Mistaken identity

[HannahP 119]

My husband gets mistaken for being American all the time. It doesn't help that he's spent the last seven years (more or less) in the Midwest living with me -- and so now SPEAKS like a Midwesterner. He gets a lot of ####### about that when we go back up to Canada, actually, which makes him feel worse than just being mistaken for an American in America.

I have a very good friend from nursing school who I initially thought was Pakistani for several days. He was like "Dude, how many Pakistanis do you know who are named Carlos?" annnnnddd I had to hang my head in shame.

Edited August 15, 2011 by HannahP

[LlamaInvasion 76]

I'm Norwegian, but I was adopted from Korea. The confusion it causes is hilarious.

[Mononoke28 134]

It's a normal part of life here in the US. When I was in school, both high school and college, I was mistaken for Italian just because I have dark hair and fair skin, and even many Latinos don't know I'm also a Latina when out in public and are surprised when I talk to them in Spanish. I also have a Colombian friend who is constantly mistaken for someone from the Middle East because of his looks, he's even had people start talking to him in Arabic which we all find hilarious.

I say take it with a grain of salt and enjoy the diversity this country has to offer. I think it's much better than living in countries where everybody is the same, same look, same religion, same points of view, booooooooooring!

Diana

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Hello everyone!

I want to share with VJ members some of the experiences that we have lived on an almost day-to-day basis since my fiance (now husband) moved to the US about five months ago.

My husband is Dominican. He is about 6'4", slim and, to American standards, black or African-American. To me, of course, he is the man I love with his specific culture, myths, language, and beliefs. To everyone else in our Midwest community he is African-American. It seems as though the following happens all the time: We are walking around in a public place (restaurant, store, street, etc.) and almost whenever an African-American male sees him he is greeted with familiarity with a "What's up man?" or a "What's up bro." He does not particularly like to be mistaken with an American -as he is quite proud to be a Dominican- and he laughs it off. Also, it has been funny to see people's amazement to hear him speak Spanish and to know that he does not speak English. He has even been confronted with the following comment; "if you don't speak English, what do you speak then?!"

Overall, we have taken people's ignorance of the possible existence of a black Latino in good spirits; my husband is a walking teaching experience to our medium sized town's people who are used to the "Mexican" look for a Latino.

Yet, even Latinos have had a "learning moment" and my husband has had to explain himself (his color) to his fellow Latinos. Many of my Spanish speaking friends have attempted to speak English to him as soon as I introduced him to them. Only after telling them that he only speaks Spanish do they switch from English. Of course, the explanation of my husband's origin has to follow and people continue to be confused every day... Just this last week we went to a Chinese buffet and the server asked him in amazement; "you're speaking Spanish?!." "Yes, I speak Spanish," my husband has learned to say in English.

Have other beneficiaries experienced a case of a "mistaken identity" after the move to the USA? If so, do you take the opportunity as a teaching moment or is it just plain annoying? Also, I wonder what our future child's race will be! What will our child be considered? African-American? Latino? Or what?

To me, this a fascinating topic as race politics continue to be present in our lives, even as the country's demographics continue to change. What's your experience?

Next "What's up bro.", he can answer with a "Que pasa bro"

Seriously, best way is to just go along; I have been told (insisted at times) to be French, Italian, Lebanese, Spanish and who know what else; sometimes followed by "but you don't look Mexican" (I am South American) when heard speaking Spanish.

In fact there is no week that some people gets surpsised that I speak Spanish and I am in Texas!

Now, guero/gringo I am not, fair skinned maybe.

On the comical side, I once was told by a cop to stop making fun of him (he had pulled me over); I could not figure out what the heck was he talking about, until he very angry said that I was making fun of the way he spoke; once he saw my driver's license he blush and went away (I have an obvisouly Spanish/Latino name and last name). I still have a slight accent (though not a Mexican one) and he got pissed. Well, that helped in getting away without a ticket. And probably taught this cop a lesson on assuming.

You need to understand then even though this is a country of mixing, many people have never been out of the state/city they were born and Latino = Mexican for the most part; nothing against my cuates from the South, but you are the majority here.

So, let it go, as time goes by, things will settle.

