Verbal abuse

[Alex+R 0]

If the abusive party is willing to change, CAN they change? Does anyone have experience with that?

I don't really know and some cursory google searches did not return much not written by Oprah's staff.

I'm just curious, and a coworker brought it up today.

[CarolineM 0]

I'd say it depends on the root of the issue. Is it due to low self esteem? Anger? I think that it is 100% an issue that can be worked on. I hate to say "fixed" because that's not accurate...but can one CURB that temprement?? absolutely.

I have absolutely seen abusers, both physical and mental, who have been able to change.

I have also seen those who have not been able to - and the SO's stay with them because the constant promises of change seem to outweigh the constant abuse.

Could go either way - depends on the resolve of the individual in question and how committed he or she is to working on the issue.

[Ban Hammer 14,297]

If the abusive party is willing to change, CAN they change? Does anyone have experience with that?

I don't really know and some cursory google searches did not return much not written by Oprah's staff.

I'm just curious, and a coworker brought it up today.

apply dimensional lumber upside the head

[Alex+R 0]

I'd say it depends on the root of the issue. Is it due to low self esteem? Anger? I think that it is 100% an issue that can be worked on. I hate to say "fixed" because that's not accurate...but can one CURB that temprement?? absolutely.

I have absolutely seen abusers, both physical and mental, who have been able to change.

I have also seen those who have not been able to - and the SO's stay with them because the constant promises of change seem to outweigh the constant abuse.

Could go either way - depends on the resolve of the individual in question and how committed he or she is to working on the issue.

How much work does it take? What do they do to change? They have to know when they're doing it, right?

[CarolineM 0]

The length of treatment depends on the person and the therapist. I think it would be a hard thing to go at along...with therapy - maybe individual and group - and a real willingness to commit to change...who knows.

It can't be a half assed effort and the desire to change has to come from within. A person who is being pressured into change won't...it's that simple....

there are way too many variables to say...a person will change in X amount of time...you know?

what they need to do also, I think, depends on the root problem. If they abuse others because of their own self esteem - they might do one thing...

if they abuse becuase of anger managament issues - that's another.

If they abuse because of alcohol or drug abuse - that's another.

see what I mean? The key is, through therapy and introspection and all that fun psycho babble stuff, is to get to the BOTTOM of where the issue comes from...and work on that.

[TracyTN 237]

I would say its *possible* but predicting how long it will take or if it will work involves much more (as karo mentioned).

Would I personally use 'I promise to change' as a basis for subsequently marrying and living with someone? Not on your life. My answer to that would be 'Only time will tell.'

[Fuzzness 2]

a person may be able to change, but people cannot. people somehow believe it is their god given right to be an #######.... especially if they have given you money for goods or services

[Jenn! 918]

a person may be able to change, but people cannot. people somehow believe it is their god given right to be an #######.... especially if they have given you money for goods or services

I don't get it.

[CarolineM 0]

Would I personally use 'I promise to change' as a basis for subsequently marrying and living with someone? Not on your life. My answer to that would be 'Only time will tell.'

so wise tracy

[diadromous mermaid 36]

The length of treatment depends on the person and the therapist. I think it would be a hard thing to go at along...with therapy - maybe individual and group - and a real willingness to commit to change...who knows.

It can't be a half assed effort and the desire to change has to come from within. A person who is being pressured into change won't...it's that simple....

there are way too many variables to say...a person will change in X amount of time...you know?

what they need to do also, I think, depends on the root problem. If they abuse others because of their own self esteem - they might do one thing...

if they abuse becuase of anger managament issues - that's another.

If they abuse because of alcohol or drug abuse - that's another.

see what I mean? The key is, through therapy and introspection and all that fun psycho babble stuff, is to get to the BOTTOM of where the issue comes from...and work on that.

And worse yet, if the abuse stems from some deeper psychosis, such as narcissistic tendencies, then I'd go so far as to suggest that 'change' is not possible.

[gimygirl 0]

The length of treatment depends on the person and the therapist. I think it would be a hard thing to go at along...with therapy - maybe individual and group - and a real willingness to commit to change...who knows.

It can't be a half assed effort and the desire to change has to come from within. A person who is being pressured into change won't...it's that simple....

there are way too many variables to say...a person will change in X amount of time...you know?

what they need to do also, I think, depends on the root problem. If they abuse others because of their own self esteem - they might do one thing...

if they abuse becuase of anger managament issues - that's another.

If they abuse because of alcohol or drug abuse - that's another.

see what I mean? The key is, through therapy and introspection and all that fun psycho babble stuff, is to get to the BOTTOM of where the issue comes from...and work on that.

And worse yet, if the abuse stems from some deeper psychosis, such as narcissistic tendencies, then I'd go so far as to suggest that 'change' is not possible.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It's hard to measure verbal abuse because I think we've all been guilty of hurting someone we love with words. Of course we can point out when it's clearly abusive, but I think subtle criticism can be worse because it is often disguised as a compliment or being kind.

Edited August 29, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[Ban Hammer 14,297]

The length of treatment depends on the person and the therapist. I think it would be a hard thing to go at along...with therapy - maybe individual and group - and a real willingness to commit to change...who knows.

It can't be a half assed effort and the desire to change has to come from within. A person who is being pressured into change won't...it's that simple....

there are way too many variables to say...a person will change in X amount of time...you know?

what they need to do also, I think, depends on the root problem. If they abuse others because of their own self esteem - they might do one thing...

if they abuse becuase of anger managament issues - that's another.

If they abuse because of alcohol or drug abuse - that's another.

see what I mean? The key is, through therapy and introspection and all that fun psycho babble stuff, is to get to the BOTTOM of where the issue comes from...and work on that.

And worse yet, if the abuse stems from some deeper psychosis, such as narcissistic tendencies, then I'd go so far as to suggest that 'change' is not possible.

that's why the 2x4 upside the head works wonders

[gimygirl 0]

sorry charles ... i'm not into violence ... that's not a solution.

[Fuzzness 2]

a person may be able to change, but people cannot. people somehow believe it is their god given right to be an #######.... especially if they have given you money for goods or services

I don't get it.

people think they have the right to be a jerk. they may have that right but it doesnt mean its a good idea