I feel distant ....

[Isabel 0]

Hy guys,

lately I feel so distant from my husband, even though we are chatting and calling each other on a daily basis. What is wrong? I mean I love him so much and I look forward to see him again, but somhow I dont really miss him anymore. What is wrong here??? Is that normal? Did I build up a wall again?Also it is getting close to the time that we are together again, maybe thats why?

Anyone else has this feeling? What do you do about it?

Isabel

Edited July 21, 2006 by Isabel

[vartan 0]

Hy guys,

lately I feel so distant from my husband, even though we are chatting and calling each other on a daily basis. What is wrong? I mean I love him so much and I look forward to see him again, but somhow I dont really miss him anymore. What is wrong here??? Is that normal? Did I build up a wall again?

Anyone else has this feeling? What do you do about it?

Isabel

As humans we learn to cope with what we have.. that is just how it is.. I miss my fiance very much and I love her too .. but it is easier for me to tell her now.. Hey I am going out I will call you later.. At first I would drop everything to talk to her. You know what I suggest??? Don't call him for a day or two .. you will realize how much you depend on them being part of your daily life.

We are humans we live to get into ruts.. (well most of us) and ya know with me.. I don't have something new to talk about every day..

Edited July 21, 2006 by vartan

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hy guys,

lately I feel so distant from my husband, even though we are chatting and calling each other on a daily basis. What is wrong? I mean I love him so much and I look forward to see him again, but somhow I dont really miss him anymore. What is wrong here??? Is that normal? Did I build up a wall again?Also it is getting close to the time that we are together again, maybe thats why?

Anyone else has this feeling? What do you do about it?

Isabel

I've gone through that as well. It seems my emotions vascilate - as Vartan stated that it's a way we are coping with being apart. A wise person once said, "The heart feels what the mind cannot know, and the minds knows what the heart cannot always feel." One thing that Jinky and I do on the phone is recollecting a time when we were together and then laugh or cry about it. Remember the times when you felt the warm fuzzy feelings - the smile on each other's faces, the setting, anything to rekindle those feelings.

[vartan 0]

One thing that Jinky and I do on the phone is recollecting a time when we were together and then laugh or cry about it.

Yup me and My fiances thing is whomever is not in the sour mood will call the other one pretending to be our dog asking for treats.. ehhh We both are dog talkers.. what can I say.. but yeah reminiscing is a great thing.. another thing I suggest is writing a letter.. I don't know what it is about letters but when I get one I feel like I am 6 years old again and see a big box the size of a box.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Hy guys,

lately I feel so distant from my husband, even though we are chatting and calling each other on a daily basis. What is wrong? I mean I love him so much and I look forward to see him again, but somhow I dont really miss him anymore. What is wrong here??? Is that normal? Did I build up a wall again?

Anyone else has this feeling? What do you do about it?

Isabel

As humans we learn to cope with what we have.. that is just how it is.. I miss my fiance very much and I love her too .. but it is easier for me to tell her now.. Hey I am going out I will call you later.. At first I would drop everything to talk to her. You know what I suggest??? Don't call him for a day or two .. you will realize how much you depend on them being part of your daily life.

We are humans we live to get into ruts.. (well most of us) and ya know with me.. I don't have something new to talk about every day..

Agree. I miss my husband as much as I did when we first started this, I just don't dwell on it now. Think it is very normal.

[iceyspots 0]

does physical distance start emotional distance

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

does physical distance start emotional distance

For some I would think it can. For us I feel it has made us emotionally stronger as individuals and as a couple.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

does physical distance start emotional distance

I don't think so. Two people can be living together, sleeping in the same bed for years and be a million miles apart emotionally. If we connect with our partners on some level, it doesn't matter if they're a million miles away, emotionally and spiritually they're right next to us.

