a filipina friend of mind in my area ...who just got married ask help...

[sachinky 464]

Of course she realized they were incompatible AFTER the marriage. I'm sure she was fine with him right before it. You know, 'cause she just had to get to the States and she couldn't do that without him. Similarly, now she needs her husband/original petitioner in order to adjust her status based on her K1. Otherwise she will be out of status and subject to deportation. I'd suggest she return to the PI at the earliest if reconciliation is absolutely impossible.

I'm also surprised at how optimistic people are. If my marriage was breaking down, the last thing I'd be thinking about is a new guy and possible remarriage.

[FortLaudy 10]

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

[rmncm 0]

I smell fraud.

[beinha 0]

Ok, you have a point in here but, if she is not happy and the one month marriage is not working, why can't she just go back to her home country? If she is going through a nightmare, how is she already thinking about marry someone else? Why this need to stay in US? If your life is a disgrace, go back to your family, that's so simple...

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

[SunShineFL1012 0]

seek marriage counseling and if it doesn't work, file for divorce and go home to the Philippines.

[SMR 368]

Actually, the only person that can file for AOS is the beneficiary. You file for AOS for yourself. Of course, if you enter on a K-1 Visa, the only basis on which you can file for AOS is marriage to the petitioner. The beneficiary needs an affidavit of support and the petitioner has to show up at the interview.

[cherryred_04 1]

My friend is willing to go home to her homeland rather than to suffer for the rest of her life like putting her on jail..its a long story of her life...so thanks for all ur advice

[Chica Yeyé 41]

wish her happy travels

[chinese_mutt 11]

seeing as you did not grow up in Asia... you clearly don't know the meaning of "saving faces".

i'm not saying she didn't commit faud nor am I saying she did. Too many people here say, go home... blah blah... but unless you know the family and cultural dynamics you don't know what the other person is feeling.

MOST poor families back in the Philippines will most likely blame her for her failed marriage, NOT because of the failed marriage per se but because they see the immigrant as their cash cow. They would never forgive her for not even trying to stay here and find job or go illegal if needed just so the immigrant can send money home. NOT all family is like this but it happens.

On the other hand, if she came from a middle class family, a woman probably feels ashamed for choosing the wrong person despite (I am sure if they are monied and there's no need for her to immigrate to send money) parents warnings. She will live in a society that will laugh at her behind her back.

Sure, not everybody falls on the same scenario. BUT just because your family will take you back and your society will accept you, divorced and all, does not mean that all families or society is like that.

Be open-minded and be culturally sensitive.

To the OP: If there is no abuse per se and it is only incompatibility... I would advice your friend to stick it out and work out the marriage. Could she be too emotional also because she's pregnant?! I know I am, I've been onerous company lately... it's the hormones. There may be a lot of things going on behind the scene. Don't be too quick to assume that they just are not compatible.

Ok, you have a point in here but, if she is not happy and the one month marriage is not working, why can't she just go back to her home country? If she is going through a nightmare, how is she already thinking about marry someone else? Why this need to stay in US? If your life is a disgrace, go back to your family, that's so simple...

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

[Donald-n-Analyn 6]

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

A little late, but I just now saw this thread.

Wow! What a great post. Too often it seems like respondents on VJ like to take the high road and assume the worst about an immigrants intentions. I am not saying that this particular case is one way or the other. We certainly do not have enough information or know the players well enough to say. But it is really refreshing to see someone take the time to offer an explanation of the other side of the coin.

I was with my wife in the Philippines in the month before she left her homeland to come back to the USA with me on her K-1 visa. Frankly, it was frightening to see her dismantling her life there. She had to resign her job, a DepEd teaching position that helped support her extended family. She cashed in many insurance and pension policies, giving all the proceeds to her family. She gave away all of her possessions that would not fit in her luggage.

If our marriage would have failed before she adjusted status, I am sure that she would have returned home. She was never crazy about coming here in the first place. But I can see what a difficult and embarrassing situation it would be for her to have to go back. She would have to find a new job, because her family would still need her support. Good jobs are not so easy to come by in the poor provinces. And of course she would have to endure much gossip and innuendo about her "failed" marriage. She would no doubt bring a certain level of shame upon her family, even though the Filipinos are basically a very tolerant and understanding society.

All that said, sure, this girl may well be a gold-digging scammer. But I think that VJ would be a much kinder, gentler place for people to seek advice on if more of us would consider both sides to every story. Thank you "Shani682".

[beinha 0]

So, tell me, if the cultural differences are so big, why choose an American guy as husband? Let me think... cash back home? It would be sad considering the amount of girls that came from there, I rather think they get married for love and stay married for love.

I understand your point of view but as the name itself says at all, I have my point of view. If someone feels offended, public forums maybe is not the right place to expose your life. After all you said, I still think that go back home is better than what she is going through, and this is once more, my own opinion which I'm free to have.

I wish the Op's friend the best luck on whatever she decides to do with her life... and wish you a great pregnancy!

Beinha

seeing as you did not grow up in Asia... you clearly don't know the meaning of "saving faces".

i'm not saying she didn't commit faud nor am I saying she did. Too many people here say, go home... blah blah... but unless you know the family and cultural dynamics you don't know what the other person is feeling.

