Long time abuse

[8hweli 2]

I brought him over on a K-1 visa from a 'high fraud' country. We've adjusted status and had ROC approved a couple of months ago. At that time I found out that he was having an affair (with an american woman). Just a few months into our marriage he also had an affair. I put up with twisted psychological abuse the entire time. He sent thousands of his money (and mine) to his family over the past 3+ years and put me through h@ll. He left after I called the police after he was physically violent to me and my child. I didn't file a police report (yet). I am in the process of filing for divorce. I have no idea where he is-just happy he is out of the house. He still works at the same place so I know where to serve papers.

I want to know if it would do any good to report this to ICE. I'm so tired of everything that I just want to be done with it all. I also feel that I have some (ok-alot) responsibility to reveal any information I have because I really don't want to find out sometime in the future that he has done something even worse (which I believe he is quite capable of if agitated enough) and I could have prevented it by letting someone know.

I'm afraid that ICE will just see this as another po'd woman that wants revenge or just to make trouble for the ex. I just really don't know what this person is capable of. Everytime I thought he couldn't possibly be more cruel, he'd prove me wrong. He is deceitful, conniving, calculating, secretive, paranoid, entitled to everything that anyone has, has no remorse, cruel, abusive in every way and will use anyone in any way to get what he wants (and that is everything and he still won't be satisfied). He is intelligent to the point of frighteningly scary, knows how to hack computers and anything related to computers and uses his company to get more money from them without putting any work in. He can sell the shirt off your back to you, an expert at seducing. He believes he can get away with anything (and has) and will never have to pay any consequences. Life is great for him and funny to him when he sees others around him hurt by his hand.

Any comments to already add to my self-loathing would be best to keep to yourself. You couldn't say anything to make me feel any worse as a human being or a mother. He already did all of that and more.

[JA Tam 7]

I'm sorry that you're going through that. You should have filed a police report against him for what he did to you and your child. If you are scared of him, I would also file for a restraining order.

I wish you all the best.

[YuAndDan 153]

No sense in a report to ICE, he has a permanent un-conditional card, the time to do that would have been before removal of conditions, if you had refused to file it jointly, unfortunately it is time to file the divorce and move on.

So sorry about your situation.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Your husband is now an (unconditional) lawful permanent resident, and short of a serious crime he would have to commit, there's nothing that will change that. You should not waste time on trying to deal with the immigration part of this, as there is none.

Focus on finding him instead so that you can have the divorce papers served, and hope that the Affidavit of Support your signed won't bite you in the buttocks one day.

[8hweli 2]

Your husband is now an (unconditional) lawful permanent resident, and short of a serious crime he would have to commit, there's nothing that will change that. You should not waste time on trying to deal with the immigration part of this, as there is none.

Focus on finding him instead so that you can have the divorce papers served, and hope that the Affidavit of Support your signed won't bite you in the buttocks one day.

He has done very well for himself since he arrived in the US-job wise. He makes much more than I and I have a pretty decent salary. He is in a field that has plenty of job opportunities and since he has excelled as he has, he will never be without a job. Unless the places he works figures out that he is using them and they get tired of putting up with his anger outbursts and tantrums and he gets fired.

So, by the mere fact that he has been 'successful' and has proven he can get a job easily, could I still be held liable for him? If so, for how long? I know divorce, unfortunately, doesn't automatically cut all ties with him as for as the affidavit of support. When he finds this out, he will use it to his advantage as much as he can.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I brought him over on a K-1 visa from a 'high fraud' country. We've adjusted status and had ROC approved a couple of months ago. At that time I found out that he was having an affair (with an american woman). Just a few months into our marriage he also had an affair. I put up with twisted psychological abuse the entire time. He sent thousands of his money (and mine) to his family over the past 3+ years and put me through h@ll. He left after I called the police after he was physically violent to me and my child. I didn't file a police report (yet). I am in the process of filing for divorce. I have no idea where he is-just happy he is out of the house. He still works at the same place so I know where to serve papers.

I want to know if it would do any good to report this to ICE. I'm so tired of everything that I just want to be done with it all. I also feel that I have some (ok-alot) responsibility to reveal any information I have because I really don't want to find out sometime in the future that he has done something even worse (which I believe he is quite capable of if agitated enough) and I could have prevented it by letting someone know.

