New to America the do's and donts

BinhJerome · September 14, 2009

Okay, I know I am probably not the one to start a topic of this nature. But I feel this is a important topic that needs to be started. So I want all of you men to get your Fiancé's on the computer and put their two cents worth on this post, and for all you women with men fiancé's have them post as well.

I know we have all read where men have abused their fiancé's or treated them as slaves. I am sure most of these stories are not real but there are some that are. What I have heard from people that have done this is the fear of the person. The not knowing anyone and being stuck in a strange country with no one to talk to. I have a friend that has a foreign wife he met her here but she was in a similar state when she arrived in America. She was lucky as they had a large Vietnamese population near to where she lived. She said if it was not for that she would never have made it here in America. I have met some people from Vietnam that live here in America, and I have talked with them and have told them about my fiancée. This way when Binh finally gets here she will have someone to talk to close so that she does not feel so alone. Most of us have used most of our vacation if not all of it during the long visa process so once they get here we have a couple of days usually only a weekend then we have to go back to work on Monday. I know that it is hard for people to be alone. I am just grateful that when I was in Vietnam Binh never left me alone. When she was getting ready for our dam hoi she went to get her hair done and that took about 2 and a half hours. I was left at her home with her mother and the family coming in from the country side and few of them spoke English. Her brother Hung was there and that was good as he speaks very good English. But I felt alone and it was only 2 and a half hours. Imagine all day for 5 days straight. The only time with anyone you know is in the morning before they leave for work, and when they get home in the evening. Please give us feedback on what your experiences are and were. This will help us sponsors know what to do and what not to do. Thanks for your input, I am sure this will help many people!

Jerome

Dakine · September 14, 2009

I purchased a laptop and set my wifes family up with DSL. GREAT for homesickness.

JimVaPhuong · September 14, 2009

I purchased a laptop and set my wifes family up with DSL. GREAT for homesickness.

Give 'em a MagicJack, as well, and tell them to keep it plugged in to the laptop. They can call her, and she can call them for free, anytime.

tinyrosie · September 14, 2009

1. Computer with high speed internet.

2. Cell phone, so she will be able to exchange phone number to new friends she meets in the US and ofcourse to contact you wherever she is.

3. Taking her around the neighborhood. Show her the nearest grocery store, gym, parks, and things like that.

4. Build her confidence that she can do alot of things even when you are not around. Teach her how to use public transportation or even drive. I also found this very very important because it me gave sense of mobility and independence.

5. Find ways to meet people and make friends. I found that community college is a fun and safe place to do this, not to mention useful too! Can take English class or other classes that she is interested in, and make new friends from the classes.

Hope this helps

D

Edited September 14, 2009 by tinyrosie

BishopMnA · September 14, 2009

The first think I did was get my wife involved at our local church, which is a big part of our lives. Luckily, at that time we lived right across the street from it. That was great because she could go everyday, and didn't have to drive. Once she met a few people in there they started talking to her constantly, calling her constantly (I agree, get her a cell phone on day one...not just to call home but to call 'friends' that she might make quickly in the USA), and taking her out to lunch etc...

It doesn't have to be a church though, it can be a ESL at a college, or a library...lots of places where she can 'get out', while you're at work.

One fun thing I did was buy my wife a bike. She couldn't drive when she first got here, because she didn't have a driver's license. But, I took her out biking quite a bit during those first couple months...then she would bike around on her own while I was at work and she learned the area. She would go to garage sales/etc...and had a great time, and lots of fresh air.

Actually...my wife was prepared...so when she got her it wasn't as 'dramatic' as all that...

Now that she's been here for a couple years...she's a duck in water, absolutely! <haha>

Good thread.

Peace,

Mark

hniHnitsuJ · September 14, 2009

Monday - Friday schedule for my wife.

8:00 AM - 12:25 PM > School for ESL.

2:00 PM - 8:00 PM > Career Education. She takes a bus in the afternoon, and I will pick her up after my work.

Friday, and Saturday Night Chat online with her family.

Saturday - Sunday

Saturday Morning = both of us going to Asian Supermarket for grocery.

Afternoon = we both cook

Night = visiting my family, or friends house.

Sunday = SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP, and relax, cleaning up the house. Prepare for the new week.

Sunday Evening = Family gathering.

My wife has her own cellular phone, and I am always make sure she has enough money to call back to VN anytime(calling card), and she has her own laptop, webcam, voice, and she always has her own privacy with her family.

She already passed her DMV writting test, next step is to get her driver licenses.

We both are very busy weekday, and weekend.

