Panic In Detroit

[Lena and Igor 5]

I'm sure that all of you who are in the K-1 process and read this thread are biding your time TRYING to keep busy and cope during the process. I'm from Detroit and would welcome others who are from (yes, still) the Motor City (and elsewhere). Work keeps me busy enough to minimize my anxiety and the hardship I experience throughout each day being without my fiancé. We Skype twice a day and SMS often (she wakes me each morning with a quick call). We ponder and imagine everyday (normal) routines we will have when we are finally reunited. I recently joined a Russian Orthodox Church and have made friends there. My Facebook friends are very supportive and offer support on my "Lena Arrives In Detroit countdown." I realize what a rant this is but I would like to here about how you are coping during this waiting game. All the best to you and your loved ones.

[Rachel and Erico 1]

Hi Igor,

It's so reassuring to read others' posts that express anxiety and impatience... sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind! I'm also experiencing a lot of anxiety; for me, once I invested in this process and gave my life over to Erico in my decision to get married and bring him here, its been harder than ever to be apart. I'm impatient to start our lives together NOW! Also, there's so much unknown about what the DHS will hand us along the way. It sounds like you're managing your anxiety well by staying busy; I'm originally from the Detroit area (Canton/Garden City) and now live in New Hampshire, so, like you, I'm in the dead of winter. I'm a field biologist, so it's my slow season, thus unfortunately I'm not busy enough at work right now for that to help much. I've had to stay busy with exercise and with friends, and sometimes just piddling around my apartment making up things to do. My down time is torture, and keeping my worry in check has been really challenging. Some days are better than others, to be sure. On the good days, I can focus on my happiness in my relationship and in thinking about our future together; on the bad days, I worry about every single thing that could go wrong. I check VJ every day and often, because it's comforting to read others' posts, and to read success stories when the K-1 is granted! We WILL be with our fiances SOON!

Rachel (and Erico)

[Lena and Igor 5]

Hi Igor,

It's so reassuring to read others' posts that express anxiety and impatience... sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind! I'm also experiencing a lot of anxiety; for me, once I invested in this process and gave my life over to Erico in my decision to get married and bring him here, its been harder than ever to be apart. I'm impatient to start our lives together NOW! Also, there's so much unknown about what the DHS will hand us along the way. It sounds like you're managing your anxiety well by staying busy; I'm originally from the Detroit area (Canton/Garden City) and now live in New Hampshire, so, like you, I'm in the dead of winter. I'm a field biologist, so it's my slow season, thus unfortunately I'm not busy enough at work right now for that to help much. I've had to stay busy with exercise and with friends, and sometimes just piddling around my apartment making up things to do. My down time is torture, and keeping my worry in check has been really challenging. Some days are better than others, to be sure. On the good days, I can focus on my happiness in my relationship and in thinking about our future together; on the bad days, I worry about every single thing that could go wrong. I check VJ every day and often, because it's comforting to read others' posts, and to read success stories when the K-1 is granted! We WILL be with our fiances SOON!

Rachel (and Erico)

Rachel,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I sometimes wish that I could go to sleep and wake up when it's time to pick-up Lena at Detroit Metro. Yea, I browse Vj daily, sometimes multiple times via BlackBerry. But, thank God for mobile technology and Skype too! Even starting this thread gives me encouragement in a weird way and I'm hopeful that people waiting through the process will just drop a line, give a testimonial or even let it all out. This is the happiest time of my life yet, it's sorrowful too. Venting is a good thing! Soon enough, Erico will be with you for life in New Hampshire. So, we wait...by the way one of our offices is in Garden City.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Rachel,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I sometimes wish that I could go to sleep and wake up when it's time to pick-up Lena at Detroit Metro. Yea, I browse Vj daily, sometimes multiple times via BlackBerry. But, thank God for mobile technology and Skype too! Even starting this thread gives me encouragement in a weird way and I'm hopeful that people waiting through the process will just drop a line, give a testimonial or even let it all out. This is the happiest time of my life yet, it's sorrowful too. Venting is a good thing! Soon enough, Erico will be with you for life in New Hampshire. So, we wait...by the way one of our offices is in Garden City.

Most all of us here have been in your situation, and it sucks big time. It gets even worse the closer it gets to "interview time". I couldn't sleep myself for the 2 -3 weeks leading up to it. All you can do is try to keep busy. On a good note, the system is quicker now than it has ever been...and easier I might add seeing how they are doing more and more online, and finally trying to ditch the mail system part of it.

