Russian out Ukrainian in

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

First, I think that due to the difference in their ages and life experience, Alla probably has a more clear idea of the role she wants to play in your relationship. At least it sounds that way from what you post here and what you have told me. I think Vika would be the boss of the world if the world would allow it

We spend a good deal of time sorting through the type of off-center Ukrainian logic that I do think runs pretty deep in her culture. I mean the thinking that allows her to want two diametrically opposed things at the same time without seeing the difficulty. For example, she wants (like Alla) to have me just take care of the bills (that is what good men do after all), but she also wants control of the finances, because in Ukraine that's how people do it (sharing everything). She sees no problem - I see a train wreck about to happen. When I say silly things like "how can I just take care of the electric bill if you write all the checks?" she calmly responds by telling me that I forgot to buy onions at the store yesterday - suddenly deciding that this stupid finance issue isn't worth discussing. So I keep doing it.

Alla definitely does not want to be boss of the world. She initially was all over this banking business and paying bills etc. She wanted to learn how it is done here. For several weeks we did all this together and it was maddening. Then she said "OK, I get it. I don't want to do this...you do this" Now she has paid no attention to it for a long time. She seems perfectly content to allow me to do the things I am supposed to do. Basically she is content to allow me to just clear the way for her to live in ignorant bliss. She very rarely even fills her car with gas. It is a machine. Machines are man things, dirty, smelly. Not for women. She is the boss lady of the house and anything outside of it should just be there when she needs it. She cares for the flowers but I mow the lawn and clean the leaves in the fall. It should just be done. And if you can believe it, she has always expected me to handle most everything with the boys. School issues, buying plane tickets (we do the trip planning together, then I make it happen) sports things, etc. We go to parent/teacher conferences together but I handle the calendar of such things, so she has even given over control of the children to me for the most part. And that is something very important to her so I feel pretty good that she trusts me with that. We have had -0- problems regarding children and I am sure she considers all of them "ours" as I do.

Nope, I cannot agree that she is "controlling" except in her "castle" where there is no question who is boss. There is always a long list of "assignments" on the refrigerator for Pasha and I, and Sergey when he is here.

You have mentioned that Vika gets "nervous" when she thinks you are "not doing anything" and Alla does that also. She thinks we should all work like bees or ants or something 22 hours per day.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Alla definitely does not want to be boss of the world. She initially was all over this banking business and paying bills etc. She wanted to learn how it is done here. For several weeks we did all this together and it was maddening. Then she said "OK, I get it. I don't want to do this...you do this" Now she has paid no attention to it for a long time. She seems perfectly content to allow me to do the things I am supposed to do. Basically she is content to allow me to just clear the way for her to live in ignorant bliss. She very rarely even fills her car with gas. It is a machine. Machines are man things, dirty, smelly. Not for women. She is the boss lady of the house and anything outside of it should just be there when she needs it. She cares for the flowers but I mow the lawn and clean the leaves in the fall. It should just be done. And if you can believe it, she has always expected me to handle most everything with the boys. School issues, buying plane tickets (we do the trip planning together, then I make it happen) sports things, etc. We go to parent/teacher conferences together but I handle the calendar of such things, so she has even given over control of the children to me for the most part. And that is something very important to her so I feel pretty good that she trusts me with that. We have had -0- problems regarding children and I am sure she considers all of them "ours" as I do.

Nope, I cannot agree that she is "controlling" except in her "castle" where there is no question who is boss. There is always a long list of "assignments" on the refrigerator for Pasha and I, and Sergey when he is here.

You have mentioned that Vika gets "nervous" when she thinks you are "not doing anything" and Alla does that also. She thinks we should all work like bees or ants or something 22 hours per day.

Sounds familiar - I take care of her car, but I do make her understand where to go and whom to speak with too, in case something happens while I am away on business.

For example, last week we spent a day with the car. I took her to get estimates on the dent she put in the hatchback last year (girlfriends mailbox), and made her sit through the process so she could see how long it takes to do the job, and what it costs. I noticed that the sticker I asked her to watch said the car was WAY past due for an oil change. We went to one of those Valvoline quick change places, and talked her through getting the oil changed. I am still convinced that she ignored most of what was going on because it is a man job:lol: We discovered that one of the tires was dangerously low because of a nail in it. She says "oh yeah, I saw this thing in tire two months ago, is it bad?". I don't know sweetie, do you think there might be some relationship between the nail, and the tire going flat? Off to the tire shop to have it patched. It helped to show her that there are men in the garages that will do the dirty work on the car, but you have to take the car to them and tell them that ther is a problem. It also helps to tell your husband that a nail is in the tire, and it keeps going flat

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Sounds familiar - I take care of her car, but I do make her understand where to go and whom to speak with too, in case something happens while I am away on business.

