Separated, devasted.. lost, please advice

[She1981 1]

I will try to keep it short

I met my husband back in our home country and we dated for a year before he returned back to Miami, I enroll in a University there and followed him shortly after on a student visa. I didn't like the fact of paying a $4000 dollar tuition for a really bad program so I was ready to pack my things and come home. My husband proposed two days and we got married on Feb of this year. He was the love of my life, so I thought.. We filed for adjustment of Status in March and I got the conditional GC in July. We had arguments from time to time but overall I thought it was a good marriage...h was I wrong. I came to the reality of my husband having a deep addiction to pot where he made it really clear never to ask him to choose between his drug and me because I'd certainly lose. Related or not to his addiction we started having horrible mood swings,and no matter what it was always my fault that he was angry,depressed... His mom and him have a crazy relationship where she controls his every move (therefore mine as well) and was being a complete double face with me. My husband kept "breaking up with me" and emotionally detaching himself from me, to only later on come asking for forgiveness. I wanted the marriage to work, I really did, but at some point I also started resenting him, it was a nightmare. For like a month he said we were separated but that I didn't have to leave. We'd sleep in the same bed but he was out ding his thing until 4 am every night while I cried. He started attending church and thing drastically improved for over a month, it was great. I found out I was pregnant around the same time I was layed off from the company I was working for. My husband became distant and said he couldn't stand me being pregnant. I found out he had met this girl and was falling for her. He said he'd support me with the baby but that me and him are over. I said enough is enough. I packed my belongings and went to NYC to my brothers. A week later stress caused me to have a miscarriage My husband couldn't care less he is happy about his new gf. I have since spoke to a lawyer that advices me to wait until feb to file for divorce so it is at least a year long marriage and i can have this years taxes as married and applied for the waiver based on a good faith marriage. I am currently in my home country, I just needed to get away from it all. I'm coming back to the US in december but I want to return to NYC and just be near my brother and away from the hurt my husband has caused me. Here are some questions I have while Im back in the US and able to talk to the lawyer.

-Should I ask him to file for divorce, would it make a difference?

-Our marriage as crazy as it became was real, but i'm afraid immigration might become suspicious due to the length of it (9 months to this date)

-Should I follow the lawyers advice and wait longer to get the divorce.

-Should I inform immigration about his cheating?

Here's what I can send along with the waiver request

-two joint bank accounts

-leases of both apartments we have lived in with both our names

-joint gym membership

-joint health insurance

-electric bils under both our names

-family cellphone plan... but this is under my brother's name

-pictures: wedding, mothers day, bdays etc

- could aim for this year's tax return filed as married

-two of his friends and his cousin would provide with affidavits

-I could try to get an affidavit from my husband although all together would just rather not seeing him ever again....

Im devastated but i really want to get this done correctly so I can give myself a fresh start....

Thank you sooo much for reading my long post, I appreciate any help. Also any success stories on filing the waiver?

Bless

[VanessaTony 3,567]

1. Should I ask him to file for divorce, would it make a difference?

2. Our marriage as crazy as it became was real, but i'm afraid immigration might become suspicious due to the length of it (9 months to this date)

3. Should I follow the lawyers advice and wait longer to get the divorce.

4. Should I inform immigration about his cheating?

Here's what I can send along with the waiver request

-two joint bank accounts

-leases of both apartments we have lived in with both our names

-joint gym membership

-joint health insurance

-electric bils under both our names

-family cellphone plan... but this is under my brother's name

-pictures: wedding, mothers day, bdays etc

- could aim for this year's tax return filed as married

-two of his friends and his cousin would provide with affidavits

-I could try to get an affidavit from my husband although all together would just rather not seeing him ever again....

1. Doesn't matter to USCIS who files for divorce. Some countries do though (say if you were from the Philippines sometimes this matters.. from what I've read).

2. Length doesn't matter. In fact proof of the cheating shows fraud on HIS side, not yours.

3. I wouldn't personally. Depending on how long it takes for the divorce to become final you might be cutting it close to your window for ROC. While you can file without the decree, if you don't hand it over in time you go before and immigration judge who lengthens the time to you have to respond so you won't get deported.. but why make it so messy?

4. I would have evidence of the cheating with me at the interview but I wouldn't send it with the application. Just in case.

All the things you mention in your list of evidence look really good to me. it's obvious the relationship was real, but it just didn't work out. I wouldn't bother with an Affidavit from him as it kinda looks fraudulent to me.. plus why involve him in the process? scr*w him.

