Would you include a letter explaining this?

[GabiandVi 34]

There are several issues that will probably raise some flags about our case.

1.) We are a May/December couple,

2.) We only had a civil ceremony with no family and there are no pictures from that year.

3.) We have been living in separate countries for the last two years of our 5-year marriage.

4.) We haven’t started the process yet.

There are reasons for 2-4. Number 1, I cannot explain. I still don’t understand how I ended up in such a relationship.

Number 2 was basically by design, but despite our plans to "elope," some of my family flew to join us. However, his mother died before we left China for our wedding destination, and so we had to postpone for another six months, and no one flew back the second time. Then, our computer crashed taking all our pictures of the first 2 years of our relationship with it.

Numbers 3 and 4 have long, involved reasons that probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone but ourselves, and sometimes not even to ourselves, but I feel the need to explain them to the people who will be deciding our fate. There is no reason except the separation and delay in applying to doubt our marriage. The reasons for the separation and delay are financial, organizational, circumstancial, and legal.

Would you send an explanation letter in this case? I’ve written one, but it is 9 pages long and I can’t figure out how to make it shorter.

Or should I just let the evidence stand for itself?

-Our daughter’s birth certificate

-Her baptismal record with my uncle listed as the priest, my brother and his wife as her godparents, and pictures to mark the day

-pictures of my husband with my family including a professionally-taken family portrait of all 32 of us - my parents, siblings, siblings-in-law, and nephews and nieces on the beach during our annual, week-long, family reunion under one roof (My husband, being the only Black person in the portrait, stands out.)

-pictures of our daughter with his family in his country and pictures of me with his friends and family

-pictures of the party his countrymates in China gave our daughter

-a link to a website with my family tree prepared by a distant cousin dating back to c. 1600 that includes my husband, his birthday, our wedding day, and our daughter’s birthday, etc. (I could also include a photo of the handwritten family tree in my parents house that includes my husband)

-a picture of a "family tree" cake that my sister-in-law made that depicts my little family with one pink face, one tan face, and one brown face hanging off of one limb of a 9-limb tree.

-affadavits from one or two of my sisters, my parents, and another couple who are Canadian/Beninese and whom we knew in China and remain very close to.

-I can include passport pages including two visas to his country.

We don’t have phone records because we use pre-paid phone cards, and we don’t have emails because they are very personal, and I don’t want to share them.

Any and all constructive opinions and advice sought and welcomed.

Thanks

[Anh map 2,098]

Age difference isn't a significant issue in a majority of cases. There are lots here on VJ.

To gain a visa for your husband you will have to prove that you have a bona fide marriage. That can certainly exist while living apart for some time. Each couple's circumstances are unique. Your's seems more "unique" than most.

Your evidence will have to demonstrate a comingling of lives. The onus is on you to prove it to the Consular Officer. So, you will need to come to grips wth the fact that you will end up sharing your e-mails. You can certainly redact/black out the "naughty bits. Not sharing them would give you a significant hurdle to overcome as you claim not to be able to document communication otherwise. Your's would not be the first that a CO has read through.

The letter explaining your story would certainly be helpful to map out the relationship for the adjudicator(s).

Simply having a child together doesn't prove a legitimate marriage. So don't let your proof of a bona fide relationship rest on this fact.

The affidavits from family and friends are helpful in making your case.

Digital media isn't accepted as evidence. So your link to a website will not aid you.

Read through the CR1/IR1 guide here on VJ for an overview of the process.

Edited August 22, 2009 by Anh map

[GabiandVi 34]

Thanks, Ahn Map. You've been very helpful. I guess I'll include the letter.

We won't have trouble proving comingling of lives for the first 5 years of our relationship. We lived together in China for nearly the entire 5 years including the first 3 years of our marriage. He was on a spousal visa through my work after our marriage. He was on my health insurance, etc. And the embassy probably has several letters from me to them on file. I sent one each time he was applying for a tourist visa explaining why we weren't applying for an immigration visa. I have actually spoken to several COs from that embassy, but they have all moved on since then. I don't know how meticulous their record keeping is, but if they do keep records it should work in our favor.