For example, last week we spent a day with the car. I took her to get estimates on the dent she put in the hatchback last year (girlfriends mailbox), and made her sit through the process so she could see how long it takes to do the job, and what it costs. I noticed that the sticker I asked her to watch said the car was WAY past due for an oil change. We went to one of those Valvoline quick change places, and talked her through getting the oil changed. I am still convinced that she ignored most of what was going on because it is a man job:lol: We discovered that one of the tires was dangerously low because of a nail in it. She says "oh yeah, I saw this thing in tire two months ago, is it bad?". I don't know sweetie, do you think there might be some relationship between the nail, and the tire going flat? Off to the tire shop to have it patched. It helped to show her that there are men in the garages that will do the dirty work on the car, but you have to take the car to them and tell them that ther is a problem. It also helps to tell your husband that a nail is in the tire, and it keeps going flat

Sounds like she is an auto expert compared to Alla! Alla does not "watch any little sticker" My job. The most she will do is say "My car is making some noise" She said that earlier this year, it was the brakes. I took it for a brake job, she studied. I brought it home and she said "is my car fixed?" If I took Alla to the estimate she would say "Why is it necessary for me to be here? This seems like a man's job" Was she actually putting air in the tire? Holy #######! she is like an automotive engineer! I am not sure Alla knows there IS air in the tires!

The mailboxes sound familiar. Poor mailboxes.

Alla pulled in the garage the other day and I noticed a fist sized dent in her rear fender (I did not ask) and I went to get a toilet plunger and pulled it out. At first she looked at me like "Why are you getting near my car with that dirty toilet thing....oh, yeah, OK" She didn't say anymore as she probably didn't want to explain the dent. She just said "Oh, it is good you do those things" and walked away before it became a "subject"

I give her car the walk around about every day...looking for low pressure tires, etc. I check the oil and all that stuff when I get gas. I take it for oil changes myself. I got her a GPS which works great so she can find her way and I keep my cell phone with me and make every effort to answer her calls. I was in a meeting a couple weeks ago when she called. I didn't answer, but she didn't leave a message. She called again, then again and again. Obviously an emergency.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I was in a meeting a couple weeks ago when she called. I didn't answer, but she didn't leave a message. She called again, then again and again. Obviously an emergency.

I would give that one 50/50. Could be an emergency, could be a reminder to buy a loaf of bread.

[Martyshk 137]

Gary, isn't your wife really of full Russian heritage? That's the impression I got from some of your past posts. Perhaps I got it wrong.

VV,

From my experience, having grown up in Ukraine, Russians who had lived their whole life in Ukraine do not, usually, consider themselves (or are being partial to) Russia.

The litmus test for all this (as I saw it happened before my eyes) was the Ukraine-Russia Fifa WC 1998 qulifier games, when they played each other.

That's when I saw people (no matter the heritage) align themselves with one country or the other. And I gotta say - Ukrainians of all descents were cheering for the home team then.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I would give that one 50/50. Could be an emergency, could be a reminder to buy a loaf of bread.

I don't even give it that much chance. It was Alla asking me to repeat to her what her SSN is. She was filling out some form for something at school. Actually she s getting better...she said "Is my SSN xxx-xx-xxxx?" She had it right!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I don't even give it that much chance. It was Alla asking me to repeat to her what her SSN is. She was filling out some form for something at school. Actually she s getting better...she said "Is my SSN xxx-xx-xxxx?" She had it right!

I get those too.

[1HappyGuy 45]

I asked my very Russian wife who is the better house cleaner and she agreed, surprisingly, that the Ukraine woman was. My own wife is very clean concerning personal hygiene and clothing but just a so-so house cleaner. And her household organizational skills are bad...very bad. I spend too much time looking for things that she puts in the oddest places. Drives me crazy...and has caused most of our disputes.

Oh thank you VV. I was beginning to think it was just my wife that puts things away where I haven't a clue they would be. She of course, also puts them into some sort of plastic bag which means I have to pull everything out to see what's in it.

As to which is cleaner, Russians or Ukrainians, I'd just say it probably has more to do with specific upbringing. My wife is a fanatic about clean hands. My stepson and I joke about, "Have you washed your hands?" at every opportunity. If I go outside I need to wash my hands before touching food or her. She denies that she is obsessive about it but I've washed my hands in front of her and she will still ask the question.

So, did we really answer the question about whether it is easier to enter Ukraine? For the newbie, this is what it is like on the RUB. You can get lots of insight but be aware we kid each other a lot. That's one of the reasons we have so many from other regions visiting the RUB. We have fun here. How many of us have not fallen out of our chairs laughing at someone's response because we've seen it in our spouse.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Oh thank you VV. I was beginning to think it was just my wife that puts things away where I haven't a clue they would be. She of course, also puts them into some sort of plastic bag which means I have to pull everything out to see what's in it.

