Superficiality and the Greencard

[Fandango 1,440]

"Love" does not exist in a vaccuum, unless some woman just has a vacuum between her ears. There are REASONS you love someone and there is nothing wrong with that. There are REASONS NOT to love someone also.

Ukrainian women have very practical reasons for loving someone. American women seem to have much less practifcal reasons. I will compare the divorce rate of American men/Ukrainian women with American/American marriages any day of the week.

Ok, let me redefine what it is for me. Yes, I find my partner INCREDIBLY handsome. Yes, looks are important to a certain extent. Yes, security is important to an extent as well. But what *I* fell in love with was his character, his heart. Things that cannot be quantified like 'he's got this in the bank' or 'he's this hot'....I can't sit here and call him representative of any group, because he is unique. Now if my motivation was purely superficial or financial, I suppose any hot/rich guy would do, but none would, because there's no one on this Earth quite like him.

The vacc between her ears comment was weird btw.

[Heracles 417]

Yes, her words almost exactly. That is why she prefers older men "not so beautiful". 10-15 years older is "ideal". To her, the physical beauty of the man is very low on the list of characteristics she looks for, not unlike LOTS of women in her culture. What is wrong with security? If you are going to commit everything to a person for the rest of your life, you bet, security is very attractive. Ukrainian women have a very strong sense of family and want a strong family for their children, they want a strong and reliable man to provide a good future for their children. What is wrong with that? Ukrainian women aslo tend to be very faithful to their husbands as long as he is a good husband. Be a good husband to a Ukrainian woman and she will do anything which does not kill her to please you and will never risk her happy home which they value above all else.

She doesn't need to work, the green card is fairly meaningless to her, we have a place in Ukraine also so we could just as easily live there (and do for part of the year) so there really is no reason for there to be "green card fraud" at least in our case.

That is also true. Women in various countries find different characteristics attractive and appealing [popular].

[rsn 135]

At first glance your post seems to make sense but if you think twice... young hot female is not gonna marry a old man unless he`s loaded and a rich old man is not going to be faithfull just because his wife is young.If he is faithfull it is because it`s in his nature.Same with alcohol.Then why not marry a young man that doesn`t f**k around and doesn`t drink simply because he doesn`t have that in him?

How dare you disagree with the great garini! He is all knowing and his opinion trumps common sense! Bow down!

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

How dare you disagree with the great garini! He is all knowing and his opinion trumps common sense! Bow down!

I shake my head whenever Gary posts this stuff - its as though he arrived in a time machine from the 19th century.

[Nina~ 431]

Look around the country to find out. I lived in Ukraine. It is not at all unusual for younger Ukrainian women to marry older Ukrainian men and almost NONE will marry a man younger than her. Ukrainina woemn prefer men that are less attravtive than them so they will not "chase other girls". In a society where a man can easily date/live with/marry or just have sex with as many women as he wants who are much younger than him, the woman has to offer something pretty special to keep him around. Marrying a man of the same age is nearly a certain sign of doom in the future. They are not concerned with "superficiality" they want a man that provides a stable home for them and their children. They want a man that does not have "bad habits". Does a 22 year old woman have any idea if a 23 year old man will become an alcoholic? But if a man is 45, has a business and is not alcoholic...THAT is a prize! They are not a materialisis society, at least until recently maybe.

Looks? Important? Why not? Women with good personalities are a dime a dozen, at least in some cultures if not in the USA where they are expected to do things women are not suited for, so why not choose one with good looks? I consider that it makes my wife's future more secure...she is the best I will ever get...where am I going? It is for HER that I chose a hot wife. More stability for her. Besides it makes me a happier kinda guy and that makes for domestic tranquility, we hardly ever have a disagreement and I never say "bad words". But I am a selfless kinda guy like that, another thing that she couldn't resist.

PS Alla doesn't work, except for some occasional modeling, translations, interpretatios etc. so the green card is really not a big attraction to her and her lifestyle is virtually identical here.

I call BS on that. My bff who is Ukrainian is married to an Ukrainian guy who is 2 years younger than her, and he is a wonderful and responsible guy who makes her very happy. They are not super rich, but they are happy.

Just because your wife is superficial enough to marry for security does not mean that all FSU women do that.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

or an alternative universe

[^_^ 5,021]

Just because your wife is superficial enough to marry for security does not mean that all FSU women do that.

I don't know that I'd slur marrying for security by calling it 'superficial'. Fact is, not all women (and men) are at the same place in life and for some people security is more important than anything else.

