Would you let your Spouse party till the early morning on their own????

[Sister Fracas 5]

if someone wants to cheat, they'll do it. They can do it anytime, not just till the wee hours of the night, drunk.

100% true!!! I'd like to know what it is about this magical "too late" time that is all of a sudden going to change someone from being a trusted spouse, to someone who might possible get in trouble.

you guys seem really young and you seem this partying stuff is the battle you fight for. in my stage of life -been there done that. when you get a little older maybe your ideas will change you will understand things better. you will learn to pick battles that really are worth fighting for.

I LOVE this... when you get OLDER Robert, you'll learn to pick your battles better!!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA LMAO!!! Soz Robert, but I just have to laugh here... not at you, but at the idea that you are getting marriage advice at "this stage in YOUR life" about how you'll understand things better "later" LOL LOL LOL LOL

Anyway....Just another question for me for anyone else....what's the deal with this "it would be ok if my SO went out, but not every weekend" bit? Hubster goes out every Friday...EVERY Friday, to play with his buddies... unless there is something both of us want to do. I see no problem is this. So it's his night out...and my night to do what I want...big whoop dee doo. I'm even going to go on record as saying, hey, I'm glad he's not at home. He might even go out TWO nights a week if he has a concert to go to or something else... *GASP* Sometimes I think he may over do it, when it comes to drinking, but I DO know that he's not driving and the biggest thing is, he's out doing something that's fun to him and soooooooooo boring to me. I don't want to learn the game that he and his buddies are playing...just don't. Yeah, like Reba said... it's not good to lose yourself. That's who my husband is...someone who likes to be out doing stuff with friends...I knew that before I married him, so why would I want to change him now and make him more of a homebody like me?

[PlatyPius 5]

Wasn't saying that your way was wrong, Shon, just saying that it would never work for Sian and I. Although, we do have rules....

Rule #1) There are no rules.

Rule #2) See Rule #1

It is just accepted that there will be no cheating, lying, etc. I trust Sian completely, and she trusts me. We don't require more than that.

alot of the rules are cultural. example my husband is not comfortable with PDA.

we do not touch in public. I have to just respect his comfort level.

I DO have an "Injustice-o-meter"....

I would never consider going out to a nightclub without Sian. However, if she made a rule against it, I would have SERIOUS issues with it. Anyone who makes rules against such things is 1) Insecure 2) Possessive 3) Controlling 4) Untrusting or 5) all of the above. I don't own Sian, nor is she my pet or my child. Why then would I set down rules for her? She is a complete person without me. She doesn't need "correcting" or to be given guidelines and advice. Nor do I. I have one mother; I defintely don't want another one.

Thank You!!! I couldn't have said it better myself!

Just to clarify further... before I met my very-soon-to-be-wife, I drank and smoked. She didn't like either, and I knew it. She never told me I "had" to quit, or that if I didn't quit, she would leave me. She merely expressed her displeasure. That was enough for me to realize she was more important to me than drinking or smoking. If she had laid down demands, things would be the same way they are today. Likewise, I do not tell her what she can or can not do. I am not her father, and she is not my mother. We do take care of each other however, as husband and wife should. Our personal and individual lives did not come to a screeching halt just because we are together. We like to think we have the rest of our life's together... we don't have to dominate each other's life every moment of every day.

I knew my husbands expectations of what he wanted in a wife. Just like he knew my expectations. they are laid out in our marriage contract. you guys seem really young and you seem this partying stuff is the battle you fight for. in my stage of life -been there done that. when you get a little older maybe your ideas will change you will understand things better. you will learn to pick battles that really are worth fighting for.

LOL! I'm almost 40! My "partying" days ended by the time I turned 21. I've been to a bar maybe twice in the past year, and a nightclub.....never. Partying isn't something I would fight for or about. It was the control/rules part I was addressing, not the partying aspect. However, your marriage IS going to be different than mine, as I'm pagan and Sian is athiest. We don't have the religious rules, expectations, etc that you do. Neither Sian or I are really into PDAs, but it isn't forbidden or anything. It just isn't something we're overly comfortable with - we're both rather old-fashioned.

Marriage contract? Are there really marriage contracts? What does a contract involve? What are the penalties for breaking the contract? I've honestly never heard of a marriage contract. Is it like a Pre-nup?

[Reba 2]

Why should he give up something he enjoys just because I dont like to do it?

It all comes down to trust and a solid honest mature relationship.

absitively posilutely!

