It's been a while

[Enlighten one :) 5]

We are doing great. I was extra careful around my time with Elijah. I did not want him to associate less time with him because of new husband arriving. I now believe that my husband was extra careful not to bond too much with him. I have to say that he always paid my son the highest regard.

I am healed. He filed for divorce out of AZ and I live in ME. I pointed out the fraudulant information on the Marriage Certificate. I hope the judge throws it out. WRong age, address and legal name. Other wise let them issue him a divorce. It is in God's hands now.

Yes enlightened one I'm kinda familiar with your story; your husband was a Preacher in Nigeria if I remember right

you and him prayed regularly sometimes together,( ACCORDING TO THE INFORMATION YOU PROVIDED ) and still he listened to the person coaching him on how to

leave "you" his wife instead of working on a cohesive marriage. I pray that your son isn't too damaged by the

events that are currently playing out in your life with your ex'husband. I hope that you heal soon if you already

haven't. ALL THE BEST TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

[idocare 3]

I just want to thank your for taking the time to read this, no worries.

Wow, I am really sorry to hear about you journey. It made me quite sad reading it.

[idocare 3]

[quote name=Linguere'

Hey, thanks for posting your story!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your recent filing for divorce, but hey I understand!

I too have a child and my ex. used that fact to no avail at our divorce hearing. he hasen't seen him since. He hasen't

attempted to see him. It was just more evidence for immigration for his wanting to stay here. And keep in mind this

man was a medical doctor in Nigeria, so you know he had good advice on how to use an American citizen for a

greencard, but now he's still only a struggling man here in America, he still hasen't become a doctor here.

Rest assure that God has your back. You and your child might have to struggle for a moment but God will

put much more on that man that you brought here and gave you a child and treated you so bad. He will see

what it's like to live here, or he will try to be deceitful here and end up in jail and deported.

Take good care of your child and yourself. When you go to court, what happens there will determine his fate

here in America, feel free to contact me via e-mail, I hope to chat with you soon.

Idocare

date='22 May 2010 - 05:41 PM' timestamp='1274575318' post='3953743]

Well, I haven't logged on in a long while, and today I found myself lurking over here for a brief moment. I actually have my first day of rest in almost a year and a half, and so I thought it would be interesting to check and see what's going on these days. Idocare, I remember your story (your have persevered!) and how everyone used to attack you for speaking the truth. I do think that most people do not come back and share their stories, or they do so in the other forums. The reality is, and anyone who has ever spent considerable time in a so-called third world country will testify to this, that most people have NO IDEA what lengths people will go to to romance someone in Europe or America. The chat rooms are full of men doing just that...some even pay others to sit in the internet cafe all day to nurture that relationship. I have to say that I knew my husband's culture very well. I met him in his country. I spent time with his family, his friends...he was well-known in his country. Even if the family is good (and not in on the scam), it doesn't really help you because culturally, no one will come forward and say this guy is bad. It just rarely happens. People say they are good,even when they are suffering. I speak my husband's language well enough to navigate the country on my own. I was arrogant and thought that I couldn't get cheated because I have been around Senegalese people for decades. I think I am more assimilated into Senegalese culture than my husband is. At the end of the day, the immigration process doesn't allow us to really know them well enough to see many things prior to signing our lives away on the AOS. It's kind of a gamble (as is any relationship) of the highest degree. I don't think books or even knowing or reading about the culture will help you to see the scandals that may await you. People can pretend so well that you won't suspect a thing. For me personally, I am still unsure if I was used solely for a GC. I think my husband is not a good guy and has never had a responsible day in his life. He is a liar and a cheater. That has nothing to do with me. I was, however, used, while he had at least one relationship going (and many more conversations) since our child was a few months old. The conversations with other women took place a couple of weeks after that I know about, but I'm quite sure that he was cheating on me the entire time that I have known him. What is certain is that he had a plan. I don't know how many people knew what he was planning and he played his part well enough to fool every single person in my life. I think the best advice I can offer is to always ask yourself if you would date this person if they were in the U.S. and ask yourself if you would marry the person in the U.S. having known the person for the same amount of time/contact. Men can fool us anywhere, but for a person abroad, there is much more at stake than a relationship. I can be a future for their entire family. Most people you meet on the streets abroad don't have any real knowledge of life in the U.S. They think it is as they see it in movies. They think marriage to a U.S. citizen is a ticket to an easy life. If you are easy on the eyes, well, then even better! Certainly, having children with you makes for good evidence. My own husband was about to be denied his visa until they saw the ultrasound report of my pregnancy. If we keep those things in mind, we can make better decisions. Relationships will always be a gamble. This one, though, can be very, very costly to the USC once they have signed the AOS. THat's 10 years or MORE and divorce does not free you. I never thought that I would marry someone abroad (because of what I have seen both in Africa and here [greencard marriages in the states too!] ), but I did. Personally, I would never do it again. After this monster that I married, I'm pretty sure that I won't marry again at all. Having to deal with him for the rest of my life is painful punishment enough. That said, I'm sure that there are numerous happy endings. When I say happy endings, I mean 3-6 years out of the process. I think having a good understanding of the difficult adjustment process is also helpful. THe vets like Taurean are great about that. I think that we should celebrate the happiness!!! God knows we all put so much time and energy into the process. Let us be happy for those that are happy. Let us also tell the truth. Everyone has a right to share their story. Idocare, hugs to little Victor. Blessings to everyone on their journey!

