Mixed Religions

[CassandraHaydar 0]

Are there many couples here with mixed religions? How do you deal with it?

My husband is Muslim and I'm what you would call Agnostic/Spiritual.

We love each other dearly... I'm trying to learn about Islam - even if I don't believe it. Sometimes it leads to religious debates. We just have very idfferent ideas.

Has anyone been through or is anyone going through anything similar?

[scandal 951]

I'm Jewish. Mostly lapsed and non-practicing. But elements of it remain very important to me.

My fiancee (she'll be my wife in less than 2 weeks!) is Buddhist. She's more devoted to her faith than I am to mine.

For the most part, it's no big deal.

We had a Buddhist marriage ceremony with her family last year in Thailand.

We put mezuzahs (Jewish ceremonial markers) on the doors of our home.

She says nightly prayers to Buddha before we go to sleep at night.

We plan to have Passover Seders with my family each year.

I accompany her to the local Buddhist temple on ceremonial holidays, and on the commemoration of the anniversary of her father's death.

I will (probably) fast again on Yom Kippur, and we'll jointly prepare the end-of-fast meal.

I'm curious about her faith, she is about mine. And we both accept that we've come from different backgrounds, and that it strengthens us.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Personally I don't recommend it if you plan to have children. Even Muslims who are less than "devout" or haven't been practicing their faith regularly seem to become zealots when it comes to their kids being raised as Muslims. In Islam all children of Muslim men MUST be raised Muslim. And it's a mess when the father doesn't teach them and then expects them to automatically become "instant Muslims" about the time they hit puberty.

I've been in this community for 30 years and I can count on one hand the number of "mixed marriage" couples I know who are still together after 10 years of marriage.

If the Muslim man becomes totally Westernized and totally secular (non-practicing Muslim) it's more likely to last. But I've seen men like that go through a big emotional event (usually the death of their father) and all of a sudden do a 180 degree turn and become big bearded, short pants wearing, "orthodox" Muslims at the age of 40+.... and believe me it changes their marriage (to secular American women) about 180 degrees as well....

Much to be considered LONG before marriage... and even LONGER before having kids.. When your kids go to the Islamic weekend school and hear the fate of Non-Muslims on the Judgement Day (particularly Non-Muslims who had the opportunity to accept Islam and chose not to...) you'll be fuming and it won't be easy to keep quiet. No Mother wants her kids to be taught that Mom's skin is going to be torn off, then grow back so it can be torn off again.... etc. etc. etc. because she didn't accept Dad's religion....

Just my opinion, I'm sure you'll here 10x's as many that are the opposite..

[Nothing1234 2]

My husband and I are both Muslim however, there are many couples on here that have mixed religions/beliefs.

My opinion is that its very difficult especially as time goes on and spouses get older. People typically start to look back over their lives as they get older and try to get back into their cultures and also getting closer with god. I don't doubt that people have the idea that they can "merge" religions together and ultimately the other one truly believes that the "other" spouse we see their ways. I don't think there is an easy solution. Especially when it comes to raising children it can be a VERY hard road to go down.

I'm not saying there can't be a happy ending for some...however, I do believe those stories are far and few between. Just my two cents.

[Kenza 1]

My mom is Christian and my dad is Muslim and religion was never the discussion in my household. I guess when we were young it was ok, but let me tell you, when my sister and I grew older, it tore our family apart. It still tears me apart. My advice is to discuss things between each other now and everything might be dandy BUT when you decide to have kids, agree on how you are going to raise them. Teaching them about all religions is great but raise your children Together-not like my parents where my dad will say one thing and my mom will say another.

[Staashi 371]

Personally I don't recommend it if you plan to have children. Even Muslims who are less than "devout" or haven't been practicing their faith regularly seem to become zealots when it comes to their kids being raised as Muslims. In Islam all children of Muslim men MUST be raised Muslim. And it's a mess when the father doesn't teach them and then expects them to automatically become "instant Muslims" about the time they hit puberty.

Yes, and this is the exact same case with Catholics - Catholics are allowed to marry outside of their religion, but the children must be raised as Catholic. My best friend (Mexican-American) was very much in love with her Muslim boyfriend - but when she realized that they would never be able to have children and raise them as Catholic or as Muslim they decided to part. Sad, really.