I think the CO at the embassy in Benin will be pretty open to our marriage, though I'm trying to prepare for the opposite. I'm trying to prepare for a Nigeria-like experience. In our favor is the fact that very few R-visas are processed there each year. I think only 2 spousal visas last year. And very few Beninese immigrate to the US period. They prefer to immigrate to France.

But I'm also worried about getting through NVC. Don't they make judgements before it even gets to the embassy? Or is their role only to make sure all the papers are in order? I can't figure that out from the guides.

One other thing. He is coming in a few weeks for a 6-month visit. I'm going to wait until he arrives to get his signature on the G-325a and send out the petition then. I won't be able to include any evidence from that visit in the petition packet, but he can bring some with him to the interview in about a year or so.

I'd still welcome any other thoughts. This is such a nerve-wracking undertaking. The more feedback the better.

[TBoneTX 45,469]

The more feedback the better.

You know, this might be worth (and be satisfactorily clarified by) an e-mail consultation with some good immigration attorneys.

I was exceptionally pleased with http://www.fosterquan.com -- the largest immigration-law firm in Houston. My challenges were consulate-related, but the attorneys set my mind at ease. The fee for e-mail consultation was surprisingly reasonable, and I got far more than my money's worth in time, attention, and information. At least one of their attorneys had recent experience as a vice-consul himself (a golden boon for any of us here). I recommend that you consult them; tell them what you told us here. Please let us know what they say, because it will be very educational for others in your same or approximate circumstance.

[imaisha 1]

The letter explaining your story would certainly be helpful to map out the relationship for the adjudicator(s).

Unfortunately the adjudicator will most likely not read a 9 page letter. Keep it to under one page. You were able to outline some of your concerns for us here, try using that to give you the basics of what you need to include.

As for his visit here, that would be great opportunity to obtain more proof even if you are mailing the petition right away. Make sure he keeps his boarding pass and include a copy of that. Take a photo of you greeting him at the airport. Send a few recent photos of him with your daughter. Pluck some heartstrings there. Every little bit helps.

[Dakine 26]

FYI

If you still have the memory card from your camera you can get the pictures back even tho deleted. I just did so as by PC crashed and I thought I'd lost all the pictures. Cost me $39 to download the program but I got back over 600 pictures I thought were lost.

[GabiandVi 34]

FYI

If you still have the memory card from your camera you can get the pictures back even tho deleted. I just did so as by PC crashed and I thought I'd lost all the pictures. Cost me $39 to download the program but I got back over 600 pictures I thought were lost.

I would LOVE that. Does it also retrieve deleted videos? And does it retrieve images that were deleted years ago even if the card has been used thousands of times since? That would be fantastic. What's the program? It's not just pictures of us that were lost. Pretty much the only photos of his mother, who is now dead, were among those pictures.

[mrsemcee 1]

umm hi, i just wanted to say, in regards to the "personal emails" i am pretty sure none of us want our personal and sometimes really lovey dovey/raunchy/sad/happy/depressing/revealing emails read by the immigration people, but the fact of the matter is, if it is going to help show you are a loving and committed couple who want to be together, i would just suck it up and show them.

i have so many emails like you and all of us probably do which i would rather others didn't read, but honestly, i would rather show them than be denied a visa for not enough proof of relationship.

up to you, but those are my thoughts on it.