A marriage is made up of 2 individual people. Yes, occasionally the 2 can become 1 , but you don't become conjoined twins when you say I Do. Before 2 get married, they each have/had a life separate from the other. I see no reason why every now and again they can't have separate evenings/days out with their own friends doing what they enjoy doing.

"Partying" does not necessarily mean getting ###### faced drunk and falling in the gutter and having casual sex with strangers. Even for non-drinkers and non-clubbers it can mean sitting around with friends shootin' the breeze drinking tea and eating crumpets. Not every party needs loud music, balloons and dry ice.

[KJandSH 0]

I think it's healthy for 2 people to have separate lives and friends after marriage and it often happens that I may have a friend or two that my husband isn't crazy about and vice versa. So in that case, we are generally fine to let the other hang out with those friends.

For us, the partying late at night is more of an issue when we are in Korea (for reasons of time and $$). The only reason I don't like him hanging out with his friends until late is because then we get on different sleeping schedules and he gets up too late for all of the fun activities I plan for the daytime. My husband wants me to go with him and stay out late, but I just can't keep my eyes open until 4 and 5 in the morning--1 is about my limit these days--especially when trying to keep up in a language where I only understand about 35% of the conversation.

When we have kids I may be less happy to see him go out and party with friends, but actually I am happy that he can do it now since we are residing full time in the states and in Korea only on vacation so most of the time he is away from his longtime friends.

[samir_shannon 0]

i wouldnt have that problem............. samir doesnt drink lol. but to answer you ... uhhhhhhhh NO

[Married_my_love 0]

unless it becomes a habit to the point that it is interfering with your relationship.

Yep. My ex had a habit along with his drinking of staying out and leaving me wondering until the sun came up. Except he would do it, like "I'm going over to so-and-sos, be back in a few hours" and then turned his phone off so he suddenly couldn't be reached. He didn't go out with girls, he went out with a bunch of guys who hadn't grown up and didn't necessarily embrace that he was in a relationship.... hence the reason he is THE EX now.

[Fandango 1,440]

Seein this thread annoys me so much cos of the 'let' factor

MML...sorry about your ex...I think that's an ENTIRELY unique scenario there which surpasses normalcy & I don't blame ya one bit.

[zauberblume 0]

We're a young couple.

My husband has his moments where he likes to be social. But, generally, he doesn't go out much. In that respect, neither do I. We married each other for many reasons which had everything to do with compatibility. He has a slight spontaneous streak, which is interesting and fun at times. But we're both rather similar when it comes to our social lives, meaning that we do not "party" or "go clubbing" often. We used too, in our single days, but we feel no need for that scene now.

We've stayed out late without each other on isolated occasions, but I hardly think of it as a big deal. Late, for us, would be anytime an hour or so after midnight. But we always have our cell phones on and we always check in with each other not because we lack trust, but because we're being polite and considerate.

Every relationship is unique. Throughout our years of knowing each other and being with each other, we've developed a sense of what works in our relationship. What works is partly based on rules and feelings, thoughts and experiences. It works for us.

[mi_illusion_st 0]

Mine wouldn't even consider partying without me so the point is moot here.

[Veiled Princess 1]

wow who went dumpster diving for this thread?

[Yodrak 7]

Janice,

I've got a bit of a problem with the phrase, "would you ... let your SO do".

But as for partying v staying home v any other activity, and changing that activity after marriage from what it was before marriage, the marriage should reflect and accomodate whatever the parner's life styles are.

For myself, I didn't get married with the idea that I would need to change my lifestyle, I got married with the idea of having a permanent partner to share my lifestyle.

Yodrak

After reading many posts and one just today about people partying till the early hours would you honestly let your SO do this with girlfriends/guyfriends without you?? On a personal level no I would be one unhappy bunny if my SO did this to me. How do you feel about this. My SO and I are not into the partying scene anyway so would not make much of a difference. I feel like many do that when you go into a marriage that you should leave the partying scene behind. No I am not boring, we do find other things to entertain us

Janice

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

Mine wouldn't even consider partying without me so the point is moot here.

This person did.

wow who went dumpster diving for this thread?

Edited September 1, 2006 by RaspberrySwirl

[arwensun1965 1]

Janice,

I've got a bit of a problem with the phrase, "would you ... let your SO do".

Yes I agree it was a rather unfortunate phrase to use SORRY

but who the heck brought this up again lol

Janice

[mi_illusion_st 0]

wow who went dumpster diving for this thread?

picks lettuce leaves off face and cleans coffee grounds outta nose.

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

wow who went dumpster diving for this thread?

picks lettuce leaves off face and cleans coffee grounds outta nose.