Where is the depressed forum?

[meowmeowmeow 0]

he needs motivation...that's for sure.... donna, things will be ok, hang in there...

[JustJ 0]

Donna, does he seem like he still wants you to come here? Has he given up?

This process sucks the soul out of you.

As you've said, you've done all the paperwork, etc. He hasn't filled his time with that. He's just sat and waited with nothing to occupy his time.

I have suffered bouts of anxiety and depression too. And motivation? That's not in abundant supply here either.

I'm wondering if his problem is similar to mine. It's hard for me to express it because my brain is under such emotional stress that the words don't flow very well, but let me try.

I want a home. Not a house. Not a roof over my head - a HOME. This was the plan when my husband and I got married. Same as your husband's was - he promised you a life, he was excited about it. He meant it, just as I meant to have a home, furnished with love.

Got that so far?

Okay. Well, here we are after these massive separations, burdened under the sometimes overwhelming hopelessness. At first, I started furnishing the house. I made curtains. I found bits & pieces of furniture that I could afford, including a huge dining room table, hutch, etc. As soon as I saw it sitting empty in that big room, I lost it. Now, I try not to go in there. It's as if it mocks me. When I got that dining table, I was so excited, and I dreamed of the meals we would have there. I pictured my husband's kids coming over for long holidays, Irish music blaring while we feasted and laughed.

Here we are in October, and the table still sits empty in a cold, dark room. There will be a deadly silent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve in there. The 4th of July will pass, and likely, my birthday. We will be extremely lucky if we can celebrate our SECOND wedding anniversary at that table.

My motivation has left me. Oh, I go through the motions. I have to work to survive. There's no work for my husband, so the costs & burden fall to me. He feels like less of a man because he can't provide any financial help. I could be bitter about this. I'm not happy about it, but I'm not going to rub his face in it. He has worked his entire life, and there's just a bad period right now. My lumping "attitude" on him about not having a job and not helping me just makes him feel more useless to me.

Somewhere in me, the dream remains alive, and so I plod on, but without the enthusiasm I had before.

I used to shriek at my husband if he set a cup of tea down on the furniture without a coaster. Now, that furniture hasn't been dusted in 6 months. I could write my name on it. I can barely manage the laundry. Dishes will sometimes sit for a week or more in the sink. Gross, I know. This is not how I live - I've never lived like this! I'm a fuss budget, always cleaning, always trying to improve my surroundings. I'm a nest builder! But this immigration process has just sucked the motivation right out of me.

After a while, you just ask why? If you aren't strong enough, you might give up. But if you can reach deep down in and say, "Because I love him (or her), and because we just have to muddle through this to the end," then maybe, just maybe, you might get what you want at the end of this.

Maybe ratchet it down a notch. Give him some space and some time. He may have meant everything he said in the beginning, then came home and his motivation was stolen away by frustration. Be loving and caring and try to figure out what is causing his own pain.

[sachinky 464]

This process is sucking the soul out of me. The 9.5 hour time difference doesn't help matters.

[kaus&Sanu 0]

This process is sucking the soul out of me. The 9.5 hour time difference doesn't help matters.

haha wow india yes... 10.5 for me...

She quit her job as a teacher because she thought she would be here in no time.

She started crying a lot cause she is getting super depressed, and i am too, and i keep on giving her hope that soon we will be back hand in hand...

it really does suck, this process is super stupid.. If it continues to go at this speed, i will probably go see her...

So, to get her mind off of things, she enrolled into a second bachelors degree program, if she gets her visa before the program ends, we'll wind up ditching the degree.

I wake up early like at 4AM talk to her for a few hours then take off to work, we talk at lunch, and before I go to sleep. VONAGE is awesome, free unlimited calls to India.

[zahrasalem 114]

Count me in too.....

We were married January 4th this year, I lived with him overseas for 3 months, but decided we had to live in America for my 5 year old daughter to be near her father and my family.

So in April i moved back to California, got a home, job, etc, and we filed in May this year.

We are now at NVC, and we got a stupid RFE for something we can't get that doesn't exist anymore. The NVC is saying that my husband's military certificate has to be from Ministry of War in Egypt. Well, there is no more Ministry of War, it is now called Ministry of Defense for at least the past 5 years, which is where my husband's military cert is from, and ALL military cert come from there as well.

I don't know what stupid document reviewer gave us this unnecessary RFE, but it is wasting precious days of our lives

I've called NVC to have a supervisor informed of this, I pray that they will realize their mistake and complete our case.

We have enough worry about getting on AP after the interview.

We live on Skype together several hours each day, but after 6 months now, you start feeling numb and hopeless that you will ever have your life together.

You wonder if you forgot what it feels like to be touched by your loved one, to see them face to face instead of thru a computer screen. If you have an arguement, you can't even give each other a kiss and hug to make up, you just have words to exchange.

I cry daily now, I can't stop myself anymore, I'm scared that this stupid RFE will end our visa journey, if NVC doesn't accept the proof and explanation we give them. But are they giving RFE's to all men from Egypt???????? Because all of their military cert now come from Ministry of Defense??????????