[Karen_L 1]

Hy guys,

lately I feel so distant from my husband, even though we are chatting and calling each other on a daily basis. What is wrong? I mean I love him so much and I look forward to see him again, but somhow I dont really miss him anymore. What is wrong here??? Is that normal? Did I build up a wall again?Also it is getting close to the time that we are together again, maybe thats why?

Anyone else has this feeling? What do you do about it?

Isabel

Feelings like that have come and gone occasionally for me over the 2 year span of our long distance relationship. Whenever I feel that way, I always wonder and worry if I really do love him, if I'm missing him enough, etc. I've never done anything to "make" those feelings go away since they usually go away on their own after a few days (thankfully!). I will say that there are also times (more frequently) that I feel exceptionally *close* to my fiance' when my feelings of love for him are very very VERY acute and I miss him like crazy. It's a give and take.

I have some theories -- part of me thinks my feelings of distance/extreme closeness are linked to my 'cycle' since I've noticed the times when I have felt more distant have always been right before my 'friend' came to visit

My second theory is that maybe the mind feels a little vulnerable sometimes, if you let another person too close, and your mind reacts to that vulnerability by pushing that person away a little bit. I don't think it's the same as "building walls" or anything; just a brief shocked reaction to being SO open to someone else?

In any event, try not to worry. You still love your husband and I'm sure these feelings will pass. Just think of all the times you've felt especially close to him as opposed to "normal/typical closeness."

does physical distance start emotional distance

I think it can, but it definitely doesn't have to result in emotional distance. I think the reverse is true for my fiance' and I. We're usually so so far apart that all we have is conversations. If we didn't have an emotional/intellectual connection, our relationship would never have been able to survive. I'm sure that's true for many couples represented on the forum.

[Isabel 0]

Hy guys,

lately I feel so distant from my husband, even though we are chatting and calling each other on a daily basis. What is wrong? I mean I love him so much and I look forward to see him again, but somhow I dont really miss him anymore. What is wrong here??? Is that normal? Did I build up a wall again?Also it is getting close to the time that we are together again, maybe thats why?

Anyone else has this feeling? What do you do about it?

Isabel

Feelings like that have come and gone occasionally for me over the 2 year span of our long distance relationship. Whenever I feel that way, I always wonder and worry if I really do love him, if I'm missing him enough, etc. I've never done anything to "make" those feelings go away since they usually go away on their own after a few days (thankfully!). I will say that there are also times (more frequently) that I feel exceptionally *close* to my fiance' when my feelings of love for him are very very VERY acute and I miss him like crazy. It's a give and take.

I have some theories -- part of me thinks my feelings of distance/extreme closeness are linked to my 'cycle' since I've noticed the times when I have felt more distant have always been right before my 'friend' came to visit

My second theory is that maybe the mind feels a little vulnerable sometimes, if you let another person too close, and your mind reacts to that vulnerability by pushing that person away a little bit. I don't think it's the same as "building walls" or anything; just a brief shocked reaction to being SO open to someone else?

In any event, try not to worry. You still love your husband and I'm sure these feelings will pass. Just think of all the times you've felt especially close to him as opposed to "normal/typical closeness."

does physical distance start emotional distance

I think it can, but it definitely doesn't have to result in emotional distance. I think the reverse is true for my fiance' and I. We're usually so so far apart that all we have is conversations. If we didn't have an emotional/intellectual connection, our relationship would never have been able to survive. I'm sure that's true for many couples represented on the forum.

Hi that is exactly how it is. There are these crazy days and then after a couple days the feeling goes away. It is so weird.

