Waiting Sucks

[Jeff and Tatiana 0]

For me the wait was like everyone else. If I thought about it, pictured how far along CSC is compared to VSC, then it would make me frustrated. But, stay busy, hang with the friends and time passes.

Oh and I did have a bit of "cleaning" to do. You know the hunting trophies that are in the closet I never hung up. The RC car collection for those late night crazy beer and RC Car Parties. Those RC cars can be a lot of fun let me tell you, but a RC helicopter in a apartment complex is just, the pinnacle of RC mischief. Ummm, well anyway, I had to sell all that stuff off, I was getting too old for it anyway. hehehe. (Ok, I did keep one BIG RC Truck, hidden away)

I also got some "HOUSE" things. You know the stuff, laundry hampers, laundry baskets, Ironing board (I used a towel and the coffee table before, Hey it works fine), Ceiling fans for the living room and bedroom, instead of my redneck Tower Fans that admittedly sound like a Cessna trying to take off in the room. hehe. Anyway, it takes time and I have been slowly pairing down the GUY in the place to make room for her stuff.

Just occupy yourself best you can, find things to do and it will take you mind off it and time will go by faster. It worked for me. I am still waiting, but at least now I can see the end of the journey.

[Kailey 3]

I had a girlfriend during my wait. The time flew by, and it was like my S/O was here before I knew it!

oh slim, you should never keep just one. then it gets all relationshippy and sad when your fiance arrives.

and the moral aspect of this?

oh.. if you don't know what moral is - try to find the definition in wiki..

[Keysersoze 0]

If there was a way for me to pay 10 extra thousand dollars and no waiting.. I would do it in a heart beat! I hate this but there is nothing i can do

I had a girlfriend during my wait. The time flew by, and it was like my S/O was here before I knew it!

oh slim, you should never keep just one. then it gets all relationshippy and sad when your fiance arrives.

and the moral aspect of this?

oh.. if you don't know what moral is - try to find the definition in wiki..

[Kailey 3]

If there was a way for me to pay 10 extra thousand dollars and no waiting.. I would do it in a heart beat! I hate this but there is nothing i can do

I had a girlfriend during my wait. The time flew by, and it was like my S/O was here before I knew it!

oh slim, you should never keep just one. then it gets all relationshippy and sad when your fiance arrives.

and the moral aspect of this?

oh.. if you don't know what moral is - try to find the definition in wiki..

Keyserosoze, I am not sure why you quoted my post, probably it's just a way the 'reply' button works here.

In simple words i think it's dishonest to have another girlfriend while waiting for K1. :\

[amberdima 6]

I had a girlfriend during my wait. The time flew by, and it was like my S/O was here before I knew it!

oh slim, you should never keep just one. then it gets all relationshippy and sad when your fiance arrives.

and the moral aspect of this?

oh.. if you don't know what moral is - try to find the definition in wiki..

i don't trust wiki . once one realizes it's not going to take the few months one thought/ hoped this process would take, why is it immoral to have a mutual agreement? having terms are nice, too- for instance, not just one person, don't fall in love, make sure they know about me, don't ask, don't tell, destroy all evidence before you get here, etc. it wasn't the sex i missed, it was romantic companionship-and in the beginning, when i was naive, i was repulsed by people who play while waiting, but soon, after depression, stress, anxiety, and fear that this dream might never actually come true, i faced reality. sorry that the world doesn't revolve around one set of beliefs or 'morals.'

[Kailey 3]

I had a girlfriend during my wait. The time flew by, and it was like my S/O was here before I knew it!

oh slim, you should never keep just one. then it gets all relationshippy and sad when your fiance arrives.

and the moral aspect of this?

oh.. if you don't know what moral is - try to find the definition in wiki..

i don't trust wiki . once one realizes it's not going to take the few months one thought/ hoped this process would take, why is it immoral to have a mutual agreement? having terms are nice, too- for instance, not just one person, don't fall in love, make sure they know about me, don't ask, don't tell, destroy all evidence before you get here, etc. it wasn't the sex i missed, it was romantic companionship-and in the beginning, when i was naive, i was repulsed by people who play while waiting, but soon, after depression, stress, anxiety, and fear that this dream might never actually come true, i faced reality. sorry that the world doesn't revolve around one set of beliefs or 'morals.'

