Mother in law can't stop calling her son

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Hi, everyone,

I am having a problem and would like to discuss it with everyone here in the forum so that I can know if it's me who is over reacting or something else.

My mother in law lives in Europe, she will call her son every weekend ( saturday + sunday ) and every holiday. At the beginning it was fine, but over time it has become a hugh issue for me. Because when she calls, she always repeating herself with the same thing, weather.... and her leg ( she recently got injured)...... always repeating. She has 3 sons, but she only calls my husband because he is responsive to her, the other 2 borthers don't want to talk to her.

My husband is fine with the repeating topic and the phone calls ( because it's her mother), but I am not. I feel very annoyed. If we are out, she will call 6-8 times a day, every hour to check if we are home. I start to feel that there is an issue with her, it's not normal like this, is it???? or me not normal feeling annoyed??

We are fighting a lot over this, and he thinks that it's his mother so he should talk to her no matter what, and I agree on this, but there is a limit. For example, if we are not home, just leave a message instead of calling so many times. Calling one day a week is enough, not 2 days in a roll and repeating the same thing.

I don't know what to do.... I know I shouldn't be concerned at all, I should just let her call and speak with her son, but I don't want her to feel that talking to her son is the highlight of the week, she should get up and do somthing for herself........

I know by writing this I sound like a bad wife, but I just don't feel this is normal.........

Help...... please give me some of your insight.....

Thanks.

Lighten up. what's the problem? Both my wife and I speak to our mother's once a week, we each speak to both. Guess what the topic is? Weather and health. Both our mother's are in their 70's, mine her late 70's. There really is not a lot else to talk about. My MIL says if she wakes up and feels no pain, she will know she is dead. LOL

They like to know how their children are (you never stop being their children) and they like to know someone cares about them and asks how they are doing.

Talking to her son is probably the highlight of her week, so what? I know my mother lives for the calls and letters from her children (she still likes to get handwritten letters).

I fail to see this as an issue at all.

[Nessa 23]

if you're out turn off the phone. if it doesn't bother your husband it shouldn't bother you, after all you're not the one who has to listen to her. go find something else to do instead of being annoyed by a couple of phone calls a week.

i can't believe you'd fight with your husband over his right to talk to his mom. I'd be really pissed off if charles would give me a hard time for talking to my mom. we usually talk like once or twice a month, im not a phone person, but charles for example used to call his dad every night until he passed away. never bothered me and even if it did, i'd just go take care of my business and respect his will to talk to his dad.

[Ricardo_C 4]

Guys, you keep ignoring the fact that her husband locks himself away to talk to his mother. Her being upset is very understandable in that context.

[Susita 175]

It is a possibility that he knows she's pissed off about his mom calling all the time and doesn't want to have an argument with her while he's on the phone with his mom (or he just would rather deal with it at a later time). Or the fact that apparently she knows everything him and his mom talk about and he doesn't like having someone eavesdrop on his conversations.

I think Luis would be a bit pissed off if I just sat there and listened to everything he said on the phone, even if it is with his mom.

[nowhereman 1]

Guys, you keep ignoring the fact that her husband locks himself away to talk to his mother. Her being upset is very understandable in that context.

Yes this seems a little strange, but instead of guessing why he does this ask him why.

[Krikit 1,166]

Guys, you keep ignoring the fact that her husband locks himself away to talk to his mother. Her being upset is very understandable in that context.

Both my husband and I leave the room when we take a call. It's a sign of respect so we don't disturb one another.

[DARUMA07 25]

Give him a break! Our parents are not around for ever. I lost my mother 12 years ago today and sometimes I wish I could have just 5 minutes on the phone with her. Don't deprive him of his relationship with his mom. You will regret it if you do.....

[Nessa 23]

Guys, you keep ignoring the fact that her husband locks himself away to talk to his mother. Her being upset is very understandable in that context.

it's none of her business to listen to his call anyway. she needs a hobby.

[Angel and Gendy 1]

If you guys are cancelling/not making weekend plans because of the calls, I'd say it's an intrusion. you two do have a relationship to nurture, but if only one person is interested in that, not much can be done....

[Kukolka 8]

Maybe she has a phone plan when she can talk long distance for free or cheap on weekends, and that's why she calls so much on weekends instead of other days of the week? Or because of time difference, and your husband working, would make it hard to find a good time? Perhaps she gets anxious on Sunday, feeling time is running out and if she doesn't get to speak to him, the highlight of her week has to wait until next weekend?

If her calls are interfering with your time together, yes as others have suggested, setting up a time for her to call sounds like a good solution. Or maybe your husband could call her instead. Or could tell her, if you have plans together for the day, so she won't worry so much if you're out. If the problem is that she calls and talks to you and then calls back 5 minutes later to talk to her son, is it because when you give him a message he hasn't called her back? Or she just thinks he won't call her back or that you won't give him the message? In that case maybe her son can reassure her that you -will- give him the message and he -will- call back?

I think it is normal to go in a closed room to have a phone conversation. I did this to talk to my parents when I lived with roommates, whether or not I was in a relationship with the roommate. My mother goes in a closed room to talk on the phone with her mother or sisters, and my dad isn't bothered by it, he just does something else at the time. Is it possible the issue is a cultural difference? When you were growing up, did people talk on the phone while in the same room as other people, so now when your husband goes to a closed room it seems like a secret? In my own family, when someone makes or takes a call, the person on the phone goes to another room. That's normal for my family; for another family it may be normal to stay in the room with the phone hooked up to the wall and other people stay in the room too. It could be a misunderstanding of differences in boundaries.

In my experience, whatever the root of the problem is, the best course to solving it is communicating with my partner about it. It sounds like you're on the right track, acknowledging a part of it may be your responsibility, and searching for a resolution. Good luck!

[Niels Bohr 72]

She lives so far away. And, she will not probably see her son in a few years. It's only right that she calls.

[Fandango 1,440]

I'm late to the party, but since it was bumped, here's my .02: Sounds like control freak behavior to me, sorry. Wow, if I moved half the world away for someone and he had a problem with me talking to my mother? I'd be really pissed off and would actually re-evaluate the relationship.

I don't care if the door is open or closed...you don't own your husband. If it bothers you this much, talk to him instead of VJ. I'm not going to speculate as to why he shuts the door...but at the end of the day, doesn't he still deserve privacy, or does marriage mean neither party gets any?

Good luck to you.