verbal threats

[horseloverinfl 1]

Hello everyone,

My husband got his two year (conditional) green card about two months ago. Before we got married he borrowed money from me saying that his brother needed an emergency eye surgery and they did not have the money and they will pay me back as soon as he or his brothers can afford to, that dragged into more borrowing. It has been a year now, and no one has made the initiative to give me back at least a sign of good intention to return the money. Since he got here, every-time I did something he did not like, he starts yelling and screaming and telling me what he did to his mom when she behaved the way I did, and that he put his fist through windshield while driving when his dad gave a comment about my husband's driving, and what he did to his former B**** fiancee. he said a man has the right to be depressed and upset and to express his feelings. When I ask him to talk in a nicer way and stop yelling and making threats he says he is not yelling, he is just telling me what he did and that's his tone of voice. Now, he asked my cat "if I kick you slamming against the wall, what would you do?" Are those things considered threats? Thank you for reading all this. There is a lot more, but those are the highlights, what do I need to do? Should i give him the chance to get a visa to the country where brother resides, rather than him getting deported back where he doesn't want to be? There is a lot more to this, he even said he'll work under the table so he won't pay taxes. Dishonesty and exaggeration about who he is and who he knows has been his trait. he said that he can with "his foot he can make calls to frame people" and that "he has a way of making people trust him so they'll tell him personal things that he will use against them to ruin their lives, but he won't do it because he is a good man". what am I dealing with?

Thanks,

Horseloverinfl

[Kenza 1]

I'm sorry you're going through this but all I can say is leave now before you get even more abused- physically and verbally

[rachbel 2]

This is a red flag in your relationship. looks like you are used for money and green card. dont let that happen.i cant understand how some men can not be at least grateful to those who pick them from the dirt.

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Hello everyone,

My husband got his two year (conditional) green card about two months ago. Before we got married he borrowed money from me saying that his brother needed an emergency eye surgery and they did not have the money and they will pay me back as soon as he or his brothers can afford to, that dragged into more borrowing. It has been a year now, and no one has made the initiative to give me back at least a sign of good intention to return the money. Since he got here, every-time I did something he did not like, he starts yelling and screaming and telling me what he did to his mom when she behaved the way I did, and that he put his fist through windshield while driving when his dad gave a comment about my husband's driving, and what he did to his former B**** fiancee. he said a man has the right to be depressed and upset and to express his feelings. When I ask him to talk in a nicer way and stop yelling and making threats he says he is not yelling, he is just telling me what he did and that's his tone of voice. Now, he asked my cat "if I kick you slamming against the wall, what would you do?" Are those things considered threats? Thank you for reading all this. There is a lot more, but those are the highlights, what do I need to do? Should i give him the chance to get a visa to the country where brother resides, rather than him getting deported back where he doesn't want to be? There is a lot more to this, he even said he'll work under the table so he won't pay taxes. Dishonesty and exaggeration about who he is and who he knows has been his trait. he said that he can with "his foot he can make calls to frame people" and that "he has a way of making people trust him so they'll tell him personal things that he will use against them to ruin their lives, but he won't do it because he is a good man". what am I dealing with?

Thanks,

Horseloverinfl

Sucks that some people are like this... Hey .. Dont settle for LESS... Husband..? Did he recall the Vows that he made promised to..? Are they being up held? Verbal Abuse is the start of things to come. You can go get council sessions but will that change him for good or would it be a temporaty patch/fix. ONLY you can answer that question as you have been around him. But if that were me... I'd leave and go else where. IT isnt even about someone loosing the ability to "get out of their conditional status" BUT think about your self. IS he worth Saving... think on it and then make the decision ..but always put your self first ALL the time and even worst when the other party doesnt even care about how thir actions will impact you and those around you for example.. you,, child/ren your family/friends and even an innocent CAT.. he has lost it..!

married less thank six months

Oh No....

[horseloverinfl 1]

This is a red flag in your relationship. looks like you are used for money and green card. dont let that happen.i cant understand how some men can not be at least grateful to those who pick them from the dirt.

He wanted a car to go to work, my dad gave him his until my husband starts making money to buy his own, he drove it for few days than came home one day saying: "How do expect to go work driving this car, I can not tell the manager I can't work because my back is hurting from driving your dad's car." few days later he said he found a used car he likes, I said OK, by when do you plan on paying me back for it" and he flipped and started his "Shame, Shame, Shame on you. all you talk about is money. You don't feel my pain, I have stomach pain because of the stress you put under, and anyway you said the car will be registered in your name, so why do I want to do anything with it" and more more, then after I asked a friend of mine, in-front of my husband, what happens if a US citizen divorces someone with a conditional GC, my husband became the nicest guy on earth.

All the above are some of his outbursts. he said we wife who asks her husband when he is going to return the money is a stranger not a wife, and he did not want me to tell my parents or anyone about the money borrowing that him and his family did claiming it is a private matter between him and I and his parents.

I will seek an attorney tomorrow, should I call USCIS as well?