Good luck

Loi and Suong.

BinhJerome · September 14, 2009

Thanks all for the replies. I am sure this will help people out. I have already sent her a cell phone so that when she lands in America she can call me at the airport so I can find her easier. I have 2 computers here already and I left her a laptop with built in cam and mic on my last trip there. I have already been trying to find any Vietnamese people in the area and I have found that in Louisville Ky they have a very big community there, I figure we will go there and do some shopping when she arrives and I have a few friends (women) that already told me that they were going to come and take her away from me all the time. I just hear so many sad stories where the relationships don't work out, and I know that some women even back out after they get the visa just because they are to afraid to leave their parents and family. Most people do not understand that the person they love are giving up EVERYTHING they know and love to be with you. I am a blessed man, Binh tells me every day that I am most important in her life and she will go where I go, but I just want to make this change easy for her and also help as many people out as possible. Some people do not realize when their loved one is in a serious state of depression, and it can be deadly. I know some people that might read this post may think it is a waste of time, and their fiancée or fiancé is different, they do not need to do this or that. I just want people to understand there is a real possibility of this happening, so if your fiancée or fiancé has been depressed when they came her, have them post. I think it would be great to get it off their shoulders, and also show all the sponsors out there that this is a true problem facing their loved ones.

Thanks again for all your posts keep them coming! Jerome

luckytxn · September 14, 2009

Well mine seems to have adjusted well. She is even more set up than I am in many ways. Shes goes to school monday thru friday and works all day saturday and sunday. I finally see her after about 9 at night for a couple of hours a day before bed. I pretty much have been working 7 days a week. When she does get home she is either on her laptop or the phone with her phone card and talking to family or friends back home or her new ones here. So we get to really visit maybe an hour a day. She does love her new car I bought her too a lot. I did get to drive it once myself and I like it. I opened up her own bank account and put plenty in to start her off. Also taught her last week how to use the ATM card. Life is good for us for sure especially as she bought new undies and I got to see them last night.

David-Hien · September 16, 2009

Thank you, Jerome. At least there is one person who pay attention to remind his friends about our loneliness on a new country. :thumbs:

BinhJerome · September 16, 2009

Thank you, Jerome. At least there is one person who pay attention to remind his friends about our loneliness on a new country.

Not a problem at all. Especially with all of "the shocking stories" that we all hear about from friends friend or from actual posts. This is a real problem that many people face, and I truly feel it is extremely overlooked. I hope that some of the senior members that have their loved ones over here will have them write about their first few month experiances. I feel it will be good for people to read, even if their loved one does not go through the same things at least we can be ready for our loved ones and try to help if they need it and to give them all the undestanding that they truly deserve. My family said they thought I was brave going to a different country to meet a person, and I told them that Binh was the brave one ready to give up all she knew to be here with me.

Jerome

thongd4me · September 19, 2009

Thank you, Jerome. At least there is one person who pay attention to remind his friends about our loneliness on a new country.

Not a problem at all. Especially with all of "the shocking stories" that we all hear about from friends friend or from actual posts. This is a real problem that many people face, and I truly feel it is extremely overlooked. I hope that some of the senior members that have their loved ones over here will have them write about their first few month experiances. I feel it will be good for people to read, even if their loved one does not go through the same things at least we can be ready for our loved ones and try to help if they need it and to give them all the undestanding that they truly deserve. My family said they thought I was brave going to a different country to meet a person, and I told them that Binh was the brave one ready to give up all she knew to be here with me.

Jerome

We are still a few months out from the travel visa, but we have been talking about this and it shouldn't be a problem.

She will be able to contact whoever she wants in Thailand online, but for face time we live about a 5 min. drive

from one of the 2 major Thai wats in New York. Roughly 4 years ago I went there on my own and struck up a

friendship with a young monk who wanted to exchange Thai for English (I think he got the better part of that deal).

I haven't been there recently because they transferred him to Texas about 2 years ago. He did come back to

New York for a visit a few months back and I saw him. When he went to Thailand to see his family about 2 years

ago I printed up a special portrait of him so he could give it to his parents. He also hand-carried some prints

of pics I took in Thailand and gave them to my fiancée in Bangkok when he went to see his family.

When she comes I will already be known to many at the local wat so that will make her feel even more welcome.

Today there was a protest in support of Aung_San_Suu_Kyi of Burma

in Manhattan. There were Burmese, Thai and Nepalese monks there and they let me take their photo. I spoke to them briefly.

I sent the pic to my friend in Texas and he will forward it to his friends at the local wat.

BinhJerome · September 19, 2009