How do you cope being away from your spouse?

[CapeG 1]

I thank god for the internet because if it was not for instant messenger and email i could not cope i dont think.

I am lucky in that I was able to stay with my husband in the US on a tourist visa for the 3 months after our wedding. I just returned home on saturday and I am really not coping being apart from him. The first few days are always the hardest but this time it just feels really hard to be apart.

I was wondering what all of you do to cope with the distant we all have to deal with while waiting for our approvals.

[aj1 1]

I thank god for the internet because if it was not for instant messenger and email i could not cope i dont think.

I am lucky in that I was able to stay with my husband in the US on a tourist visa for the 3 months after our wedding. I just returned home on saturday and I am really not coping being apart from him. The first few days are always the hardest but this time it just feels really hard to be apart.

I was wondering what all of you do to cope with the distant we all have to deal with while waiting for our approvals.

Honestly i pray an awful lot. it is very hard. Everyday i just say to myself i am one day closer to the one i love. I have not seen my honey now for 8 months and i know i have still a long wait ahead of me, but its very difficult at times. We both cry alot but when we do we just talk about how our life will be once we are together that also gives me happiness. So i know we all need to hang in there. I know that my time will come when i will be with my love.

AJ1

[ursy 0]

I thank god for the internet because if it was not for instant messenger and email i could not cope i dont think.

I am lucky in that I was able to stay with my husband in the US on a tourist visa for the 3 months after our wedding. I just returned home on saturday and I am really not coping being apart from him. The first few days are always the hardest but this time it just feels really hard to be apart.

I was wondering what all of you do to cope with the distant we all have to deal with while waiting for our approvals.

Honestly i pray an awful lot. it is very hard. Everyday i just say to myself i am one day closer to the one i love. I have not seen my honey now for 8 months and i know i have still a long wait ahead of me, but its very difficult at times. We both cry alot but when we do we just talk about how our life will be once we are together that also gives me happiness. So i know we all need to hang in there. I know that my time will come when i will be with my love.

AJ1

I simply check the VJ forum every 30 min

[babybunny 2]

I thank god for the internet because if it was not for instant messenger and email i could not cope i dont think.

I am lucky in that I was able to stay with my husband in the US on a tourist visa for the 3 months after our wedding. I just returned home on saturday and I am really not coping being apart from him. The first few days are always the hardest but this time it just feels really hard to be apart.

I was wondering what all of you do to cope with the distant we all have to deal with while waiting for our approvals.

Honestly i pray an awful lot. it is very hard. Everyday i just say to myself i am one day closer to the one i love. I have not seen my honey now for 8 months and i know i have still a long wait ahead of me, but its very difficult at times. We both cry alot but when we do we just talk about how our life will be once we are together that also gives me happiness. So i know we all need to hang in there. I know that my time will come when i will be with my love.

AJ1

I simply check the VJ forum every 30 min

I cope with being a part from Bingo by living from phone called to phone call or chat to chat.

I look forward to the next time we chat or I hear his voice. since we talk daily - 12Pm my time. I get happy then its time to hear my Bingo!!! I get happy again because, 1 30 am its time to hear my bingo again.

when we dont talk - I always can expect a cute text message.

I try to involve my husband in my world. example:

if I am going to the store I might text him something silly like " baby want something from the store? "

he would respond with something like " yeah grab me some orange fanta please".

sometimes he would send me a text like " shonnie where are my green shoes"

I would say " under the bed - dog was chewing on them " . sometimes its simple text like

he would say " shonnie wanna meet me for dinner? ". my response..

" sure, I meet you in 5 mins".

these things are silly but, it keeps us pacified til we meet each face to face again.

1 1/2 years later it still works for us..

[Jersey Girl 2]

Let's be honest. None of us figured this would be such an emotional experience. But the separation has made us grow in many ways. We are stronger as couples for weathering this storm together. We are richer spiritual beings for having looked at the bigger picture.

What is love? Something beyond the bedroom, for sure. It is to connect with the source of love. If you have a basic instinct of a creator, you'll understand. No matter which religion you happen to be raised in, the law of love is the same: love others the way you want to be recognized, respected, and validated.

So here's the bonus. You thought you'd simply submit a petition and wait to be approved. You never thought you'd grow and be proved in the ultimate law of love.

Now we have a responsibility. If we come through this with visas, we need to be loving, generous couples who share the abundance of our many blessings.

It's not enough to grab the visa and run. We need to give thanks by being a source of compassion to others.

Edited August 7, 2006 by Jersey Girl

[Matcoody 0]

The replies I've read on this thread have instantly made me feel just a little bit better about the feelings of separation I'm having. The moment my Sweetie and I discovered how long we would have to wait to live together, it was like the world closed in. How would we make it? I guess I'll never have to know how we would have made it on our own - even when I'm not actively posting, just reading this forum has made me feel less alone and much better understood. Thanks, everybody. And CapeG, thanks for asking this and giving us all a chance to share (or even just reflect). When it comes down to it, for me this is really the most important question I've read since I joined VJ.