[caybee 21]

Classic abusive behavior, including the bit where he tries to convince you it's nothing -- you're blowing it all out of proportion, right? He's already made indirect physical threats, talking about what he did to his mom and his ex, and telling the cat what he will do to it (the cat can't understand, so who do you suppose he's sending a message to??) Without intervention, this sort of thing almost always escalates to physical abuse.

I would say divorce him and let him remove conditions on his own if he can. He'll need to prove he entered the marriage in good faith. Don't try to keep his immigration paperwork from him, but protect yourself and your property. You can't get him deported - that's not up to you - but you can call ICE and let them know you suspect immigration fraud and let them take it from there. But protect yourself and your property. If he fails to remove conditions, this will all catch up with him in due time. In the meantime, stash a little cash in a safe place outside your home, and keep your cell phone, car keys, ID and ATM card on you at all times, just in case. If he gets wind that you're planning to change the game on him, he may react badly, so keep your thoughts to yourself, talk with an attorney and maybe a counselor, and stay safe. Good luck.

[sara535 15]

Well it sounds like you know what you need to do.

I'm sorry things are working out like this for you but its probably better to take action now before he escalates it to violence against you ( or kills the cat..)

[Mithra 1,185]

I think you know this isn't right no matter how long you've been married and it will only get worse. He's an ingrate and an abuser. Lose the POS and don't worry about his future in regards to immigration.

[moroccogirlny 100]

Sounds like a real winner...sorry you are going through this. You can file for divorce and notify USCIS and ICE. Try to get an order of protection against him and change all your locks.What ever money you lost is already done, don't loose your life away to him.Don't feel bad if he gets deported, you are financially responsible for him if he remains in the USA.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello everyone,

My husband got his two year (conditional) green card about two months ago. Before we got married he borrowed money from me saying that his brother needed an emergency eye surgery and they did not have the money and they will pay me back as soon as he or his brothers can afford to, that dragged into more borrowing. It has been a year now, and no one has made the initiative to give me back at least a sign of good intention to return the money. Since he got here, every-time I did something he did not like, he starts yelling and screaming and telling me what he did to his mom when she behaved the way I did, and that he put his fist through windshield while driving when his dad gave a comment about my husband's driving, and what he did to his former B**** fiancee. he said a man has the right to be depressed and upset and to express his feelings. When I ask him to talk in a nicer way and stop yelling and making threats he says he is not yelling, he is just telling me what he did and that's his tone of voice. Now, he asked my cat "if I kick you slamming against the wall, what would you do?" Are those things considered threats? Thank you for reading all this. There is a lot more, but those are the highlights, what do I need to do? Should i give him the chance to get a visa to the country where brother resides, rather than him getting deported back where he doesn't want to be? There is a lot more to this, he even said he'll work under the table so he won't pay taxes. Dishonesty and exaggeration about who he is and who he knows has been his trait. he said that he can with "his foot he can make calls to frame people" and that "he has a way of making people trust him so they'll tell him personal things that he will use against them to ruin their lives, but he won't do it because he is a good man". what am I dealing with?

Thanks,

Horseloverinfl

I m close by and I have been through very similar things minus the cat ( the cat he kicked was my furniture, my clothes, bloodied eyes, 4 broken laptops) Believe him when he says he will blackmail you. Believe it when he says he will file false claims...Believe him please. I removed conditions to stay safe and I have never regretted it. I am no longer scared or at risk because I did so. Dont be shocked if all of the sudden he asks for half of everything you own to leave or attempt so take it. You really need to talk to the domestic violence center here.. Please pm me..You are not alone . I was battered for over 2 years and his friends from his country watched him hit me and saw welts on me...Finally one brave mena person stood up to him and literally saved me,incidentally a very religious muslim was the person who helped me survive this...This is very real and I wish they would pin your post under a heading...WHEN THINGS DONT GO SO WELL...because when you are faced with this kind of level of abuse,mixing cultural ####### in and then no one else is facing it. I was horribly abused and some jerk wad wife of a mena person told me it was my problem for choosing poorly. No...its his fault for being a *(()) and I brought my husband over here in good faith that he would adjust and be good to me. You need to be very aware that he could trap you into some kind of spousal abuse situation and then push it to get VAWA which seems to be happening alot these days

[Mithra 1,185]

If memory serves, you knew he was an abusive POS before you brought him to the US. In that way, you are partly responsible for putting yourself in danger.

I m close by and I have been through very similar things minus the cat ( the cat he kicked was my furniture, my clothes, bloodied eyes, 4 broken laptops) Believe him when he says he will blackmail you. Believe it when he says he will file false claims...Believe him please. I removed conditions to stay safe and I have never regretted it. I am no longer scared or at risk because I did so. Dont be shocked if all of the sudden he asks for half of everything you own to leave or attempt so take it. You really need to talk to the domestic violence center here.. Please pm me..You are not alone . I was battered for over 2 years and his friends from his country watched him hit me and saw welts on me...Finally one brave mena person stood up to him and literally saved me,incidentally a very religious muslim was the person who helped me survive this...This is very real and I wish they would pin your post under a heading...WHEN THINGS DONT GO SO WELL...because when you are faced with this kind of level of abuse,mixing cultural ####### in and then no one else is facing it. I was horribly abused and some jerk wad wife of a mena person told me it was my problem for choosing poorly. No...its his fault for being a *(()) and I brought my husband over here in good faith that he would adjust and be good to me. You need to be very aware that he could trap you into some kind of spousal abuse situation and then push it to get VAWA which seems to be happening alot these days

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

If memory serves, you knew he was an abusive POS before you brought him to the US. In that way, you are partly responsible for putting yourself in danger.

