K1 - petitioner got cold feet - final interview Monday (in 3 days in london) - What best to do

[paul p 0]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

[f1_gurl 0]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Maybe you can try call the embassy and reschedule your interview... OR you may go to the interview...if you get approved your visa has 6 months before it will expire... goodluck

[Gaynto 0]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Are you in a position to come over and use the 90 days as further confirmation whether to go forward or go home? Like it was stated before you have 6 months before you have to use the visa and 90 days before you would have to wed, can you use this time to see where the two of you are then? I know it wouldn't be easy to come here and then have to go home, but if you are in a position to see, then I would recommend going to the interview.

[paul p 0]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Are you in a position to come over and use the 90 days as further confirmation whether to go forward or go home? Like it was stated before you have 6 months before you have to use the visa and 90 days before you would have to wed, can you use this time to see where the two of you are then? I know it wouldn't be easy to come here and then have to go home, but if you are in a position to see, then I would recommend going to the interview.

I have offered the 90 days or even keeping the visa for 6 months to rebuild. She simply hasnt come back to me. Again, i would prefer to put the interview back rather than having something in my hand that i cant use.

If the beneficary fails to turn up for the interview, will they receive an interview date automatically 2 to 3 months later. It must have happened when the party want ed to go through with it. Accidents etc etc.

Thanks for your help so far

[Gaynto 0]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Are you in a position to come over and use the 90 days as further confirmation whether to go forward or go home? Like it was stated before you have 6 months before you have to use the visa and 90 days before you would have to wed, can you use this time to see where the two of you are then? I know it wouldn't be easy to come here and then have to go home, but if you are in a position to see, then I would recommend going to the interview.

I have offered the 90 days or even keeping the visa for 6 months to rebuild. She simply hasnt come back to me. Again, i would prefer to put the interview back rather than having something in my hand that i cant use.

If the beneficary fails to turn up for the interview, will they receive an interview date automatically 2 to 3 months later. It must have happened when the party want ed to go through with it. Accidents etc etc.

Thanks for your help so far

This is a horrible and stressful process. When you live with or near your fiance and issues arise you can freely work on them and talk them out. At one point, this process began because you wanted to spend your lives together. It is just my opinion but I would rather have a visa in my hand that I didn't use at the moment rather than another 2-3 month wait if things happened and you decided to move forward with this.

[TracyTN 237]

I don't believe that an interview will just be rescheduled for a later date if the beneficiary does not show. I cannot be certain (as I've not heard of specific cases), but my assumption is that the consulate would assume that the application is no longer valid.

Personally I'd either try and get it rescheduled (maybe too late at this point), or contact the consulate and tell them that she does not plan to come to the interview and that the relationship is over. I'd even call the DOS stateside and tell them as well.

The only concern I have with that is in the event you all do get back together - then you'll have to start all over again.

FWIW I would have had her go to the interview. Just because she got a visa wouldn't mean she'd have to use it, but now she is painting herself into a corner by essentially terminating the process.

[JimVaPhuong 4,864]

If you don't show up for the interview they will likely consider the application to be abandoned. That doesn't necessarily mean it couldn't be resurrected if you contacted them soon after, but there's no guarantee. The safest bet would be to reschedule. Call the Visa Services unit at the embassy:

http://london.usembassy.gov/cons_new/visa/...assistance.html

If they move you to the back of the line then it should add at least 3 months or so before the interview. In the meantime, you might want to consider going to the US as a visitor as spending some time with your fiancee, possibly even living together for a month or so - no strings attached. At the end of that time, you can both decide if you think it's going to work out.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the interview. If it were me, I'd have a hard time convincing a CO that my relationship was sincere if I knew that my fiancee had already pretty much called it off.

[paul p 0]

If you don't show up for the interview they will likely consider the application to be abandoned. That doesn't necessarily mean it couldn't be resurrected if you contacted them soon after, but there's no guarantee. The safest bet would be to reschedule. Call the Visa Services unit at the embassy:

http://london.usembassy.gov/cons_new/visa/...assistance.html

If they move you to the back of the line then it should add at least 3 months or so before the interview. In the meantime, you might want to consider going to the US as a visitor as spending some time with your fiancee, possibly even living together for a month or so - no strings attached. At the end of that time, you can both decide if you think it's going to work out.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the interview. If it were me, I'd have a hard time convincing a CO that my relationship was sincere if I knew that my fiancee had already pretty much called it off.

This is great advice. I cant see a CO now. Just not up to it.

The visiting is always an issue but if she would agree, a week visit may help and that,s my preference.

I will phone and say i have a personal issue i cant get out of. Hopefully they say back of the queue and inform you late. I think it may have to be done by letter though. Pity its the premium line but its worth it. Might try DOS first as they are always helpful.

Thanks again

Paul

I don't believe that an interview will just be rescheduled for a later date if the beneficiary does not show. I cannot be certain (as I've not heard of specific cases), but my assumption is that the consulate would assume that the application is no longer valid.

Personally I'd either try and get it rescheduled (maybe too late at this point), or contact the consulate and tell them that she does not plan to come to the interview and that the relationship is over. I'd even call the DOS stateside and tell them as well.

The only concern I have with that is in the event you all do get back together - then you'll have to start all over again.

FWIW I would have had her go to the interview. Just because she got a visa wouldn't mean she'd have to use it, but now she is painting herself into a corner by essentially terminating the process.

Sorry it wasnt clear but i am the beneficiary. Its my choice. I cannot convince a CO in this state. P$ says it needs to be in writng but as said too late. I will phone them and see what they say.

[TracyTN 237]

OH right - sorry, I didn't realize that.

