Getting her out of vacation mode

[Brad and Vika 129]

Without an EAD one can not work legally. My thought process was if you are not out in the work force, that you should be doing work at home. Just some little things, nothing major like re-painting the house.

Granted most likely I set things on the wrong course by saying, "Enjoy your time off while it lasts. Soon, you will have to get a job and no more free time." Ok, it has been a few months and now is time to get off the couch and do some stuff. When I ask you what are you going to do today, and your reply is, "nothing sit around the house." My thought is don't sit around ~ do something!!!

This is what I want her to do, but trying to think about what is the best way to say it without losing bedroom privileges.

1). Get organized in the job searching arena. Decide what you want to do, and research possible jobs. Just because you can't actually apply for the job doesn't mean you can't do market research. And if you want to change career fields, research what is required and find out all the details.

2). You make dinner, great, lovely.

3). Use the washing machine, for my clothes too!!!

4). Vaccuum, some ironing, wipe down the shower and tub.

Granted if she was working a full time job, I wouldn't be thinking these things. Am I unreasonable to expect some of these things to be done?

You have to tell/ask her to do this? Is she an Amwrican imposter? Brad, help me out here, I have no experience with Belorussian women.

I think VV may be correct too. A younger, professionally oriented woman from a big city there might have formed an opinion about life in America from tv or the web. I was told that Belarussians are taught (or were until very recently) that we live horrible lives, and are horrible people. My ex was as close to a communist as they come, for some one who works for both the Linguistic Institute and a private company . She was shocked at the comparatively good life we lead here, and honestly a little resentful for some reason. Some of the issues may have to do with how the OP met and courted his wife too, but I don't know the story (or can't remember). I met my ex through my work in Minsk at the time.

[amberdima 6]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

Edited October 25, 2009 by amberdima

[Brad and Vika 129]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

Gosh Amber, now none of us know if we should be offended or flattered

[amberdima 6]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

Gosh Amber, now none of us know if we should be offended or flattered

brad- you're definitely one of the good ones.

[eekee 182]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

I find the "get a simple village girl to do everything for you!!!" attitude kind of gross. And I don't understand why some people on here are hellbent on insulting a group that in all likelihood includes their mother/sister/daughter/etc. Yes, cultural differences in love and relationships exist, but that doesn't mean that I think negatively about American men and find the need to insult them at every turn.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

Gosh Amber, now none of us know if we should be offended or flattered

brad- you're definitely one of the good ones.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

yeah, how are we supposed to know who you are talking about? It could have been me at one time, because I used to say that American women were only good for rock throwing practice, but I do not say that anymore...really. Most of them are way to big to be challenging for that purpose. we need smaller targets!

hehehe I make joke.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

I find the "get a simple village girl to do everything for you!!!" attitude kind of gross. And I don't understand why some people on here are hellbent on insulting a group that in all likelihood includes their mother/sister/daughter/etc. Yes, cultural differences in love and relationships exist, but that doesn't mean that I think negatively about American men and find the need to insult them at every turn.

For the record, I have no daughters and would never marry any of my three sisters, even if they weren't my sisters. My mother is saint. But I wouldn't marry her.

Our FSU wives do not think negatively of American men either.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Gary and Alla

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

see, you fall into the sterotype also. By saying "no young sexy American girl is blind enough to date them" is deeply insulting to FSU women. First you insinuate that there are large numbers of young sexy American women, which is definitely debateable...no not really debatable. Spend an hour on a busy street corner in Ukraine and then an hour on a busy street corner anywhere in the US and tell me if there is a debate.

Next you say that a woman would have to be "blind" to date who? Someone like me or Brad? Why? Someone like us has exactly the same to offer an American woman as we do an FSU woman, there is no difference in US, but if an American woman will not date US it is because there is something wrong with THEM. Obviously they are attracted by something more superficial and meaningless than FSU women are, and THEREIN lies why I prefer FSU women. But thanks for your confirmation of my beliefs.

Of course my opinions do not apply to all American women, you appear to be a good one, but they are very few and far between. I prefer a target rich atmosphere, or at least I did.