[GabiandVi 34]

I understand everyone's point about the emails. My husband's written English is limited (even though he thinks he could pass the toefl without even trying- HA) so most of our communication has been over the phone. And we aren't a very verbally demonstrative pair. What makes our emails so personal are details about the politics at my work, financial information, information about our families, personal and legal, etc. But I could black that out, as I now know, but what would be left might not be very helpful anyway. We mostly just call each other names and insult each other in our emails. "Hey Butthead, why haven't you sent that letter yet?" "F you, Dickwad. I told you I did that last week." You get the picture. I could certainly cherry pick a few that would reflect our affection for each other, but would a handful of emails, say half a dozen to a dozen, over a 7-year relationship raise more flags than it would lower? How many should I include for such a time period?

[Anh map 2,098]

The letter explaining your story would certainly be helpful to map out the relationship for the adjudicator(s).

Unfortunately the adjudicator will most likely not read a 9 page letter. Keep it to under one page. You were able to outline some of your concerns for us here, try using that to give you the basics of what you need to include.

As for his visit here, that would be great opportunity to obtain more proof even if you are mailing the petition right away. Make sure he keeps his boarding pass and include a copy of that. Take a photo of you greeting him at the airport. Send a few recent photos of him with your daughter. Pluck some heartstrings there. Every little bit helps.

That is incorrect. They read the entire file prior to the interview. Showing up to the interview with a 9 page letter and expecting it to be read is not likely. Front loading your petition is recommended by fellow VJ'ers and immigration attornies.

[Anh map 2,098]

I understand everyone's point about the emails. My husband's written English is limited (even though he thinks he could pass the toefl without even trying- HA) so most of our communication has been over the phone. And we aren't a very verbally demonstrative pair. What makes our emails so personal are details about the politics at my work, financial information, information about our families, personal and legal, etc. But I could black that out, as I now know, but what would be left might not be very helpful anyway. We mostly just call each other names and insult each other in our emails. "Hey Butthead, why haven't you sent that letter yet?" "F you, Dickwad. I told you I did that last week." You get the picture. I could certainly cherry pick a few that would reflect our affection for each other, but would a handful of emails, say half a dozen to a dozen, over a 7-year relationship raise more flags than it would lower? How many should I include for such a time period?

You want to show the two of you discussing the typical things that a married couple tell each other. Don't go too heavy with the black pen. (and really if you were a CO would you really care about most of the things discussed? Also, you will be giving them your financial status and tax returns, what more is there?) As others have stated it's worth it to get the visa. Give a sampling of emails throughout your married life. Big things, small things, happy, sad. You need to demonstrate a married couple's interaction.

[GabiandVi 34]

Thanks again everyone. I always get such good information on this site, even if I don't ask the question.

I've rewritten the letter and bullet pointed everything like a timeline, and I've gotten it down to just over two pages. I've looked back through my emails and was able to find a whole lot of stuff that I can send, short things like "What do you want to do tonight?" and other stuff. I've got good evidence there, but as I was looking through them, I realized how few I have from the last year. I didn't have a computer at home until a month or so ago, right about the time the internet went down across West Africa. Anyway, we really started to rely on phone calls then. In these next few weeks we are going to have to just email back and forth a lot. That's not an issue because now the phone system isn't working very well. It's always something in West Africa!

I'm going to email the lawyers to get a quote about a consultation. Thanks for that suggestion.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little more confident about the whole thing. I want to have everything ready so that as soon as he gets here we can send the petition package out the next day.

[imaisha 1]

That is incorrect. They read the entire file prior to the interview. Showing up to the interview with a 9 page letter and expecting it to be read is not likely. Front loading your petition is recommended by fellow VJ'ers and immigration attornies.

If anyone's attorney told them to write a 9 page letter to USCIS then they should be fired.

Sorry, but there's no way an adjudicator is going to read that.

I agree in some cases including a lot of proof is necessary- then serious documentation will help. A 9 page letter explaining why you don't have that will not.

[TBoneTX 45,469]

If anyone's attorney told them to write a 9 page letter to USCIS then they should be fired.

"Do you know more than this attorney does?" he inquired politely.

Sorry, but there's no way an adjudicator is going to read that.

"On what authority do you assert this?" he inquired.