information needed

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Hi VJ, first let me say, if I'm in the wrong area here, pls let me know where I should be posting this. I secondly want to say that I'm not here to rain on anyone's parade or discourage anyone in anyway. I used to post here alot while going thru the process of filing for a fiance visa. My fiance came, we married a month later and about 2 months after that the problems started. And continued up until month 6 of the marriage when he finally left for good. We had not filed the AOS and I was told that he could still try to file that claim ( I think its an I 130?) saying that I was a horrible wife. HA. Its been nearly 5 months since I've seen him, despite my begging and pleading thru email for him to contact me...he wont. At first I didn't want to do anything about the situation. I had used all the 'fight' in me just to get him here. I just wanted to bury my head and try to forget this whole mess I got myself into. But now that Im passed the hurt stage (tho I still truthfully hurt) I'm just now feeling so mad and deceived. I NEVER expected this to happen. This man was so loving while he was in Nigeria. I really never saw it coming. I guess what I'm looking for now is some advice and direction. I have NOBODY to talk to about this. My family has no idea that we're not together, I'm too humiliated to tell them. And most of my friends are Nigerians who all FOR-WARNED me about this, so to go to them with my sob stories is just gonna get me one big "I told you so". I was wondering if there is anyway for me to find out if he has filed this I 130 thing. And wouldn't they contact me for my side of it all?? Please don't tell me that they would just go by his word and some forged up, trumped up documents by his fellow Nigerians that he met while in the States (one of them being a lawyer/pastor). From all the stories I heard about this approach...I can pretty much guess the path he has taken to try to stay. It would be the only option he has. But there must be something I could do to stop him from dragging my name thru the mud. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Stacey

[English Muffin 59]

I'm afraid I can't give you any advice but if it helps your research I believe the process you're talking about is VAWA.

Moving to 'Major Family Changes' forum.

Edited April 30, 2009 by English Muffin

[Otto 83]

A relationship falling apart is never a good thing.

What kind of information are you looking for?

If it were me and the marriage was truly over, I'd get/file for a divorce (in absentia if need be) and begin to put it all behind me. If he decides to attempt to adjust status, let him try.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

A relationship falling apart is never a good thing.

What kind of information are you looking for?

If it were me and the marriage was truly over, I'd get/file for a divorce (in absentia if need be) and begin to put it all behind me. If he decides to attempt to adjust status, let him try.

I know that is what I should do. And I spent months telling myself to let it go. The only thing that disturbs me about it all, is that I was so good to him. I did everything I was supposed to do for us to be together. I paid for everything. And I was so loving and attentive when we were here together. It just disturbs me to think that he is somewhere talking horrible things about me just for him to stay in this country. I don't care if he's here or not. God knows, I would not want even my worst enemy to be forced to go back to somewhere that they don't want to be. And obviously he wanted to leave Nigeria so bad that he had to lie, hurt and deceive a good woman. But I just don't want him to use me as his scape-goat to stay. Ya know?

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Without an affidavit of support, or proof you battered or subjected him to extreme cruelty, he does not have a shot at getting a greencard.

Without the AOS, he is dead in the water basically. He is "out of status" with the expiration of the I-94. If ICE picks him up, he is subject to deportation.

As Otto has said, get divorced ASAP. Start getting together all the evidence you can now, if he chooses to pursue "spousal abuse" against you. Tell your family too, so you can get support from them. They are your family - not enemies.

It would appear, with the info you posted, he used you to come here, so take steps now to protect yourself now.

The time for self-pity is over, the time now is for action!

Good luck!

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Without an affidavit of support, or proof you battered or subjected him to extreme cruelty, he does not have a shot at getting a greencard.

Without the AOS, he is dead in the water basically. He is "out of status" with the expiration of the I-94. If ICE picks him up, he is subject to deportation.

As Otto has said, get divorced ASAP. Start getting together all the evidence you can now, if he chooses to pursue "spousal abuse" against you. Tell your family too, so you can get support from them. They are your family - not enemies.

It would appear, with the info you posted, he used you to come here, so take steps now to protect yourself now.

The time for self-pity is over, the time now is for action!

