Heaven - is it fun ?

[^_^ 5,021]

Are there penises in heaven? If not, wth is anyone supposed to do with all those virgins, talk to them?

[웃 910]

It is interesting that God decides the fate of the 1.8 people that die each second...or the 108 that die a minute, 156,000 people that die per day...Seems like a very busy day making that extremely important decision on whether to send someone to Hell/Heaven.....156,000 times in a day!! I wonder what the statistics are on admittance into Heaven?

I just have a very hard time believing that 156,000 "souls" are invisibly traveling away from earth and towards Heaven or Hell in each 24 hour period...Or is it an instant invisible teleporting sort of thing? On top of that God communicates (supposedly) with BILLIONS of people on earth, GAZILLIONS of animals and insects and BRAZILLIANS of plant life......He is also simultaneously observing everything going on in the universe (if you drove in a straight line at 186,000 miles a second for over 13 billion years you still wouldn't reach the furthest known galaxy)....And finally to top it all off He is entertaining His guests in Heaven all at the same time!!!!!! Population of Heaven is only increasing so how in the HELL does He do it....And coincidentally the Guy has never (provably) spoken an audible word in the history of mankind, unless you go back 2000 years to when human intelligence was at a 2000 year low...

Sounds so realistic to me...And to top it all off the beginning of the Holy Bible talks about the first humans on earth, Adam and Eve (did they go to Hell for eating an apple or was it just a ban from the Garden of Eden?), which if you add up the ages of the people in the Bible, traces back about 6500 years to the beginning of man....But this part of the Bible (and all the other stories that are obviously untrue) is brushed aside as being a parable of some sort.....

THE GUY CREATED A WOMEN AND WITHIN A MATTER OF DAYS SENT HER A$$ TO HELL FOR EATING AN APPLE GIVEN TO HER BY THE TALKING SNAKE....Are you kidding me! WHAT A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Captain Oates 910]

72 virgins wouldn't have to see my face to know I was happy

The catch is that the lightest is 350 lbs

That's why they are virgins

Edited January 7, 2011 by Alan the Red

[Jenn! 918]

Are there penises in heaven? If not, wth is anyone supposed to do with all those virgins, talk to them?

Exactly. I think people are gonna be pretty disappointed when they meet the virgins and realize they HAVE NO BODY.

Of course, since heaven is like one giant eternal orgasm, it shouldn't matter much.

[^_^ 5,021]

It is interesting that God decides the fate of the 1.8 people that die each second...or the 108 that die a minute, 156,000 people that die per day...Seems like a very busy day making that extremely important decision on whether to send someone to Hell/Heaven.....156,000 times in a day!! I wonder what the statistics are on admittance into Heaven?

I just have a very hard time believing that 156,000 "souls" are invisibly traveling away from earth and towards Heaven or Hell in each 24 hour period...Or is it an instant invisible teleporting sort of thing? On top of that God communicates (supposedly) with BILLIONS of people on earth, GAZILLIONS of animals and insects and BRAZILLIANS of plant life......He is also simultaneously observing everything going on in the universe (if you drove in a straight line at 186,000 miles a second for over 13 billion years you still wouldn't reach the furthest known galaxy)....And finally to top it all off He is entertaining His guests in Heaven all at the same time!!!!!! Population of Heaven is only increasing so how in the HELL does He do it....And coincidentally the Guy has never (provably) spoken an audible word in the history of mankind, unless you go back 2000 years to when human intelligence was at a 2000 year low...

God is a quantum computer.

Exactly. I think people are gonna be pretty disappointed when they meet the virgins and realize they HAVE NO BODY.

Of course, since heaven is like one giant eternal orgasm, it shouldn't matter much.

Being a constant state of climax could be distracting.

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

The catch is that the lightest is 350 lbs

That's why they are virgins

and then you have 72 mothers in law.

[Jenn! 918]

God is a quantum computer.

Being a constant state of climax could be distracting.

Distracting from what? You don't have anything else to do. It's like one moment that lasts forever, but is still just a moment.

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

Being a constant state of climax could be distracting.

you need to do a field study on this

[웃 910]

God is a quantum computer.

Do you think apples are banned in Heaven? There has got to be some sort of catch.....Why did He tell Adam and Eve not to eat apples??? It is mind boggling...I bet you He tells all His guests when they arrive to Heaven not to eat from the cookie jar (or eat or drink some delicious food/beverage)...Each guest is so tempted as it is right in front of their faces all day....Finally, after a certain period of time everyone gives in and eats the cookie and He sends their a$$ to Hell just like He did to Adam and Eve for eating the apple...

[Captain Oates 910]

and then you have 72 mothers in law.

Think of the PMT (PMS)

- of course in heaven I can give em a good slapping without getting a domestic violence order - nothing bad happens to me in heaven

[Captain Oates 910]

Think of the PMT (PMS)

- of course in heaven I can give em a good slapping without getting a domestic violence order - nothing bad happens to me in heaven

Which raises another question - is it like the USCIS where after 2 years they can't open the file and throw you out ?

Are the Pearly Gates a one way system - or is deportation from heaven possible ?

Does heaven have a constitution ? Is slavery still allowed or was it updated ? Are Southerners all ok with the civil war defeat once they get to heaven ?

Edited January 7, 2011 by Alan the Red

[LaL 418]

It's like one moment that lasts forever, but is still just a moment.

*head explodey*

[Captain Oates 910]

Do you think apples are banned in Heaven? There has got to be some sort of catch.....Why did He tell Adam and Eve not to eat apples??? It is mind boggling...I bet you He tells all His guests when they arrive to Heaven not to eat from the cookie jar (or eat or drink some delicious food/beverage)...Each guest is so tempted as it is right in front of their faces all day....Finally, after a certain period of time everyone gives in and eats the cookie and He sends their a$$ to Hell just like He did to Adam and Eve for eating the apple...

Eating leads to pooping and that isn't pure so there wont be any of that..purity seems to be a big draw for the flock

Seeing as heaven is up there and we are down here, that is reassuring

Perhaps I will be able to drink Timmy Taylor's and eat fish and chips all day and night without putting weight on or getting a hangover

The preachers should promise that stuff but oh no thats too positive - easier to scare the flock with FEAR

Be very afraid !!!! Buy Glenn Beck's buried PURE seeds and guard them along with your gold coins by using your second amendment rights or you will starve when the brown people take over

...and then mega tithe like there is a tomorrow ! It's the only safe way to live

I am still waiting to hear from a believer as to what happens all day - being happy is as near as we have got - look at the cloud and be happy ? oh and feel pure... purer than...