do you fight over calls and stuff?

[Isabel 0]

Hi guys,

I just got off the phone with my husband and I am so pissed. First off I am the only one calling him, because he doesnt wanna get a phonecard. 2nd we usually chat every second day and I like that, but it is just way too long sometimes. And when I call him to just hear his voice he doesnt understand that, because he wants me to tell him what I wanna tell him and then he wants me to hang up. So whenever I called him I had something in mind that he can have as a reason, getting things solved and such. AND NOW he is complaining that I always call and want him to do something. I am so upset, I just hung up on him and told him to have a nice evening. What the hell is going wrong here?????

Am I overreacting?

Isabel

[gimygirl 0]

you are the only person that can effectively answer "what the hell is wrong here" ... maybe you should take a few days apart ... that may have him change his tune a bit *shrugs*

i also see no reason when he can't get a calling card and phone you. what is his reasoning behind that?? also, some guys are just not 'phone' people. they see it as a tool and only use it for a quick purpose.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hi guys,

I just got off the phone with my husband and I am so pissed. First off I am the only one calling him, because he doesnt wanna get a phonecard. 2nd we usually chat every second day and I like that, but it is just way too long sometimes. And when I call him to just hear his voice he doesnt understand that, because he wants me to tell him what I wanna tell him and then he wants me to hang up. So whenever I called him I had something in mind that he can have as a reason, getting things solved and such. AND NOW he is complaining that I always call and want him to do something. I am so upset, I just hung up on him and told him to have a nice evening. What the hell is going wrong here?????

Am I overreacting?

Isabel

I'd say he should be meeting you halfway with the calls. How was the arrangement before? Is cost an issue for him? I'm always happy to get a call from my fiancee but there are times when it's not always convenient to talk. I make a point of telling her that it's nice just to hear her voice. It's hard to know what's wrong but if his behavior is recent like this, I'd guess that something's bothering him - perhaps just the frustration of being apart?

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Dont worry my husband and I are in the same boat. We are in a financial situation and he ran up a phone bill of over 1,000 dls calling me when I was not making any income. Now its my turn. I have started to call him and i call him on a daily basis but we just cant talk like we used to before. Most of the time Im spending 20 dls a day on a calling card. Since his home phone got cut off he only has his pre paid cell phone at the moment.....and trust calling cell phones is EXPENSIVE. If he could i know he would call me. I feel bumed out at times because it feels like Im the only one calling and looking for him but at the same time I know that hes in a bind and I need to help him out. Thank GOD we finally gathered enough money to pay off his land line phone so it will be reconected. Starting tusday I will be able to call him on his home phone. Im so relieved because on one calling card to the uk I can get 1300 min calling a home phone and it last for a good week and a half. but if i call his cell phone i only get a crapy 200 and it does not work out to even 200 min after they take out connection fees for every call. Untill we can have some more stable income I will be the only one calling him. Some times I get frustrated and I feel like aggggggggggg why doesnt he call me, this feels like we are in a one way street i love him more than he lives me......then i get off my mad cloud and I realize that its just not possible right now but hopefully soon things we will be better and the load will litghten up when when our debts start minimizing.

For this weekend only im grateful that skype.com is having free phone calls to any phone in the UK. So I have talked to him all day on anf off! yeay. I think they will do Mexico or Japan next week.

A toast to skype!

you are the only person that can effectively answer "what the hell is wrong here" ... maybe you should take a few days apart ... that may have him change his tune a bit *shrugs*

i also see no reason when he can't get a calling card and phone you. what is his reasoning behind that?? also, some guys are just not 'phone' people. they see it as a tool and only use it for a quick purpose.

[Gigglesngrins 0]

Isabel:

I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well I wish there was an easy solution for you but I can't say I totally understand. I do know some guys aren't "phone people" but I think I would feel the same way you do....distance makes it difficult and I know myself, I am on the phone at least 2 or 3 times a day to my fiance. Sometimes he calls when I'm busy, sometimes I call when he's busy but we always call. Even if the day's been hectic and we only have 5 mins to talk, to us it's really important to at least call eachother and let one another know that we are thinking of eachother and love eachother.

Again, sorry to hear about the problems but you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you find the solution that is right for you.

HUGS!

[Looking4Wife 0]

you are the only person that can effectively answer "what the hell is wrong here" ... maybe you should take a few days apart ... that may have him change his tune a bit *shrugs*

Ditto...

