Im a skeptic, but a curious skeptic

[justashooter 430]

in fact I was only interested in anyone within 10 miles from my hometown in NZ.

yeah. i divorced when i was 32, adn quickly adopted a "10 mile rule" refusing to date anyone who lived more than 10 miles from my house. trouble is, i moved 12,000 miles away for 5 years, and then had a different "10 mile rule" which got complicated when i wanted to move home.

truth is, if you can find an honest, rational, reasonable woman who is willing to tell you what she really thinks, she is the one to marry, even if you have to go to the moon to do it.

[Danno 1,228]

yeah. i divorced when i was 32, adn quickly adopted a "10 mile rule" refusing to date anyone who lived more than 10 miles from my house. trouble is, i moved 12,000 miles away for 5 years, and then had a different "10 mile rule" which got complicated when i wanted to move home.

truth is, if you can find an honest, rational, reasonable woman who is willing able to tell you what she really thinks, she is the one to marry, even if you have to go to the moon to do it.

Adjusted that a bit.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Im a skeptic....Im naturally suspicious. why do young beautiful women from 3rd world countries or communist countries or less adavantaged countries, go online looking for an american or british or australian or european partner....and the websites are full of these women/guys.

I think theyre looking for a way out of where they are, and will fall in "love" with anyone who meets their criteria..

So you have all these women/men online who are waiting around for a msg from an american or australian etc and then fall in "love" with their correspondent.....once they find out that theyre financially secure that is and can give them a better life of course....

Im seeing more and more wrinkled fat men around here where I live with nice looking asian type women, and I have to wonder about that....Im naturally suspicious...why are they with these guys....must be money or location or both......just what are these ladies in love with??

I have finally concluded that almost all overseas dating is a big con....non-western peoples wanting to go to western countries to escape their life and the dating site can do it.....

I know there are exceptions but they must be very few......

I hope I can be proven wrong but I dont think so...

Let me give my opinion, having lived in Ukraine for some time and having met my wife there (who was not advertising, for what it is worth)

1. The women advertising are a very small percentage of the women in the country, far less than 1%. 99%+ have no intention or big plans to leave their country.

2. There is a large discrepancy of woemn to men in the FSU, the highest in the industrialized world.

2. There is a terrible problem of alcoholism in men in the FSU, further increasing the imbalance because the women really hate drunks and want to avoid them.

3. Women in the FSU, particiularly those of age 35 or more, much less so for young women, have a strong family orientation and desire to have a family, husband and "cosy home".

4. They have a lot of values American men seek and American men have a lot of values the FSU women seek.

I would say, even of the 1% that advertise on websites, the majority would be just thrilled to find and marry a good man in their home city. I disagree that they will fall in love with any man, not if they are sincere, not true at all. In the FSU as in many other countries, the concept of a woman marrying an older man is fully accepted and desireable. In fact it is quite a social taboo for a woman to marry of even date a man younger than her (or shorter than her), though maybe less so now than a few years ago...but still, in a country where there are 116 women to 100 men and 50 of the men are drunks, few "good men" would be interested in older women when there are so many young ones available. And they make it well known they are available.

there is an abundance, almost incredible abundance of beautiful women there. Much higher percentage than here, for example, so of course there are more beautiful women "looking". I think some of this is genetics and some is the desire of FSU to look good wherever they go. If you put them in dumpy sweatpants, tennis shoes, greasy hair and no makeup, they may look just as bad as the women in the mall we see here. But they won;t do that, they look GOOD before they go out or have their photo taken. And it goes on even when they are older. Alla is a grandmother, she has a body like a 16 year old. They care about themsleves, what they eat. Alla walks more in a day than the average American woman walks in a month (she never "runs" and does not "excerise") She parks her car and walks all over the downtown, goes for a long walk every night and keeps very busy. She MOVES, she doesn't sit on her @ss and eat junk food.

Many women prefer an older man and their friends consider that they have scored a real prize if the man is older than them. My wife considers 10-15 years age difference ideal (man older) 20-25 years acceptable but not ideal. FSU women need to respect their husband as much as love him. Older people in the FSU are highly respected. Women in the FSU feel they need to be "the best he can get" so he doesn;t run around after other women. I would have to be a fool to even think about cheating on my wife. Why? For what reason? They also believe an older man can be easily assessed and that young men are "wild cards" A 45-50 year old guy with a good job and no drinking problem is not likely to turn into an alcoholic and lose his job. Young guys? Who knows?

