Working but not living with wife or not work and live with wife?

[groovyaardvark 7]

Hi Everyone,

I briefly got into this in another post, but I wanted to throw it out to the wider community to get some opinions.

I currently work full time (E3 status) about 2 hours away from my wife who goes to school out there full time.

The general consensus I am getting is that it is perfectly acceptable for me to leave my E3 job, and no longer be required to leave the US within 10 days as my E3 dictates seeing as I now have AOS pending.

From what I can tell I am looking at about 3 months before I have an EAD in my hand, and probably 4 months before an interview.

My question is, should I leave my job and move in with my wife and live off our savings for 3 months and be bored sitting around all day? Or should I continue to work but not be able to live with my wife until 1 or 2 months before our interview?

I am pretty scared of the idea of not working and using up all our money. We are definitely not in an awesome financial position, but neither is it dire.

Please, I really want to hear some of your thoughts on my situation.

Many thanks,

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

If you continue working and living apart then the first question the IO is likely to ask is why you married if you weren't ready to live together. Nobody can really predict if this is going to be an issue that will cause problems at the interview, but it's an issue that won't exist if you live together.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I don't see one clear advantage of one over the other. If you aren't living together then I suspect they will ask you about it, but that won't mean you get denied. It seems like you have a good reason with this E3 visa and sponsorship etc. If you can't make it financially, then you don't have to. But you CAN move in with your wife and start living normally now that your AOS is initially accepted. You'd only have to pay one rent bill

Edit: You don't have to sit around all day... you could volunteer.

Edited November 4, 2010 by Harpa Timsah

[Betti 1]

Could you move in with your wife and keep working? I know that 2 hours commute each way sounds like a lot, but it would only be for 3 months, if I understood you correctly. Even with the additional gas cost for this it would probably end up cheaper than quitting your job. I think that should be doable to avoid a possible issue at the interview, right?

Edited November 4, 2010 by Betti

[HighMaintenance 1]

Or gather as much evidence as possible that your marriage is real. Write love letters to each other. Open a joint bank account. Have pictures of vacations. I can't see that the moving together part will be a deal breaker. I would just cover myself on all other ends.

[groovyaardvark 7]

I feel like I have other evidence, but not living together definitely strikes me as a deal breaker.

I have considered the 2 hour commute but then it leaves the question open of why would I do that now if we have already been living separately for 3 years in the exact same circumstances.

It just strikes me as too much effort for little reward. My only reward would be an additional question of 'why didn't you do this sooner? why didn't you both live half way and both commute' etc etc

has anyone been in a similar situation? Not living with your spouse before the interview?

[Pegworth 2]

I feel like I have other evidence, but not living together definitely strikes me as a deal breaker.

I have considered the 2 hour commute but then it leaves the question open of why would I do that now if we have already been living separately for 3 years in the exact same circumstances.

It just strikes me as too much effort for little reward. My only reward would be an additional question of 'why didn't you do this sooner? why didn't you both live half way and both commute' etc etc

has anyone been in a similar situation? Not living with your spouse before the interview?

The fact that you've been married 3 years already show commitment. If asked I would tell them having money in the bank is important and my wife's education is important after school and AOS we'll have the rest of our lives to live together. Having money to let's say.....buy a house is important to our future.

In the end we live separately now to plan and prepare for our future together and that includes education and money.

[groovyaardvark 7]

We have only been married for ~3 months. Sorry that was my fault for poorly wording our situation.

Thank you for your advice, that was along the lines of what we would be explaining to the IO but I like the way you worded it.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I feel like I have other evidence, but not living together definitely strikes me as a deal breaker.

I have considered the 2 hour commute but then it leaves the question open of why would I do that now if we have already been living separately for 3 years in the exact same circumstances.

It just strikes me as too much effort for little reward. My only reward would be an additional question of 'why didn't you do this sooner? why didn't you both live half way and both commute' etc etc

has anyone been in a similar situation? Not living with your spouse before the interview?

