So, I'm having a hard time ....

[Deb+Steve 13]

So, I'm having a hard time dealing with the impending move. I feel like I have nothing. I'm 38 ... had the house, car, job I love and pays me more than I could earn in the US, trappings of a life, friends, family and now I have to say goodbye to it all.

I'm extremely frustrated that the work I could possibly do I can't because I will need a security clearance and I'm not eligible because I'm not a USC. My same role in the US (if I could find it considering the construction industry sucks right now) would probably only pay me half of what I earn here. I'm also apprehensive that I won't find work. Handsome husband keeps telling me that I can study ... do another degree. Don't work ... whatever. How do I build a social life and a new network? The older we get the harder it is to connect with people but we should be able to easier, right? The older we get the more interesting we are and you would think the more you would have in common. The places you've been, things you've done ... stuff you've seen. All these random thoughts are slowly killing me!!

I'm surrounded by stuff that I need to pack and get ready to ship next week and I have no motivation. The lethargy is killing me. I want to be with my handsome husband and yet, I'm not as excited as I thought. Is this normal?? I would hate to get there and not be able to pull myself of this funk ...

[USAand OZ 2]

HI Deb...

It's normal how you are feel and I am sure all of us making this big move will go through or are already going through how you are feeling.

I to have a great job which I enjoy and the pay is incredible. I know I will not be able to get another job the same and probably even harder for me to find employment over there as I'm 54 years old.I'm not a person to sit around the house and watch TV all day I need to work I need to keep my mind active. I have a house full of furniture that I have to sell and it makes me sad, I look around and see how hard i have worked to get some of these pieces in my home and i will be selling them off for next to nothing.

But you know they are only material things that can be replaced with new things that I will have fun buying, with my new husband. I keep think how exciting it will be getting his views on what he likes and what he thinks will look good here and there.

It's a new chapter in our lives that we want so much otherwise we wouldn't have put ourselves through this long terrible wait for months on end. It;s the beginning of a new life in a new country making new friends and learning what things are the same but named differently in the supermarket.

I will be leaving my 2 daughters and 5 grand children I keep thinking about what I am going to miss out on with them growing up that is the hardest of all.

My girls are very supportive of this move and if they weren't I doubt I would be doing this.

Deb I am sure the thoughts you are having are only normal becausue if there not I too am not normal as these thoughts I have all the time. But saying that i know I love the man I am going to spend the rest of my days with . Once your there you will think differently it's just that it's getting closer to when you say goodbye to your life here and say hello to an unknown but exciting life with the man you love.

Remember there are all of us Aussies on VJ and I am sure we will all keep coming back here and looking each other up.

Get into your packing and stay positive it's going to be OK Kathy

[LA80 3]

I do not think it is abnormal. All those things are possible, but then again, it does not have to be that way. The good thing is that you are aware and you can prepare yourself on time. Handsome husband is right. You can "go back to school", get another degree. This will open more roads for you. That is what ambitious Americans do regardless of age. They constantly improve themselves because, in this society, it is an imperative. It will also help you build a social network.

A lot of things will depend on the place where you are going to move. Is it an urban or rural area? Are people used to foreigners? I just feel that some places in the USA are more welcoming than the others, especially now with this recession and reduced number of jobs. There are a lot of negative feelings about the illegals, and although I am perfectly legal, the whole issue makes me feel rather uncomfortable. Sometimes, I feel that people in my area are not so eager to share the American Dream.

Things may seem tough at first, but hey, you have a loving and supporting husband. You are not alone in the whole moving process, and there are options.

[Gemmie 142]

What you're feeling is definitely normal. I felt the same way too, and it actually got worse as the days went on and I was due to fly out. Why? Because it was the realisation that it's REALLY happening and you're no longer waiting for a third person to give you permission. All of the friends and family that you told that you were leaving... it's no longer a time when you can change the subject in fear of upsetting them. You really have to deal with it now, and it's hard.

Try to focus on the upcoming things in your life as a new challenge. Rather than losing those things, you're moving onto something different where you'll gain lots of other things. A new job, new area, new foods, new friends, and your new husband to share it with.

[sachinky 464]

Virtual hug for you, Debster! Eyes on the prize, remember?

[dakay ♥ 10]

these feelings are normal and those thoughts will still be here with you in the U.S., it is not easy to leave everything behind to start in zeros. Although we have a couple who understands our situation and we know that we have their support, we will have hard times. I came a few weeks ago, I immediately started looking for activities: volunteering, diving courses (I live in a coastal city), gym, dance, etc, seeking always be in contact with other people and today I can say that I have four friends, from different countries and I have been very helpful and of course trusting in God that can later get a job, (I want to be financially independent again)

the most important thing is to always be positive, any change brings opportunities!

[NotworkSte 19]

So, I'm having a hard time dealing with the impending move. I feel like I have nothing. I'm 38 ... had the house, car, job I love and pays me more than I could earn in the US, trappings of a life, friends, family and now I have to say goodbye to it all.

I'm extremely frustrated that the work I could possibly do I can't because I will need a security clearance and I'm not eligible because I'm not a USC.