If you take your time and get everything ready for her...find out what she needs, make sure she sends her stuff in boxes to the US that she can't take with her, make sure she has access to a phone card when she gets here to talk with her family, internet, a car, etc...

When my wife got her off the plane, I had a car waiting for her, new laptop, phone card, Russian channels on the Satellite package, ...got her a cell phone a few days after she landed, visa debit card,..took her shopping, etc... Chances are she's going to be a basket case when she gets here, so do everything within your limits to make it comfortable for her once she gets off that plane.

Edited February 20, 2011 by Why_Me

[Lena and Igor 5]

Most all of us here have been in your situation, and it sucks big time. It gets even worse the closer it gets to "interview time". I couldn't sleep myself for the 2 -3 weeks leading up to it. All you can do is try to keep busy. On a good note, the system is quicker now than it has ever been...and easier I might add seeing how they are doing more and more online, and finally trying to ditch the mail system part of it.

If you take your time and get everything ready for her...find out what she needs, make sure she sends her stuff in boxes to the US that she can't take with her, make sure she has access to a phone card when she gets here to talk with her family, internet, a car, etc...

When my wife got her off the plane, I had a car waiting for her, new laptop, phone card, Russian channels on the Satellite package, ...got her a cell phone a few days after she landed, visa debit card,..took her shopping, etc... Chances are she's going to be a basket case when she gets here, so do everything within your limits to make it comfortable for her once she gets off that plane.

That's what I'm talkin' about, thanks! Bought Lena a laptop during my first trip to Kharkov in October. Her hand-me-down IBM was way too slow and she had to go to a friend's apartment or her son's on Sundays to Skype with me. Now we must video call twice a day. She keeps telling me that she doesn't want a car, and will take the bus (ha!). In Detroit, are you kidding? No metro here. She'll acclimate in time as you suggest. I have Comcast now and need to find out if a Russian package is available and if not, I'll switch to Dish or Direct TV. Also, we have a couple of good Russian grocery/meat stores in the area which will be helpful. And as I mentioned in another thread, we've chosen a Russian Orthodox Church near us and I have been attending regularly.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

That's what I'm talkin' about, thanks! Bought Lena a laptop during my first trip to Kharkov in October. Her hand-me-down IBM was way too slow and she had to go to a friend's apartment or her son's on Sundays to Skype with me. Now we must video call twice a day. She keeps telling me that she doesn't want a car, and will take the bus (ha!). In Detroit, are you kidding? No metro here. She'll acclimate in time as you suggest. I have Comcast now and need to find out if a Russian package is available and if not, I'll switch to Dish or Direct TV. Also, we have a couple of good Russian grocery/meat stores in the area which will be helpful. And as I mentioned in another thread, we've chosen a Russian Orthodox Church near us and I have been attending regularly.

LOL...she's probably thinking the public transportation in the US is similar to over there. The US has about the suckiest public transportation system in the modern world. Be sneaky and get her a car without her knowing it. Doesn't have to be a world beater...craigslist has some decent used cars for a decent price. Then when she gets here...you will have a surprise present for her.

[slim 1,514]

She keeps telling me that she doesn't want a car, and will take the bus (ha!). In Detroit, are you kidding?

My wife took the bus for a while after her arrival here. A few months later, she refused to take the bus anymore. "I'm so sick and tired of all these dirty, nasty, horrible people and stupid man try to ask for go out whis me. Foo, foo, f'king fooooo. I not will be ride bus again ever."

Since then, she hasn't ridden the bus. I'm kind of surprised she lasted as long as she did. According to her, the "I not speaka da English" worked pretty well - for a while. After a few weeks, they got hip to her being able to communicate. - And kept trying.

[Lena and Igor 5]

I keep trying to tell her about our wonderful transporation system and the wait times and all the other issues surrounding a large city bus system, crime, stalkers, etc. She is so used to the really fine metro system in Kharkov. It will be a change. Her attitude right now is that she does not want to drive when she comes. I know that will change, like you said after a few months. I do admire the fact that she wants to work (anything) to begin with.

[james&olya 1,121]

I completely understand what you are going through! When I started this process I thought I would be different, that I would not let the waiting cause me stress! Ha! I learned better months ago. This situation is just so un-natural, being in love with someone and not being allowed to be together, having total strangers have arbitrary control over when and even whether you will ever be together. Add to that the problems imposed by language barriers! Even when one speaks the others language reasonably well there are still the cultural differences that cause misunderstanding and this can lead to unnecessary worry and doubts. It would be much better if the process were more transparent, if you knew what date you would be getting adjudicated, for example. But at the same time I am so happy I have found my fiancee! I remind myself daily how lucky we are to have this opportunity! Hang in there, the end result is well worth the stress we all go through in getting there!