As to which is cleaner, Russians or Ukrainians, I'd just say it probably has more to do with specific upbringing. My wife is a fanatic about clean hands. My stepson and I joke about, "Have you washed your hands?" at every opportunity. If I go outside I need to wash my hands before touching food or her. She denies that she is obsessive about it but I've washed my hands in front of her and she will still ask the question.

So, did we really answer the question about whether it is easier to enter Ukraine? For the newbie, this is what it is like on the RUB. You can get lots of insight but be aware we kid each other a lot. That's one of the reasons we have so many from other regions visiting the RUB. We have fun here. How many of us have not fallen out of our chairs laughing at someone's response because we've seen it in our spouse.

Alla is also a handwasher. So much that she keeps lotion next to all the sinks. Wash, rinse, lotion. Can it be from living downwind of Chernobyl? She will also accept ONLY dusting with a cloth damp with water only. No "chemical dusters".

[Neonred 3,454]

My wife is also a fanatic about washing hands. I just don't understand how someone who washes hands so much can get sick so often.

[visaveteran 1]

VV,

From my experience, having grown up in Ukraine, Russians who had lived their whole life in Ukraine do not, usually, consider themselves (or are being partial to) Russia.

The litmus test for all this (as I saw it happened before my eyes) was the Ukraine-Russia Fifa WC 1998 qulifier games, when they played each other.

That's when I saw people (no matter the heritage) align themselves with one country or the other. And I gotta say - Ukrainians of all descents were cheering for the home team then.

Thanks for the feedback.

[visaveteran 1]

The chronic hand washing is a new one for me. Never heard that before. Maybe it's our clean water? At least "clean" to them (I installed an elaborate water filter for drinking water.) I wish my wife had that hand washing thing...maybe with some dishes in her hands. Just kidding...one thing my wife does do is regular dish washing, both using the dishwasher and by hand. Only problem is how crazy see places things in the dishwasher...and how much! I don't know how long the machine will hold up.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The chronic hand washing is a new one for me. Never heard that before. Maybe it's our clean water? At least "clean" to them (I installed an elaborate water filter for drinking water.) I wish my wife had that hand washing thing...maybe with some dishes in her hands. Just kidding...one thing my wife does do is regular dish washing, both using the dishwasher and by hand. Only problem is how crazy see places things in the dishwasher...and how much! I don't know how long the machine will hold up.

Same here. Piles everything in there on top of each other until the door barely closes. She still hasn't figured out hw to make it wash and calls me to "make it work" (it is a machine...so "man's job") I usually have to remove and rearrange the dishes.

when washing dishes by hand she uses no "chemicals". Only bar soap or baking soda (also chemicals, but don't tell her that)Oh well, she does it so who am I to complain?

Actually knew several women in Ukraine that had the hand washing thing. The idea, I was told, is that outside is "dirty", especially in cities, and you ahev to wash your hands after being outside.

Edited November 30, 2010 by Gary and Alla

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

My wife is also a fanatic about washing hands. I just don't understand how someone who washes hands so much can get sick so often.

Thank god I saw this post. Now I know I'm not the only one who has a wife with this fetish. And lol to the sick part. My wife gets a cold, sniffles, etc... like at least every other month....and that's after she dresses up like she's taking a trip to the North Pole every trip out of the house.

[Zava 1]

Alla definitely does not want to be boss of the world. She initially was all over this banking business and paying bills etc. She wanted to learn how it is done here. For several weeks we did all this together and it was maddening. Then she said "OK, I get it. I don't want to do this...you do this" Now she has paid no attention to it for a long time. She seems perfectly content to allow me to do the things I am supposed to do. Basically she is content to allow me to just clear the way for her to live in ignorant bliss. She very rarely even fills her car with gas. It is a machine. Machines are man things, dirty, smelly. Not for women. She is the boss lady of the house and anything outside of it should just be there when she needs it. She cares for the flowers but I mow the lawn and clean the leaves in the fall. It should just be done. And if you can believe it, she has always expected me to handle most everything with the boys. School issues, buying plane tickets (we do the trip planning together, then I make it happen) sports things, etc. We go to parent/teacher conferences together but I handle the calendar of such things, so she has even given over control of the children to me for the most part. And that is something very important to her so I feel pretty good that she trusts me with that. We have had -0- problems regarding children and I am sure she considers all of them "ours" as I do.

Nope, I cannot agree that she is "controlling" except in her "castle" where there is no question who is boss. There is always a long list of "assignments" on the refrigerator for Pasha and I, and Sergey when he is here.

You have mentioned that Vika gets "nervous" when she thinks you are "not doing anything" and Alla does that also. She thinks we should all work like bees or ants or something 22 hours per day.

Funny but I am just the same way :You have mentioned that Vika gets "nervous" when she thinks you are "not doing anything" and Alla does that also. She thinks we should all work like bees or ants or something 22 hours per day. ; and this is the biggest issue i have with my Ukrainian fiance. Hi thinks that I am bossing him arround if I am asking about his plans for tomorrow!