MOST poor families back in the Philippines will most likely blame her for her failed marriage, NOT because of the failed marriage per se but because they see the immigrant as their cash cow. They would never forgive her for not even trying to stay here and find job or go illegal if needed just so the immigrant can send money home. NOT all family is like this but it happens.

On the other hand, if she came from a middle class family, a woman probably feels ashamed for choosing the wrong person despite (I am sure if they are monied and there's no need for her to immigrate to send money) parents warnings. She will live in a society that will laugh at her behind her back.

Sure, not everybody falls on the same scenario. BUT just because your family will take you back and your society will accept you, divorced and all, does not mean that all families or society is like that.

Be open-minded and be culturally sensitive.

To the OP: If there is no abuse per se and it is only incompatibility... I would advice your friend to stick it out and work out the marriage. Could she be too emotional also because she's pregnant?! I know I am, I've been onerous company lately... it's the hormones. There may be a lot of things going on behind the scene. Don't be too quick to assume that they just are not compatible.

Ok, you have a point in here but, if she is not happy and the one month marriage is not working, why can't she just go back to her home country? If she is going through a nightmare, how is she already thinking about marry someone else? Why this need to stay in US? If your life is a disgrace, go back to your family, that's so simple...

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

[chinese_mutt 11]

So, tell me, if the cultural differences are so big, why choose an American guy as husband? Let me think... cash back home? It would be sad considering the amount of girls that came from there, I rather think they get married for love and stay married for love.

I understand your point of view but as the name itself says at all, I have my point of view. If someone feels offended, public forums maybe is not the right place to expose your life. After all you said, I still think that go back home is better than what she is going through, and this is once more, my own opinion which I'm free to have.

I wish the Op's friend the best luck on whatever she decides to do with her life... and wish you a great pregnancy!

Beinha

seeing as you did not grow up in Asia... you clearly don't know the meaning of "saving faces".

i'm not saying she didn't commit faud nor am I saying she did. Too many people here say, go home... blah blah... but unless you know the family and cultural dynamics you don't know what the other person is feeling.

MOST poor families back in the Philippines will most likely blame her for her failed marriage, NOT because of the failed marriage per se but because they see the immigrant as their cash cow. They would never forgive her for not even trying to stay here and find job or go illegal if needed just so the immigrant can send money home. NOT all family is like this but it happens.

On the other hand, if she came from a middle class family, a woman probably feels ashamed for choosing the wrong person despite (I am sure if they are monied and there's no need for her to immigrate to send money) parents warnings. She will live in a society that will laugh at her behind her back.

Sure, not everybody falls on the same scenario. BUT just because your family will take you back and your society will accept you, divorced and all, does not mean that all families or society is like that.

Be open-minded and be culturally sensitive.

To the OP: If there is no abuse per se and it is only incompatibility... I would advice your friend to stick it out and work out the marriage. Could she be too emotional also because she's pregnant?! I know I am, I've been onerous company lately... it's the hormones. There may be a lot of things going on behind the scene. Don't be too quick to assume that they just are not compatible.

Ok, you have a point in here but, if she is not happy and the one month marriage is not working, why can't she just go back to her home country? If she is going through a nightmare, how is she already thinking about marry someone else? Why this need to stay in US? If your life is a disgrace, go back to your family, that's so simple...

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

[chinese_mutt 11]

actually, I didn't take any offense on your first post... but this second one is kinda offensive to me. Not everybody who gets married to an American guy from the Philippines marry for money.

But whatever floats your boat.

I remember a quote from a Justice in Philippine Supreme Court once said...

"A close-minded person has no place in an open society."

You still clearly misunderstood some of our point and want to take this like a personal shot at your 'opinion'. Certainly, you can keep your own opinion and spread it around the boards. I don't care. As I said, whatever floats your boat man!

So, tell me, if the cultural differences are so big, why choose an American guy as husband? Let me think... cash back home? It would be sad considering the amount of girls that came from there, I rather think they get married for love and stay married for love.

I understand your point of view but as the name itself says at all, I have my point of view. If someone feels offended, public forums maybe is not the right place to expose your life. After all you said, I still think that go back home is better than what she is going through, and this is once more, my own opinion which I'm free to have.

I wish the Op's friend the best luck on whatever she decides to do with her life... and wish you a great pregnancy!

Beinha

seeing as you did not grow up in Asia... you clearly don't know the meaning of "saving faces".

i'm not saying she didn't commit faud nor am I saying she did. Too many people here say, go home... blah blah... but unless you know the family and cultural dynamics you don't know what the other person is feeling.

MOST poor families back in the Philippines will most likely blame her for her failed marriage, NOT because of the failed marriage per se but because they see the immigrant as their cash cow. They would never forgive her for not even trying to stay here and find job or go illegal if needed just so the immigrant can send money home. NOT all family is like this but it happens.

On the other hand, if she came from a middle class family, a woman probably feels ashamed for choosing the wrong person despite (I am sure if they are monied and there's no need for her to immigrate to send money) parents warnings. She will live in a society that will laugh at her behind her back.