The international marriage is quite a project by itself. And requires more patience, and in my mind a Real Love that makes it worth starting this project and makes it worth waiting.

If one can't wait couple of months than what's the point of diving into this affair at all? You can find a friend-lover-spouse locally and not have to torment yourself with waiting.

As for the universal beliefs - World is multicolor, i agree. In most of the situations. But some things are just white. And some are black.

+ if it had been a mutual agreement b/n 2 him and her (by her i mean a Russian fiancee) - that they can do whatever while K1 is processed, then, well.. ok that would be one of those 'multicolor' situations. If he was cheating on his Russian fiancee than it's a black one.

It's really funny to read complaints about 'kitchen-wars' after such confessions , btw . Keeping leftovers - yes, that's a serious problem

[amberdima 6]

I had a girlfriend during my wait. The time flew by, and it was like my S/O was here before I knew it!

oh slim, you should never keep just one. then it gets all relationshippy and sad when your fiance arrives.

and the moral aspect of this?

oh.. if you don't know what moral is - try to find the definition in wiki..

i don't trust wiki . once one realizes it's not going to take the few months one thought/ hoped this process would take, why is it immoral to have a mutual agreement? having terms are nice, too- for instance, not just one person, don't fall in love, make sure they know about me, don't ask, don't tell, destroy all evidence before you get here, etc. it wasn't the sex i missed, it was romantic companionship-and in the beginning, when i was naive, i was repulsed by people who play while waiting, but soon, after depression, stress, anxiety, and fear that this dream might never actually come true, i faced reality. sorry that the world doesn't revolve around one set of beliefs or 'morals.'

The international marriage is quite a project by itself. And requires more patience, and in my mind a Real Love that makes it worth starting this project and makes it worth waiting.

If one can't wait couple of months than what's the point of diving into this affair at all? You can find a friend-lover-spouse locally and not have to torment yourself with waiting.

As for the universal beliefs - World is multicolor, i agree. In most of the situations. But some things are just white. And some are black.

+ if it had been a mutual agreement b/n 2 him and her (by her i mean a Russian fiancee) - that they can do whatever while K1 is processed, then, well.. ok that would be one of those 'multicolor' situations. If he was cheating on his Russian fiancee than it's a black one.

It's really funny to read complaints about 'kitchen-wars' after such confessions , btw . Keeping leftovers - yes, that's a serious problem

yes, without being upfront, it is cheating and wrong. i wish the visa process took 'a couple' of months; however, 8 is beyond 'a couple.' i'm sure many people do wait, but i bet some who act self-righteous might have faltered along the way...i being one. i remember answering a poll with tragic emotion about the relationship being worthless without fidelity while waiting. things changed per our choice, yet if cheating happened now- somebody would get hurt.

[mox 298]

I don't understand. I thought the whole reason FOR the waiting period was to give me time to get these other girls out of my system. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...right?

[Gone To Texas 0]

I don't understand. I thought the whole reason FOR the waiting period was to give me time to get these other girls out of my system. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...right?

I'm new (and not necessarily improved) at this VJ blog, but have been reading a bit here and there, as I wait for my own fiance' to arrive. I didn't pay much attention until she sent me a link about some guys talking about various culture diversity issues arising from their future/current brides.......I hate to admit that I laughed a bit about the "standing on the toilet" line of conversation, and of course there was the leftovers talk.

I am happy to say that my own fiance' doesn't perch up on one, but she might after reading that particular thread just as a joke to see if she could surprise me.

My concern is in regard to the thought of having a "second" during the waiting period. I am not casting stones, but if I were the guy in this relationship, I would worry about my own ability to commit, as well as a bit of concern that if it were easy to simply "keep busy" with another woman, would the woman that was my fiance' really be The One? There has to be a myriad of feelings involved in maintaining a solid committed relationship, meanwhile carrying on one Stateside with a "temp". My worry is that this might open the door later for an affair by either party.