[Fandango 1,440]

Dont worry my husband and I are in the same boat. We are in a financial situation and he ran up a phone bill of over 1,000 dls calling me when I was not making any income. Now its my turn. I have started to call him and i call him on a daily basis but we just cant talk like we used to before. Most of the time Im spending 20 dls a day on a calling card. Since his home phone got cut off he only has his pre paid cell phone at the moment.....and trust calling cell phones is EXPENSIVE. If he could i know he would call me. I feel bumed out at times because it feels like Im the only one calling and looking for him but at the same time I know that hes in a bind and I need to help him out. Thank GOD we finally gathered enough money to pay off his land line phone so it will be reconected. Starting tusday I will be able to call him on his home phone. Im so relieved because on one calling card to the uk I can get 1300 min calling a home phone and it last for a good week and a half. but if i call his cell phone i only get a crapy 200 and it does not work out to even 200 min after they take out connection fees for every call. Untill we can have some more stable income I will be the only one calling him. Some times I get frustrated and I feel like aggggggggggg why doesnt he call me, this feels like we are in a one way street i love him more than he lives me......then i get off my mad cloud and I realize that its just not possible right now but hopefully soon things we will be better and the load will litghten up when when our debts start minimizing.

For this weekend only im grateful that skype.com is having free phone calls to any phone in the UK. So I have talked to him all day on anf off! yeay. I think they will do Mexico or Japan next week.

A toast to skype!

you are the only person that can effectively answer "what the hell is wrong here" ... maybe you should take a few days apart ... that may have him change his tune a bit *shrugs*

i also see no reason when he can't get a calling card and phone you. what is his reasoning behind that?? also, some guys are just not 'phone' people. they see it as a tool and only use it for a quick purpose.

Is your man in an area that has a broadband connection? If he's got bb in the house, get him over to vonage, woman! I can't tell you the amts of $$$ & £££ we've spent over the years....and I remember the calling card situation all too well Those stupid connect fees! or when you pay the connect fee and the line is ####### and you can't hear a thing, then you have to call back & get charged again.!!!

Your honey would still have to pay a line rental to BT (about 10 quid) then Vonage is 7quid a mo...yet he can also get a 'virtual number' which is essentially a fake local number for my area, so I call him for absolutely nothing.

and it's not pc-topc calling...it's to any landline or mobby too...tho with a mobby he'd pay to rec the call But you can forward the calls to any phone...

To the OP, I kinda hear what you're sayin. D & I go round and round sometimes when one of us may be feeling particularly needy & wanting to just stay on the phone forever, and the other is so busy that he or I just do not have the time to spare. It's a horrible dance of trying to keep busy to pass the time, yet then being so busy that there's little to no time to talk! Add in a time difference, and it's sometimes next to impossible.....Keep your chin up, tell your husband how you feel, and try to work on ways to compromise. I find that when I start off saying summat like 'I feel very frustrated when you...' instead of just 'You don't do this....you don't do that' he's much more open and receptive because he is not automatically put on the defensive.

Oh, and vice versa. We call it 'treading water', btw...the keeping busy thing....we're both treading alone until we can be together...and treading water involves keeping busy all the time. If he came to me and was like 'you don't do this, you don't do that' it'd most likely put my back up cos I'm only so busy because I'm trying so hard to tread this water until it's over because it hurts too much to not do it...

Ahh, the old double edged sword...it's a fcuker!

Imagine how wonderful it's gonna feel when this is all a thing of the past! OP, keep your eye on the prize

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

Well... My wife and I have tried to CUT DOWN on the calls because of cost. Ukraine is just darn expensive to call. We do use Skype, but that still depends on the day and if the internet is working in her area or not. ANd if she is near a computer that has both a mic and speakers. We do most of our chatting (written) over Yahoo though. We will 'talk' for hours each day like this. I will even sneak on sometimes when I am at work!

Are you overreacting? No. I don't think so. I would try to look for other ways to communicate though. As other people have suggested...he might not be a phone person, there might be money issues, he might be busy, he might be frustrated, etc. Despite this I do not think you are overreacting.

Joel

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Oh, and vice versa. We call it 'treading water', btw...the keeping busy thing....we're both treading alone until we can be together...and treading water involves keeping busy all the time. If he came to me and was like 'you don't do this, you don't do that' it'd most likely put my back up cos I'm only so busy because I'm trying so hard to tread this water until it's over because it hurts too much to not do it...

Well said, Lisa!