Good luck!

lol. Ur right......and thanks for the tough love. lol. Everytime I wanted to come back to this site and write for help...my hands would not have the determination to write. I just keep thinking that if I ignore the situation....I'll wake up one day and it will all have been a nightmare. But since that never happened, here I am. So thanks for your advice and keep it coming.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

But how do I find out if he is attempting to stay here on the basis that I subjected him to this "cruelty"? Won't they have to let me know? Who would I call to find out? When he left the first time (2 months after marriage) I waited about 2 weeks and then went to the Homeland Security and let them know that he was not living with me and that I wanted to withdraw any financial responsibilty. They told me that after we got married and since we didn't file AOS, that I didn't have a financial responsibility anymore anyways. They also had me put in writing that he was not living with me. I did. And they said they would 'put it in his file'. After that time, we got back together and he left again several times. But I never told them anything different. Tho I'm sure he could prove we were together after that with emails or something that we used to write while I was at work and he was home. Should I go back to Homeland Security again to inquire anything, or will it be a waste of time?

[Otto 83]

But how do I find out if he is attempting to stay here on the basis that I subjected him to this "cruelty"? Won't they have to let me know? Who would I call to find out? When he left the first time (2 months after marriage) I waited about 2 weeks and then went to the Homeland Security and let them know that he was not living with me and that I wanted to withdraw any financial responsibilty. They told me that after we got married and since we didn't file AOS, that I didn't have a financial responsibility anymore anyways. They also had me put in writing that he was not living with me. I did. And they said they would 'put it in his file'. After that time, we got back together and he left again several times. But I never told them anything different. Tho I'm sure he could prove we were together after that with emails or something that we used to write while I was at work and he was home. Should I go back to Homeland Security again to inquire anything, or will it be a waste of time?

Just keep a file with things you think might come up and put it in a filing cabinet/box just in case. In the mean time - look into filing the divorce - get on with your life - let him and USCIS worry about the green.

If it were me - I'd remove myself from the entire PR/Green Card process, both physically and mentally. And unless you're hanging on to some thread of hope that the relationship would somehow heal itself, I'd start the process of ending the marriage once and for all. He doesn't need to contact you for you to be able to do so.

[Naijabound 1]

Im sorry about your situation. It is sad anytime one takes advantage of anothers feelings. I do recall an old post titled " My Experience in the States, Sharing my worries with the house". Was this by chance your husband? The guy has the same first name as yours did.....

Again my heart goes out to your situation....

[Zee Bee 61]

I am so sorry to hear this

Here is my understanding of the K1/AOS process. You have to get married within the 90 day period and file AOS. The I-134 that you signed for the interview is not binding so you do not have to worry about that. He is able to AOS based on his marriage to you.

If you did not file AOS, then he cannot do it without you because he needs that I-864 from you. Now, he is essentially out of status. I don't think that there is anyway that he can adjust status.

The abuse claims you are thinking of are related to when someone has a conditional resident card and then wants to lift conditions.

As others have said, get divorced ASAP.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Im sorry about your situation. It is sad anytime one takes advantage of anothers feelings. I do recall an old post titled " My Experience in the States, Sharing my worries with the house". Was this by chance your husband? The guy has the same first name as yours did.....

Again my heart goes out to your situation....

I doubt it, but how could I find that post??

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

This whole process is so unfair. I am sorry for you to be used by a man that just wants out of where he is. And I am angry at him for adding one more case to the fraud pile to make it that much harder for Joseph and I to be together.

This may be a bit overkill but have a flag put on your credit files that no credit should be issued without identify verification. Talk to the reporting agencies. As your spouse he may try to get joint credit ( he can in some states without your signature)

[Naijabound 1]

Go into forums, then find the sub-saharan for Africa and do a search for "boye".

[ForeverAmen 0]

[ForeverAmen 0]

Stacey,

As the song goes ... the first cut is the deepest. On the other hand, (IMO) a back and forth cut hurts the most. Therefore, I suggest that you make a clean cut and be done with it. With all due respect (and I say this out of love and concern) ... you can't make someone say nice things about you. Either a person will or they will not, no matter how you treat them. So don't worry about things you cannot change. Focus on #1, hurry up and get out of this marriage, and enjoy your life.

Boaz