My head is spinning

[TJ 4EVER 40]

For the last few days I have been reading post about couples who end up in divorce or worst after going through this expensive and time consuming process. I have read about USC getting married only to find out they have been used. I prayed and fasted before even deciding to date my husband and I love him so very much. I just could not imagine however after going through this whole process a year later me writing on this forum that something bad happened. I guess I don't have a CR1 question and am posting this comment in the wrong place...please forgive me if I am. I am seeking a CR1 visa for my husband, just saying, after reading all of these horror stories I'm feeling pretty sad. For those experiencing it and at the thought that this could be me one day. I know I have to place all my faith and trust in God and I sincerely seeked His face before coming to any conclusion. Am I wrong for my feelings? I just did not realize something that starts off so beautiful can end up being so ugly.

[win.lai1 0]

For the last few days I have been reading post about couples who end up in divorce or worst after going through this expensive and time consuming process. I have read about USC getting married only to find out they have been used. I prayed and fasted before even deciding to date my husband and I love him so very much. I just could not imagine however after going through this whole process a year later me writing on this forum that something bad happened. I guess I don't have a CR1 question and am posting this comment in the wrong place...please forgive me if I am. I am seeking a CR1 visa for my husband, just saying, after reading all of these horror stories I'm feeling pretty sad. For those experiencing it and at the thought that this could be me one day. I know I have to place all my faith and trust in God and I sincerely seeked His face before coming to any conclusion. Am I wrong for my feelings? I just did not realize something that starts off so beautiful can end up being so ugly.

I doubt that anyone that enters a marriage legitimately would ever imagine any of those negative stories that we have all read would happen to themselves. May God be with you throughout everything. Do take care.

[TJ 4EVER 40]

I doubt that anyone that enters a marriage legitimately would ever imagine any of those negative stories that we have all read would happen to themselves. May God be with you throughout everything. Do take care.

Thank you for your response and positive thoughts. It just breaks my heart to see those who have entered into their relationship legitimately and later found out they were used. Please don't get me wrong, I believe with all my heart that my husband loves me. we speak everyday and I have NEVER loved any man as much as I love him. I believe that God has answered my prayers. I guess do to human nature to not only see the nightmares that other members are facing but to also feel their pain moved me. I don't want to seem paranoid but those who believed with all their hearts that the love of their life was sincere are now writing stories of heartbreak. It's one thing to have heartbreak because things just did not work out it is a whole different story when it is done out of deception. I feel foolish right now typing this but thought I should just say something oppose to saying nothing.

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

It is very sad to read those type of post. I tell myself I have done everything I can and will hope for the best, but know that anything is possible and try to prepare myself in my mind for several different situations. I ask myself what would I do if Natoy left me without a word? What if I fall in love with someone else? What if he's secretly gay? I also picture us having a good and happy life so I don't let my fears sabatoge a relationship that I presently enjoy. That seems to help me. Remeber we all take a chance of being hurt when we open our hearts up. I hope none of us get hurt. One also has to remeber that the people with success stories don't post on here much because they have no problems like that. I wish they would though...Just an update on how good things are going.

[james&olya 1,121]

I doubt that anyone that enters a marriage legitimately would ever imagine any of those negative stories that we have all read would happen to themselves. May God be with you throughout everything. Do take care.

Marriage to a citizen of another country carries the same risks as a marriage between 2 US citizens, plus some additional problems involving cultural differences. The amazing thing to me is how many international marriages do well. I know that for myself I have been very careful not to assume that we share attitudes on anything important without discussing them freely. I think this is the way to have the best chance for success. Actually, I think a long distance relationship can have some advantages in that it takes away the distractions of the physical relationship that so often clouds judgment early in a relationship. But the possibility always remains that one or both partners have been dishonest. In the end there are no guarantees, we are all taking a chance for love. I hope you have good fortune in your relationship! Keep your eyes open but stay optimistic!

[TJ 4EVER 40]

It is very sad to read those type of post. I tell myself I have done everything I can and will hope for the best, but know that anything is possible and try to prepare myself in my mind for several different situations. I ask myself what would I do if Natoy left me without a word? What if I fall in love with someone else? What if he's secretly gay? I also picture us having a good and happy life so I don't let my fears sabatoge a relationship that I presently enjoy. That seems to help me. Remeber we all take a chance of being hurt when we open our hearts up. I hope none of us get hurt. One also has to remeber that the people with success stories don't post on here much because they have no problems like that. I wish they would though...Just an update on how good things are going.

That's so true, those with the success stories rarely post. I thought about that as well. i too wish there were more post for those who are happily married. Then it can offset some of the horror stories. I know opening our hearts is a risk, I know I must trust in my husband but first and foremost trust in God because I asked him first before making any steps. Thank uyou so much for your words of support. I pray that all goes well with you and yours. Grace and peace to you.

