a filipina friend of mind in my area ...who just got married ask help...

[daboyz 36]

Do the USCIS keep track of these men who continuously bring in foreign fiancee's one after the other?? I hope so because this is horrible horrible abuse!

USCIS does keep track of them, now. That wasn't the case in 1999, as I recall.

Part of IMBRA. They do keep track.

[ziia 9]

..some post reply get the point her husband is old guy..while she is still very young

Just as I thought! Classic case: The old fart wanted a young girl he could do with as he pleased, she probably wouldn't "submit" now he wants to get rid of her, old son of a gun #######!

Hey now! You are doing the same exact thing you told others not to do: jump to conclusions. Who knows what the truth is? Only they know. But keep in mind that the guy married her. If all he wanted was a sex slave he could have just brought her here and not married her at all. When people marry they jump into a financial risk. If the guy is as bad as you portray him to be he wouldn't have married her at all but kept her in his home to do stuff for him. Both situations are very feasible here: she can be a fraudster(i just can't comprehend how one can think of remarrying with another USC so soon is the 1st husband was the devil in disguise( i mean c'mon, if the guy abuses her a few days after he marries her wouldn't she think of getting out of the situation first(she hasn't even left yet, no divorce, no nothing) before she even flirts with the idea of another marriage)-a bit of common sense is expected on VJ even if your hearts are in the right place, your brains should be too OR he can be the devil, in which case I have no clue why he needed to married her in 1st place but i'll pretend i won't notice this little "disadvantage" on his behalf...anyhow, if he is an "old fart" who is molesting her, she should get out of there, go to her cousin or to a shelter and THEN write here for help and advices. Don't demonize a guy if you don't know the situation and don't demonize or "angelize " the girl either-that's just a biased opinion. Stay on track and give an advice as helpful as you can without judging her case since you don't know what's really going on. My advise to the OP: Go home and try again. Being illegal in US is no walk in the park. If you met a bad man, there is always another one around the corner who is waiting to take his place.

[FortLaudy 10]

I just wanted to shed a little light on the fact that it's not always the foreigner commiting fraud as is always the general conclusion on here, people on VJ always seem to jump to that conclusion when they read cases like this.. and immediately shout out "I smell fraud".

When I read the OP's post that's not what I immediately thought and as I've explained before, here's why.

Having travelled to Asia extensively and had first hand witnessed "the Old man and young Asian women" stereotype in such places as Pat Pong, Bangkok and lived in the Middle East long enough to have seen on the local news tons of cases of this phenomena turned horribly ugly, I have my (perhaps weighted and biased) opinion on this issue and just wanted to make people stop and think before they shout "fraud". Take into account the age difference, cultural difference and yes, where the foreigner is from DOES make a difference - the poverty level etc.

If a marriage does not work out, why is the foreigner always blamed for the breakdown?? why do people in general on here not Ever see the USC as at fault, but Always accuse the foreigner of marriage fraud? now that's biased ! I wonder what the statistics are of older USC males bringing young Asian mail order brides to the US, who's seeking out who here? If the guy is so faultless and wonderful and could possibly not be blamed for the breakdown of the marriage why did he have to go to a foreign place to find a wife? why not find someone that's already legally here? If he is into Asian women there are huge communities of Asian women here, already legal residents.

When these older men go to Asia and bring over Much younger girls to marry it stinks to the high heavens to me... why go to such extreme lengths? If they're so great why can't they find someone here - in the whole of the huge USA?? Does he REALLY think that this young beautiful girl, if she had a choice, REALLY want to sleep next to him every night ? Hell no, he knows she's doing it because she wants a better future for herself, her future kids and possibly her family back home, and yes of course love can grow out of this and this can be a wonderful relationship.

But I still know it's done with many compromises on the young girl's part - spending the best years of her life tending to an older man instead of marrying someone closer to her own age from her own culture and growing old together, enjoying her life instead of carrying this burden of having to seek out a better life for herself and her family etc. all compromises. Do you think the USC does not know this?? Of course he does!

