Domestic abuse

[Jadenjewel 9]

I was on my way home tonight and saw a man pull a woman through the driver's window and violently hit her.

I stopped my car and yelled at him to stop. Another car pulled over as well. We called the police and he left.

What is wrong with our society!?

Fortunately for this poor woman 3 people stopped to help her. Unfortunately she didn't want us to talk to the police she was afraid he may lose custody of his kids. I HOPE SO! if he would do this in broad daylight what does he do behind closed doors? The police are going to pursue this as they have statements from 3 of us. She said this wasn't the first time so I hope she gets the help she needs and also the man who did this so no one else gets hurt.

I wondered how someone could ever ignore violence when I heard of the man who died on the street in New York while people walked by him.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1269102/Good-Samaritan-Hugo-Tale-Yax-dies-New-York-street-ignored-25-pedestrians.html

Commentators said that possibly this was due to being over exposed to violence and becoming numb to it.

I'm so glad that there were other people tonight willing to stay, report it, and give this poor woman feedback that " NO ONE " deserves that.

I'm glad I live in a city where people still care and will stand up and say no.

Thanks also to our police officers!

NO MORE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhWgnpezqxA&feature=related

[raymaga 25]

People are just very afraid to get involved when they see something like this. Thankfully, 3 of you were not too afraid to help out this poor woman.

I used to work in Domestic Violence, and these kinds of stories were a daily occurence. I felt very discouraged that there was very little we could do to protect these women and their children. They are often too afraid to leave their abusers and are also very afraid of being alone, so even living with domestic violence seems better to them than being alone.

I always hope that a happy ending can come of these situations, but sadly, most often, there is no happy ending.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I come from an abusive past. When my kids were teens I would frequently get kids staying that had "issues" at home. I made sure that they called the parent of their choice and told them where they were to avoid legal troubles and then the child could stay as long as needed. I had one stay for over a month after being chased down the street by a stepfather wielding a shovel. The mother was thankful that her son had a place that was safe.

[warlord 72]

People are just very afraid to get involved when they see something like this. Thankfully, 3 of you were not too afraid to help out this poor woman.

That's the thing nowdays, that people are afraid of reprocussions from the violent situation. Unfortunatly people trying to help have been shot, maimed and killed trying to help or even do anything. Now nothing should stop them from calling 911 at all, but we do live in a society where turing you head the other way and ignoring something and pretending it didn't happen is all too common and things like this situation are occuring in broad daylight. People have been killed in the presence of bystanders because not one single person called the police until it was too late for fears of being a victim of the aggressor themselves.

And so often in domestic cases like this, the victim refuses to do anything or press charges or even want the police involved. They are generally scared or have been threatended by the other that they would be in severe danger if they did anything or another thing is they are brainwashed by the aggressor that they deserve this and they have just mentally accepted that they are the ones that deserved to be attacked. Thing is, if they had witnesses and told the police they generally would be removed and be safe from the aggressor, but they fail to see that and continue to support the person that just attacked them. Makes me shake my head and go why bother sometimes. But you can't make someone file a report and more cases then not, they'll go right back into the violent relationship until finally after enough broken bones they realize they need to get out, or they get killed. Too bad they can't do this at the first incident...

[trailmix 77]

When you talk like that warlock it almost sounds like you are blaming the victim - for not doing something from the start etc etc. I suppose in some ways that could be true.

The thing is, it's a slippery slope. I'm not saying all domestic violence cases start this way but many people marry young, for instance - so they may be hit a few times, i'm sure the aggressor is very sorry and remorseful, they forgive them and carry on. ffwd 5 years and now they have say 3 children.

It's all fine for the rest of us to sit back from the safety of our living rooms and say oh - I certainly wouldn't put up with that - but if you haven't been in the job market for a while and you have 3 children to clothe and feed and you aren't feeling particularily self confident right at that moment - it's easy to see how it can happen. It's also something I don't think you can really understand until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

You also need to look at what options they have. They have to leave their home, with their children and then what? Find a job, farm the kids out to relatives or daycare? Get social assistance and live hand to mouth?