[idocare 3]

Enlighten one,

When I call my ex. cell phone he still say " Thanks for calling and God Bless You" One thing Americans must

understand and can read about in Books written from British writers concerning Nigeria is that they looked

at Christian religion as a way to gain wealth, it didn't mean that they developed a real fear for God.

My ex. Mother is suspose to be this really religious Christian women and she called constantly from Nigeria

asking him

when he was gonna get a job or had he started working yet. " Guess that was what he was suspose to do

but once he found out I was pregnant he wanted to at least see his first son so he deviated from the original

plan. since our divore I count on my one hand the times this devout christian woman has called to check up

on Victor Obinna Ezike Jr. the first son of her first son. But while her first born son was here with me she

called and called. Now she isn't concerned about her grandson; who is also a first son produced from her son.

I'm sure she continues to call her son tho. I just say that God is not mocked, what so ever a man soweth, that

shall they also reap. Stay encouraged Enlightened one, I'm just glad that you are calling your relationship

exactly what it is and that your not trying to take the blame for him using you. Too many women do that, with

heavy assistance from their husbands.

[quote name=Enlighten one ' date='24 May 2010 - 12:26 PM' timestamp='1274729162' post='3956389]

My husband was a pure saint in my eyes. Christian that preached and new the bible inside and out. Always responded from love and not judgment. Someone like that could never lie for the American dream.

Well that is the farthest thing from the truth. There is a do what you can to get ahead mentality there. Sadly some people equate it with their culture. They will raise their hands to the sky to praise all mighty God with stolen jewerly on their wrist. I read this in an article written about the Nigerian culture. He spent many months embeded in their comunity while working for an oil company. Dont get me wrong he had some wonderful things to say too.

I still do not understand how my ex husband could do what he did despite what he knows about the bible. I feel sad that he didn't have enough faith in God's plan for him that he had to lie and manipulate.

I have one email from his brother to him written before we met in person. In one sentence he praised God for his daughters health. Then in the next sentence asked my husband what he has told me so that he doesn't contradict anything. He asked him...what did you tell her you did for work? Like why would two Christian men talk like this if they were living their lives as Christian. This also can be associated with a distain for American people. As I read many snippy remarks regarding American Woman in their Emails.

There are stark contrast in American and Nigerian culture around woman and men relaitionships. If you and your SO are agreeing on everything. Then he is just too darn agreable.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Linguere,

I missed your story. Thanks for sharing. I had shared the same story of sitting in Cafe's before I read your story. My husband had hand written items of what he would say to me in the cafe. I believe he was giving them to men in the cafe to email to me.

