What did I do wrong?

[keimee2010 2]

Its not the first time it has happened. And its usually for some stupid reason. I just can't have her doing this NOW of all times. She needs to rest and get better. I don't want her to hurt herself and make things worse.

Edit: Or hurt herself more than she already has. Shes sleeping now, without meds, so hopefully whatever she did was not too serious.

I'm really sorry that you are experiencing this. I'm a full-blooded filipina and yes I do get "crazy" at times lol but now I'm getting passed that stage of being too dramatic! lol. Thank God! Im blessed to have a very patient and understanding fiance too. He sees me beyond my "craziness." I'm also learning a lot from him as he continues to "educate" me about his culture. We also learned a big word together and that is Compromise. We always see to it that we talk about things and meet half way if necessary. And he knows that my "craziness" will pass away anyway. Just remember that when she tells you that she doesn't love you anymore, it's not true. I know it may sound very childish but really she didn't mean that. She's just reacting to what she thought was an "attack" to her behavior. But I'm not justifying her acts because it is wrong. But then, this is where unconditional love comes in. And i think that you truly love your wife and you know, what every woman needs is to be loved and I think you are doing that base on what you said. Just keep on loving her unconditionally and Im pretty sure she'll realize how blessed she truly is to have a husband like you who cares and loves her.

Yes, do talk about it when both of you are not in the "defense" mode. Just assure her of your love especially now that she's recovering from an injury.

God bless and hope it works out well for the two of you.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Prozac is good. Lithium will work as well for bi-polar disorder. You didn't do anything wrong. She owes you an apology. Just because she is filipina does not mean she gets to treat you that way. (unless you like it) I give my fiancé what she gives me. If she gives me only 10%, then she only gets 10%. but that only happened once. Now we both give each other 100%. hold her accountable for her actions towards you because she will definitely hold you accountable.

John

[lovers2010 4]

youve done nothing wrong. i was thinking at first it was because of her medication. but if she usually throws things when mad, that isn't good. i'd be terrified if i'm the husband.

i hope my fiance won't do it when i get to the US, well he admitted he won't coz things now are expensive. but kidding aside, talk the matter over. im sure she was saying

all those hurting words because she was hurt about what you did. i completely understand you coz i work at home too and not understanding the client on the other end is a

bit annoying. talk it over, but make her realize about her mistakes too.

[TiklingGuy 211]

It's a Filipino thing. You insulted her in front of her friend, and you need to apologize. Things should get better afterwards.

So basically put your tail between your legs and put your man card in the trash.

[Zharren Young 32]

What a shame really. if your story is exactly what happened, maybe she got upset and felt offended for thinking that you disrespected her infront of her friend, although honestly thats exxage reaction, but telling you that she doesnt love you and wanna leave you? thats way out of the line. shes acting like an immature spoiled brat. i say dont tolerate the attitude, as early as possible cut it off and tell her that if she want too you send her home now, she needs some reality check unless you wanna be treated that way forever.

[Mr&MrsCDO 6]

Ah, ok. Probably the added stress of being dependent on you and the fact that you are at home where she has no time to herself. Can you get back to the office right away? I'd still schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor. Tampo is bure bullsh!t and no man should have to tolerate his wife acting like a 3 year old with temper tantrum. The reality is, a lot of people, regardless of cultural background, have never learned how to express their anger in a constructive way. Breaking sh!t is inexcusable, immature, and will cause great strife in your marriage. You will build up a lot of resentment and then one day you'll boil over as well. I wouldn't take her hurtful words seriously, however, psychologically, she pierced your heart with saying some things that should never be said. That does damage to the relationship and to your love for her. I was married before to someone like that and I eventually became emotionally numb. Don't wait for that to happen. Get counseling. Do it for your sanity as well as your marriage. Good luck.

:thumbs:

There are different types of Tampo. In my case I usually just wouldn't say a single word and be all quiet. I would never throw things and says things that would hurt our marriage,it's not a mature way on dealing with a problem. If she's too violent even before she had the operation then I agree that you two have to get marriage counseling.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

So basically put your tail between your legs and put your man card in the trash.

I wouldn't want to get arrested for domestic violence.

[TiklingGuy 211]

I wouldn't want to get arrested for domestic violence.

Lol!! I remember those days with my ex-wife!

John

[SuperDuper! 230]

She may have felt slighted, but the erratic behavior beyond that is not normal. They've been together for a few years now and obviously this behavior is new to him. A mere apology isn't going to wipe away what she's done and he doesn't deserve to be subjected to that kind of violent sh!t. Filipinas that act that way on a regular basis must have been spoiled as children and never learned how to act like like a civilized grown up.

So are you saying his wife needs a good spanking?

[TiklingGuy 211]

I wouldn't want to get arrested for domestic violence.

I get the joke, my buddy was just filed that had a domestic problem! Lol

[one...two...tree 2,762]

So basically put your tail between your legs and put your man card in the trash.

lol

[A and T 82]

Ah, ok. Probably the added stress of being dependent on you and the fact that you are at home where she has no time to herself. Can you get back to the office right away? I'd still schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor. Tampo is bure bullsh!t and no man should have to tolerate his wife acting like a 3 year old with temper tantrum. The reality is, a lot of people, regardless of cultural background, have never learned how to express their anger in a constructive way. Breaking sh!t is inexcusable, immature, and will cause great strife in your marriage. You will build up a lot of resentment and then one day you'll boil over as well. I wouldn't take her hurtful words seriously, however, psychologically, she pierced your heart with saying some things that should never be said. That does damage to the relationship and to your love for her. I was married before to someone like that and I eventually became emotionally numb. Don't wait for that to happen. Get counseling. Do it for your sanity as well as your marriage. Good luck.