I have often considered that the women of Ukraine and the FSU are much more biological and honest in their choice of a mate. More "animalistic" though that is maybe not the best word. They seek a good man to care for a family and for them so they can be a good woman. They are not greedy, or glddiggers, people mis-read this. They want a man that provides a stable and safe home, which they believe a man should do. They will provide the nuturing and care that they believe a woman should do.

In my mind, very refreshing, very honest. After living there, nothing else would be acceptable.

[alienlovechild 75]

2. There is a large discrepancy of woemn to men in the FSU, the highest in the industrialized world.

Doesn't apply unless you're looking for women over 65 or somewhat lower due to your point about the number of alcoholics over there.

"countries of Eastern Europe (the Baltic states, Belarus, Ukraine, Russia) tend to have a 'normal' ratio at birth but a very low ratio of males for those over 65 (Russia 0.46, Latvia 0.48, Ukraine 0.52)"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd say Salman wins hands down.

Edited May 5, 2010 by El Buscador

[Allamericankiwi 14]

to understand, you just might have to walk in another's shoes. go to the philippines or thialand and after you arrive burn all your cash, try to get a job doing anything (they'll let you be a street vendor), then rent a room with what you make. live that life and see how much time it takes you to feel like you would do just about anything to escape. imagine a friend who recently met someone online and imagine what you would accept as your spouse to better your life as well potentially your entire family.

go do it.... you'll understand.

you don't know why they will accept what is unacceptable to you because you've never been poor....not just poor but living on dirt floors poor.

hmmmm. Maybe youre right, maybe I would do the same.....dont know....But I guess youve illustrated what Ive been thinking. That the majority of women on Philippine and thailand dating sites and other countries where life is tough are just looking for a way out of their circumstances. And if theyre good looking they can find an american or australian or other westerner that meets their material expectations to "fall in love with"....well I guess he thinks they love him for who he is not what he has....or maybe they dont...maybe its a you scratch my back I scratch yours thing....but thats not really love is it as we envision it. Not the kind of love that puts material benefits down the priority list anyway. If he loses his job or health and cant provide what she wants, well i guess she looks elsewhere......is that right? This is what my OP was about. How many of these sites are just full of women/men who are looking for a way out and will pretend to "fall in love" to do it.

[Allamericankiwi 14]

yeah. i divorced when i was 32, adn quickly adopted a "10 mile rule" refusing to date anyone who lived more than 10 miles from my house. trouble is, i moved 12,000 miles away for 5 years, and then had a different "10 mile rule" which got complicated when i wanted to move home.

truth is, if you can find an honest, rational, reasonable woman who is willing to tell you what she really thinks, she is the one to marry, even if you have to go to the moon to do it.

Funny you should say that....my girl is from venus......:-) but I agree. Its hard to find the right lady and one who will tell it to you straight. Honest is a great start...committed is another big quality, but the biggest of them all.....trustworthy!!......someone you can trust no matter the circumstances.....stubbornly loyal to the death. Of course the other partner has to be the same.....

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Doesn't apply unless you're looking for women over 65 or somewhat lower due to your point about the number of alcoholics over there.

"countries of Eastern Europe (the Baltic states, Belarus, Ukraine, Russia) tend to have a 'normal' ratio at birth but a very low ratio of males for those over 65 (Russia 0.46, Latvia 0.48, Ukraine 0.52)"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

And you think all he men die at age 65 and the women live on? The fact is that men have a life expectancy of 58 in Ukraine and women age 73 (or is it 77?), again it is the largest discrepancy in the world and it occurs gradually. The general population of Ukraine (all ages) is 116 women to 100 men.