Her logic: "He did it while we were waiting, why shouldn't I?"

His logic: "I did it once before, and the Earth didn't explode....and she is still here....why shouldn't I?"

I don't believe that a man and woman should be literally trapped in a relationship, pledging upon death by sword, never to have an affair or be even remotely unfaithful.....and then spend every moment watching out for the other to slip up. Love shouldn't work that way. However, I think that a man and woman should want to be together, want to be monogamous, and only feel truly attracted to each other......physically, emotionally and mentally, without even considering an affair with another. If they are not.....then they are probably good candidates for playing the boyfriend/girlfriend dating game, but not ready for something that involves a lifetime.

To me having a "backup" is dangerous.....it clouds the commitment......clouds the trust......and definitely clouds the love. And really.....I mean come on.....you literally research the one you want to be with, travel thousands of miles to be with her, meet her family, see her life.....see her world......spend hours upon hours talking, e-mailing, texting, chatting.....hell....even faxing....(we did that a couple of times too)......and you might have even brought her to see you in the good old U.S. as well. This woman is obviously in love, obviously wants a life with you, and you alone......willing to leave all that she knows to be your wife......doesn't she deserve to have a faithful man that not only tells her he loves her, but also shows her every day and waits for her with his heart and body?

Just a thought.....not shooting at anybody.

Peace out.

Mark

And btw.....I've been waiting on her my whole life (just didn't know where she was).....met her the first time in February, 2008......met her again in April, 2008....and have talked to her....and only her ever since we became "us"......we've visited each other 3 times while we wait, and she is the only woman I want, need or desire.

[slim 1,514]

i don't trust wiki . once one realizes it's not going to take the few months one thought/ hoped this process would take, why is it immoral to have a mutual agreement? having terms are nice, too- for instance, not just one person, don't fall in love, make sure they know about me, don't ask, don't tell, destroy all evidence before you get here, etc. it wasn't the sex i missed, it was romantic companionship-and in the beginning, when i was naive, i was repulsed by people who play while waiting, but soon, after depression, stress, anxiety, and fear that this dream might never actually come true, i faced reality. sorry that the world doesn't revolve around one set of beliefs or 'morals.'

If one can't wait couple of months than what's the point of diving into this affair at all? You can find a friend-lover-spouse locally and not have to torment yourself with waiting.

The wait should not be tormenting. If you're tormented because you can't be without your S/O, what's that saying about you? Furthermore, what's going to happen after the initial perfection wears off and it's down to the everyday grind of reality?

Too many folks have this magical, whimsical, fairy tale of a romantic VJ and end up looking back and saying, "boy I shoulda f*%ked ol what's her name when I had the chance. Now it's too late because I'm stuck with this nagging-@$$ wife of mine who doesn't even yell at me in English." Sure, that's not going to happen to you but what if it does? Denying yourself the opportunity to do things now will most definitely lead to questions later. "The opportunity to drink, do drugs, and have sex with young women is getting smaller by the day."

You have to make the conscious choice to be with your S/O. Denying everything (and everyone) besides your S/O is not truly making a choice, it's setting yourself up to only have one to choose from. - And that's cheating!

I don't understand. I thought the whole reason FOR the waiting period was to give me time to get these other girls out of my system. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...right?

I thought that's what it was for too. I had a freaky-deaky-free-for-all before my S/O got here. What she doesn't know? Yeah right! I'm sure she knows "what" she just doesn't want to know the details!

Her logic: "He did it while we were waiting, why shouldn't I?"

His logic: "I did it once before, and the Earth didn't explode....and she is still here....why shouldn't I?"

Why shouldn't you? Morals!

Marriage is a sacred vow. Before I got married, I didn't take any sacred vow to not insert my ####### into anything (or anyone) else. As far as I know, nothing was off limits. Sure, there were more than a few suggestions and many that weren't such a good idea, but morally speaking, there weren't any "official" boundaries. Now that I'm married, there are "official" boundaries.