Well, I haven't logged on in a long while, and today I found myself lurking over here for a brief moment. I actually have my first day of rest in almost a year and a half, and so I thought it would be interesting to check and see what's going on these days. Idocare, I remember your story (your have persevered!) and how everyone used to attack you for speaking the truth. I do think that most people do not come back and share their stories, or they do so in the other forums. The reality is, and anyone who has ever spent considerable time in a so-called third world country will testify to this, that most people have NO IDEA what lengths people will go to to romance someone in Europe or America. The chat rooms are full of men doing just that...some even pay others to sit in the internet cafe all day to nurture that relationship. I have to say that I knew my husband's culture very well. I met him in his country. I spent time with his family, his friends...he was well-known in his country. Even if the family is good (and not in on the scam), it doesn't really help you because culturally, no one will come forward and say this guy is bad. It just rarely happens. People say they are good,even when they are suffering. I speak my husband's language well enough to navigate the country on my own. I was arrogant and thought that I couldn't get cheated because I have been around Senegalese people for decades. I think I am more assimilated into Senegalese culture than my husband is. At the end of the day, the immigration process doesn't allow us to really know them well enough to see many things prior to signing our lives away on the AOS. It's kind of a gamble (as is any relationship) of the highest degree. I don't think books or even knowing or reading about the culture will help you to see the scandals that may await you. People can pretend so well that you won't suspect a thing. For me personally, I am still unsure if I was used solely for a GC. I think my husband is not a good guy and has never had a responsible day in his life. He is a liar and a cheater. That has nothing to do with me. I was, however, used, while he had at least one relationship going (and many more conversations) since our child was a few months old. The conversations with other women took place a couple of weeks after that I know about, but I'm quite sure that he was cheating on me the entire time that I have known him. What is certain is that he had a plan. I don't know how many people knew what he was planning and he played his part well enough to fool every single person in my life. I think the best advice I can offer is to always ask yourself if you would date this person if they were in the U.S. and ask yourself if you would marry the person in the U.S. having known the person for the same amount of time/contact. Men can fool us anywhere, but for a person abroad, there is much more at stake than a relationship. I can be a future for their entire family. Most people you meet on the streets abroad don't have any real knowledge of life in the U.S. They think it is as they see it in movies. They think marriage to a U.S. citizen is a ticket to an easy life. If you are easy on the eyes, well, then even better! Certainly, having children with you makes for good evidence. My own husband was about to be denied his visa until they saw the ultrasound report of my pregnancy. If we keep those things in mind, we can make better decisions. Relationships will always be a gamble. This one, though, can be very, very costly to the USC once they have signed the AOS. THat's 10 years or MORE and divorce does not free you. I never thought that I would marry someone abroad (because of what I have seen both in Africa and here [greencard marriages in the states too!] ), but I did. Personally, I would never do it again. After this monster that I married, I'm pretty sure that I won't marry again at all. Having to deal with him for the rest of my life is painful punishment enough. That said, I'm sure that there are numerous happy endings. When I say happy endings, I mean 3-6 years out of the process. I think having a good understanding of the difficult adjustment process is also helpful. THe vets like Taurean are great about that. I think that we should celebrate the happiness!!! God knows we all put so much time and energy into the process. Let us be happy for those that are happy. Let us also tell the truth. Everyone has a right to share their story. Idocare, hugs to little Victor. Blessings to everyone on their journey!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Actually there is no petitionable link between Joseph and Philip so he wouldn't have been able to bring him here. Joseph is the oldest son of his father so by culture he is responsible for the family and inherited the family compound when his father died. I think every Nigerian than hasn't traveled to the US has a false idea of us having bowls of money lying about and thinks we can answer their requests for help at a whim. I have probably read the books you read, I spent 5 years buying every book dealing with Nigeria I could find. Everything from the 'bare all" book like "this house has fallen" to simple travel guides written by Britons to a few school books. I also attended cultural events held in the US. I do see that he favors my adult sons over my daughter and behaves the same towards his own siblings, talking about the brothers and skimming over the sisters. There are 20 siblings from 3 wives. It is common there to think of the female as a lessor being. As for showing me a "good time" when I was in Nigeria , I stayed in the family compound with no electricity and no running water and sleeping on mat on the floor. I wandered the adjoining streets and meet many of the people he dealt with on a daily basis. If was I that posted about the investigation of potential spouses as one evening outside the compound the men were consoling someone about the "bad report" he had gotten. I asked what had happened and several of the men had their own stories of girlfriends abandoned because of "bad reports" ( including Joseph) or of sisters who had received the same about their men.

Joseph has many plans , all way beyond our means , of building homes , having cars being able to travel. We will see if he can pull it off. He has stated that my current home is for the boys ( my sons ) and that he wants to buy one here later.

The uncle married a Nigerian woman last year and the relationship isn't going well. She expected that he had lots of money based on a home he built in the village. He wants her so work and earn money. She was an actress in nollywood movies and thinks she should be treated better than having to work. She recently got her green card and he signed her up for nursing school but she has failed the first tests. She also has announced that he will be buying a house that doesn't drag them down ( the US home isn't anywhere near to the Nigerian one in flashiness ) So I guess even amongst their own relationships are rocky. I know your posts will open the eyes of some that have failed to carefully examine what they are getting into but not EVERY US/west African is bad.