There is a process called LAA (Limited Access Authorization) that will permit a non citizen up to secret level. However to get this, there is a fairly stringent set of criteria including what the role is for. Without knowing your background I am not sure how relevant that would be. If the work that you do is something an employer may struggle to find someone else for, there is a process to allow them to hire.

http://www.clearancejobs.com/security_clearance_faq.pdf

[BlueBonnet 84]

Wow, do I know how you feel.

Ive had my job so long I consider myself furniture. I make about 60K a year, own the house, the car ... and Im giving it all up /smack head

But that is what love is about isnt it ... doing anything and everything to be with the person we love.

I have decided that when I get there, Im going to study up on the state laws. Accounting is what I love and so Im going to educate myself while I can so at least when I go applying for jobs, Ill have an inkling what Im talking about. Ive also thought about doing some volenteer work, and I really want to get into gardening. I have ideas on how to attempt to keep myself busy .. but I think its natural to feel this way.

Ive gone so far to have conversations with my fiance about how I will probably have blusey days, missing home, missing family, maybe even a OMG WHAT DID I DO ? day ... we both agree that this is probably normal for all immigrants who come to their new country. Its a big move, dont down play that part of it, and youll probably want to give yourself 6 months just to really settle in to the new life, new home, new job, new husband ... just to find that comfortable normalcy. Just go into it with a clear mind and an open heart. Dont think about the negitive, focus on the man you are going to and what he means to you.

[UKGirl123 24]

Thank you for this post, I am about 6 days from moving and this describes exactly how I feel. I am just glad that it is "normal" to be feeling this way because quite honestly I am a wreck to and finding it really hard to get motivated to pack to.

I never realised this bit would be so hard. i know the end result once I am there will be worth this all but right now that thought doesn't seem to help!

So thank you for posting what you are feeling, maybe we can dpo a mutual support group sort of thing lol

[Deb+Steve 13]

Thank you, everyone!! I was beginning to feel like maybe I am whining about nothing. Thank you for the kind words and maybe we do need a support group ...

Glad to know it is not just me ... we will put it down to PISD. I'll have to come in here now and vent daily until I go.

[lgg 2]

I'm a little late to the party here but I really wanted to say that this is SO normal. It's so daunting to go through this and leave everything behind. i left behind all my great jobs, my great apartment and almost all of my stuff and my friends and such. It was hard. What made it all the harder? is that most people don't understand -- they think, oh, you're going to be with your husband, you have NO reason to be stressed or upset or worried. Boy, are they wrong and unkind for thinking so.

That all being said? I've been here now a little over 3 months and am adjusting and it's great. My husband seriously rocks and I love being here with him, in our house. the stuff I left behind? I don't care -- I brought the important things. My jobs? hopefully they'll be another. Friends? Those that stick, will stick. I am also 40 and it's HARD making new friends so, that friends are a huge loss for me. But I am hoping that those that didn't understand how hard this was will come around and if they don't? Maybe i'll make new ones. I dunno.

But yeah, it's hard. and I only came down from Canada -- I can't imagine how it would be coming from a whole other part of the world.

Chin up, okay? it's normal to feel all this, it really is. Some things are worth it though, right?

[Summer75 16]

All of u r completely right. Living family, job, house, friends, life behind. A new start, from zero, but.... It is even worse if u don´t speak the languaje! I can´t imagine how the non-speaker english have to deal with it. Spanish is my first languaje, my english is not perfect. I got here 2 months ago, I got a job in a supermarket. I know my skills working as a secretary, assistant accounting, operating computers etc etc., but here I can´t pursue my career. Why? because of my english! So think about it, there is always people having harder times than u. At least your first languaje is English, and it is a HUGE help, it opens the doors for u all.

Don´t worry, your husband´s support will make u feel better

[jjbandero 39]

Hi Deb,

I came here almost 6 years ago for work, I didn't know anyone except the few people who interviewed me, it's completely normal to feel the way you feel. I was really excited up until the few days leading up to my departure, I started to fret and when I finally got here, there were so many things to take care of, I had no time to dwell on things I found the Americans in LA to be fairly friendly and many of them are transplants (from other states, countries) too, so it was reassuring that if they could make a life here, so can you. You also have an advantage, someone who loves and support you!

Not sure if you will remain in LA after you move here, but here's an organisation for Aussies in the US Advance, I've been to a couple of events, they're pretty fun. Might be fun for you to sign up and check out, perhaps the networking opportunities will land you a job.

There are lots of local charities looking for sensible volunteers to help them with more complex matters of their organisation, which would be great references for future work opportunities.

Have a safe journey!

Cheers

[Jaxson 0]

I am glad that I came across this forum. My wife is feeling the same way and I thought it was odd. Now I know it is perfectly normal and I'll do my part to make it easier on her.

[UKGirl123 24]

I know it concerned my fiance that i was fretting so much before departure. He was worried I was having doubts I think. I sent him the link to this topic when I originally came across it.

Since leaving the UK it has got easier. I have been here just over a week now