I think when you are trying to explain away someones behavior, it doesnt make you a bad person. It makes you retarded..not evil....I am very glad the poster has opened up because alot of people dont....nor are they truthful when things go south, therfore giving off the impression that whats happened to horse in fl is a rare occurance..its not....Its not my fault that I was loving, trusting and patient. And when other people from mena saw me bloodied and with welts they should have admonished him. They didnt, one in fact , a woman told me this was very common and that her husband from the magreb batters her and that her french born sister is battered by her brother and that this is very normal. She even threatened me if I told anyone. She followed me after a battering into a place of business to make sure I didnt tell. I finally told my family as well as a religious friend of all of theres and it wasnt until then that I got relief....Someone from the same country, a very religious mena person is the one that finally put a stop to it and admonished both him and his friends. Its not the fault of the person battered. A person may be stupid, they may be naive enough to believe they can change someone or blame circumstances...but its a dangerous message je veux to blame someone who has been victimised. All of us have chances every day to hurt people and we make a conscious choice not to.

I think that if you are close to removing conditions and you are with someone dangerous like this and you dont have support, give them what they want and protect yourself.. Blackmailing with vawa is very common. There was a woman on here about 4 weeks ago that was arrested by her turkish husband who recorded her, battered her and threw her out of her house. I was lucky enough to have family support as well as a mom and an aunt who is a lawyer who in no uncertain terms told him if he threatend me again that they would call ICE themselves. For those of you naive enough to not believe this is going on, it is and American women are now being threatend and manipulated with VAWA rules. I got through this situation relatively safely towards the end but not without absolutely horrible effects on my family. It absolutely is very possible to bring fake vawa charges against an american spouse and stage things and pretend that they were battered...This has become a new trick and not very uncommon...

Horse in florida...this happens alot more than people would like to admit and you first have to make an absolute choice of what you want to do....Its not going to get better. You are very far off removing conditions so that cannot be a carrot that you can hang out there to get the hell out of this..I am so sorry for you... I lived it and dont blame yourself...dont do it.. you can move on past this and things will be alright once hes out of your life

[Jenn! 918]

its a dangerous message to blame someone who has been victimised.

I agree. It's like saying that a woman who was raped had it coming because she was dressed provocatively.

[Mithra 1,185]

In normal circumstances (boy meets girl on US soil) no, I wouldn't say someone was asking for abuse or that they put themselves in danger. However, when the abuse or infidelity or whatever starts overseas and you have that out (not bringing them to the US) and you choose not to take that out well aren't you putting yourself in the line of fire, so to speak? A husband is abusive whether physically or emotionally while still overseas needs to stay his azz overseas. That way he cannot pose a threat to his wife in the US. Especially a MENA husband who would have a hard time getting to the states without his wife's help. I'm not evil but I am thinking logically and logic says don't allow an abusive husband to get into your country and therefore your home to continue the abuse. Now in the case of the OP where I don't see evidence of abuse prior to him coming to the US then yes, she should be careful but at the same time she should be trying to get herself out of the situation.

[horseloverinfl 1]

In normal circumstances (boy meets girl on US soil) no, I wouldn't say someone was asking for abuse or that they put themselves in danger. However, when the abuse or infidelity or whatever starts overseas and you have that out (not bringing them to the US) and you choose not to take that out well aren't you putting yourself in the line of fire, so to speak? A husband is abusive whether physically or emotionally while still overseas needs to stay his azz overseas. That way he cannot pose a threat to his wife in the US. Especially a MENA husband who would have a hard time getting to the states without his wife's help. I'm not evil but I am thinking logically and logic says don't allow an abusive husband to get into your country and therefore your home to continue the abuse. Now in the case of the OP where I don't see evidence of abuse prior to him coming to the US then yes, she should be careful but at the same time she should be trying to get herself out of the situation.

Well, you got a point there. Perhaps the reason why I did not notice the abuse overseas is because I did not stay there longer than a month, anyone can act their best for such a short period of time. He is a pro manipulator and I should have been smarter than being heads over heals. Some of us think that when such men leave their environment they'll get better, which is not true. They can manipulate it to get what they want. I already contacted an attorney, hope I'll get a call today to schedule an appointment. In the mean time he's been so nice to me. At one point shortly after he got his GC, he told me to apply for a job overseas, which I did before I met him, while he stays here to take care of the house. YEAH Sure. what about the family we wanted to have, how can we have it if I am overseas working under austere conditions?