If you're making "official" boundaries while in the unmarried stage, that's all well and good, that's your business. But, the way I look at it, if you're not doing anything because you're "trying" to stay faithful to your S/O or to your morals, then you're already on your way to cheating later. There should be no "trying." As Kailey pointed out earlier, it's black or white when it comes to fooling around. If you're "allowed" to do it and you do then no big deal. If you're not "allowed" to do it but do anyway, then there's a problem.

It's not the actual act of what you do. It's the side of the boundary you fall on when you engage in that act. There has to be a choice when "staying faithful." If you're doing it just because, then you're not actually doing anything except miss out on some good times and setting yourself up to ask, "what if?" later. If you're doing it because you and your S/O have made the sacred vow to each other, then good for you!

[baron555 934]

Slim, come back Slim! Come back!

Look at the mere wisp of a man Slim has become; the victim of too many hits on the head from his RW's rolling pin.

Now he has become this snivelling, do-goody, theorizing, under her thumb of a man.

Your words are right on; if you have to work at it, then maybe this relationship stuff is not for you.

My RW and I thought initially when we both accepted to marry, that "6 Month" was too long.

Then after taking forever at CSC, then some AP at NVC, it was more like 8 months.

Now with the delays in getting the Adoption approval, it will be more like 10 months.

Have we both never talked to each other or continued our relationship? Hell no!

We talk every day via one medium or another. With every hurdle overcome, our relationship and committment to each other only increases more and more; and we both do not worry about being unfaithful or not trusing the other. We made a committment to each other and we are living it right now; no reason to delay.

[Brad and Vika 129]

i don't trust wiki . once one realizes it's not going to take the few months one thought/ hoped this process would take, why is it immoral to have a mutual agreement? having terms are nice, too- for instance, not just one person, don't fall in love, make sure they know about me, don't ask, don't tell, destroy all evidence before you get here, etc. it wasn't the sex i missed, it was romantic companionship-and in the beginning, when i was naive, i was repulsed by people who play while waiting, but soon, after depression, stress, anxiety, and fear that this dream might never actually come true, i faced reality. sorry that the world doesn't revolve around one set of beliefs or 'morals.'

If one can't wait couple of months than what's the point of diving into this affair at all? You can find a friend-lover-spouse locally and not have to torment yourself with waiting.

The wait should not be tormenting. If you're tormented because you can't be without your S/O, what's that saying about you? Furthermore, what's going to happen after the initial perfection wears off and it's down to the everyday grind of reality?

Too many folks have this magical, whimsical, fairy tale of a romantic VJ and end up looking back and saying, "boy I shoulda f*%ked ol what's her name when I had the chance. Now it's too late because I'm stuck with this nagging-@$$ wife of mine who doesn't even yell at me in English." Sure, that's not going to happen to you but what if it does? Denying yourself the opportunity to do things now will most definitely lead to questions later. "The opportunity to drink, do drugs, and have sex with young women is getting smaller by the day."

You have to make the conscious choice to be with your S/O. Denying everything (and everyone) besides your S/O is not truly making a choice, it's setting yourself up to only have one to choose from. - And that's cheating!

I don't understand. I thought the whole reason FOR the waiting period was to give me time to get these other girls out of my system. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...right?

I thought that's what it was for too. I had a freaky-deaky-free-for-all before my S/O got here. What she doesn't know? Yeah right! I'm sure she knows "what" she just doesn't want to know the details!

Her logic: "He did it while we were waiting, why shouldn't I?"

His logic: "I did it once before, and the Earth didn't explode....and she is still here....why shouldn't I?"

Why shouldn't you? Morals!

Marriage is a sacred vow. Before I got married, I didn't take any sacred vow to not insert my ####### into anything (or anyone) else. As far as I know, nothing was off limits. Sure, there were more than a few suggestions and many that weren't such a good idea, but morally speaking, there weren't any "official" boundaries. Now that I'm married, there are "official" boundaries.