In my opinion I think this is why he's gone to these extremes, because he is NOT perfect, there's something wrong with this guy, he feels the need to have a submissive partner whom he can "hold" something over in the hopes that she'll be obedient to him, never leave him and do whatever he asks of her - cook, clean and provide sex as much as he needs because he knows he has complete "power" over her life and destiny and she's completely dependant on him... see, if it was an ordinary USC she would not take this BS and walk out and he could do nothing about it, the foreign bride has too much to lose so she's forced to stay and the USC knows this.

The role of women has changed - All over the world. Some men just cannot handle that their wife is more succesful, independant, intelligent etc. than them, so they go "to the ends of the earth" to find a submissive wife - someone who depends on them for Everything in their lives.

I feel from what I have personally seen on my travels and living in amongst these communities, I have good reason tho have my biased opinion on this case: I believe this is what happened: the USC wanted a nice sweet submissive wife, who will stay at home, cook,clean and provide sex for him, in return he would take care of her basic needs and she would be happy with that because it is better than what she had back hom, but he had a nice surprise, this little girl was not gonna take his BS and resisted and so now of course he wants to get rid of her - not even wanting to buy her a ticket back home. I still say: Sick old ####### in my opinion!

No wonder the USCIS created the two year Conditional GC, it is to protect both parties! Not only the USC!

[ladyinpink 1]

Hello everyone i meet a filipina friend in my area who arrived her as KI-VISA the got married last month but they notice they are not compitable each other and find it out they will fight for some of simply probs so she is worry about her situition if she can stay long in here because she have her cousin also married in th same state maybee can help her to stay ..she is asking the length of her stay in US and asking any option if its better for her to file a divorce?are what are also the possible result if she file a divorce even without a green card can she re marry again if by chance she can meet another guy..that is only her advance questions...but she scared about the situition the guy she become a husband treating her bad already..so anyone in here can advice my friends..that would be of great help for my friend..thanks to all...

go back to the philippines but may be ther some option

going to counselling they are both adjusting to each other culture shuck home sick

meet friends collecthing some advice or idea how to save ther marriege little petince

and sacrife open to each other if the husban is really muron may be the best option is going back to pinas

good luck and good bless

[ziia 9]

I just wanted to shed a little light on the fact that it's not always the foreigner commiting fraud as is always the general conclusion on here, people on VJ always seem to jump to that conclusion when they read cases like this.. and immediately shout out "I smell fraud".

When I read the OP's post that's not what I immediately thought and as I've explained before, here's why.

Having travelled to Asia extensively and had first hand witnessed "the Old man and young Asian women" stereotype in such places as Pat Pong, Bangkok and lived in the Middle East long enough to have seen on the local news tons of cases of this phenomena turned horribly ugly, I have my (perhaps weighted and biased) opinion on this issue and just wanted to make people stop and think before they shout "fraud". Take into account the age difference, cultural difference and yes, where the foreigner is from DOES make a difference - the poverty level etc.

If a marriage does not work out, why is the foreigner always blamed for the breakdown?? why do people in general on here not Ever see the USC as at fault, but Always accuse the foreigner of marriage fraud? now that's biased ! I wonder what the statistics are of older USC males bringing young Asian mail order brides to the US, who's seeking out who here? If the guy is so faultless and wonderful and could possibly not be blamed for the breakdown of the marriage why did he have to go to a foreign place to find a wife? why not find someone that's already legally here? If he is into Asian women there are huge communities of Asian women here, already legal residents.

When these older men go to Asia and bring over Much younger girls to marry it stinks to the high heavens to me... why go to such extreme lengths? If they're so great why can't they find someone here - in the whole of the huge USA?? Does he REALLY think that this young beautiful girl, if she had a choice, REALLY want to sleep next to him every night ? Hell no, he knows she's doing it because she wants a better future for herself, her future kids and possibly her family back home, and yes of course love can grow out of this and this can be a wonderful relationship.