PS - JerseyGirl, your answer made me cry for a minute! Thanks for that, too. Sometimes it's just what I (we?) need.

[TracyLuis 0]

Listen to JerseyGirl....hers are very wise words.

I love to add to my list of "Things My Baby and I are Going to do Together When He Comes Home"...

After several months of absolute misery, I realized that my attitude was helping no-one...especially my husband. My perspective on our time apart changed when I decided that we could either cry and feel sorry for ourselves, or do everything within our power to make the most of our separation. While we are apart, we are taking full advantage of our resources and learning how to make each other feel loved everyday despite the distance. In doing so, our marriage is getting stronger, our love more enduring, and our friendship so much closer.

We all have a choice: To conquer or be conquered.

Some days are better than others. I still cry and feel sorry for myself sometimes. But always I'm reminded that everything happens for a reason. And I know the day my husband and I are together again will bring me a joy few in this world will ever know.

[CapeG 1]

Matcoody - I found myself thinking this earlier tonight, that the reason i come to the site so much is because i feel like everyone here better than any of my friend really understands how i feel.

Yet i realised i dont think i have ever read a thread where anyone has asked this question. I am so tired of my friend saying things like "you will see him soon", "It will be over before you know it", " You know what you were getting into". Yet when i ask then could they be without there spouse for x amount of time they say no without hesitating.

I also try to explain that what person in there right mind would activly choose to fall in love with someone from the otherside of the world. I had no choice in it, it just happend, being without my husband is something i have been doing for 3 years. I wake up feeling like something is missing when we are apart and i think if anyone the members here know what i am talking about.

I think alot of my friends take there loved ones for granted and through this process i have learnt that never ever take anything for granted, but cherish the time you have.

I wish all of you hugs, and speedy processing!

[Matcoody 0]

Matcoody - I found myself thinking this earlier tonight, that the reason i come to the site so much is because i feel like everyone here better than any of my friend really understands how i feel.

Yet i realised i dont think i have ever read a thread where anyone has asked this question. I am so tired of my friend saying things like "you will see him soon", "It will be over before you know it", " You know what you were getting into". Yet when i ask then could they be without there spouse for x amount of time they say no without hesitating.

I also try to explain that what person in there right mind would activly choose to fall in love with someone from the otherside of the world. I had no choice in it, it just happend, being without my husband is something i have been doing for 3 years. I wake up feeling like something is missing when we are apart and i think if anyone the members here know what i am talking about.

I think alot of my friends take there loved ones for granted and through this process i have learnt that never ever take anything for granted, but cherish the time you have.

I wish all of you hugs, and speedy processing!

Amen, Sister.

I feel for my friends and family sometimes because they want to show support but there's only so much they can say, and everything always comes out like a cliche no matter how pure the sentiment. Isn't it true of pretty much all tough life situations?

The people who love me also love my Guy and genuinely want us to be together, and just knowing that helps a lot. You're right, this whole thing has taught me not to take any one of those people for granted.

[Raevin13 0]

We were married September 20,2005, I came home 3 days later. It was almost 9 months before I was able to go back and be with him. We have been apart for two months again and no end in sight. I just try to take it one day at a time, thinking of the months apart is too much. So everyday I look forward to talking to my husband on yahoo and in between I try to stay busy and find something to do that makes me smile(Usually quilting with my Mom and sister, or watching an Adam Sandler movie). As others have said this time apart has helped us grow as a couple. We have a chance to really talk about life, love, the future and really get to know each other. Not despite but BECAUSE of the distance this is the closest, most emotionally satisfying relationship I have ever had. We just try to think how much we will appreciate being together when he finally gets here. Just one day at a time!!!!

[akatagirl 0]

I love that CapeG has posted this question because as so many VJ members so eloquently stated, we all find ways to show our love to each other across international waters and have suprisingly found along the way that this visa process paired with the long periods away from our significant others have somehow strengthened our relationships and tested the depths of our love and commitment to our spouses/fiances.

How do me and my significant other cope? We find ways to incorporate each other in our daily lives such as text messages, yahoo chats, spending endless amounts of $ on calling cards and just staying hopeful and optimistic that this separation will end on a happy note with us together. Many of my friends have no idea and cannot understand how it is to be with someone so far away. Many of them think its rather absurd, but I could care less what they think. They do not know just how beautiful me and my husband's relationship is. We were only married 1 day and half before we parted ways and that immediate separation was so painful for me. I think it took me about a whole month to adjust being without him even though we only spent 2 weeks together. Its been about 7 months now since we've seen each other. We do pray alot, cry alot and there are moments when he is down and I am there to make him feel better and vise versa. Our relationship is built on trust and is rooted with the strong faith in God. We laugh alot because there is alot of humor to be found in this rough process and there isnt a day that doesnt go by that we dont tell each other, I love you.

[sbgwolf1 0]

AJ1

I simply check the VJ forum every 30 min

I now live on this site just waiting for an approval so I can feel i am closer