Edited November 17, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[desert_fox 32]

Let him file for divorce. That way he can pay for it.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I agree with Vanessa & Tony.

Don't waste time waiting for him to file for divorce though, have him served via publication. An uncontested divorce without assets or children (sorry for your loss) won't be too expensive and well worth it to get him out of your life forever.

[Wayne and Claudia 40]

Sorry for your problems and your loss. It sounds as though you may have grounds for divorce on the basis of his addiction. If you seek divorce on these grounds or one of the ones listed on the USCIS web site then you will be able to stay since you entered into marriage in good faith. Also, don't forget that his obligation for your financial support does not stop because of divorce. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/278582-i-864-affidavit-of-support-know-before-you-sign/ I hope you can get him to realize he needs help and things work out. God bless and good luck.

[She1981 1]

Sorry for your problems and your loss. It sounds as though you may have grounds for divorce on the basis of his addiction. If you seek divorce on these grounds or one of the ones listed on the USCIS web site then you will be able to stay since you entered into marriage in good faith. Also, don't forget that his obligation for your financial support does not stop because of divorce. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/278582-i-864-affidavit-of-support-know-before-you-sign/ I hope you can get him to realize he needs help and things work out. God bless and good luck.

Thanks, in Florida and since we share no property/ children the divorce is pretty fast and easy once we both agree on it. What divorce grounds are those you mentioned to be listed in the USCIS web site, I really couldn't fin them. I have no way rally to prove his addiction as he's never been t a rehab center or anything like that anyways. I know the financial responsibility remains, so does his mother as she is the joint sponsor. As far asme getting him to realize he needs help, I fought that battle and lost he made it really clear with words and actions weed is his number one love.

[She1981 1]

I agree with Vanessa & Tony.

Don't waste time waiting for him to file for divorce though, have him served via publication. An uncontested divorce without assets or children (sorry for your loss) won't be too expensive and well worth it to get him out of your life forever.

Hello and thanks for your replies. I'd have to look into this and see how it is done, however I do know where he lives (I used to live there) and it's not like he's disappeared, although all together I just would s much rather never see him again.. It still hurts soo much. I will proceed with divorce and filing for the waiver as soon as I'm back to the US. I really hope everything goes well and at least I get a really good thing out of the whole nightmare. Thanks again

[She1981 1]

Let him file for divorce. That way he can pay for it.

Actually last I heard from him and his mom a month ago, they both said they were going to help me lift the conditions of my residency when the 90 day window came around. I don;t think they are aware of the waiver option. I, however, am not about to follow with this crazy proposal: for once it'd be fraud, second I really want to be able to move to NYC to be close to my brother and just move on with my life, and third I don't want to see him unless I have to for divorce procedures. He'll not pay for the divorce, ever thou, he couldn't care less.... Thanks for the suggestion thou

[She1981 1]

1. Doesn't matter to USCIS who files for divorce. Some countries do though (say if you were from the Philippines sometimes this matters.. from what I've read).

2. Length doesn't matter. In fact proof of the cheating shows fraud on HIS side, not yours.

3. I wouldn't personally. Depending on how long it takes for the divorce to become final you might be cutting it close to your window for ROC. While you can file without the decree, if you don't hand it over in time you go before and immigration judge who lengthens the time to you have to respond so you won't get deported.. but why make it so messy?

4. I would have evidence of the cheating with me at the interview but I wouldn't send it with the application. Just in case.

All the things you mention in your list of evidence look really good to me. it's obvious the relationship was real, but it just didn't work out. I wouldn't bother with an Affidavit from him as it kinda looks fraudulent to me.. plus why involve him in the process? scr*w him.

Hello and thank you for your very detailed response.

I am Colombian and I really don't think there's an issue with me getting divorce

Divorce in Florida is extremely fast, we are talking 1-3 months if there's n property/ children issues

I was not going to send the evidence of his cheating along with the application, but not sure whether to mention this fact on the letter I plan on sending.

and yes, as much as I loved him I really wish I never have to see him again in my life

Thanks again

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Hello and thank you for your very detailed response.

I am Colombian and I really don't think there's an issue with me getting divorce

Divorce in Florida is extremely fast, we are talking 1-3 months if there's n property/ children issues

I was not going to send the evidence of his cheating along with the application, but not sure whether to mention this fact on the letter I plan on sending.

and yes, as much as I loved him I really wish I never have to see him again in my life

Okay then. If I was you, I would file for divorce now. Once it's final send in your ROC with the waiver request. Don't wait for the 90 day window, send it as soon as the divorce is final. I don't expect issues for you given the large amount of evidence of co-mingling that you have.