But I still know it's done with many compromises on the young girl's part - spending the best years of her life tending to an older man instead of marrying someone closer to her own age from her own culture and growing old together, enjoying her life instead of carrying this burden of having to seek out a better life for herself and her family etc. all compromises. Do you think the USC does not know this?? Of course he does!

In my opinion I think this is why he's gone to these extremes, because he is NOT perfect, there's something wrong with this guy, he feels the need to have a submissive partner whom he can "hold" something over in the hopes that she'll be obedient to him, never leave him and do whatever he asks of her - cook, clean and provide sex as much as he needs because he knows he has complete "power" over her life and destiny and she's completely dependant on him... see, if it was an ordinary USC she would not take this BS and walk out and he could do nothing about it, the foreign bride has too much to lose so she's forced to stay and the USC knows this.

The role of women has changed - All over the world. Some men just cannot handle that their wife is more succesful, independant, intelligent etc. than them, so they go "to the ends of the earth" to find a submissive wife - someone who depends on them for Everything in their lives.

I feel from what I have personally seen on my travels and living in amongst these communities, I have good reason tho have my biased opinion on this case: I believe this is what happened: the USC wanted a nice sweet submissive wife, who will stay at home, cook,clean and provide sex for him, in return he would take care of her basic needs and she would be happy with that because it is better than what she had back hom, but he had a nice surprise, this little girl was not gonna take his BS and resisted and so now of course he wants to get rid of her - not even wanting to buy her a ticket back home. I still say: Sick old ####### in my opinion!

No wonder the USCIS created the two year Conditional GC, it is to protect both parties! Not only the USC!

I agree with you 100%, I know what you are saying is true for most cases, but most cases are not all the cases. I agree that it looks laughable to see a 50 year old man with a 25 year old Asian girl. I sit and wonder sometimes: What is going on through that guy's head? But you know what? Whatever is going on through that guy's head is somewhat the same of what is going on through the girls' head. It may seem different but it's not:

1)The guy wants a "submissive" kid-looking wife! because he is sitting at home watching too much porn, sees all the stuff there and thinks: Heeey ga ga ga, I want me one of these too duhhhh(scratch-scratch). And there they go, they book a flight and go fishing for their porn star in PI.

After:

Now, the rest you described yourself...he brings her home, sees that his imagination is too rich, if not even too twisted and does one of the two: Comes on VJ and asks how to ship his broken porn puppet back(she ain't no good, blah blah blah, you know the rest)

2)The woman wants a better life. Nothing wrong with that. She sees a mister who's white, big and fat and think he might be an American. Then she sees the drooling on the corner of his mouth and the "ha ha ha, you girls are sooo much fun" screamed from the top of his lungs and then she KNOWS that guy is her ticket to freedom. Well, he's 40 years older than her but what the heck, that doesn't matter then...so, they both start this "come here, go there, oh I love you so much, you're my life blah blah blah" and gets the guy ready to bring her to the promised land.

After:

The girl gets here and hopaaa turns out she is human, no longer a porn star, no longer willing to keep pretending she is a porn star(i said no longer because in your experience through travel you should know that the porn star statue is somewhat of a common dish when an American is near by...competition is fierce on who wears the tallest heals and the tiniest skirts). That said, the girl finally wakes up one day, looks at her husband and sees that he looks different now that she sees him in the morning light too. She notices he white hair all of the sudden, little detail she never seemed to notice before and gets scared. Then the Monster starts talking to her and tells her: You know woman, I need your help. Hwa sais the girl...he is ugly, old AND he wants me to do stuff for him. This is not what I signed up for. How can i leave him and still stay?

So, these are 2 small examples that are very feasible and happen a lot- on both sides. Now, I am not saying you are not right, I'm just saying that every person is different. What you met most of the times might have shocked you into thinking it happens all the time for everybody. Not true! It can be how you said, maybe he's a creep(which I have no doubt if he is more than twice her senior) but along with his creepiness she is a creep too: for marring her "grandfather" and ONE MONTH after yelling "oh gee, I tried everything, my marriage is not working, what if i marry another one, can it still work? Can I stay?" I mean bee-Jesus man, if this to you is not an abuser too, then I don't know what is.