I agree with this statement, To hell with the immature stuff life is too short to deal with that. Sit down look her in the eye and explain to her you bust #### at work to do everything you can for her and if she wants to act this way she can go back to the philippines , and you will find someone else that appreciates you.

Stand up for yourself, everything she has thrown make it her work to replace it

[Farsider 7]

I agree with this statement, To hell with the immature stuff life is too short to deal with that. Sit down look her in the eye and explain to her you bust #### at work to do everything you can for her and if she wants to act this way she can go back to the philippines , and you will find someone else that appreciates you.

Stand up for yourself, everything she has thrown make it her work to replace it

I have to agree with this.

Having said that.... we all know that there is more to this story (but practically speaking, time & space just don't allow us to post novels - lol) - my point being that without more background it is difficult to offer precise observations and advice. We all also know that there are at least two sides to every story. We have heard only one side, so there is another handicap in rendering advice.

My question would be (and you don't need to post a reply - may be too personal - and I'm only asking the question to give you something to think about).... Is this the first time she has gone ballistic like this? If not, then you do have a maturity issue to deal with. But if this IS the first time she has done this (and also said that she wants to leave you!), then you need to look closer at her relationships with other guys. Since we don't know you or her, this is a highly speculative comment I am going to make (so please don't be offended)... this sort of thing happens all the time - she meets someone else, falls in love - or she's just swept off her feet by someone else and thinks she's in love, then looks for any excuse to end the relationship.

Let's hope that is not the case. Assuming that this is just a maturity issue... you need to tell her that you love her, and that you realize there must be give & take in a loving, forgiving relationship. But... you also tell her that you will not tolerate BS like throwing things - that's just stupid and immature. And definitely make her replace whatever was busted up. If there are no consequences for her immature behaivior, then buddy, get ready for a long tough road ahead.

Edited July 14, 2011 by Farsider

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

I also make tampo once in a while, but I do not resort to violence. I just keep quiet and wanted to be alone. I don't know what's wrong with her. Probably because of the surgery the reason why she went crazy. I don't want to break thing either because we have this Filipino belief that breaking things is a bad omen. And expensive to break a computer or a laptop when throwing tantrums. And my husband won't replace anything I break. I just make tampo when hubby would hurt my feelings and won't apologize. Darn it! We have our pride too!

[rlogan 2,036]

I work in technical support and as such take phone calls as a part of my job. I am currently working from home to help her as she should not be moving around much for the first week and a half, and she is on crutches, so she can't carry much of anything.

She had a friend come over, not a problem. I took my lunch break and made lunch for us and her friend brought over some food too. We had a nice lunch, and then I went back to work.

She and her friend were chatting in the other room using their, I'm sitting across from you but I have to scream at you, voices, when a call came in that I had to take. I politely asked her if they could go into the next room over or keep their voices down. A few mins later, still on the same call and having trouble hearing the customer because they apparently didn't listen to me, I asked again. About an hour later after getting off the call I found out why it had gotten quiet, she kicked her friend out.

She is now mad at me saying she wants to leave me because I was rude. She says she wants to leave me saying that she doesn't love me anymore.

She is now trying to do everything for herself and is fighting me over it. If I try to help her she throwsthings around the house, mostly water bottles, but also 2 3-5 lb dumbells, her laptop, at least 1 of the 2 month old kittens, though that was more gently and with a "wee" sound on her part, and other assorted items. She has threatened to break the new AC, hit me with her crutches, a full on swing not anything accidental. She also hit her computer with the crutches too trying to make me mad or something.

...How can I fix this? And how can I get her to let me help her?

I'd want to know why she is making war on me. You mentioned this is not the first time, and it was usually over stupid stuff so...

Here is a standard manipulative tactic, designed to anger someone: do something offensive like interfere in a business call by pretending it is impossible to act like an adult and speak normally. Instead of speaking normally after being asked multiple times, do something extreme like kick her friend out, pretending you made her do that so she can then blame you unjustifiably. Maximum non-cooperation.

If you do what they want by reacting in anger then they have you beat. Because now they'll blame you for getting angry and they'll keep repeating this stupid destructive

cycle. When my teenage wife was choosing war like this I have to hand it to her because every time she came to her senses and admitted exactly what she did wrong. I would not have married her if she hadn't.

Counseling was suggested, and one of the benefits of that is the counselor can be an impartial referee and call her selfish, childish acts for what they are. A five year old can lower their voice. Professional non-cooperative people scream when you need quiet, and mumble indecipherably when you need to hear them clearly. It is a conscious act on their part. Think about whether she does it both ways - make you say "What, what, what?" when you are trying to hear what she is saying to you. Neither of these things is an accident. Why are they doing it. There is an answer. "I don't know" is not an answer. Refusing to admit to their behavior is not an answer.

You zeroed in on the most important part: they do it to make you angry. Telling you they don't love you... sheesh. There's some really great intentions, right? So she wants to hurt you. Great feature in a wife. The problem with this behavior is that so long as they decide they want you hurt, angry, exhausted, down - they're going to succeeed in that goal eventually.

The occasional lunacy from pregnancy, post-partem depression or whatever is one thing. A reasonable person comes to their senses and admits they were out of line. But if it is a general pattern of behavior there is something seriouosly wrong. Why is she being so combative and stubborn? Someone suggested bipolar. Someone mentioned drugs. Another possibility is that yeah - she doesn't love you or at least feel like it is worth her while to treat you decently.