home sick before even leaving?

[faithinGod 8]

Aww, this is a really touching, heartwarming thread. I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to send along my best wishes to the OP and others in this thread who have either already made the big move or still see it on the horizon.

Thank you so much!!!

[Nasturtium 500]

Maybe after some time your mother may change her mind. Right now things are unsettled and new... with more time to think it over you never know what you have in store.

[Vanessa1 7]

Maybe after some time your mother may change her mind. Right now things are unsettled and new... with more time to think it over you never know what you have in store.

That's what I was thinking too.

There's no way around it in that this is going to be a difficult adjustment and it is going to take some time...a lot of time. Don't feel guilty for the way you feel because it is real and normal. I think what you are doing in that you are enjoying every minute you can is the most you can do. Your mom is making her own choices-and I am NOT criticizing. I am just saying that we each have to choose our own path. In those times when you feel bad if you can focus on what you DO have, it might help. You are able to see your family again and someday she may choose to join you but either way you will always be free to spend time together. There are great phone plans and phone cards over here so you can talk often and you can always do computer chats to see each other.

I met a woman on my flight to Morocco last year and she was sharing with me how she cried and cried when she first left Morocco and was so sad to leave. Now she can't imagine not living in the States. As many others have said here, time will make it easier but what you are going through and feeling is so normal. Share how you are feeling with those close to you but don't let it consume you. You have some wonderful things happening in your life so be sure to enjoy it so you don't look back and wish you had.

HUGS!

[Lisamarie 79]

I think it's normal for you to feel that way. I know you will miss your mom terribly and vice-versa. Maybe once you are settled here she might think about coming along too. I know you love your fiance or you never would've went through this process, so focus your mind and heart on that right now and spend every minute with your mom that you can. Tell your fiance to buy a Magic Jack. I've never used one but from what I've heard you can call other countries for free with it. That way you could speak to her anytime you get lonesome. Other people on this board will probably know something about it.

Do what your heart tells you to do. Once you're here if you ever need to talk you can call on me. I'm a good listener....so keep that in mind ok I know where your fiance is stationed but is that where you'll live, or somewhere else? Anyway take care and have faith that everything will work out for the best.....

So I sent in packet 3 like two days ago,and I'm already homesick.

My mom is a single mother,and I'm an only child,the thought of leaving her behind,is just heart breaking.

BUT there is my fiance,who has gone through hell with me,literally,not even kidding,and he loves me and he has been alone for enough and I can't bail on him.

For the first time ever in my lifetime,I have grown a conscious. I feel guilty,for falling in love and leaving my mom behind,but then I feel guilty,for putting my fiance through so much and talking about homesickness before we are even married.I'm freakin clueless as to what to do.

And I can't talk to anyone around me here,because to majority of Iranians, moving out of the country is a big deal,what I have,relationship AND opportunity wise is beyond what most of the girls my age here expect and what,but I'm just not happy.

Any advice,tips or suggestions?

[alibekah 4]

Oh OP! My fiance is having the same feelings too. Even though he is an independent guy, he still cares deeply for his parents. Feel free to talk to your man. Please. Only keeping this worry to yourself will only one day lead you to take out some frustration on him by accident! I was happy when he started telling me about some of his homesickness fears.

How do I plan on helping him handle his homesickness? he can call his family anytime he wants. He never needs to ask me! We are going to be so freaking busy with the wedding stuff, he will not have much time to think. Once he get some ID, I will get him into volunteering (his idea). The more time he spends laying around the house and the internet, he is going to get sad. It was how i overcame homesickness when i lived abroad (before we met). I had to adapt to daily life quickly or I was going to be sad a lot.

I worry to going to his country even though I want to see it! But for now, we are planning a meet and greet in Turkey, a country to which all of us enjoys going to! His mother is your mother's age also. Do something like that in the future. Dubai is also really nice to go to.

By him knowing how you feel, the more he can do to help you the best he can. these are normal feelings. As for your mom...i hope that she bonds with friends and neighbors to help her through this.

I will keep you and my man in my thoughts. Good luck with everything!

ps: And remember there are a menagerie of feelings going on on his end too!! LOL

[thelastpetitioner 218]

I think it's normal for you to feel that way. I know you will miss your mom terribly and vice-versa. Maybe once you are settled here she might think about coming along too. I know you love your fiance or you never would've went through this process, so focus your mind and heart on that right now and spend every minute with your mom that you can. Tell your fiance to buy a Magic Jack. I've never used one but from what I've heard you can call other countries for free with it. That way you could speak to her anytime you get lonesome. Other people on this board will probably know something about it.