I'm afraid that ICE will just see this as another po'd woman that wants revenge or just to make trouble for the ex. I just really don't know what this person is capable of. Everytime I thought he couldn't possibly be more cruel, he'd prove me wrong. He is deceitful, conniving, calculating, secretive, paranoid, entitled to everything that anyone has, has no remorse, cruel, abusive in every way and will use anyone in any way to get what he wants (and that is everything and he still won't be satisfied). He is intelligent to the point of frighteningly scary, knows how to hack computers and anything related to computers and uses his company to get more money from them without putting any work in. He can sell the shirt off your back to you, an expert at seducing. He believes he can get away with anything (and has) and will never have to pay any consequences. Life is great for him and funny to him when he sees others around him hurt by his hand.

Any comments to already add to my self-loathing would be best to keep to yourself. You couldn't say anything to make me feel any worse as a human being or a mother. He already did all of that and more.

Can you please tell me what country he is from? I went through physical and emotional abuse to such horrific levels that I almost lost my life. I am very curious as to where he is from

You cant do much about the ROC but you can definitely file complaints with ICE and make sure you send letters to the embassy that cleared him to get over here about what he did to you. There are reasons that some people get denied and perhaps there were things that could have been done so he never got over here in the first place

Edited December 13, 2010 by Hanging in there

[Piefre 15]

So, by the mere fact that he has been 'successful' and has proven he can get a job easily, could I still be held liable for him? If so, for how long? I know divorce, unfortunately, doesn't automatically cut all ties with him as for as the affidavit of support. When he finds this out, he will use it to his advantage as much as he can.

You're right, divorce will still hold you liable for him under the Affidavit of Support. More bad news, as far as I understand it, the Affidavit will hold you until your husband gets his US citizenship or until he has completed 10 years of work. You may also be released from the obligations if you or your husband are deceased or if your husband ceases to be a legal permanent resident.

[rlogan 2,036]

You couldn't say anything to make me feel any worse as a human being or a mother. He already did all of that and more.

You've been abused by a manipulative person without conscience. It's likely you are conscientions, trusting person that had those traits used against you.

If you google "Manipulative people" and "abusive relationships" and the like you will see a wealth of material that will help you understand better and cope with what has happened to you, as well as arm yourself against it from ever happening again: how to recognize such people and deal with them.

The right thing has happened to you: getting rid of him. Now get the divorce going, and keep your eye on the end game. The most important thing is getting him completely out of your life.

Take care.

[BellaRose 7]

File the police report, make sure you and your child is included. Make sure you get a divorce and fight for full custody(if the child is his) , with no ties to him. I wouldn't even pursue child support. People like that will like to keep you in their control and close to their reach for manipulation purposes. Him assisting you financially or having visiting rights or anything would put you in a bad position. Also if your child is schoolage...go right away to their school or daycare and put your husband on the non-release forms. This way they are not allowed to send your child home with your husband...you may need to provide the pending court case documents.

Tie-up loose ends, cut communications, and protect yourself. So sorry for your situation, but if you left him, that shows you are strong-willed and his mind games didn't hold up.

[Jadenjewel 9]

Sorry to hear all you have gone through. Move on and get your divorce and if you feel it will help disclose your information to the authorities do it. Only you know the extent of harm he has caused and may cause. Protect yourself and your daughter and HEAL from this, it wasn't your fault you were fooled.

All the best!

[Aztec&Taino 144]

I'm sorry to know about your situation. You should file for divorce ASAP, and, if you are afraid he might physically harm you or your child, file a restraining order. As far as ICE is concerned, since he is now a permanent resident his status is legal and would not be deported at this point. It would probably give you peace of mind to have him out of the country, but this is not possible any more. If you have not already done so, cancel your joint bank accounts and credit cards, and change your insurance policies.

Best wishes as you move forward.

P.S. It might be helpful to know where your husband is from, and, if you care to give more details on the red flags, your story could be a lesson for some fellow members.

Edited December 14, 2010 by Aztec&Taino

[crazybanana 1]

record his actions to backup your claim. and to protect yourself. you can use it for your divorce.