[TJ 4EVER 40]

Marriage to a citizen of another country carries the same risks as a marriage between 2 US citizens, plus some additional problems involving cultural differences. The amazing thing to me is how many international marriages do well. I know that for myself I have been very careful not to assume that we share attitudes on anything important without discussing them freely. I think this is the way to have the best chance for success. Actually, I think a long distance relationship can have some advantages in that it takes away the distractions of the physical relationship that so often clouds judgment early in a relationship. But the possibility always remains that one or both partners have been dishonest. In the end there are no guarantees, we are all taking a chance for love. I hope you have good fortune in your relationship! Keep your eyes open but stay optimistic!

I too believe that long distance relationships have its advantages because of physical distractions. I believe it gives the couple the opportunity to truly get to know one another but on the other hand people can hide things about themselves as well. Thank you for your response. I guess I will keep away from the horror stories for the time being.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I created a sub Saharan thread called happy endings just so that you would see that there are some marriages that make it. Remember when a sub Saharan marriage goes south it usually does so in a big way. There is a lot of hate and anger and it is easy for the USC to pull the scam card out of the "I hate you deck" Yes there are cases where there was fraud involved but in the horror story side there are a lot of USC's crying scam because it absolves them of any wrong doing in the relationship. Remember you are marrying a Nigerian man and he will never behave like an American no matter how much you try to change him.

[marjus's girl 6]

Yes reading these post can be very scary..but i like you prayed before getting married and I try to keep faith God will see our marriage thru..Please try to remember that we don't see success stories...and if usc's were on here talking about their marriages to other usc's we would be reading all kinds of terriable things too:)..remember any marriage is hard work..but if we have to climb a mountain ..remember the maker of the mountain is right there beside us:) Good luck in your journey and your marriage

[TJ 4EVER 40]

I created a sub Saharan thread called happy endings just so that you would see that there are some marriages that make it. Remember when a sub Saharan marriage goes south it usually does so in a big way. There is a lot of hate and anger and it is easy for the USC to pull the scam card out of the "I hate you deck" Yes there are cases where there was fraud involved but in the horror story side there are a lot of USC's crying scam because it absolves them of any wrong doing in the relationship. Remember you are marrying a Nigerian man and he will never behave like an American no matter how much you try to change him.

Where can I find this thread? thanks for this post. But I must mention, I have no intentions on trying to change my husband. I love him because of who he is not for who i want him to be. I am not foolish, I have lived long enough to know you cannot and should not want to change people. I have become very familiar with the Nigerian culture for years prior to meeting my husband. I have seen the good, bad and indifferent (that what we see in Americans...lol...just in a different setting). I would really like to see that thread though so thanks for suggesting it.

[TJ 4EVER 40]

Yes reading these post can be very scary..but i like you prayed before getting married and I try to keep faith God will see our marriage thru..Please try to remember that we don't see success stories...and if usc's were on here talking about their marriages to other usc's we would be reading all kinds of terriable things too:)..remember any marriage is hard work..but if we have to climb a mountain ..remember the maker of the mountain is right there beside us:) Good luck in your journey and your marriage

God bless you with your journey as well. I do realize that marriage is hard work...I am willing to climb every mountain if it means making my marriage successful. I guess my heart is too soft...I really feel for those who have been used.

[marjus's girl 6]

God bless you with your journey as well. I do realize that marriage is hard work...I am willing to climb every mountain if it means making my marriage successful. I guess my heart is too soft...I really feel for those who have been used.

Yes me too...i cried after reading one...I will praying for you and you for me also:)...

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Happy Endings thread Here it is , add to it if you have things to share

[patient2010 93]

TJ4ever sounds like you may need to limit your logins here on VJ....lol not trying to be rude but I am trying to lighten this topic for you There are tons of stories on here and if you get too wrapped up in them you can get depressed.... or sadden by what is going on with everyone. I remember I was getting very sad when everyone was getting there approval from USCIS and I had to stop logging on here because it consumed me and my day. I have a job where I am in front of the computer the whole 8 hours so to log on to VJ was just some key strokes away. You have to take and read those sad stories in stride. But if you know your husband like you say you do those negative thoughts wont be a factor. Be sure to visit the link nigeriaorbust posted that will turn your frown into a smile... you are too early in the journey to let these things get to you..... Good Luck and God Bless you

[catracha85 6]

Life is about taking chances. All i can say is if you feel loved,happy and that the person you married is giving you their all to have a happy life. you should give it your all too, always with positive thoughts. I agree with james&olya I feel that a long distance relationship is better to get to know each other, you fall in love not just for the physical part or the body you have its all about love and the way they treat you, how much you really just want that person by your side. so be positive and give it your best always, good luck