Sure, not everybody falls on the same scenario. BUT just because your family will take you back and your society will accept you, divorced and all, does not mean that all families or society is like that.

Be open-minded and be culturally sensitive.

To the OP: If there is no abuse per se and it is only incompatibility... I would advice your friend to stick it out and work out the marriage. Could she be too emotional also because she's pregnant?! I know I am, I've been onerous company lately... it's the hormones. There may be a lot of things going on behind the scene. Don't be too quick to assume that they just are not compatible.

Ok, you have a point in here but, if she is not happy and the one month marriage is not working, why can't she just go back to her home country? If she is going through a nightmare, how is she already thinking about marry someone else? Why this need to stay in US? If your life is a disgrace, go back to your family, that's so simple...

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

[chinese_mutt 11]

I am glad that you being the petitioner understands the complexity of the situation immigration puts on the beneficiary. I'm glad that you are open minded enough to see this. Just because we came from a poor country does not means we are dying to move here! Thank you for giving us a good example that some of us (beneficiaries from poorer country) do have a life worth living before we met our spouses.

I'll give you a big star!

It definetely sounds suspicious, however, it's easy to throw "Fraud" out there as it happens so often I guess... But I can also sympathise with the foreign women as I've watched a few documentaries on "mail order brides" and enough episodes of "forensic files" (seen the one where the guy keeps bringing foreign wives over and murders them one after the other... at his arrest they told him they're arresting him for the murder of his wife, he goes "which one?") Scary!

There are also an incredible amount of cases where the "foreign bride" comes over on a K1 visa, everything is fantastic, however shortly after the wedding the husband changes into a controlling freak who treats the poor girl like a doormat, sex slave or maid. Can we even imagine the shock and despair for this girl? Can you imagine how extremely embarrassed this girl must be to go back to her own country after such a short stay in the U.S. and after a failed marriage? She's probably sold all of her belongings, closed bank accounts or whatever else to leave the country for good...I can definetely see how she'll desperately be looking to "save face" with the family and friends back home by remaining here with her cousin and quickly finding another guy (hopefully better husband) to continue this "happy" facade to the family (or as an F-you to the former nasty husband?)... Just because marriage fraud happens so often it's not necessarily true for Evry case and I try to place myself in the "victims" shoes for a minute and try and figure out what they might be thinking...

Is it possible that this whole thing could've been fraud from her side? sure, it happens.

Is it possible that the USC husband is a weirdo who couldn't find a suitable wife in the whole of USA and wanted a foreign bride because he needs to be on a power trip, have something to hold over someone (Permanent Residency) in an effort to get the foreign wife to do whatever he wants: physically & emotionally... Most Definetely!

Don't always jump to the conclusion that it is fraud on the foreigner's side, it takes two people to get married, the guy obviously thought he had something to gain out of it too, nobody gets married to be worse off, so he could just as much be to blame for the failure of the marriage... however he leaves the foreign bride in one helluva predicament and is probably threatening to not buy her a ticket to go home or whatever else which she might be believing...

If the girl cannot afford an attorney, there are other ways of finding free/cheap legal advice and that's what she should do. If she's sufferring physical violence she needs to go to the police station and make a report.

A little late, but I just now saw this thread.

Wow! What a great post. Too often it seems like respondents on VJ like to take the high road and assume the worst about an immigrants intentions. I am not saying that this particular case is one way or the other. We certainly do not have enough information or know the players well enough to say. But it is really refreshing to see someone take the time to offer an explanation of the other side of the coin.

I was with my wife in the Philippines in the month before she left her homeland to come back to the USA with me on her K-1 visa. Frankly, it was frightening to see her dismantling her life there. She had to resign her job, a DepEd teaching position that helped support her extended family. She cashed in many insurance and pension policies, giving all the proceeds to her family. She gave away all of her possessions that would not fit in her luggage.

If our marriage would have failed before she adjusted status, I am sure that she would have returned home. She was never crazy about coming here in the first place. But I can see what a difficult and embarrassing situation it would be for her to have to go back. She would have to find a new job, because her family would still need her support. Good jobs are not so easy to come by in the poor provinces. And of course she would have to endure much gossip and innuendo about her "failed" marriage. She would no doubt bring a certain level of shame upon her family, even though the Filipinos are basically a very tolerant and understanding society.

All that said, sure, this girl may well be a gold-digging scammer. But I think that VJ would be a much kinder, gentler place for people to seek advice on if more of us would consider both sides to every story. Thank you "Shani682".

Edited December 10, 2009 by chinese_mutt

[Pinay Wife 47]

I am glad that you being the petitioner understands the complexity of the situation immigration puts on the beneficiary. I'm glad that you are open minded enough to see this. Just because we came from a poor country does not means we are dying to move here! Thank you for giving us a good example that some of us (beneficiaries from poorer country) do have a life worth living before we met our spouses.

I'll give you a big star!

More stars for Donald :star: :star:

And chinese mutt, you go girl!!! I love the way you write. I wish I was as eloquent! You also deserve 5-stars :star: :star:

Good post too by Shani.

Edited December 10, 2009 by Pinay Wife