If you're making "official" boundaries while in the unmarried stage, that's all well and good, that's your business. But, the way I look at it, if you're not doing anything because you're "trying" to stay faithful to your S/O or to your morals, then you're already on your way to cheating later. There should be no "trying." As Kailey pointed out earlier, it's black or white when it comes to fooling around. If you're "allowed" to do it and you do then no big deal. If you're not "allowed" to do it but do anyway, then there's a problem.

It's not the actual act of what you do. It's the side of the boundary you fall on when you engage in that act. There has to be a choice when "staying faithful." If you're doing it just because, then you're not actually doing anything except miss out on some good times and setting yourself up to ask, "what if?" later. If you're doing it because you and your S/O have made the sacred vow to each other, then good for you!

One more serial post towards monogamy.

[mox 298]

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's ok for me to fool around, but not her. That's really how God intended, I don't see any reason to go mucking about with His plan.

[Kailey 3]

The wait should not be tormenting. If you're tormented because you can't be without your S/O, what's that saying about you? Furthermore, what's going to happen after the initial perfection wears off and it's down to the everyday grind of reality?

- What you say is an excuse... following this logic anything can be excused.

To be honest, with all the pain and paperwork involved with those international marriages, I think it's only reason that makes it worth starting is a hope to find somebody who will be the Best. Than it all makes sense. For him - waiting, for her - waiting also + leaving the homeland, career, relatives.

Otherwise i don't see a point in even looking so far overseas. It's really better to find somebody locally , may be compromise a bit if the object doesn't meet ALL the requirements and find consolation in that she has a privilege of availability. And no need to process visa documents to make a first kiss.

Too many folks have this magical, whimsical, fairy tale of a romantic VJ and end up looking back and saying, "boy I shoulda f*%ked ol what's her name when I had the chance. Now it's too late because I'm stuck with this nagging-@$$ wife of mine who doesn't even yell at me in English." Sure, that's not going to happen to you but what if it does? Denying yourself the opportunity to do things now will most definitely lead to questions later. "The opportunity to drink, do drugs, and have sex with young women is getting smaller by the day."

- may be a man should be just smart enough not to bring some “nagging-@$$ wife” to his house? And if she can’t speak English than that was the first mistake he made. I understand, many loose head looking at all those stunning ‘natashas’ and ‘elenas’ and proclaim (another excuse) that ‘language is not really important for the real love’. But, come on. How can one marry somebody with whom he only can look at each other and smile at each other.. ? )

You have to make the conscious choice to be with your S/O. Denying everything (and everyone) besides your S/O is not truly making a choice, it's setting yourself up to only have one to choose from. - And that's cheating!

Your ‘conscious choice’ sounds a bit like ‘life is over’ )). No more drinks nor hot sex? ))

I don't understand. I thought the whole reason FOR the waiting period was to give me time to get these other girls out of my system. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...right?

and what if she finds out? Also… if you could find a good explanation and excuse when she was away, are you sure you won't find even a better excuse later when she is there with you? But that’s basically what GTT said.

Marriage is a sacred vow. Before I got married, I didn't take any sacred vow to not insert my ####### into anything (or anyone) else. As far as I know, nothing was off limits. Sure, there were more than a few suggestions and many that weren't such a good idea, but morally speaking, there weren't any "official" boundaries. Now that I'm married, there are "official" boundaries.

- I understand your logic. I would prefer my husband to have other boundaries than official. That is Love.

And, guys, do i understand you correctly - you are ok if she is also testing all men she wants to test while she is awaiting K1 at he FSU territory, right? Of course with only one noble reason to make a conscious choice. Just to make sure.. no male chauvinism, no?

[mox 298]

I don't understand. I thought the whole reason FOR the waiting period was to give me time to get these other girls out of my system. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...right?

and what if she finds out? Also… if you could find a good explanation and excuse when she was away, are you sure you won't find even a better excuse later when she is there with you? But that’s basically what GTT said.

Eh, if I find somebody better I can always send her home. This is the great thing about importing a bride. Once things start to get inconvenient you can send them home. And if she finds out about my pre-marital flings, I guess she has the option of going home if she wants to pay for her plane ticket and cab fare to the airport.