I feel so hopeless, i just survive the day minute by minute, not knowing our fate in this process. I feel myself losing my grip on patience and reality, not knowing if I'm just being overly worried or not anymore.

So count me in for being depressed..............I sympathize with all of you

[JustJ 0]

Hey everyone.

All I can tell you is that for me (and for a lot of others, it seems), the most stressful part is the NVC portion. I think it may be because we have *some* control over the speed of things there. If we have our documents ready to go, etc., the process goes quickly. So we place pressure on ourselves to get the stuff. And if an RFE comes, it is sickening.

For me, I was in the absolute cellar of despair. We most likely have 6-9 months to go (because we will need a waiver), but I'm already feeling better. There's nothing I can do to speed up the process now, so it's just a matter of sitting back and patiently waiting - WAY better (for me, anyhow) than feeling like we're falling behind because documents aren't being sent to the NVC quickly enough.

Hang in there, everybody. It WILL happen! And you'll go from the pit of despair to extreme joy overnight.

[sachinky 464]

I'm glad you're feeling better, Julie. Why do you need a waiver. I thought you had a case complete?

[JustJ 0]

We'll be denied at the interview for a 28+ yr old CIMT.

As I understand it, we can file a waiver on the spot (more $$$, ugh!), but then it goes to London for adjudication, and it's taking them 6 months to look at it.

I gotta be honest - I'd LOVE to be approved at the interivew, but knowing a denial is coming kinda means I don't have to be nervous.

[mrsemcee 1]

i feel like i want to die...........

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

i feel like i want to die...........

NO, stop that Donna, Please, I know the type of feeling you feel in your heart, but please my dearest, dont say that please.

PM me if you want to talk, Im always here for you!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))

Beth

[chinese_mutt 11]

i feel like i want to die...........

I hope things will improve with you and your husband.

just a fair warning, as a new immigrant (2 months)... you will go through lots of tough moments, even get a bit depressed. You will learn things that you've never known before about your husband and the new environment that you will be in. Jobs are not easy to come by, so if you don't want to live with your in-laws... you might want to rethink about moving here if your husband still can't find work and support you. Finally, looking for work is pretty terrifying and daunting issue... at least for me... I got all the credentials to back me up but still it scares the sh!t outta me to go out and look for work. (I wouldn't even think twice about looking for work, going in for interviews and going through the motion back home). There will be so many moments of doubt, and the whole normal 'married life' will feel so alien because both of you are used to being apart that it will frustrate you to no end.

As for your husband not wanting to look for work, maybe he just really can't find anything suitable for him? I don't know. There might be something there like a bad experience or he wants to be more independent with his time. Maybe you can encourage him to do something like buy and sell over the internet. Nothing you can do but be supportive and help him put together a resume or a small business and encourage him to work. Like somebody else suggested, maybe he can attend trade school or something that interest him since his parents are supportive financially.

It is so very hard to move and have all the changes happening all at once. Trust me, you need him to be strong for you when you get here. If he can't be that person coz he is sick, you really want to get close to his parents just to have that whole support system behind you until things settle down and you become more comfortable and build your new life here. There will be tough times, esp with this economy (trust me... we are not yet on the road to recovery), but things will be better sooner or later.

Chin up, this too shall pass and you will be looking back and wonder why you even stressed so much about it.

[chinese_mutt 11]

PS: I'm also depressed. ABOUT NOTHING. I can't explain it... maybe it's the hormones. Who knows. It comes and goes. I get upset one moment and be happy the next. It's a roller coaster. But I'll be okay.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

PS: I'm also depressed. ABOUT NOTHING. I can't explain it... maybe it's the hormones. Who knows. It comes and goes. I get upset one moment and be happy the next. It's a roller coaster. But I'll be okay.

Its hormones my dear Ivey, it will pass after a while , the first 3 months is a emontional rollercoaster!!! You will be fine.

[mrsemcee 1]

sorry for worrying you guys all the time....

i dont mean to, but i hit the lowest of lows this morning, and it all just came at once, and then after i have had a couple of long chats to hubby, i am once again feeling a bit better, and i am going to give it a go.

i know that when we ARE together, things are good and my life seems better, so i am going to go to the USA and give it a shot.

anyway, thanks for the support... it means a lot.

next week is the second week of Nov which means i should hear about an interview date, so we will see....

time will tell how my story will turn out, but for now, i am taking a chance. in the past few days, hubby has really stepped it up and is showing me he is committed and we will be ok.

xxxxx.

[Bern. 3]

sorry for worrying you guys all the time....

i dont mean to, but i hit the lowest of lows this morning, and it all just came at once, and then after i have had a couple of long chats to hubby, i am once again feeling a bit better, and i am going to give it a go.

i know that when we ARE together, things are good and my life seems better, so i am going to go to the USA and give it a shot.

anyway, thanks for the support... it means a lot.

next week is the second week of Nov which means i should hear about an interview date, so we will see....

time will tell how my story will turn out, but for now, i am taking a chance. in the past few days, hubby has really stepped it up and is showing me he is committed and we will be ok.

xxxxx.

That's fantastic to hear! I wish you both the best of luck and a successful future and marriage.

You're almost there Donna, turn that frown upside down.