It can be a deal breaker. Most of the factors they use to determine if you're living like a married couple require you to live together. Heck, they've been known to send ICE agents to your home for a little surprise inspection if they even suspect you aren't living together. If they conduct a Stokes interview then they ask questions that only two people who actually live with each other would know. "What did she have for breakfast last Wednesday?" You don't know. You weren't there. Pretty much all of their anti-fraud discovery techniques are based on a presumption that a genuine couple lives together, and are deeply involved in each other's lives.

No matter how valid your reasons are for living apart, it's going to look like you weren't ready to get married. If your non-immigrant status was due to expire soon, that would pretty much clinch it - they'd figure you got married for the green card.

It's a tough situation. I hope your other evidence of a bona fide relationship is overwhelming and rock solid.

[Pegworth 2]

It can be a deal breaker. Most of the factors they use to determine if you're living like a married couple require you to live together. Heck, they've been known to send ICE agents to your home for a little surprise inspection if they even suspect you aren't living together. If they conduct a Stokes interview then they ask questions that only two people who actually live with each other would know. "What did she have for breakfast last Wednesday?" You don't know. You weren't there. Pretty much all of their anti-fraud discovery techniques are based on a presumption that a genuine couple lives together, and are deeply involved in each other's lives.

No matter how valid your reasons are for living apart, it's going to look like you weren't ready to get married. If your non-immigrant status was due to expire soon, that would pretty much clinch it - they'd figure you got married for the green card.

It's a tough situation. I hope your other evidence of a bona fide relationship is overwhelming and rock solid.

If your moving in together for the sake of the interview this could seem fishy as well though.

What if they asked why you just moved in together and then you have to say....... I quit my job and we moved in together for the interview at this point you still don't seem ready and your unemployed.

If you gather as much evidence of your relationship over the past 3 years as possible and the reasons why you weren't living together at the moment there is an honesty to that.

I suppose either way they could perceive things as suspect but there is piece of mind in honesty or what you both really want to do now for your future.

Jim is right in every thing he is saying on how they could perceive it but my feeling is either way your not going to look ready.

I guess your choices are....

1. Appease them with something that you wouldn't do at the moment because of the interview(move in together).

2. Give them strong evidence of your 3 year relationship your certainty you want be together now even if your not ready to live together.How money is important to your future eg.down payment for house. Her education,your job and how your worried about how this might be perceived but it's honestly the way it is now (or has been for 3 years)and it's for your future.

You could also say you were considering moving in together for the sake of the interview but this was the best thing for you to do for your relationship financially at the moment.

How many marriages break up because of money alot. How many AOS get denied because of money alot.

I suppose you could stress to that you do basically live together on weekends and when she doesn't have class.

I can understand your confusion of putting on a dog and pony show for the interview when it's not really the way it is for you 2 at the moment.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

If your moving in together for the sake of the interview this could seem fishy as well though.

What if they asked why you just moved in together and then you have to say....... I quit my job and we moved in together for the interview at this point you still don't seem ready and your unemployed.

If you gather as much evidence of your relationship over the past 3 years as possible and the reasons why you weren't living together at the moment there is an honesty to that.

I suppose either way they could perceive things as suspect but there is piece of mind in honesty or what you both really want to do now for your future.

Jim is right in every thing he is saying on how they could perceive it but my feeling is either way your not going to look ready.

I guess your choices are....

1. Appease them with something that you wouldn't do at the moment because of the interview(move in together).

2. Give them strong evidence of your 3 year relationship your certainty you want be together now even if your not ready to live together.How money is important to your future eg.down payment for house. Her education,your job and how your worried about how this might be perceived but it's honestly the way it is now (or has been for 3 years)and it's for your future.

You could also say you were considering moving in together for the sake of the interview but this was the best thing for you to do for your relationship financially at the moment.

How many marriages break up because of money alot. How many AOS get denied because of money alot.

I suppose you could stress to that you do basically live together on weekends and when she doesn't have class.

I can understand your confusion of putting on a dog and pony show for the interview when it's not really the way it is for you 2 at the moment.

I agree entirely. I was not suggesting that they move in together for the brief period of time between now and the interview. I'm saying Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall when they got married and didn't move in together, and he hit the pavement when they filed for the AOS. They can't put him back together now. Moving in together now is not going to undo what's already been done.