[amberdima 6]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

yeah, how are we supposed to know who you are talking about? It could have been me at one time, because I used to say that American women were only good for rock throwing practice, but I do not say that anymore...really. Most of them are way to big to be challenging for that purpose. we need smaller targets!

hehehe I make joke.

oh gary- of course you're one of the offenders. i also remember a time when your purpose was to offer helpful advice to fellow vjers in functional forums. if i remember correctly, about a year ago someone posted a topic nominating you for mods. silly them. although you're quite knowledgeable of the visa process, many of your posts in RUB are in bad taste. congratulations on being one of the people to turn RUB into a hateful sausage party.

[Christi and Ian 24]

Having been a single mom for 5 years, I'm rather resentful of the insinuation that American Women don't do anything but sit around and watch TV all day...Between working full-time, cleaning the house, fixing the broken things, helping w/homework & spending enough time with my daughter, I can't remember the last time the TV wasn't just background noise...

That said, I can't imagine doing nothing all day, while my husband was working his tail off to give us a better life. I agree that if she is not working, then taking care of the home IS her job. As a matter of fact, I believe that even if she IS working, she should be contributing to the efficient running of the household. There is no reason why she shouldn't be sharing, the marriage is a partnership, not a "you do everything, and I'll do nothing" prospect.

I can understand if she is feeling depressed about being away from her home/family, but the best way to get out of it is to move and be active. Taking care of the home will make her feel as if she is contributing, and accomplishing something.

I worry for you, hoping that her lack of motivation doesn't breed resentment on your part, it would on mine.

[amberdima 6]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

see, you fall into the sterotype also. By saying "no young sexy American girl is blind enough to date them" is deeply insulting to FSU women. First you insinuate that there are large numbers of young sexy American women, which is definitely debateable...no not really debatable. Spend an hour on a busy street corner in Ukraine and then an hour on a busy street corner anywhere in the US and tell me if there is a debate.

Next you say that a woman would have to be "blind" to date who? Someone like me or Brad? Why? Someone like us has exactly the same to offer an American woman as we do an FSU woman, there is no difference in US, but if an American woman will not date US it is because there is something wrong with THEM. Obviously they are attracted by something more superficial and meaningless than FSU women are, and THEREIN lies why I prefer FSU women. But thanks for your confirmation of my beliefs.

Of course my opinions do not apply to all American women, you appear to be a good one, but they are very few and far between. I prefer a target rich atmosphere, or at least I did.

true- ####### for tat. i do tend to make my rebuttals in equally bad taste; however, by BLIND, i was not simply referencing the physical. one who constantly bashes their own is likely ugly on the inside.

it is just hard to wrap my mind around this perspective of hating american women. yes- when i drive down the street, i see many unattractive men and women. most of them are not american, or are people of color. and if what one finds attractive is fit, classy, and white, those people are driving somewhere or are working. (that is, unless you are in a major city, where everyone walks.)

i've dated many amazing looking american men and the ones who were not lookers had great personalities. i married foreign, but not because american men failed me.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Visaveteran, FFS. I'm 23 and AMERICAN and I do things around the house AND go to work. Your generalizations are ridiculous.

eekee, to some of these men, american women are fat, disgusting, lazy, money-grubbing b!tches. it's obvious that some american woman who was once perfectly fine to marry or date completely fkd them over, and now they cover their insecurities with snide generalizations OR no young, sexy, american girl is blind enough to date them.

DISCLAIMER: i am not referring to some of the fine gentleman on here, just the frequent offenders.

see, you fall into the sterotype also. By saying "no young sexy American girl is blind enough to date them" is deeply insulting to FSU women. First you insinuate that there are large numbers of young sexy American women, which is definitely debateable...no not really debatable. Spend an hour on a busy street corner in Ukraine and then an hour on a busy street corner anywhere in the US and tell me if there is a debate.

Next you say that a woman would have to be "blind" to date who? Someone like me or Brad? Why? Someone like us has exactly the same to offer an American woman as we do an FSU woman, there is no difference in US, but if an American woman will not date US it is because there is something wrong with THEM. Obviously they are attracted by something more superficial and meaningless than FSU women are, and THEREIN lies why I prefer FSU women. But thanks for your confirmation of my beliefs.