Sure most of times girls are fooled and raped and molested and abused by men but keep in mind that men are too every time someone screams "abuse" because she found out at the "Seminar" that that's what they should do to get the Green Card without the "fart" . I agree with you, people should not rush to judgment, neither should you and neither should I because you know what, You can be wrong and I can be wrong. You don't know...sure you get a hunch and have an instinct and some experience in the field but no one on VJ is hired to gather up forensic evidence of this or that. We are here to help with an advice if and when we can not call people names and certainly not insult people who don't have a chance to come and defend themselves against your name calling. Yes, you have the right to an opinion no matter what that is. But i'm afraid in this case it goes beyond an opinion and slides a bit into a "personal" field. Maybe you should focus more on that rather than calling the USC the only evil on earth.

[FortLaudy 10]

Ok, I might have been personally attacking the guy by saying I think he's probably a sick old #######, lol... sorry if I've offended anyone,

but that is my honest opinion in these kinds of situations and although it is possible that the person the OP is writing about could have been "fraudulent" I think by her writing back and telling us that her friend is in fact going back to the Philipines - her family having to buy her a ticket, mind you, not the dear dear husband... was just enough evidence for me to conclude that he is just that steoreotypical sick old ####### who married a young asian girl and when she wasn't subservient enough had to get rid of her... don't know how this is any more of a personal attack than saying "I smell fraud"... too me both is just an opinion after reading the story and coming to a personal conclusion and opinion. Maybe not having all the facts in this case I am wrong to come to my specific conclusion, but just wanted to make the point that writing "I smell fraud" in every damn case on here that sounds suspect is ridiculous, insensitive, ignorant and not helpful and people need to consider the background, age and nationality of both the people before making those judgements and realise that the scenario I was describing also happens more than enough but I'm sure the poor Philipina girls on here are way too embarrassed to write about it it and knowing myself about these sick stories I thought I'd give them a voice to make someone else think twice about writing "I smell fraud" when reading about anoter case like this involving an old USC and young asian girl...

"The guy wants a "submissive" kid-looking wife! because he is sitting at home watching too much porn" You nearly had me rolling on the floor with your post, especially that line, you had the description down pat of just what I have in mind for that fat stereotypical dude wearing a wife-beater shirt sitting infront of his pc scratching his hairy balls looking through thousands of profiles of young asian girls... eeeeeekkkk !! (can I say balls on here? lol)

[chinese_mutt 11]

i dunno about the other "young" girls but I married my old guy for SEX! hahaha. no one would believe me though. sheesh!

[FortLaudy 10]

i dunno about the other "young" girls but I married my old guy for SEX! hahaha. no one would believe me though. sheesh!

Good for you! and evidently he's young enough so he atleast doesn't shoot blanks yet

[ziia 9]

could have been "fraudulent" I think by her writing back and telling us that her friend is in fact going back to the Philipines - her family having to buy her a ticket, mind you, not the dear dear husband... was just enough evidence for me to conclude that he is just that steoreotypical sick old ####### who married a young asian girl and when she wasn't subservient enough had to get rid of her...

Everything you said makes a lo of sense except this: why do you think this is typical? I would think the typical thing to do would be for the guy to divorce her pronto and buy her a ticket asap just so that she won't stay here illegally and then come after him, flashing I864 all the way to the bank. What do you think?