Having tons of evidence of a long term relationship is great. In fact, it's essential in this case. Having a really good reason for living apart is also essential. What will remain is a question of timing. If I was an IO, I would be thinking "They've had a relationship all this time. Why choose to get married now, if they weren't ready to begin living together? Why get married and apply for AOS if they still need to maintain separate homes and separate lives?". That's why I brought up the subject of his status. If his status was due to expire soon, they're going to assume they chose to marry now in order to get a green card.

[groovyaardvark 7]

Thank you everyone for your input.

Yes I certainly feel like it is a catch 22. No matter what I do it will seem a little fishy, but it honestly is because this was the best situation for us work and school wise. I just hope the IO understands and believes that.

My E3 status is not due to expire until 2012, so that eliminates that suspicion. Honestly we got married now while still living apart so that when we move to California (6 - 8 months from now) I would have a green card and we could live together with no visa problems and start our married lives there together with far less hassles.

We did not want to wait in Australia for 8 months while we worked on a greencard applications which would mean we wouldn't be living together anyway! We would be in different countries! So what we ended up doing made the most sense to us. The E3 visa is impossible to live on because it is impossible to get a job and it allows 0% freedom, so I did not want to get caught in that situation again. The E3 visa is the whole reason we have been forced to live apart, because I could only get an E3 visa type job 2 hours away from her school.

We have plenty of photos of us when we are like 19 years old together and love letters and things like that. Do they really ask for those things? The love letters seem like they could be easily faked and so on?

My basic plan right now is to be living with her by January and at least have plenty of evidence that we have been in a relationship for 6 years, and have evidence that we do live together, albeit a few months of gap between getting married. That doesn't seem too bad to an IO does it?

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate your thoughts.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Thank you everyone for your input.

Yes I certainly feel like it is a catch 22. No matter what I do it will seem a little fishy, but it honestly is because this was the best situation for us work and school wise. I just hope the IO understands and believes that.

My E3 status is not due to expire until 2012, so that eliminates that suspicion. Honestly we got married now while still living apart so that when we move to California (6 - 8 months from now) I would have a green card and we could live together with no visa problems and start our married lives there together with far less hassles.

We did not want to wait in Australia for 8 months while we worked on a greencard applications which would mean we wouldn't be living together anyway! We would be in different countries! So what we ended up doing made the most sense to us. The E3 visa is impossible to live on because it is impossible to get a job and it allows 0% freedom, so I did not want to get caught in that situation again. The E3 visa is the whole reason we have been forced to live apart, because I could only get an E3 visa type job 2 hours away from her school.

We have plenty of photos of us when we are like 19 years old together and love letters and things like that. Do they really ask for those things? The love letters seem like they could be easily faked and so on?

My basic plan right now is to be living with her by January and at least have plenty of evidence that we have been in a relationship for 6 years, and have evidence that we do live together, albeit a few months of gap between getting married. That doesn't seem too bad to an IO does it?

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate your thoughts.

This all sounds fine. You had valid reasons for the decisions you made. Your main objective is to convince the IO that you didn't marry primarily to get a green card. The fact that your status was not about to expire removes a huge potential area of suspicion. You just have to hope that your reason for getting married when you did, knowing you wouldn't be able to begin living as a married couple, sounds reasonable to the IO. It doesn't seem fair sometimes, but USCIS has a square hole that every marital relationship is expected to fit neatly into, so decisions that would be perfectly rational for any other couple might not seem that way to USCIS.

Because you don't have the sort of evidence they usually want to see, they're going to focus on the evidence you do have. The more compelling it is, the better it will look for you. Yes, they could actually want to see your love letters. Remember I mentioned they can pull surprise inspections? You know what kind of evidence they look for in those surprise inspections? They look for things like your dirty underwear and hers in the same laundry basket, evidence that two people are sleeping in the bed every night, evidence that you have a sexual relationship, etc. Your love letters would be pretty mild by comparison.

Yes, they understand that things like love letters can be faked, so they do give them less weight. That's why they usually want evidence from unbiased third parties, like joint bank accounts, mail received at the same address, joint rental agreements or deeds of property, joint medical and car insurance, etc.