[SaadBell 0]

Mom's skin is going to be torn off, then grow back so it can be torn off again.... etc. etc. etc. because she didn't accept Dad's religion....

Damn God is very mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jenn! 918]

I am Agnostic and my husband is Muslim and we haven't had any major problems due to our religious differences. Don't be disheartened by the naysayers (trying my darndest not to be myself). Personally, I'm not going to end my relationship over something that might happen 15 years from now.

I observe Ramadan in support of my husband and to help build family tradition, but the primary responsibility will fall on him to teach Islam to our son.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Hubby is muslim, I believe in God. Our son and future kids are and will be Muslim. It works for us. My husband is very westernized though. He loves things most muslims frown upon. One day if he decides to "find" himself again, that is fine with me. he was very conservative when we met, VERY VERY, and things worked well back then too.

[allousa 1]

I couldn't agree more with what the others have said.

Hicham is a practicing Muslim, but while I was raised in a Christian church, I really do not subscribe to any organized religion and probably more along the lines of agnostic. So religion isn't a big deal to me.

We talked about the religious issues ENDLESSLY before we got married. I told Hicham that I would NEVER cover and that if he couldn't accept that, then we couldn't move forward. I also had to agree that any children that we have would be raised Muslim, since that was his deal breaker. I agreed.

As much as we talked about it and thought we knew the issues before hand, it has been difficult since the birth of our son. Some of my family are practicing Christians and obviously participate in their religious holidays. It is difficult at times to walk the line between the two. I'm certain that as he gets older, we will continue to try and balance his beliefs with my family. It's hard work.

Make NO MISTAKE that when you add children to the mix....it's tough.

We've been together nine years now...so I hope we are one of the few that make it.

[nurse1967 287]

It kills me how many people feel comfortable posting on here telling you basically your relationship is DOOMED because you are from different religions. I find that laughable. Is it difficult? I think it can be depending on the two people involved. Is it impossible?? No. It all depends on how willing both of you are to accept each other's beliefs and not feel that you need to impose your beliefs on your significant other. Couples have a variety of hurdles to over come in EVERY marriage. We all have different backgrounds even if we are raised in the same country and are Christian in background. Catholics vs Protestants etc. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open and I think that can go a long way.

[CnT4ever 1]

KH Perfect Match and Nawal pretty much said what I was thinking. It isn't easy, and even if it starts out easy, it may become harder as the man gets older (as they mentioned). Also, this isn't directed to you, but in general, never think that you can change someone's beliefs. If you're really accepting of all his beliefs then you will be fine. If you think "Well I can talk to him and show him ____ with reason" then you're setting yourself up for disaster. Again, this is not directed at you, but in general.

Debates are good if they are done with respect and don't end in any kind of anger or bitterness. You never know, it might bring you closer to each other.

[CnT4ever 1]

It kills me how many people feel comfortable posting on here telling you basically your relationship is DOOMED because you are from different religions. I find that laughable. Is it difficult? I think it can be depending on the two people involved. Is it impossible?? No. It all depends on how willing both of you are to accept each other's beliefs and not feel that you need to impose your beliefs on your significant other. Couples have a variety of hurdles to over come in EVERY marriage. We all have different backgrounds even if we are raised in the same country and are Christian in background. Catholics vs Protestants etc. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open and I think that can go a long way.

Some of these people have been in their marriage a long time or lived within the Muslim community a long time. They are not talking from their own whims. They are talking about what they have seen over the years. They are imparting the wisdom they have from years of experience. From what I know of both KH perfect match and Nawal is that they have spent decades amongst Muslims and have seen it all. Nothing to "laugh" at, in my opinion.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

I am Catholic and Wael is Muslim. We have had no problems or issues with each others religions..

I am with him during Ramadan and he is with me during Christmas and other Christian hoidays.

I do believe knowledge is the greatest gift we have when it comes to religion. He respects my

views as I do his. We have a happy medium in this respect.

[allousa 1]

It would piss me off to read that things are all sunshine and rainbows when it's not! I do believe that most MENA peeps on here are straight forward and aren't going to lie.

I know several couples of mixed religions that this is probably the major topic of issues within their relationship and it has posed difficulties for them. Yes...these relationships can work IF you have good communication and BOTH are willing to compromise.

Sorry, but I'm not going to rose-color some of these issues when you marry MENA. I'm about being real and I would want people to be real with me.