[Fandango 1,440]

Oh, and vice versa. We call it 'treading water', btw...the keeping busy thing....we're both treading alone until we can be together...and treading water involves keeping busy all the time. If he came to me and was like 'you don't do this, you don't do that' it'd most likely put my back up cos I'm only so busy because I'm trying so hard to tread this water until it's over because it hurts too much to not do it...

Well said, Lisa!

a thumbs up??!?!? from Steven?!?!?!?!?!?

*passes out*

*checks if pigs are flying*

ty, btw

[Ban Hammer 14,268]

http://www.mobilecaller.com/

a pretty good deal here, i've just checked the calls to the uk on it

from 3.2 to 1.9 cents a minute.

depending on how often you call would depend on which rate i'd recommend.

reply in this thread if you want more info, if i don't answer i got distracted so give me a reminder pm then (hey i'm a guy i don't have to have an attention span)

joel, to ukraine is 15 to 9 cents a minute on this

Edited July 16, 2006 by charlesandnessa

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Oh, and vice versa. We call it 'treading water', btw...the keeping busy thing....we're both treading alone until we can be together...and treading water involves keeping busy all the time. If he came to me and was like 'you don't do this, you don't do that' it'd most likely put my back up cos I'm only so busy because I'm trying so hard to tread this water until it's over because it hurts too much to not do it...

Well said, Lisa!

a thumbs up??!?!? from Steven?!?!?!?!?!?

*passes out*

*checks if pigs are flying*

ty, btw

Yeah, you owe me one.

[Fandango 1,440]

Oh, and vice versa. We call it 'treading water', btw...the keeping busy thing....we're both treading alone until we can be together...and treading water involves keeping busy all the time. If he came to me and was like 'you don't do this, you don't do that' it'd most likely put my back up cos I'm only so busy because I'm trying so hard to tread this water until it's over because it hurts too much to not do it...

Well said, Lisa!

a thumbs up??!?!? from Steven?!?!?!?!?!?

*passes out*

*checks if pigs are flying*

ty, btw

Yeah, you owe me one.

there, we're even

[angeljan 0]

Hi guys,

I just got off the phone with my husband and I am so pissed. First off I am the only one calling him, because he doesnt wanna get a phonecard. 2nd we usually chat every second day and I like that, but it is just way too long sometimes. And when I call him to just hear his voice he doesnt understand that, because he wants me to tell him what I wanna tell him and then he wants me to hang up. So whenever I called him I had something in mind that he can have as a reason, getting things solved and such. AND NOW he is complaining that I always call and want him to do something. I am so upset, I just hung up on him and told him to have a nice evening. What the hell is going wrong here?????

Am I overreacting?

Isabel

Isabel,

Thats how it is with my husband too. I have to be the one to call him too. And when he hears what he wants then he's ready to hang up and sometimes I just want to talk alittle longer then he does because I need to hear his voice and it helps me out with the missing him so much but he just doesn't want to talk at times. I sometimes think it's just the stress on both of us with all this waiting game that we all have to go through. My husband and I get into more agruements then we ever have these past couple of months. And to be honest I have hung up on my husband many times because of his thinking and attitude. I'm not that kind of a person to hang up on people. I thought I was the only one going through this ####### but I find out i'm not. This ###### is so hard to go through when you love someone and just want to spend the rest of your life with.

[Isabel 0]

Hi guys,

Thank you very very much for all your responses! I really appreciate it. We did talk again and worked something out. I told him how I feel about it and he told me what is bothering him. To what it comes down to is: He is working two jobs and is always busy and mostly I catch him in the middle of doing something. And instead of telling me that, he just tries to drop me off the line and that makes me feel bad. Also it makes him feel angry and guilty every time he has no time to talk, because he is so busy. He doesnt like that and it makes him upset that it is the way it is and there is nothing he can do about it. It hurts him not to get to talk to me and it hurts him also that he knows that he hurts me. So this whole thing is totally screwed up. I hope you know what I mean. We both agreed that we would schedule times for calling and chatting in future so we overcome this whole guilt issue. He also will tell me when he absolutely has no time to talk; instead of just trying to get me out of the line. So that issue was mostly because we didnt talk about it and assumed that the other one can read each others mind.

But I think that is a real common thing to happen amongst international relationships. Either money issues(!!!) or timedifference or rarely time at all and all that. It is just crazy. And then some people ask why long distance relationships are hard.

Thank you guys very much!

Isabel

in addition he is not a "phone guy" at all. He told me that he hates talking to me over the phone because he cant see how I react and cant see my bodylanguage.