Hello, sorry it took me so long too respond to your post. I'm elated to read that you want to know the books

I had read, first I want to say that back in 2003 they're wasen't alot of information online concerning Nigera and

nor testimony of peeps being dooped from third world countries seeking a visa thru romance. Actually this is the

quickest way for people to come into this country. I know you mentioned that you met your fiance thru a family

member. I just want to alert you to the fact that Alien family members here in the states have been seeking out

Americans to meet their brother/sister abroad for decades now. any American citizen requesting to bring a fiance

here into the state cuts off many years to them getting here; it also relieves the family member from sponsoring

them. Then, if a American person sponsors them they no longer have to pay a brides price to your family because

we don't practice that, so they come here almost free; all they have to do is show you a really good time while

your there in Nigeria or whatever third world country they may currently live in.

After my divorce I went to the library and read some old books written by a British author ( I think) these author

documented Nigeria when they were there and took over the Country. If you have time look back thru all

post that I have written and I posted the authors and name of the books where I retrieved my information.

It's already within my post for all to read, so I encourage you to look thru my old post and you will find the

information you requested. Thanks for responding and I wish you and yours; ALL THE BEST !!!

[Cheyemo 8]

Ok, maybe I should have just said "wow". Too late to edit! Shoot.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

You post with more then just a purpose of clearning Victor's name. I think some of the comments you made are meant to hurt and where purposely placed. What ever your purpose she has a right to voice her opinion. I am sure she has the police record of when you called the cops on her as I do have mine. This is a tactic used to proved self petition or VAWA. This is common place and he used that. This man is a true christian he would have never divorced her he would have worked things out.

Idocre's purpose is to help other woman who are being scammed and lied to.

[PurpleSky 19]

I WAS finding this topic very helpful until recent posts. This topic is about one woman's story as told by her and is meant to give a view on what can be looked out for so some women don't make very painful mistakes. Speaking from my experience American women (mostly Black 'cuz I am Black of course. LOL) can be very drawn in by foreign men. They usually put us in a place where we've never been with appreciating us and treating us special. They are very charismatic, loving and accepting. For some, this is just what they will do to get to America. For others it's true. We as women HAVE to be aware of these things in order to make the right decision.

This topic doesn't need to turn into he said/she said. moveonpl you could have accomplished your side of the story without maligning idocare because it makes you look malicious (and from my POV makes what you said look suspect even if it is true). You could have just posted in the Happy Sub Saharan thread we have a couple topics down from this one. To join a site simply for a personal attack isn't something someone operating in God's love will do. In my Christian world we are placed in situations and pulled through so we can help others. Just like our gifts, our troubles aren't meant for us, they are meant for others. They give us an opportunity to grow personally and exhibit that growth. So for me, I appreciate this topic because it presents me with another side of the "love from abroad" story.

[momov31 2]

How can u really be helped if u only want to listen to one side of the story. I don't have any problem in what moveon posted, the same anger idocare gets to carry she has the same right. I'm not saying this women didn't have issues, but if u want to help me tell me what u did right and wrong to so i will know not to do that. @ purple i don't see it as vindictive, it sounds informative to me, to actually here two side is rare. Christian would listen to both sides before making a judgment on anything. See when my kids have their fights me as a parent wants to know who did what, i know i will never know the real truth only their truth, but i cant just punish one child without knowing what really went on. I know my GOD doesn't judge and is very forgiving. I remember idocare telling me she could post her opinion where ever she wanted because thats what this forum is for, so is it not ok for this person to have the same right. She may have joined to get her point across, but why are there still people on here that r not in the journey anymore and only seem to want to hold on to the past, still here. @ enlighten one i get ur point sometimes, but come on ur story is still kind of new, at what point in ths saga after u have been hurt, u have been "scammed" and u want him to pay with his life, do we move on. When do we move on with our lives. U r a church going women, u work and u keep busy with ur child, but u find time to come on here and find any link where someone is having trouble to offer ur so called help. Ill say this u just post a link to ur story and some resemblance to help. Anyway ill be praying for us all, because anything we do we need Jesus, not any one person more than any other.

[Ban Hammer 12,827]

flame posts made by a member who joined to attack another vj member removed, along with any posts quoting said member.

action bumped to site admin for review of new member's reason for being here.

thread locked pending review by site admin. do NOT restart this thread.