[wendy&tamer 10]

We dont live in a perfect world and people will always "assume" things based on looks. My husband like Betsy's is Egyptian and he gets labelled hispanic all the time. THey even bring him to translate for customers who speak spanish. They brought him one time to translate for a man from Holland.....lol He just laughs it off and keeps going. Some times people dont want to ask hey where are you from or what language do you speak?

I find some people hesitant to tell someone where they are from from fear of being "labelled". I say do what my husband does and take it with a grain of salt....or always wear a shirt that says "Im Dominican" what are you? Why not just treat a person like a person and not what they look like or where they come from....maybe they are just trying to be friendly and welcoming. Your children will be Latino/your nationality. I think you took Betsy the wrong way as she was just saying people assume our husbands are hispanic even when they open their mouths and NO their accent is not spanish but people still think they are.

Diana I love the way you put it as well....just laugh it off. Ive been mistaken for Spanish most of my life and Im not. Ive always just thought it was funny and went with it.

[Liz&Nate 23]

Race is an issue that a considerable number of people going through this process have to face! Thanks for sharing your experience! Personally, as a Hispanic woman who is marrying a Midwestern man I can see where you are coming from. Whenever I've visited there, the people have been friendly but very curious. It is a daunting prospect to move to a place where people still stare at you when you walk with your white fiancé. The things we do for love!

[faithinGod 8]

Before i came here i expected people to assume i`m from anywhere BUT Romania lol, i expected then not to know i`m from Romania untill i tell them so and i was right. And it`s no big deal to me.

Edited August 15, 2011 by faithinGod

[RussianGoddess 1]

my husband gets mistaken for an african american all the time.....i live in NY, but in a neighborhood and building that's predominantly white americans and russians. when i was introducing him to certain pple, who i knew were a bit prejudice, i made sure to tell them he is dominican....but others thought and still think he is black, and when they are speaking to me in english they are addressing him as well and he doesn't understand them, so at that time i tell them he only speaks spanish....but people here be-friended him on the fact that he is dominican and they don't see him as a threat....everywhere we go also, he gets mistaken for an african american-he doesn't care and neither do i....

[Ribs & Beans 19]

my husband gets mistaken for an african american all the time.....i live in NY, but in a neighborhood and building that's predominantly white americans and russians. when i was introducing him to certain pple, who i knew were a bit prejudice, i made sure to tell them he is dominican....but others thought and still think he is black, and when they are speaking to me in english they are addressing him as well and he doesn't understand them, so at that time i tell them he only speaks spanish....but people here be-friended him on the fact that he is dominican and they don't see him as a threat....everywhere we go also, he gets mistaken for an african american-he doesn't care and neither do i....

My husband is pretty light-skinned, but is still usually mistaken for African American. He doesn't mind--he thinks it's fun to confuse people, and he also likes to use the opportunity to practice his English. Obviously when he opens his mouth, people realize that English is not his first language, but at least he gets a chance to practice.

The other day someone did tell me he looks like Prince Royce...ha ha ha...at least they got the origins right!

[I & JJ <3 9]

My husband has fair skin and blue eyes and is confused for American all the time. We have gone to resorts in the DR and people would talk to us in English because they'd assume he is American but whenever I'd be by myself they'd speak to me in Spanish because they'd assume I was the Dominican dating the American since I look like your average hispanic (which I am). Until recently I was mostly used to seeing and meeting tan, brown and dark skinned dominicans and would assume any lighter skinned person was puerto rican/south american unless they had a dominican accent. People at school would always ask me if I am mixed (African American and White) because I am yellow skinned with curly hair, full lips and dark eyes. I would always correct and say no I am dominican, not because I was offended but because I felt proud to be dominican and did not want to be confused with any other nationality, be it American, Chinese, Guatemalan, Portuguese, etc. I had only learned and memorized American history but knew little about Dominican history and our roots. After educating myself I realized that yes I am "mixed" and no longer make the same assumptions as before. Now when asked if I'm mixed I can say yes, I'm dominican which is a mixture of taino, spaniards and africans.

I can identify with your husband somewhat in wanting to correct people because of dominican pride. I don't get asked that anymore (I was asked this at school where there was a predominantly white population) because here in NY there are tons of hispanics, but at the time I got used to it quickly and did not mind at all