I tend to believe that the girl hasn't even told him about her intentions. When someone is abused and scared, the last thing they want to do is tell the abuser: "Hey schmuck, i wanna leave you, why don't you give me some money for the road?". So, if what she said is true, that she was indeed abused and afraid of her husband, then this" I asked him for money" just doesn't makes sense to me. I mean think about it. If your husband abuses you(God forbid, i'm not saying that's the case) and you are scared of him and want to leave him. Would you go ask him for money to leave? Would you tell him that you're going out the door knowing you'd be receiving some sort of punishments or torture? Wouldn't you leave him hush hush, pack all the stuff when he's not around to hurt you and go pronto without advertising your intentions to the wrong person? If the girl asked him for money, whether he said yes or no, that tells me that:

1) He's not that abusive as the OP wants us to think he is. She had the guts to tell the abuser she's leaving.

or

2) The guy is probably telling her: Lets not rush, let's try some more, I don't have money right now but if that's what you want i will do my best to find some. (To her that translates in "i won't give you money")

or

3) She didn't tell him at all but tells it on VJ to attract sympathy after she saw the "you're a fraud" written many times. People tend to be self defensive many times and say whatever they have to to collect some pity. Mind you that's probably what she did to her husband too.

or

4)She is telling the truth and he is abusing her and she had the guts to ask the abuser for money to leave him(aka...loose control of the victim) in which case the P would not be here "telling us about her life" but somewhere else in the hospital or a shelter.

That is kind of my line of thinking. i don't know what is her story, I only know what she is saying and the truth is some things seem shady from her part and the husband's(through her description of him). We know too little to point fingers and call justice.

Edited December 16, 2009 by ziia

[justashooter 430]

Ok, I might have been personally attacking the guy by saying I think he's probably a sick old #######, lol... sorry if I've offended anyone,

but that is my honest opinion in these kinds of situations 。。

yes, you have offended a bunch of us, and yes, you have an opinion.

but then, opinions are like a$$holes...

[Kiv 32]

Hello everyone i meet a filipina friend in my area who arrived her as KI-VISA the got married last month but they notice they are not compitable each other and find it out they will fight for some of simply probs so she is worry about her situition if she can stay long in here because she have her cousin also married in th same state maybee can help her to stay ..she is asking the length of her stay in US and asking any option if its better for her to file a divorce?are what are also the possible result if she file a divorce even without a green card can she re marry again if by chance she can meet another guy..that is only her advance questions...but she scared about the situition the guy she become a husband treating her bad already..so anyone in here can advice my friends..that would be of great help for my friend..thanks to all...

Hi,

Your friend's cousin can't help her to stay (legally), only direct family can file a petition, (husband, parents, sons 21 or older, brothers).

Unless her cousin has a business and they can process any type of work Visa.

This may be complicated if she over stays without adjusting status.

Good luck to your friend.

[twellspeak 0]

The role of women has changed - All over the world. Some men just cannot handle that their wife is more succesful, independant, intelligent etc. than them, so they go "to the ends of the earth" to find a submissive wife - someone who depends on them for Everything in their lives.

I feel from what I have personally seen on my travels and living in amongst these communities, I have good reason tho have my biased opinion on this case: I believe this is what happened: the USC wanted a nice sweet submissive wife, who will stay at home, cook,clean and provide sex for him, in return he would take care of her basic needs and she would be happy with that because it is better than what she had back hom, but he had a nice surprise, this little girl was not gonna take his BS and resisted and so now of course he wants to get rid of her - not even wanting to buy her a ticket back home. I still say: Sick old ####### in my opinion!

No wonder the USCIS created the two year Conditional GC, it is to protect both parties! Not only the USC!

Yes, the role of the western woman has changed. Many Western women, especially younger Western women, have lost not just their sense of femininity, but even their desire to be feminine. With this the man's role has become blurred and many Western men have become confused about just what their role is. Many feel that they are still expected to play the traditional role, but not reap the benefits that could be previously have been expected. The pendulum has swung too far and Western men, in ever greater numbers, are saying enough is enough and turning their back on Western women too seek love elsewhere.

[Thai Rath 1]

Yes, the role of the western woman has changed. Many Western women, especially younger Western women, have lost not just their sense of femininity, but even their desire to be feminine. With this the man's role has become blurred and many Western men have become confused about just what their role is. Many feel that they are still expected to play the traditional role, but not reap the benefits that could be previously have been expected. The pendulum has swung too far and Western men, in ever greater numbers, are saying enough is enough and turning their back on Western women too seek love elsewhere.

