The 5 Stupidest Questions People Ask The Butterball Turkey Hotline

[Amby 490]

If you've ever wondered why companies like Butterball have a Turkey Talk-Line to help people cook a bird that, in theory, shouldn't require all that much effort, here are some examples why.

A Reuters editor talked to the call-fielders at Butterball and came back with these head-scratching gems:

*Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

*Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?

*Can I use my oven's self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

*If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?

*Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

If you need to know the answers to any of these, then you should probably call the Butterball line... or order in for Thanksgiving.

http://consumerist.com/2010/11/the-5-stupidest-questions-people-ask-the-butterball-turkey-hotline.html

[Amby 490]

this is the original article. I couldn't get it to load at first...

It’s that time again, when no matter how well you’ve hidden your stupidity during the year, it’s going to come out when you try to cook your Thanksgiving turkey.

It turns out, this is the ultimate IQ test. Just ask the folks who answer the phones at that Butterball Turkey Talk-Line, where any moron can call in and get expert advice simply by saying the words, “God help me, I am way too stupid to live…”

Here are some actual questions the Butterball experts have fielded during past Thanksgivings. Remember, these are from regular people, who can vote and own firearms and sing at karaoke bars, just like you and me:

Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?

Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?

Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

If you look at online cooking sites, you’ll find that some of their “expert” advice is pretty bizarre, too.

One Website, noting that the turkey usually cooks somewhat unevenly, seriously advises serving your dinner in a low light level so your guests can’t get a good look at the finished bird. I’m not making this up.

“Okay, everybody down to the cellar, it’s time to eat! Ma, turn out the lights, I’m bringin’ in the turkey!

Of course, this tactic gives you the chance to use a razor-sharp carving knife at close quarters in near-total darkness. What could possibly go wrong?

Isn’t it much smarter to keep the lights on but blindfold everybody? That’s what we do at our house.

So best of luck on Thanksgiving. And remember this anecdote from one story about the Talk-Line. A disappointed woman called Butterball wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. It turned out she had cooked it upside-down.

Can you believe that somebody actually… Oh, wait a minute. I did the exact same thing a few years ago. Seriously.

God help me, I am way too stupid to live…

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2010/11/22/are-you-smarter-than-your-turkey/

[Nagishkaw 510]

Isn’t it much smarter to keep the lights on but blindfold everybody? That’s what we do at our house.

How pleasantly kinky.

[natty bumppo 289]

If you've ever wondered why companies like Butterball have a Turkey Talk-Line to help people cook a bird that, in theory, shouldn't require all that much effort, here are some examples why.

A Reuters editor talked to the call-fielders at Butterball and came back with these head-scratching gems:

*Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

*Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?

*Can I use my oven's self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

*If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?

*Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

If you need to know the answers to any of these, then you should probably call the Butterball line... or order in for Thanksgiving.

http://consumerist.c...ey-hotline.html

how does this differ from my everyday life? .....

[Amby 490]

[natty bumppo 289]

what happened to ... "if i stuff it with .... will it taste different" ?

[Amby 490]

I read one from years ago about a dog getting stuck in a turkey or something like that I really like the brine in the washing machine one though

[natty bumppo 289]

roasting pan ... bge ... brick oven bird ... no problem here

[JlovesA 109]

I think the sauna idea is clever...I would probably be tempted to do that if I had a sauna. I have no idea if that would wreck the turkey. People thaw frozen turkeys in very hot countries, don't they? What would be the difference?

[SuperDuper! 230]

How pleasantly kinky.

It is not neither.

BOING!

[Nagishkaw 510]

It is not neither.

BOING!

you do know where to insert this, don't you?

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

It is not neither.

BOING!

We don't hit ladies on the head, caveman.

[scandal 951]

We don't hit ladies on the head, caveman.

Why are you insulting cavemen?

[natty bumppo 289]

Why are you insulting cavemen?

do they even know?

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Why are you insulting cavemen?

They charge me too much on my insurance.