of you who have also mentioned losing your loved ones, you have my deepest condolences.

[Mary and Enrique 8]

Thank you everyone. Your advice is very useful, even the negative. Let me give you some background... my husbands brother was killed in a plane crash. We, of course, went there immediately together - my husband stayed for several months. The loss of a loved one always brings one to the realization that the remaining loved ones may not be around forever - especially when the one who has left this earth was so young and wonderful and left so suddenly. The family is dealing with emotions and situtations that continue to be surreal.

I dont have all the facts to be able to make a full decision. I continue to research what will be best for us. Hearing what others have been through - leaving and regretting it - leaving and loving it - is helpful to me. I cannot thank this community enough for giving me an arena to think this through. My husband has respected my wishes to get through the holidays before we talk this through properly. At that point we will need to discuss in more detail if this can be a sabattical or if it is permanent, how we will support ourselves, what expectations there are within our families, and where we are in the immigration process. Thanks again for your assistance.

For those of you who have also mentioned losing your loved ones, you have my deepest condolences.

Popthecork, you've been on my mind.

This is just one more headache, but I was reading after my last comment about how green cards are only to be used to return to your residence in the USA, not as a beefed-up visitor's visa if you have moved abroad. I'm sure you can get around this requirement with some careful planning (maintaining some part-time residence in the States with a relative of yours, perhaps?) but in terms of securing your right to live in the States, you should probably consider naturalization the finish line (as opposed to the 10 year card) if at all possible. If you decide the situation is more urgent than that, then I'd be very cautious about preserving your husband's eligibility for naturalization down the road.

I'm sorry you've gotten a couple rude comments here -- it's obvious that you're trying to be sensitive to your husband and his family, and this would be a lot to sort out for anyone. My husband and I are both very close with our families and each others', and being there for both of them when it's most important is a source of stress that I know will only increase as our parents age. I hope you are able to get through the holidays with relative calm -- hearing "it's the most WON-DER-FUL time of the year!!!" blaring at the mall is especially unpleasant when you've just buried a loved one and are struggling to get through the day. You, your husband, and his family are in my thoughts -- if you think of it, I'm sure many of us would be interested to hear what you end up deciding.