Edited May 5, 2010 by trailmix

[CDAgirlMI 51]

Years ago my dad saw something similar...guy beating on his wife/gf.

He went up to them to get him to stop, but not only was the guy yelling at my dad to leave, so was the woman.

If I saw something like that I wouldn't confront them. I'd call 911. Someone of my stature couldn't help the situation.

[Lenie7 0]

It is terrible that people don't do something, like with that guy in New York. I can't even believe that people can be so cold. In the case where there is a fight going on (like in the New York guy's case), it can be dangerous to approach a violent person to try to stop them, so I understand that. However, 911 can always be called so the police can deal with such situations.

There have been several cases in the past couple of years here in the U.S. where people stood by and did nothing at all (not even calling 911) when someone was obviously injured or medically in trouble. It is shocking to me that so many people can be that desensitized to another human being.

[warlord 72]

It is terrible that people don't do something, like with that guy in New York. I can't even believe that people can be so cold. In the case where there is a fight going on (like in the New York guy's case), it can be dangerous to approach a violent person to try to stop them, so I understand that. However, 911 can always be called so the police can deal with such situations.

That's the thing, just walk around a corner and dial on your cell phone that most people carry and just report something like that. Nowdays no one would even notice or even have a clue that you were calling 911. So not sure why people don't even bother doing that. It's that "I don't see anything" mentality. Helping someone directly could result in problems, calling 911 in-directly wouldn't cause you any problems.

I guess some people refuse to call because they feel that now they have to be a witenss and if it went to court they would have to testify and maybe that's why people shy away from that. But can't you just call anonymously?

[Flames9_RN 358]

I can understand why some people walked by that homeless gentleman as one sees homeless people "sleeping" on the sidewalks a fair bit in some cities. But to the ones that took a closer look and saw the blood and did nothing, well that isn't right!!!

My brother a law stopped a domestic case this past winter! During the 2nd big snow storm we had in DC, he was walking to the store and came along a guy beating up on a gal! he called 911 and the guy took off, but was arrested! He had to take a day off from work and goto court--the gal never showed up!!! He was told thats what happens a lot, lady never shows up!! Not sure what happened to the guy.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I can understand why some people walked by that homeless gentleman as one sees homeless people "sleeping" on the sidewalks a fair bit in some cities. But to the ones that took a closer look and saw the blood and did nothing, well that isn't right!!!

My brother a law stopped a domestic case this past winter! During the 2nd big snow storm we had in DC, he was walking to the store and came along a guy beating up on a gal! he called 911 and the guy took off, but was arrested! He had to take a day off from work and goto court--the gal never showed up!!! He was told thats what happens a lot, lady never shows up!! Not sure what happened to the guy.

I've seen cases where the woman will quit her job and hide out at a friends house for months to avoid having to testify.

[Jadenjewel 9]

After taking awhile to cool down myself last night as it was an emotional situation i reflected on the whole picture.

If a bystander doesn't have the courage to stop it, how should we expect the victim to have a voice. I repeat no one deserves this.

I used to volunteer for the crisis line so I know there are many avenues for victims to get help. Having said that I also know this goes much deeper. Like trailmix said many of these people have lost there self esteem and may not have jobs etc. A support network is needed for any victim of abuse and a NO TOLERANCE allowed as well. Hopefully making this subject more topical will help all those who are dealing with the situation realize there are places to go for help and that "we" as a society won't tolerate it.

Having stepped into this I realize I may have to testify in court. The police said they would pursue this even if the woman won't. Why, because there were THREE of us who saw it and stayed to report it. Now what happens from here I don't know. Hopefully the judge will deal with this in a manner that will benefit the victim. If all we did was prevent a possible murder I am relieved. My hope is this woman will go to get assistance and counselling to break free from this situation.

If this was happening in the dark of night the prudent thing to do is call 911. As it was daylight my judgement was to stay with the victim and yell at the perpetrator. Domestic abuse is a very volatile situation in which police take VERY seriously and CAREFULLY.

