How to go on...

[Sherri and Matt 1]

He is flying to go back home this wednesday. I am really having a hard time with it. I am trying to stay strong. He has been in the U.S for one year. I am looking for some advice on how other couples make it work?

You make it work by reminding yourself what your options are. When I would cry to the point of vomiting on goodbye days. When I wouild wake up in the morning and for just a second, forget that he wasn't there, just to have the realization crash down on me again. When I would go once again to "family" functions at my daughter's school, or at my job, and I was the only single woman around. When I was counting, months, then weeks, then days, then hours, finally minutes until I could touch him again. When I would have these rages and just want to scream and throw something and yell that I want OFF the emotional roller roaster my life had become.

I like to deal with things logically usually, and logic told me, I could put up with it and get through somehow, or I could give up and lose the best thing that ever came into my life. I had to remind myself of those 2 options SO many times, but I can't even imagine life without him a part of it everyday, and I feel quite ill if I try to think about it. We all make choices, we chose this journey with the good AND the bad, and just remind yourself...someday...it will be worth it.

Some people on here like to post in these kinds of threads things along the lines of "get over it, time will pass quickly, you are almost done be thankful you are not so-and-so" I don't find those kind of comments helpful at all, more like a slap in the face. Reality is defined by the person experiencing it, and though I'm glad some people sailed through this with hardly a bother, I have hated every second of the waiting and I have done it kicking and screaming and b!+@=!$@. It's like childbirth, it hurts like hell and sometimes you think you would give almost anything to just have it over, but at the end you have a wonderful person in your life, and it changes everything.

[Krikit 1,163]

I have more understanding of what people go through than anyone here can know. When death is your reality, a temporary long distance relationship is a dream come true.

[HWANG0926 0]

For us, we tried to see eachother every 2 month starting the beginning of our relationship. Then, it really got really costly... all the money i saved up to buy a house basically went into flight and hotels and phone bills. Thankfully, he proposed and we started our K1 visa process... we saw eachother in March again but its been 4 months since.... Its really difficult... We make it work by talking on the phone. I would purchase phone cards and he would call me on his internet phone from home.

I kept a small diary of my ups and downs of my emotions being apart from him for 4 month.. i think its something nice to reflect back to - seeing how strong our love can be-

I totally know what your going through, another reason we didn't want to see eachother until he actually moves to LA is because we don't want the sad goodbyes at airports anymore. We would both cry and then the next few days after is basically hell....

I say, start planning for the future. Planning and looking forward to the future is the motivation to be happier & hopeful.

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

The hardest part was getting on the plane to leave Oksana. If not for my responsibilities here I would still be in Ukraine. Every day I had sang for her (at her request), and trust me I have a voice that makes an Alley cat go WTH!!!

Since then I have dived head first into this nightmare called the K-1Visa process and preparing the home and children for the new additions to our family.

We send IMs almost everyday and on Weekends are Skype video calls. It's not the same as being there, but it does help with the longing.

As has been suggested find something to occupy your time and keep busy. It won't lessen the missing but it will help occupy your mind so that you do not dwell on it as much. Stay strong and remember we are all in this together.

Dave

[Sam and Ben 2]

For us, we tried to see eachother every 2 month starting the beginning of our relationship. Then, it really got really costly... all the money i saved up to buy a house basically went into flight and hotels and phone bills. Thankfully, he proposed and we started our K1 visa process... we saw eachother in March again but its been 4 months since.... Its really difficult... We make it work by talking on the phone. I would purchase phone cards and he would call me on his internet phone from home.

I kept a small diary of my ups and downs of my emotions being apart from him for 4 month.. i think its something nice to reflect back to - seeing how strong our love can be-

I totally know what your going through, another reason we didn't want to see eachother until he actually moves to LA is because we don't want the sad goodbyes at airports anymore. We would both cry and then the next few days after is basically hell....

I say, start planning for the future. Planning and looking forward to the future is the motivation to be happier & hopeful.

Just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow. Have a safe journey home.

[Sinergy 3]

I have more understanding of what people go through than anyone here can know. When death is your reality, a temporary long distance relationship is a dream come true.

hugs

[raymaga 25]

We didn't have any long separations during our process... I only lived 2 1/2 hours from my fiance, so we saw each other every single weekend throughout the process.

But, when Sunday came, we were both very down and found it hard not to show it. The weeks were long, waiting for the next Friday to come.

I certainly sympathize with all of you who are separated by many miles and can't see each other regularly.

Keep strong... your day to be together forever is coming!!!!

[lgg 2]

Exactly. Always heart wrenching that first moment but then the next talk, the next laugh, the next visit, the next steps... .

That's a perfect way to look at it.

I really hope you don't mean that.

It's horrible to say goodbye for a time. But it's not a 'worst moment in your life' kind of thing - not by a long shot.

It carries with it a glimmer of tomorrow.

[rebeccajo 14]

Some people on here like to post in these kinds of threads things along the lines of "get over it, time will pass quickly, you are almost done be thankful you are not so-and-so" I don't find those kind of comments helpful at all, more like a slap in the face. Reality is defined by the person experiencing it, and though I'm glad some people sailed through this with hardly a bother, I have hated every second of the waiting and I have done it kicking and screaming and b!+@=!$@. It's like childbirth, it hurts like hell and sometimes you think you would give almost anything to just have it over, but at the end you have a wonderful person in your life, and it changes everything.

I guess it depends on how people are saying things to you.

And I guess it also depends on how you are interpreting them.

I remember (when we were separated) that reunited partners would write on these boards about how it all fades away once you are together. That is very hard to imagine when you are separated. But it really is true. I think that is why some folks will tell you that this too will pass. I'm sure it's hard for you to believe that right now. If you are very lucky, there will come a time when you will look back on your journey with a smile - it is the story of your couplehood, you know. The journey we all take is not the 'normal' path. If we can learn how to be a couple while apart and then translate that to long-term real life commitment, then you have a wonderful testament not only to each other, but to love.

And.........I have to say I do not think it is at all inappropriate to be reminded that there are others waiting longer. It's no different than any other situation. Right now, my husband is unemployed - that's heartbreaking for us. But I also have a friend whose husband just died. Who is worse off? Me or her? The answer is pretty clear, and on bad days it helps bring me back to reality. The same can work for you if you let it.

[jcg303 1]

He is flying to go back home this wednesday. I am really having a hard time with it. I am trying to stay strong. He has been in the U.S for one year. I am looking for some advice on how other couples make it work?

"absence makes the heart grow fonder"

some of you make not want to hear that right about now, but i think it's absolutely true. distance brings about 1 of 2 things - your relationship will either dissolve, or you will find strength in yourself and in each other that you did not know you had. it takes a lot of effort to focus on the bright spots. for many of us, those bright spots are few and far between while we go through this process. because of that, those moments have a white-hot intensity that i'm sure you all can relate to.

for the rest of your life, you will never forget the next moment you see him. everything around you will melt away and you will only be conscious of each other. i know it sounds cheesy and hollywood, but they can't write this stuff.

remember - that which does not kill you...........