Of course my opinions do not apply to all American women, you appear to be a good one, but they are very few and far between. I prefer a target rich atmosphere, or at least I did.

true- ####### for tat. i do tend to make my rebuttals in equally bad taste; however, by BLIND, i was not simply referencing the physical. one who constantly bashes their own is likely ugly on the inside.

it is just hard to wrap my mind around this perspective of hating american women. yes- when i drive down the street, i see many unattractive men and women. most of them are not american, or are people of color. and if what one finds attractive is fit, classy, and white, those people are driving somewhere or are working. (that is, unless you are in a major city, where everyone walks.)

i've dated many amazing looking american men and the ones who were not lookers had great personalities. i married foreign, but not because american men failed me.

OK, fair enough. To be clear, I do not hate American women and have never thrown a rock at one. But "hating" and wanting to marry one is not the same thing. Also, I think alot of comments are made "tongue-firmly-in-cheek". However I will say that my wife claims to experience a lot of unwelcoming behavior by American women when they find out that ... 1) She is not just visiting...and 2) that she is married to an American. Personall I find it insulting that that many have commented to her that she is a "mail order bride" without knowing that such does not exist or knowing or background or how we met. Yet these American single women will think nothing of listing themselves in the local dating website as if that is somehow different, and my wife never was listed on any website and that is not how we met. There are plenty of ignorant assumptions to go around. Need I even list them to you?

I think in this RUB forum, we can appreciate the humor, make light of some of the cultural differences, which to me are charming and interesting. Personally I hope my wife never loses her fear of sitting on a stone bench or drinking cold liquids. I hope she never stops referring to the abbreviation of "pound" (lb.) as "lub" I even use it myself now. Or her belief that pantyhose are bad for women's health!

[Brad and Vika 129]

Next you say that a woman would have to be "blind" to date who? Someone like me or Brad? Why? Someone like us has exactly the same to offer an American woman as we do an FSU woman, there is no difference in US, but if an American woman will not date US it is because there is something wrong with THEM. Obviously they are attracted by something more superficial and meaningless than FSU women are, and THEREIN lies why I prefer FSU women. But thanks for your confirmation of my beliefs.

Sorry bro', I just have to go on record to say that I dated a bunch of women from all over the place (including America) in the years before I met my wife. Plenty of contact - no one problem, but a variety of them. I found that Eastern European or other women my age (45) or close, that were single for any length of time were single for a reason. Sometimes they wanted to be single, but mostly they had even more baggage than I do. At some point in every relationship you have to decide what you can tolerate, and so does your partner. I just had the impression that most of them didn't appreciate me for who I am, but they did need me for help with something specific (raising kids, paying bills, etc.).

My wife had all kinds of reasons to not get into a relationship with a foreign guy, but found qualities in me that were attractive. She says strength of character, stability in all parts of life - but mainly emotional, kindness, family orientation, and sensitivity (her words, but I still haven't figured out that last one). I see her traditional (for America) values, family centered thinking, and the fact that she is a girly-girl as really attractive. She is WAY more emotional than I am, and it balances us out - although it drives me mad at times. I guess to conclude, she says she was tired of being seen as a collection of body parts to be conquered, and I was tired of being viewed as an ATM with feet. I absolutely did not choose to be with her, or anyh Eastern European woman because I hate American women - or think badly about them. I do laugh at some of the true generalizations I read here though.

congratulations on being one of the people to turn RUB into a hateful sausage party.

Hey now, that is uncalled for. You know this is a pie and gun party!

[Brad and Vika 129]

However I will say that my wife claims to experience a lot of unwelcoming behavior by American women when they find out that ... 1) She is not just visiting...and 2) that she is married to an American. Personall I find it insulting that that many have commented to her that she is a "mail order bride" without knowing that such does not exist or knowing or background or how we met. Yet these American single women will think nothing of listing themselves in the local dating website as if that is somehow different, and my wife never was listed on any website and that is not how we met. There are plenty of ignorant assumptions to go around. Need I even list them to you?

True.