[1HappyGuy 45]

Everyone has gone through the waiting and wondering period. It does suck but the best thing is to keep busy. Do what you can to spruce up the house, maybe paint some rooms, dump the old bachelor stuff (she will anyway) and become familiar with where the Russian stores are. If you are attending an Orthodox Church, see if there are any Russian speaking couples or at least one that speaks Russian and tell them about your fiancee. Make sure you meet happily married couples and avoid single people if you can, this can become a problem for you later.

But, just learn to be patient. The system is what it is. It will move along but before you know it the interview will be over and she will be planning her arrival. Plan to let her rest quite a lot during the first week or two as the time change will affect her and she'll be out of sorts for a while. I'm sure she will try to do lots of things with you, but her body needs time to adjust. Take things slow and carefully. It is more important that you communicate properly than rush into things that will cause mistakes and misunderstandings. That happens to everyone.

When she starts to get homesick, then take her to the Russian stores. But, just know that you are not the first going through this agony. It will pass and then the happy times will start. :dance:

[Lena and Igor 5]

I completely understand what you are going through! When I started this process I thought I would be different, that I would not let the waiting cause me stress! Ha! I learned better months ago. This situation is just so un-natural, being in love with someone and not being allowed to be together, having total strangers have arbitrary control over when and even whether you will ever be together. Add to that the problems imposed by language barriers! Even when one speaks the others language reasonably well there are still the cultural differences that cause misunderstanding and this can lead to unnecessary worry and doubts. It would be much better if the process were more transparent, if you knew what date you would be getting adjudicated, for example. But at the same time I am so happy I have found my fiancee! I remind myself daily how lucky we are to have this opportunity! Hang in there, the end result is well worth the stress we all go through in getting there!

Thanks James, your comments and others help me keep my sanity in check because I understand that I am not the only one going through this. I am keeping busy as I can. I'm fortunate that Lena speaks English fairly-well and she has the greatest attitude and calms me daily. Hey, you are my neighbor to the north. Lived in Marquette and worked at MGH for about a year. God's country! Good luck and I hope you and Olya receive your NOA-2 very soon. Keep in touch.

Thanks HappyGuy for your recommendations. We now have a Russian church and yes, I'll have to un bachelorize the house. Take care!

[LvivLovers 39]

The waiting drove us crazy as well. After about 4 months we met in the Dominican Republic and spent some time together and that helped quite a bit. But another 3 months went by after that and we really started to go crazy. There's no feedback in the process...just waiting and more waiting. My wife was asking me more and more frequently to come move to Ukraine so we could finally be together. I was starting to really consider it. You just feel like it's never going to be done. That day finally does come though. Once you get the interview date, that panic ends and the time passes much more quickly.

As far as getting through it, we relied mostly on Skype, talking for a few hours every day. By the time my wife was here we really felt like we knew each other well. We're still both a little bit bitter thinking about all the time the USCIS stole from us. Life is short enough as it is and shouldn't be wasted waiting on the mercy of any government.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

I'm sure that all of you who are in the K-1 process and read this thread are biding your time TRYING to keep busy and cope during the process. I'm from Detroit and would welcome others who are from (yes, still) the Motor City (and elsewhere). Work keeps me busy enough to minimize my anxiety and the hardship I experience throughout each day being without my fiancé. We Skype twice a day and SMS often (she wakes me each morning with a quick call). We ponder and imagine everyday (normal) routines we will have when we are finally reunited. I recently joined a Russian Orthodox Church and have made friends there. My Facebook friends are very supportive and offer support on my "Lena Arrives In Detroit countdown." I realize what a rant this is but I would like to here about how you are coping during this waiting game. All the best to you and your loved ones.

Hello from a fellow Michigander

The waiting is definitely hard, but it'll be well worth it when your fiancee arrives.

[james&olya 1,121]

Hello from a fellow Michigander

The waiting is definitely hard, but it'll be well worth it when your fiancee arrives.

If we are 'michiganders' will our fiancees become 'michigeese'?

[Lena and Igor 5]

Hello from a fellow Michigander

The waiting is definitely hard, but it'll be well worth it when your fiancee arrives.

I don't know what part of Michigan you are from but I have learned that in the Detroit area where I live, there are over 22,000 people of Russian heritage and many more Ukrainians that live here. A few good Russian markets will be helpful when Lena comes too. The waiting is the toughest part even though I expected a lengthy process. I don't know what I would do without Skype. Thanks for the advice and your stories. Still would like others to vent too.