[Nik+Heather 122]

I think you should go to the interview on Monday and try to get the visa. If time apart has done this much damage to your relationship, I don't see how more time apart is going to help fix it.

If you want more time living together, she can come over to the UK and stay with you for some time, and then you can go back to the US with her and take a further 3 months to live together. I don't typically advocate using the 90 days of the K1 entry as a "wait and see" but as you are already in this stage of the process, why not?

If there isn't enough of a relationship to give it even that much of a go, then I agree, that's the end. But the first step is to preserve the work you have done so far and get to the interview on Monday. At this point with most of the work and waiting behind you, I wouldn't feel bad at all going the short distance further and getting the visa even if you don't use it.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties, best wishes.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

It is usually possible to reschedule an interview - I asked and was given a closer date so i don't see why you couldn't ask for a later one. I'm sure that when people are ill they do that.

To change your date you need to call the London Embassy premium line and they will give you the current email code. You then email the Embassy using that code in the subject line and they normally get back to you within three days - which I know is cutting it fine for you.

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm so sorry Paul. Personally, I'd go to the interview, get the visa if possible, and then if things don't work out before it's expiry, then it will have expired.

[MRStee 19]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Are you in a position to come over and use the 90 days as further confirmation whether to go forward or go home? Like it was stated before you have 6 months before you have to use the visa and 90 days before you would have to wed, can you use this time to see where the two of you are then? I know it wouldn't be easy to come here and then have to go home, but if you are in a position to see, then I would recommend going to the interview.

I agree with this

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Some leaglities...

She can stop the process by withdrawing the petition with a letter to the consulate. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't

If you go there and state that you intend to marry this person within 90 days, when she has called it off, it is visa fraud.

Were I you, I would do one of two things...

disconnect the phone, Thank You, goodbye and book a plane ticket to a target rich atmosphere to forget about it

OR

Send her an email, tell her you ARE GOING to the interview and then will be coming to the US to marry her and if she wants to say no, she will tell you to your face. No wussy, wimpy email breakups for a guy who agreed to move across continents for her...you deserve a face to face. Then turn of your email and the next she sees you you are on her doorstep. This way, at least it isn't visa fruad if you tell her you are going to do it and she doesn't put a stop to it.

Either way...YOU grab the knobs and turn. Whatever you do, don't quit your day job. Once you enter the US on a K-1...well if you marry her, who needs the job in England? If you don't, you don't need to worry about protectng status so you can go home.

[paul p 0]

Hi all;

My fiancee is the petitioner in the U.S. We have known each other for 18 months and have been going through the K1 oricess since April. My interview in London is 23rd November.

After 8 months of hard process, and not seeing each other for 5 months i had felt the relationship not as vibrant as once was. We were still speaking every day but i was getting worried so i thought I would ask the question if she want ed to get of this train (metaphor for not beign able to stop a moving train).

She said she had massive anxiety about marrying without living together first. We discussed and in the end she wanted to finish it. No ther reason except anxiety. I have sent her a long email since (like we used to, to woo each other) and i have only had 1 text saying she is lost for words, hard for her too and will write back. That was Monday and still nothing. I did lay out options around me going over after the visa has been processed for a week and staying in a hotel just to meet. Then see how we go. I haven't had a reply except for that text saying "lost for words, hard for her too".

I feel its the pressure of marriage that is getting to her. She has had some bad relationships in her past and life for her is quite hard at the moment. I think i would make it better but maybe she is thinking of me and the damage it could do to my life of going there and it not working. Again, i am guessing. I dont know

So this feels like the end but hope is a good thing (as Shawshank would say). I am giving her time.

so what to do.

I have more or less everything i need for the interview but dont have the heart to do it. I dont want to stop the process because if she changes her mind i cant go through this again. Its 8 months of real heartache.

I want to cancel the meeting and go to the bottom of the queue, maybe 2 - 3 months later , where we can see where we are.

Is this the best idea. How do i do it? I see no numbers and they say in writing? People must get ill an not make these interviews. What happens?

Thoughts please

Paul

Some leaglities...

She can stop the process by withdrawing the petition with a letter to the consulate. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't

If you go there and state that you intend to marry this person within 90 days, when she has called it off, it is visa fraud.

Were I you, I would do one of two things...

disconnect the phone, Thank You, goodbye and book a plane ticket to a target rich atmosphere to forget about it

OR

Send her an email, tell her you ARE GOING to the interview and then will be coming to the US to marry her and if she wants to say no, she will tell you to your face. No wussy, wimpy email breakups for a guy who agreed to move across continents for her...you deserve a face to face. Then turn of your email and the next she sees you you are on her doorstep. This way, at least it isn't visa fruad if you tell her you are going to do it and she doesn't put a stop to it.

Either way...YOU grab the knobs and turn. Whatever you do, don't quit your day job. Once you enter the US on a K-1...well if you marry her, who needs the job in England? If you don't, you don't need to worry about protectng status so you can go home.

This is pressure on her and that what worries her. I need to see her without the marriage bit. What i want to do is...

Postpone it and hopefully hear nothing until the new year when i get an interview date in February

Travel over there in the next two to three weeks for a week and see how we get on. Meet her kids again and see how we get on in normal life. There has never been any argument she is just worried what happens if i come over and marry and it goes wrong. This way i cant stay. But the process doesn't go back to zero either. Yes, i do know i could be turned away at the border.

This way i get my face-to-face, with no pressure on her, with a chance to resurrect the process if she agrees

If that doesnt work i have done everything i can and i am going to go somewhere hot to forget it all for a while :0)