[Nina~ 431]

I don't know that I'd slur marrying for security by calling it 'superficial'. Fact is, not all women (and men) are at the same place in life and for some people security is more important than anything else.

Sure we all like security. I like being secure knowing that my husband won't start carousing with other women tomorrow. But it will be superficial if I married an old/ugly guy just to make sure that my husband wont be boinking a floozy soon after our 5th anniversary.

[IndigoSkies 168]

Since someone has opened the can of work, another thing I've observed is that a bunch of these people (guys) who find "love" outside the USA are failures in relationship within the States. Either in terms of being anti-social, ugly, poor, or divorced, etc. They go to Indonesia, Philippines, and Vietnam and marry a girl because they can't find someone in US. No one in USA will ever give them a second thought. They look so pathetic. 40/45/50 year’s old man who's old enough to be the girl’s grandfather marries a young girl. To be sure, the young girl marries for a chance of better life. Not out of love. Going to another country to get married is quite pathetic.

Obviously immigrants who want to go back to their country and marry within their culture is different. And I'm sure a select few do find love and get married legitimately. I can't help but think that the majority of the guys with foreign spouses are losers, especially when you juxtapose an old ugly white man-hag with a decent looking girl from Philippines.

Edited July 13, 2010 by IndigoSkies

[^_^ 5,021]

Sure we all like security.

Some people need it, more than anything else. And I don't just mean the security of your spouse not cheating on you. I mean the security of a spouse who can provide for you. It may not mean much for someone from the first-world, but it may mean everything for a poor chick in the Philippines. It's a big world out there and your standards aren't universal.

[faithinGod 8]

How dare you disagree with the great garini! He is all knowing and his opinion trumps common sense! Bow down!

i know right? i`m shocked by my own actions lol

[Jenn! 918]

Some people need it, more than anything else. And I don't just mean the security of your spouse not cheating on you. I mean the security of a spouse who can provide for you. It may not mean much for someone from the first-world, but it may mean everything for a poor chick in the Philippines. It's a big world out there and your standards aren't universal.

Personally, I feel fortunate that I was able to marry for love and the characteristics that are important to me and not have to "settle" because I needed financial security.

I can't help but think that people who feel like women marrying for security is a good thing believe that they might not have anything else to offer besides what's in their wallet.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I've always gravitated to men who are of a similar level to me in terms of looks and intelligence. But more than anything else, more than money, or looks, or anything superficial, intelligence and a ready wit are the greatest turn-ons in my book.

I once dated a real stunner. I mean, le wow. I couldn't even figure out how I snagged him. But he was a class A douchebag despite his good looks and intelligence and I had to get out of there so I dumped him. It was the first time he had been dumped -- guess some women are willing to put up with emotional abuse for the sake of hawtness.

[^_^ 5,021]

Personally, I feel fortunate that I was able to marry for love and the characteristics that are important to me and not have to "settle" because I needed financial security.

I can't help but think that people who feel like women marrying for security is a good thing believe that they might not have anything else to offer besides what's in their wallet.

I see, so because I don't join the lynch mob against women with values other than your own, I must have a lot of money. It sucks, cuz I don't.

[SMR 368]

So the security is the 'equalizer', thus my point.

I don't want this to sound confrontational but I think your desire to look for an equalizer shows that your view of relationships is screwed up. You're looking at two people and declaring that, in general, according to some standard, perhaps physical attractiveness, they are not equal. Thus, you expect that there has to be an "equalizer." You are assuming that the more attractive spouse could have found a more attractive partner but lowered his or her standards in order to obtain that "equalizer." Relationships just don't really happen that way.

Perhaps some people make a decision based on whether or not they think they can do better, but for me the decision was based on whether or not she had everything that I thought was necessary to make me happy. That is, I wasn't comparing her to some other concrete girl and deciding but I was simply deciding if she was it. It's not a decision between two people but rather a decision between a person and not that person.

In terms of physical attraction, of course it's important. But it isn't just a matter of how they look in a picture. The real question is whether or not they turn you on. And that includes a lot of things that can't be so easily quantified. I've found that as I become emotionally invested in a relationship the girl becomes more physically attractive to me so I was never concerned that she be drop dead gorgeous (my wife is, though). On the other hand, I have found girls whose personality I was attracted to but even as I got to know them better I found that they simply didn't satisfy the bare minimum to turn me on.

I think your equalizer interpretation is off because, assuming that both partners are actually committed to a long term relationship and not just for a GC or some quick cash, you find that both partners simply found someone who they judged would make them happy long term. Whether or not they can do better usually doesn't come up so much.