Do what your heart tells you to do. Once you're here if you ever need to talk you can call on me. I'm a good listener....so keep that in mind ok I know where your fiance is stationed but is that where you'll live, or somewhere else? Anyway take care and have faith that everything will work out for the best.....

thank you lisa,you have been a great friend.actually we talked about living arrangements,and we decided to move to gardnerville,nevada,the house prices are really low there since its a really small town,and he is not a fan of on camp housing.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

Oh OP! My fiance is having the same feelings too. Even though he is an independent guy, he still cares deeply for his parents. Feel free to talk to your man. Please. Only keeping this worry to yourself will only one day lead you to take out some frustration on him by accident! I was happy when he started telling me about some of his homesickness fears.

How do I plan on helping him handle his homesickness? he can call his family anytime he wants. He never needs to ask me! We are going to be so freaking busy with the wedding stuff, he will not have much time to think. Once he get some ID, I will get him into volunteering (his idea). The more time he spends laying around the house and the internet, he is going to get sad. It was how i overcame homesickness when i lived abroad (before we met). I had to adapt to daily life quickly or I was going to be sad a lot.

I worry to going to his country even though I want to see it! But for now, we are planning a meet and greet in Turkey, a country to which all of us enjoys going to! His mother is your mother's age also. Do something like that in the future. Dubai is also really nice to go to.

By him knowing how you feel, the more he can do to help you the best he can. these are normal feelings. As for your mom...i hope that she bonds with friends and neighbors to help her through this.

I will keep you and my man in my thoughts. Good luck with everything!

ps: And remember there are a menagerie of feelings going on on his end too!! LOL

bekah you are amazing,i didnt how deeply caring people can be on here,even tho ive been on this website for a long long time.

i feel for your fiance,feeling like this is one aspect of it,how he feels towards feeling like this is another.

im definitely going to get into volunteering ,animal shelters are my Favorite.

i really hope by some divine miracle this government changes,so you and my marine fiance can come and see what a beautiful country iran can be.

[Krikit 1,163]

(((((((((Hugs))))))))) to you.

When I left my home it was the saddest day of my life. The first year here was truly hard. My husband helped by trying to locate places where I could get the foods I was used to because I love to cook and finding the products I use, or something comparable, is really difficult. Even trying to find a good hairdresser is difficult when you're in a new area. One day he drove me around to all the hair salons in the area so I could pop in, see the place, talk to them, and get the prices! That's the biggest thing..... having someone who can understand and try to help. For the most part (lol) he knew that when I had a meltdown it had nothing to do with the situation and everything to do with missing everything and everyone I loved, and the frustration of reestablishing myself in a new country where no one knew the immigration rules but me. At those times, all I needed was a hug. He didn't even have to say anything. If your husband can do things like that, he'll help to ease the burden for you. The other thing I found helpful was being able to go back "home" until I could start to feel that this was home. Sounds strange but that's how it works. lol.

The second year I found much easier. Now, almost 5 years later, things haven't changed. Okay, I'm kidding. I still feel sad once in a while, but it's very few and far between. I definitely feel at home here. I think the biggest problem I had was the way some of my loved ones rejected me and were so angry at first. I eventually discovered that it was their way of dealing with their own hurt and something they had to go through too. Now things are back to normal as everyone adjusted. Like the others say, your Mom is going to go through her own grieving stages and will eventually grow and come to terms. You never know what the future holds. I found that you can never say never. Never. lol

Just so you're prepared and not caught off guard..... whatever you're feeling now it becomes much more intensified when you get here. But it will pass. Allow yourself to grieve but don't wallow in it. Buy yourself some flowers if your husband doesn't bring you any. Go and get a spa treatment. Write it all down. Clean the house. Go for a walk. Take a scenic drive. Come and rant on VJ. Do whatever you have to do to get through it. But most of all, realize that your anger is not at something your husband said or did and do your best not to focus it on him. He's on your side and wants the best for you. Good luck.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

thank you krikit ,amazing tips and awesome advice.and amazing wording:" The other thing I found helpful was being able to go back "home" until I could start to feel that this was home.".