No, we haven't lost our sense of feminitity; we just refuse to allow only one definition of "feminity." The problem is that you (and others like you) only allow room for one definition: yours.

Edited December 16, 2009 by Thai Rath

[ziia 9]

Yes, the role of the western woman has changed. Many Western women, especially younger Western women, have lost not just their sense of femininity, but even their desire to be feminine. With this the man's role has become blurred and many Western men have become confused about just what their role is. Many feel that they are still expected to play the traditional role, but not reap the benefits that could be previously have been expected. The pendulum has swung too far and Western men, in ever greater numbers, are saying enough is enough and turning their back on Western women too seek love elsewhere.

I don' think the values ALONE makes a man get married but a person. You can't tell your heart "i wanna fall in love with this one because she can cook"...let's be serious. You fall in love, you fall in love and that's that. It can be a US woman who is beautiful, smart, independent, with a sense of humor, who wants to do something with her life and wants a family and equal responsibility in the house OR you can fall in love with a woman from else where for the same exact reasons. Knowing how to cook and wear a dress and cry and be helpless are not the main reasons that will sustain a marriage over time. That is my opinion, of course.

Edited December 16, 2009 by ziia

[FortLaudy 10]

There are sooooo many threads on here ending in the same old BS bashing "western" or American women for being: not femine, fat, can't cook, too ambitious, too independent, money-hungry bitches etc. and therefore US men are sick of them and have to look elsewhere for wives... This is all rubbish!! I still think if a guy cannot find a suitable women in the whole of the US there's something wrong with HIM instead and not the entire population of US females! Come on, what are the odds??

I'm from a pretty conservative country, and yes, I do take really good care of my husband, but I have tons of American girl friends who also take really good care of their husbands, and are in wonderful marriages, I would know, they're my best friends! So I really hate this bashing of "Western" women that goes on here whenever there's the story of a guy going abroad wife shopping...

Marriage is a partnership, my husband and I always think about each other's needs and are not selfish, we both make sacrifices for each other and are happy to do so as we're in an equal relationship, we both do what's best for both of us... For example..he takes the dogs to the park every morning and I will in the meantime get breakfast together and pack our lunches, when he works late I always cook dinner, when I have to study hard for exams he makes dinner, he takes the trash out and never says no when I ask him for a foot-rub or some silly favor. He's the perfect husband, he's so handy he can fix Anything! I take care of my appearance and make him proud of me when we're out together and I expect the same of him, I made him shave his chest and he'll tell me if he doesn't like my outfit, it's just normal and fair... no offense taken by either as we know we both have each other's interests at heart and I want a husband I'm attracted to and so does he want a wife that he's attracted to, afterall we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together!

I know that he needs sex a whole lot more than me so yeah I know to keep him from looking elsewhere, I never refuse him, even if I'm not particularly in the mood... we both have about the same income through either salary/savings so we're pretty much equal in every way and both contribute to the household expenses... we don't have tons of money but luckily we enjoy the simple things in life such as mountain biking and playing with the dogs, and if I'm without income or he's without income we're both committed to each other enough to take on the extra burden without bitching about it, but he pushes me to do well at school and I push him and congratulate him when he's reached goals at work, so we motivate each other and neither of us will willingly just be poor and useless and be a burden on the other...

HOWEVER, with my EX boyfriend - completely different story... I was still doing what I considered "my part" in the relationship, but he wasn't !!! completely "useless" guy who would watch sports all day long, never help out with any type of chores and a real cheapskate - would come over to my place for the Entire weekend, and not even offer to go buy a bit of groceries, just sponge off me basically the whole weekend... and I'm a student and he was about 12 years older than me! loser! Of course I didn't see him as marriage material... and soon ended the relationship.. even though he made more money than my husband does, it's about the amount of care and "effort" one puts into a relationship otherwise that counts mostly...

So when these guys go completely out of their way to find a foreign young wife because they say "american" women in general is this or that, I have to laugh... come on! there must be something wrong with THEM, not the woman of the entire US population! sheeezzz...