Isabel

[MrsWhizz 0]

I lived with my husband for almost 2 years before we started this process. We always knew we would have to do this and I always thought that knowing what we had to face would make it easier. I remember the first few weeks without him. Even though it was in the 60's outside, I was so cold. Physically cold. No blankets could help me. Then I realized that I felt like a part of me was missing. I still feel that way. I just bought a car and a cute house (the first detached house he will ever live in...) I have a great job, my band is doing well and everything's great. Yet, everytime I enter a room full of people who care about me. I feel alone. It's been almost a year. Sometimes when we talk on the phone, I feel so far away and it fills me with anger. But....we love each other and we are working on our future. Nothing will ever be the same once he's here, but as long as I feel like I'm making progress on the shared life we both want, then I will just feel what I feel. It's necessary and normal. I know that someday & not too far away, he'll laughing at me and my antics again. Telling me to stop thinking. Then, I will be able to kiss him.

Keep walking forward. Eventually, you will get there.

Edited July 22, 2006 by MrsWhizz

[KarenCee 3]

does physical distance start emotional distance

For some I would think it can. For us I feel it has made us emotionally stronger as individuals and as a couple.

For Joel and me it has made us stronger as a couple, this distance. We both knew the time apart would be hard and it would take a while for this process to be completed. We've also grown as individuals (as the above poster has said) in the sense that we've accomplished a lot of things that a few years ago we'd never have dreamed of doing.

does physical distance start emotional distance

I don't think so. Two people can be living together, sleeping in the same bed for years and be a million miles apart emotionally. If we connect with our partners on some level, it doesn't matter if they're a million miles away, emotionally and spiritually they're right next to us.

Joel and I connected in so many ways that despite the distance we've gotten to know each other in ways that I daresay a normal couple do. We commented on how close we felt to each other, even though we were over 2500 miles apart. The connection between us was eerie sometimes...thinking the same thought (and typing it at the same time!) or we both have the same emotion at the same time...and even though he's here now, we still do this.

Hope you get it sorted out....*hugs*

[Dina 0]

I think you sort of get used to being apart, it's your brain's defense mechanism.

My baby and I have been a couple since October 2003, we've been together for, maximum, 6 weeks at a time. We've had many tearful good byes since then. I haven't seen him since November 8, 05 which is our longest separation. We both pretty much live as normal a life as we can. I go out with friends, spend time with family and all the other things I did before he came into my life, and then I tell him about the things I did or saw, and vice versa.

There are moment when I am with friends and family where I miss him terribly, because I want him to be there with me, but those moments pass quickly. I miss him most when I see people hugging, kissing and even holding hands. /sigh '

'

Anyway, Isabel, what you're experiencing is normal.

Take care, and good luck!

[Bunnyqr 0]

I am so glad you posted this. I have been going through the same thing and been counting on my fingers how many months we have been apart. We are approaching 6 months of separation. I miss him terribly and now that the peak season has begun for his job he is crazy busy and our phone calls are much shorter. There are days where I am so busy that the day flies and when he calls it snaps me out of what I am doing and I think, Oh it's him, yes I love this guy. And then there are other days that I just want to see his name pop up on my caller id all day long.

I agree with Karen_L on the cycle part too (for the woman side of it). I see the emotional feelings reflected by this as well. Our relationship is like a rubber band, we are either both pulling at the same time or one is pulling and the other has let their side go limp but the band is always in motion.

Today I miss him terribly I would do anything to see him here right now and watch him laugh, look at his eyes, touch his hands, smack is butt, and watch him dance his stupid little dances for me.

I think that we all are in a unique situation with our loved ones. And I think that we are all being given an amazing gift to add to our relationships, we have learned to communicate, we have learned to keep a relationship alive without the razzle dazzle fire works display to make it look like a relationship but actually be a relationship. We can't do anything to distract the other person when things are good/bad/or indifferent. How we communicate is so important in any relationship and I believe we are all going to get an A+ when we finish this VISA CRASH COURSE 101.

[rebeccajo 14]

Eh. No biggie. That happens ya know, even once they are here.

Those feelings of that deep connection even out to something else.

Part of the romance of an LDR is the longing from the separation and when that ends, you will then wonder if you mistook the longing for real love. But that's not what's happening then either. It's just your relationship equalizing itself and becoming more natural.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.