Fulfilling My Duty As Husband

[Lancelotte25 1]

Perhaps, my wife is the most amazing woman I've ever met in my entire life, she is kind, responsible and loving. She was introduced to me by my aunt way back in the year 2003 who happen to be her co-worker albeit we've known each other for quite some time now, the only time we've met in person was in the year 2008 and at the same time we got married. After a couple of weeks we had to be separated once again because she needs to go back to the States and I have to go back to my work in Saudi Arabia. We've been married for almost 2 years now but its only the years that counts not the time that we had as husband and wife.

Now the time is almost here to be with her but I'm so paranoid thinking of how to fulfill my duties as her partner and not someone as her responsibility to support every single day and while I haven't find job because for sure it will take month(s) before I can find job, I will take over all the household chores for the meantime so she can rest well when she gets home from work. To all the ladies out there, what do you expect from us to do when you gets home tired from work? I have nothing to offer to my wife because she can have anything she wants without me in her life and the only thing I got is my will and promise to stay beside her no matter what.

[littlecrazyangel 1]

Congrats!

When I get home I need a hung and kisses. And listen.

[Lancelotte25 1]

Congrats!

When I get home I need a hung and kisses. And listen.

Thanks, sounds easy for me..

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

Yes, listening is most important. Often, I'd rather my husband listen to me than offer solution; I don't want a "quick fix" to a work problem I have, I just want to be able to vent.

Also, make her life easy in small ways; for example if you know she comes home at a certain time, have her favourite tea/ drink ready. If you see a show she likes is on during the day, DVR it so she can watch it in the evening etc etc

[Mononoke28 134]

I personally wouldn't want to know that my husband did absolutely nothing during the day, so anything is a big deal for me. I also would love to see that he is doing everything he can to find a job because that shows that he's trying to move ahead. I don't like guys, or people in general, who sit around and blame their "bad luck" for not finding a job when in reality they haven't done anything to help the situation. It really bugs me to no end.

Diana

[Married2009 32]

I have nothing to offer to my wife because she can have anything she wants without me in her life and the only thing I got is my will and promise to stay beside her no matter what.

Shame on you! You DO have something to offer, or she would not have married you. While money and material things are - to a certain extent - important, they are not (I hope) the foundation of your relationship. Taking care of the household chores while you are looking for work, will be a big help to her. Having a partner to share things with is important. Oh, and when you do find a job? Help her with the chores, don't dump everything back on her.

[TracyTN 237]

My hubby took over the cooking and cleaning (and of course yard work), which quite frankly pleased me about more than anything. It was nice to know that my only responsibility was to work and pay the bills. Soon he'll be the primary caregiver for our child-to-be since he now works out of our home. Believe me, that's worth more to me than what his business brings in by FAR.

Try to think of different things that stress her out which you can take off her hands.

[Aubrey 10]

My husband and I discussed what he could do while he waited for permission to work. I'd recommend you talk to your wife, because everyone's needs are a little different. Here are a few things I can recommend, based on my experience with my husband's move over.

Do little things for her to help out without her having to ask. Example: get up with her every morning and make her breakfast & a lunch to send off with her to work. It doesn't take long for the person staying home all day, but seems like so much time when you're rushing off to work. Make the bed.

Find something productive to do with your time besides just the housework. Read a book, learn something in your field, or volunteer somewhere. It will not only boost your own self-esteem, but could help with your job hunt, and also gives you two something to talk about. Saying "My day was the same as usual... housework" gets old pretty fast.

Be positive. The transition is hard enough without feeling down about yourself, your new life, or things in general. Find a way to be happy every day.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

[az110965 252]

What a nice sentiment by the OP in his post. It's nice to see a man who appreciates his wife and wants to do the right thing for them on a daily basis. If more couples had this philosphy then more marriages would work out.

My fiancee and I have had long talks about what her role will be when she arrives. Currently she works 12-14 hour days, raises her daughter alone, supports her mom and 2 sisters and still is the most pleasant, upbeat and optomistic person I've ever met.

The first thing I told her is that I want her to simply be HAPPY when she arrives here. We both know she'll need some time for adjustment and for learning the lay of the land. I told her to take all the time she needs and (even though I don't want her to work) I told her that if she wanted to work part time to get out of the house it would be fine with me. She was incredulous when I told her that she wouldn't need to work if she didn't want too.

The bottom line with us is that Vanessa has a 6 year old daughter and I hate the fact that she doesn't get to spend much time with her now in Costa Rica due to her work schedule. We've agreed that Vanessa will stay at home so she can spend important time with her daughter (and my 7 year old son - who adores her). She wants to do all the cookinbg, cleaning and take care of the house. I told her we'd divide up the chores to get them done quicker - she wouldn't hear anything about it.

All in all, we both communicate with each other really well. We share our thoughts and feelings and even though it will be an adjustment when she and my step daughter arrive, I know it'll be ok.

Alan

[trillium13 84]

Since you're asking, you obviously care very much for her, and that is a big deal. Good for you. She's a lucky lady.

I think everyone else has pretty much covered it-if she's out working, do all you can for her at home so she doesn't have to do it. And ASK her what you can do for her. She's the one to know best. And whatever she asks you to do? Do it with a smile. That means a lot.

Best of luck to you both! You sound like a good man.

[Lancelotte25 1]

Wow!! I was stunned.. All of your replies are really helpful. The reason I asked this is because I know we got different types of ladies here who has different likers and dislikes.

Thank you so much!!

[victorious 0]

Wow!! I was stunned.. All of your replies are really helpful. The reason I asked this is because I know we got different types of ladies here who has different likers and dislikes.

Thank you so much!!

And oh yeah don't forget to give her a massage! My husband always gives me one and I love it. Clean house, laundry done and food ready in the table. I'm pretty sure she will love that. ^^

[Christi and Ian 24]

Perhaps, my wife is the most amazing woman I've ever met in my entire life, she is kind, responsible and loving. She was introduced to me by my aunt way back in the year 2003 who happen to be her co-worker albeit we've known each other for quite some time now, the only time we've met in person was in the year 2008 and at the same time we got married. After a couple of weeks we had to be separated once again because she needs to go back to the States and I have to go back to my work in Saudi Arabia. We've been married for almost 2 years now but its only the years that counts not the time that we had as husband and wife.

Now the time is almost here to be with her but I'm so paranoid thinking of how to fulfill my duties as her partner and not someone as her responsibility to support every single day and while I haven't find job because for sure it will take month(s) before I can find job, I will take over all the household chores for the meantime so she can rest well when she gets home from work. To all the ladies out there, what do you expect from us to do when you gets home tired from work? I have nothing to offer to my wife because she can have anything she wants without me in her life and the only thing I got is my will and promise to stay beside her no matter what.

What she wants is you...

Relax.

[Lancelotte25 1]

What she wants is you...

Relax.

Thanks!!

[Calypso 464]

Victorious is right... give your wife massage and better bath.

Learn new recipes. Have you cooked her chicken tinola already?

Before she brought you here, she must have known that you might not be working for a while so I'm sure she doesn't mind your set up at this point. I do hope you get a job soon.

Try doing something online that may help you earn money.

Edited February 9, 2010 by Arbind.Ariadne