[alibekah 4]

bekah you are amazing,i didnt how deeply caring people can be on here,even tho ive been on this website for a long long time.

i feel for your fiance,feeling like this is one aspect of it,how he feels towards feeling like this is another.

im definitely going to get into volunteering ,animal shelters are my Favorite.

i really hope by some divine miracle this government changes,so you and my marine fiance can come and see what a beautiful country iran can be.

This is an experience that is changing all of our lives. I did not choose to meet a man from Iran, I was not interested in a relationship, but we were at the right place at the right time and I cannot imagine my life now without ever knowing him. What you and my fiance is doing is one hell of a sacrifice and I tell him very often how I appreciate him coming here. I LOVE my man, I want no other.

I do hope to see your country one day. funny thing is that i studied Middle Eastern art history. It was just an extra course for my degree that turned into my focus. Ancient Persia was on that menu. Now my fiance sends me DVDs and art books of Iran and it looks beautiful. He agrees that its not very wise to go now but he cannot wait to show me around.

We both are very big into volunteering, so luckily for him, nearby there are lots of places that accepts volunteers. Also, have him find you places that will some some of your staple foods. Luckily for you, you will be in Cali which has a massive population of Iranians. Florida....not so much. There are small groupings in certain cities but not where i live, so I did my best to search the Pakistani and Indian (YES i know its not the same!!) food stores here to try and find some semblance of foods he will love. I know the only thing he told me he could not live without was Doogh (Aryan) and I found that!

There are so many things you man can do that will help you feel at home once you come. Even though I am on the other side of the country, feel free to contact me anytime is you feel the need to have an ear. Support is one thing you will need and i am sure I am not the only one who will be willing to do so. Geez, there needs to be a support group for those of us gals bringing MENA men over and how to tolerate stupid people saying meanie things!

We are ALL in this together.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

We both are very big into volunteering, so luckily for him, nearby there are lots of places that accepts volunteers. Also, have him find you places that will some some of your staple foods. Luckily for you, you will be in Cali which has a massive population of Iranians. Florida....not so much. There are small groupings in certain cities but not where i live, so I did my best to search the Pakistani and Indian (YES i know its not the same!!) food stores here to try and find some semblance of foods he will love. I know the only thing he told me he could not live without was Doogh (Aryan) and I found that!

we are moving to middle of nowhere california.the place he is stationed at is bridgeport,like 2 hours away from reno nevada,and other option is middle of nowhere nevada,so either way,we are stuck away from people.not that i mind,im a loner,i wont miss anyone or anything as much as my mother,just because we have been through so much for so long together.hopefully the distance and everything else will be worth it

PS: i just noticed your fiance didnt get AP,thats like LUCK right there

Edited March 12, 2011 by thelastpetitioner

[Lisamarie 79]

I know where that is, I drive through there all the time when I go to see my kids. I lived an hour from there for 17 years in a small town also. The cost of living is much cheaper in Nevada. It's really pretty there! ) The good thing is, Carson City and Reno are not far and they are larger cities in case you you something that you can't get in Garderville. I'm sure everything is going to be great

thank you lisa,you have been a great friend.actually we talked about living arrangements,and we decided to move to gardnerville,nevada,the house prices are really low there since its a really small town,and he is not a fan of on camp housing.

[jrmejia 31]

"Eventually, the bird would have to leave the nest you know"

[alibekah 4]

we are moving to middle of nowhere california.the place he is stationed at is bridgeport,like 2 hours away from reno nevada,and other option is middle of nowhere nevada,so either way,we are stuck away from people.not that i mind,im a loner,i wont miss anyone or anything as much as my mother,just because we have been through so much for so long together.hopefully the distance and everything else will be worth it

PS: i just noticed your fiance didnt get AP,thats like LUCK right there

LOL, we're also loners. I guess us lone wolves need a companion after a while! Its totally worth it if you know for sure that he is the one. Follow your heart.

QUA??? We were in AP for 69 days. It will test all of your patience and sanity!! He had his interview on Dec 7 and AP was over on Feb 14.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

LOL, we're also loners. I guess us lone wolves need a companion after a while! Its totally worth it if you know for sure that he is the one. Follow your heart.

QUA??? We were in AP for 69 days. It will test all of your patience and sanity!! He had his interview on Dec 7 and AP was over on Feb 14.

your signature says you got your ...never mind,it got a bit misleading.when they put you in AP it already means you are approved,they wouldnt waste their time APing the reject petitions or the ones they are sending back