Not surprisingly, the ratio at birth is normal. What an enlightenment!

men have a far higher incidence of alcoholism and the attendant health problems, they also are employed in much more dangerous jobs (coal mining in Ukraine is far more dangerous than the same occupation here and is nearly exclusively men, for example)

One only need to expand their research beyond the computer keyboard (and wikipedia) by, oh, say, living there for a few years, to see what a remarkable difference a ration of 116:100 is. So, in a game of musical chairs, when the music stops, 16 women are left without a chair. Considering that nearly 50 of the chairs are undesirable to "sit in" it leaves about 65 women standing. Given that those 65 women REALLY want a chair, it makes for a target rich atmosphere for a guy that isn't a drunk. Add in that they desire someone older than them as a mate and the field of choices increases exponentially as men age. A non-alcoholic man in his 40s with a job is GOLD.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

hmmmm. Maybe youre right, maybe I would do the same.....dont know....But I guess youve illustrated what Ive been thinking. That the majority of women on Philippine and thailand dating sites and other countries where life is tough are just looking for a way out of their circumstances. And if theyre good looking they can find an american or australian or other westerner that meets their material expectations to "fall in love with"....well I guess he thinks they love him for who he is not what he has....or maybe they dont...maybe its a you scratch my back I scratch yours thing....but thats not really love is it as we envision it. Not the kind of love that puts material benefits down the priority list anyway. If he loses his job or health and cant provide what she wants, well i guess she looks elsewhere......is that right? This is what my OP was about. How many of these sites are just full of women/men who are looking for a way out and will pretend to "fall in love" to do it.

I do not speak for the Phillipines or Thailand, but as for eastern Europe, for most women life here is little different than in their native country unless they are from a rural village (there is a large variation in the way people live between cities and rural areas) we still have our flat in Donetsk and it offers very few less creature comforts than our home here. True it is 5th floor and has no elevator, but then many apartments in downtown areas of large cities here are the same. Public transportation is far better than what we have here and cheap. Very cheap. Alla did not drive a car, not because she was poor and couldn't imagine owning a car, but because it is not needed. A bus ride is 10 cents, a trolley ride is 2 cents, who the heck wants to buy a car? I will say that Alla's life is very little improved from what she already had. I fact she had more leisure time in Ukraine, but a lot of that is her own choices.

No doubt there are some insincere women in Ukraine and the FSU, big surprise. there are plenty of them in your local newspaper's "singles" listings. And why is there no comparison with the number of singles ads in this country? I would say at least as many women advertise themselves in online and print ads in this country as any other. Is it really so different? How is "Cupid.com" different than "Elena's Models"?

Anyway, I think the perception is simply wrong. Having lived there, I can tell you that a very small percentage of Ukrainian women have any desire to "escape". Ukraine is no longer the Soviet Union, and while they have their problems, to be sure, it is not a terrible place to live.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

I wanted a turkish wife because they make great samiches..

I just say "Women - make me a samich" and she does!!!

But seriously - Umit really didn't want to come to the US after we met and fell in love, she wanted to stay in Turkey.

I convinced her to come here (and make me some samiches.)

Each person has to guide their own faith I think.

[thongd4me 69]

...

No doubt there are some insincere women in Ukraine and the FSU, big surprise. there are plenty of them in your local newspaper's "singles" listings. And why is there no comparison with the number of singles ads in this country? I would say at least as many women advertise themselves in online and print ads in this country as any other. Is it really so different? How is "Cupid.com" different than "Elena's Models"?

A couple (not to single out the man or the woman) sometimes never knows how badly things can go wrong

until you have to share "life decisions" relating to money, family and where and how you will lead your life

together. When people are dating or engaged they are only sharing space with each other, but their lives

have not fully blended until they actually live together. Even living together is a level of sharing one step

down from living together as a married couple.

I could have called my first marriage an immigration scam, but I won't go that far because in the end

it was two people who could not share the important things in life in a way that made both comfortable.

It didn't have anything to do with culture or nationality, it was an individual thing. That can be a problem

with two people who were childhood sweethearts as well as two people from opposite ends of the earth.

[thongd4me 69]

...A non-alcoholic man in his 40s with a job is GOLD.

I like that statement but it's not only true for the Ukraine.

None of the men in my family were or are alcoholics (with the exception of one who died

about 57 years ago). I think the men who survived after him used that as a lesson well learned.

My sister in law whose family has a generic history of alcoholism

was very happy to marry my brother for that reason.