If you want to wait, I would wait until the new year. Otherwise, another good idea is to file say tomorrow, and then hopefully it settles in time for you to have a whole new year to start afresh. Issues with that are with Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner, it might ruin those holidays. Up to you.

Good luck.

[Wayne and Claudia 40]

Please be aware that while you may believe you have "proof" of his cheating you should make sure that that proof is enough for USCIS. Once you begin this process it will be extremely difficult to undo anything. If USCIS doesn't accept your proof or deems it inadequate you will be deported. I would highly recommend that you consult a qualified immigration attorney with experience in these matters. I searched for an hour and found good cases and bad cases similar to yours. It seems the USCIS is really unlenient on this issue. The only area they are compassionate on is if you are being physically abused. Good luck to you.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

For ROC after divorce you don't have to prove how or why the marriage ended. You just need to prove that you entered the marriage in good faith. Evidence of this is the co-mingling of your lives. How do you show your lives were intertwined? Proof of co-habitation and financial co-mingling. USCIS understands that divorce happens.

[She1981 1]

Okay then. If I was you, I would file for divorce now. Once it's final send in your ROC with the waiver request. Don't wait for the 90 day window, send it as soon as the divorce is final. I don't expect issues for you given the large amount of evidence of co-mingling that you have.

If you want to wait, I would wait until the new year. Otherwise, another good idea is to file say tomorrow, and then hopefully it settles in time for you to have a whole new year to start afresh. Issues with that are with Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner, it might ruin those holidays. Up to you.

Good luck.

Like I said, I'm not even in the US now, but yes I will file for divorce as soon as I get back. Thanks

[She1981 1]

Please be aware that while you may believe you have "proof" of his cheating you should make sure that that proof is enough for USCIS. Once you begin this process it will be extremely difficult to undo anything. If USCIS doesn't accept your proof or deems it inadequate you will be deported. I would highly recommend that you consult a qualified immigration attorney with experience in these matters. I searched for an hour and found good cases and bad cases similar to yours. It seems the USCIS is really unlenient on this issue. The only area they are compassionate on is if you are being physically abused. Good luck to you.

First yo mentioned I should divorce him on grounds of him being an addict and you say something about a list the USCIS has on divorce (still I am yet to find it) This would be even harder to proof unless he's taken in for a weed exam which he will not be. Now I don't plan on saying there was just one specific reason for divorcing him as there wasn't. I stuck by his side through his drug use, mood swings, unemployment like any wife who loves her husband would. It was him that walked out on me while I was pregnant. At the interview I plan to only tell the truth as I'm not planing to "play" the system in any way shape or form. I'm not filing a waiver as an abused spouse of a US citizen, I am filing a waiver based on good faith marriage. It is what it is, we married out of love, it just didn't work out. I have my evidence and hopefully everything will be ok, if at some point they don't believe me (despite the evidence) and decide to deport me, then let it be it... There's no way I can know the outcome of this, but fight for what I think it's right.

[Wayne and Claudia 40]

First yo mentioned I should divorce him on grounds of him being an addict and you say something about a list the USCIS has on divorce (still I am yet to find it) This would be even harder to proof unless he's taken in for a weed exam which he will not be. Now I don't plan on saying there was just one specific reason for divorcing him as there wasn't. I stuck by his side through his drug use, mood swings, unemployment like any wife who loves her husband would. It was him that walked out on me while I was pregnant. At the interview I plan to only tell the truth as I'm not planing to "play" the system in any way shape or form. I'm not filing a waiver as an abused spouse of a US citizen, I am filing a waiver based on good faith marriage. It is what it is, we married out of love, it just didn't work out. I have my evidence and hopefully everything will be ok, if at some point they don't believe me (despite the evidence) and decide to deport me, then let it be it... There's no way I can know the outcome of this, but fight for what I think it's right.

Wow, back up. I never said you should file for divorce on any ground. Any marriage should try to be saved by all means. I pointed out that if the grounds of divorce are based on something such as his addiction it would only help your waiver request. I did not say to file as an abused person either. I did state that that was one criteria that the USCIS has compassion for. http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=745218a1f8b73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=4ca43a4107083210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD I believe you have a legitimate case for a waiver and wish you well.