[Mandy P 3]

If you don't file a report and fast... you will never be able to hold him accountable for his actions. If you do not have a documented history of his actions, no one will ever help you. Not the courts, not anyone. Domestic violence is a crime and should be treated as such. If you go to divorce court and claim abuse they will ask for your proof. If you don't have documented backup they will dismiss the claim of abuse. I've seen this happen several times. Document document document. Even keeping a personal log of events is helpful. But make official complaints against him.

[MRStee 19]

First my deepest apologies for what you are going through.

I say hit him in his pockets! Along with the divorce, if you can prove to the people at his job (annonomously) that he his misusing their system, I would report him!

I pray everything works out for you!

[8hweli 2]

Can you please tell me what country he is from? I went through physical and emotional abuse to such horrific levels that I almost lost my life. I am very curious as to where he is from

You cant do much about the ROC but you can definitely file complaints with ICE and make sure you send letters to the embassy that cleared him to get over here about what he did to you. There are reasons that some people get denied and perhaps there were things that could have been done so he never got over here in the first place

He is from Morocco. I did report him to the US Embassy in Morocco. He had others report him to the Embassy too (he has scammed women in the UK and others in the US out of over $100,000) but they still let him come to the US.

You've been abused by a manipulative person without conscience. It's likely you are conscientions, trusting person that had those traits used against you.

If you google "Manipulative people" and "abusive relationships" and the like you will see a wealth of material that will help you understand better and cope with what has happened to you, as well as arm yourself against it from ever happening again: how to recognize such people and deal with them.

The right thing has happened to you: getting rid of him. Now get the divorce going, and keep your eye on the end game. The most important thing is getting him completely out of your life.

Take care.

As crazy as it all seems, I knew about narcissists and sociopaths before I met him. I was raised by these very people. I thought I had worked through all of my past and was ready for a relationship but obviously I wasn't. I kept brushing aside his 'flaws' thinking it was cultural differences. But he is so good at manipulating that he could turn anything horrible he did around to blame me or someone else. I guess I was in so deep and I wanted to believe that he was the wonderful man I met and not the monster he slowly became.

File the police report, make sure you and your child is included. Make sure you get a divorce and fight for full custody(if the child is his) , with no ties to him. I wouldn't even pursue child support. People like that will like to keep you in their control and close to their reach for manipulation purposes. Him assisting you financially or having visiting rights or anything would put you in a bad position. Also if your child is schoolage...go right away to their school or daycare and put your husband on the non-release forms. This way they are not allowed to send your child home with your husband...you may need to provide the pending court case documents.

Tie-up loose ends, cut communications, and protect yourself. So sorry for your situation, but if you left him, that shows you are strong-willed and his mind games didn't hold up.

We didn't have any children together - thank God. We did have 3 miscarriages together - the last one 1 1/2 weeks ago. I called him and told him at work. He said he needed to go. He didn't say one word to me when he got home or since about the miscarriage. My children are from a previous marriage. In the end he did pick the wrong woman to play his little game with.

Sorry to hear all you have gone through. Move on and get your divorce and if you feel it will help disclose your information to the authorities do it. Only you know the extent of harm he has caused and may cause. Protect yourself and your daughter and HEAL from this, it wasn't your fault you were fooled.

All the best!

The fact that he will do whatever it takes to get what he wants and has to not only me but other women, is why I want to have what he has done on record. He fooled me for sure but I do have to take responsibility for my part of letting him fool me over and over and over.

I'm sorry to know about your situation. You should file for divorce ASAP, and, if you are afraid he might physically harm you or your child, file a restraining order. As far as ICE is concerned, since he is now a permanent resident his status is legal and would not be deported at this point. It would probably give you peace of mind to have him out of the country, but this is not possible any more. If you have not already done so, cancel your joint bank accounts and credit cards, and change your insurance policies.

Best wishes as you move forward.

P.S. It might be helpful to know where your husband is from, and, if you care to give more details on the red flags, your story could be a lesson for some fellow members.

I always kept a separate bank account. We did try joint bank accounts but we were constantly overdrawn - of course it was all my fault. I said enough and closed the accounts but not before he overdrew the account by $650 and of course that is my fault as well. He's had his own account for about a year and it is constantly overdrawn. I think he's paid over $2,000 this year in overdraft fees alone so far. And guess what? I am to blame for that as well. We have nothing together except a lease for the home I live in. He is pushing the landlord to get his name off of it. And of course he didn't pay rent.