Serious Stress...

[jrmejia 31]

Not only you can do romantic things, you can also do productive things. That can bring a lot of pleasure to both parties.

I like when we discuss about photography and camera settings. We both have same brand of DSLR camera. She asks me about settings she like to try but don't know how and I do the same. We also share a lot of cooking recipes. Those things can be fun.

Some times I bring my laptop to the kitchen and let her explain to me step by step how to cook dishes from her country.

Mine dresses very well, when I need help, she helps me on selecting what to wear. CAM2CAM can do magic.

You see..not only romantic things can be fun but also productive things. Just let your imagination do the things

[RK_and_Inday 10]

OP - There are large time difference (13+ hrs) between me & my fiance also: no offence taken; we understand the frustrations and empathize. Also, we understand your desire to add variety to the "just talking" aspects of a long distance relationship. So here are a few ideas that I and my fiance have used and do use succesfully to pass the time with each other and for each other in addition to the "regular" phone conversations:

I. Using telephone:

--reading books together. Good choices for us have been those with collections short stories or articles. We will each take a turn reading to each other. We also have found good books or articles on relationship building--initiates a different type of (and constructive) discussion/thoughts. Poetry books/poems also are very good, and can be quite romantic.

--Playing games with each other that work by voice. "20 questions" is good example and we usually use interesting object around or near our respective homes. Leads to some interesting sharing and laughter. You can think of other such games I am sure.

--Playing board type games (e.g., chess, checkers, backgammon). Often requires two boards but sure is fun. Also, playing certain games you can get away with using one board/setup.

--Playing trivia games are quite suitable and is another example of where no game boards are needed.

--Bible study or some other learning topic. We obtained several Q&A guidebooks (reading the topic then answer the questions) for several Bible-oriented topics and for several other subjects as well. Choose some topic you both would like to learn more about. There are literally thousands of possibilities.

--My fiance has started small home business and asks me for input/ideas/planning. This helps us both pass the time in a different kind of way. Plus building income is a bonus!

--I try to be clever/original and take my fiance on audio-based phone dates. For one example, I found pre-recorded sounds of ocean waves, sea gulls, ship horn, and other beach sounds. For the actual date, I "picked up" my fiance at home and we "went" to the beach [me playing the pre-recorded sounds in appropriate order], "walked" along the seashore, "saw" the tidepools and other scenery {I had to describe some], listened to a guy playing guitar on the beach. I also played some romantic songs. And so on. My fiance said it was one of the best dates ever been on!! I also used this same idea once to take my fiance on a helicopter ride over some of my country's famous landmarks and another time to go on a picnic and listen to a concert in the park. Anyway, you get the idea--you just have to be a little creative.

II. Using computer

--webcam (though still talking or chatting still makes huge diffeerence).

--in conjunction with or as alternative to webcam, online games especially that two can play. There are a *ton* of such online games available.

--explore together virtual worlds such as Second Life (see secondlife.com), Kaneva, Entropia Universe, Smallworlds, etcetera

--I have searched internet to find webcams for various places in my country or near my hometown; I send these webcam links to my fiance to enjoy. If you or fiance can find webcam near to your respective residences, one of you can go to the webcam area and wave a hello to the other at pre-appointed time. Kind of corny, I know, but it certainly adds to the variety and fun

--I send weblinks to my fiance which describe and have images/photos of various places around my hometown & area. Helps fiance familiarize with area where will be together hopefully not to long from now.

--with digital camera, take pictures & videos of home town/neighborhood/area & send to fiance

--email, of course. This cuts down on phone costs. Plus can use to exchange recipes, send digital videos, web link topics, anything in addition to the usual "talking"." I have made a virtual vacation for fiance by sending theme location images of certain places. Also, recipe exchange idea can be combined with watch movie at the same time idea which other posters shared. Just make same recipe at respective residences and "share" both a dinner and a movie some evening.

--look up ideas for long distance relationships on the internet. You will find many, many good ideas.

OK, we hope this gives you enough ideas to use and also to inspire some of your own ideas. These ideas have helped me and my fiance endure multiple years of a a very long distance relationship. We hope these ideas will help to reduce some of your frustrations/stresses.

Best Regards,

RK & Inday

[Malissa + Roberto 0]

Wow - people on here are so critical!

So as to your original question about what to do to get through the stress... Aside from having an outlook of patience and accepting that this is going to be a long process, there's not a lot to do about the stress.

My fiancé is also from El Salvador. We filed the petition 9/20/2010 and had to wait 6 months from the Vermont Service Center to get approval (last week). I think you're in the California service center though, and they go faster so you should have yours in 5 months.

Roberto and I talk on the phone 2 or 3 times per week for about 20 minutes each conversation. It's super expensive for him because he comes from a poor family, and I can't figure out how to get money to him. He recently found out that there's a promotion through Claro that he can talk to me for 20 minutes for 50-cents, but the clarity of the connection is low and often the connection gets lost half way through. I've tried buying calling cards here in the U.S., but it's like 40-cents per minute. He doesn't have any Internet access, so we can't do Skype. Luckily, he is able to e-mail me from his cell phone, and I send texts to his phone through the Claro website. So we constantly send texts back and forth throughout the day.

What else... I made it mandatory that for every one-month anniversary, we have to snail mail. Our anniversary is March 29th - so we have to mail each other something on the 29th of every month. This, I have found out, is IMPOSSIBLE. I have mailed several envelopes and packages to Roberto, but nothing has ever arrived. I'm sure that customs or whatever postal agent is stealing all of my packages and envelopes because they believe my envelopes contain money. I even handmade a construction paper heart Valentine, and it never arrived! So sick of El Salvador's lack of dependability. Finally, I realized that post cards are always delivered, so now I make handmade post cards with photos of us and mail them once a month.

Roberto has gotten really creative too. He gets artistic and makes these small, aluminum signs with engravings of pictures and words. Everything that he mails to me arrives, so I get mail and he doesn't. That sucks.

I think the most important thing is to continue living your life. I tend to put my life on hold because I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for him to get here. But you have to continue living your life and spend time with your friends and family, and it will help the time go by until he arrives.

It looks like you're about a month behind my initial application date, so I'll keep you updated on the San Sal embassy process.

PS) How did you meet your fiancé?

Good luck!

[TBoneTX 43,157]

I have mailed several envelopes and packages to Roberto, but nothing has ever arrived. I'm sure that customs or whatever postal agent is stealing all of my packages and envelopes because they believe my envelopes contain money.

Welcome to the third world (every country in Latin America), si man. During my visits to Ecuador, I asked Mrs. T-B. why no restroom has toilet paper, soap, sometimes toilet seats, or sometimes even running water. She answered helpfully, "That is because people steal them." This explains my constant observation of Ecuadorians furtively sneaking out of restrooms with their pockets filled with toilet seats and faucet-water, si man.

I realized that post cards are always delivered, so now I make handmade post cards with photos of us and mail them once a month.

Good thinking, and you should each save every one of these cards to show at the embassy interview, si man.

[Lane O 38]

The part that I don't like is your life depends on the decision of other people working in the government, they can either approved you or denied you but we just have to pray and be optimistic.

[ExpatDave 0]

I can relate. I have never been so stressed in my life!