Living in Canada (till my visa comes through ) and having GUN CONTROL LAWS makes it a bit easier to do something. Although to ignore a violent situation in my mind makes you a party to it.

I know I needed to vent this so I can only guess how this poor woman felt!

[Lenie7 0]

I agree that it's terrible and I commend you on your courage to step in and stop the violence, but I guess I personally would not risk my own life in that case. That is how the NY guy got stabbed - he stepped in to stop a domestic dispute a couple was having on the street and the man pulled a knife and stabbed him. After the incident, they couldn't find the woman who was fighting with the perpetrator, even though the stabbing victim was defending her. Who's to say whether that woman is still together with her abuser, but I don't think there can be any valid excuse for her not to go to the police to tell them what happened.

You are right that no one deserves abuse in any circumstance.

After taking awhile to cool down myself last night as it was an emotional situation i reflected on the whole picture.

If a bystander doesn't have the courage to stop it, how should we expect the victim to have a voice. I repeat no one deserves this.

I used to volunteer for the crisis line so I know there are many avenues for victims to get help. Having said that I also know this goes much deeper. Like trailmix said many of these people have lost there self esteem and may not have jobs etc. A support network is needed for any victim of abuse and a NO TOLERANCE allowed as well. Hopefully making this subject more topical will help all those who are dealing with the situation realize there are places to go for help and that "we" as a society won't tolerate it.

Having stepped into this I realize I may have to testify in court. The police said they would pursue this even if the woman won't. Why, because there were THREE of us who saw it and stayed to report it. Now what happens from here I don't know. Hopefully the judge will deal with this in a manner that will benefit the victim. If all we did was prevent a possible murder I am relieved. My hope is this woman will go to get assistance and counselling to break free from this situation.

If this was happening in the dark of night the prudent thing to do is call 911. As it was daylight my judgement was to stay with the victim and yell at the perpetrator. Domestic abuse is a very volatile situation in which police take VERY seriously and CAREFULLY.

Living in Canada (till my visa comes through ) and having GUN CONTROL LAWS makes it a bit easier to do something. Although to ignore a violent situation in my mind makes you a party to it.

I know I needed to vent this so I can only guess how this poor woman felt!

[Sprailenes 47]

If a woman was slapping around her husband would you stop and do the same?

Just asking.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I agree that it's terrible and I commend you on your courage to step in and stop the violence, but I guess I personally would not risk my own life in that case. That is how the NY guy got stabbed - he stepped in to stop a domestic dispute a couple was having on the street and the man pulled a knife and stabbed him. After the incident, they couldn't find the woman who was fighting with the perpetrator, even though the stabbing victim was defending her. Who's to say whether that woman is still together with her abuser, but I don't think there can be any valid excuse for her not to go to the police to tell them what happened.

You are right that no one deserves abuse in any circumstance.

Nobody deserves to be beaten, period. The laws of this country even say so. I work in law enforcement and i've seen the statistics, reports and cases. It is far too frequent that a woman will get beaten, and then recant and become obstructive towards the case to prosecute her abuser. I've seen cases where the woman will even go so far as to say that she was the accuser and he was just defending himself. At a certain point, the abused person has to stand up for themselves. I'm not saying they need to physically confront their abuser, but they do need to want to get help. Like quiting smoking or alcohol, if you don't actually want to quit, you're never going to. There are a myriad of programs and support centers out there, but if someone doesn't want to get help, or doesn't think they need it, they do no good.

[warlord 72]

If a woman was slapping around her husband would you stop and do the same?

Just asking.

I would do the same, abuse is abuse regardless of sex. There's so many unreported spousal abuse incidents that the men are affraid of being ridiculed down upon for reporting that their wifes have beat them up or assaulted them. They've made a number of documentries on the subject and even crappy made-for tv moives (one was with Susanne Sommers) to try and bring lite to the subject. Tyra show had a episode on not too long ago about the issue.

So yeah, anyone hitting anyone I would treat the same regardless of any bias...