I Can't Breathe

[GJen 9]

I just recently spent an amazing (and equally short) week with the love of my life of whom proposed marriage to me. I undoubtedly said yes and a rush of happiness spilled through my veins.

After seven of the shortest days of my life, I boarded the plane of which I could have flooded with my own tears, sobbing uncontrollably. Then, for the sake of the rest of the passengers, I transfered that energy into writing. And I was planning,thinking of all the things we would need to do. I was excited. Motivated.

Now, here I am, it hasn't even been a full 48 hours since I last saw him and I feel as though I am dying. Like someone literally ripped my heart out and broke it in two. Now all my motivation I wrote in that little notebook stands before me like a hundred foot tall brick wall. And I'm looking at it helplessly as I sink into quicksand.

I look around and see "Visa in hand!" and "Visa approved!" and it makes me sad. I want that. I want that now.

What makes this engagement bittersweet is that it's a secret I'm harboring. I'm not sure how to tell my parents and I'm not sure how they will react. Part of me wants to tell them right away. I imagine them holding their arms out and hugging me and telling me how proud they are of me and that they know I made a good choice. Then they start helping me apartment hunting and so on and so forth. The other part of me sees a solemn look hanging on their faces like a veil that serves to separate me from them and make me feel weak and vulnerable, wobbling on shaky legs and cowering beneath them.

So what to do? Take extra time and research my plans for the future. (Apartments, budgets, school, career--etc,... this could take a very long time). Then tell them once I have all my ducks in a row? Or be unabashedly honest with them and hope they shower me with love and support?

Help me.

Edited April 18, 2009 by GJen

[JVKn'CVO 11]

aaww

I say tell your parents. This is an important step you are taking. Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised, and find the love and support you need to figure everything out. Good luck!!

Saludos,

Caro

Edited April 18, 2009 by JVKn'CVO

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think it depends how dependent you are to your parents....like if you are still living under their roof or if they are providing for you financially in any way, that's going to make it difficult because you are a disadvantage if they disapprove or tell you to wait.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Tell them. You will be surprised how smart parents really are.

And, congratulations!

[ellmvl 1]

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't let your parents know you're engaged. You must be proud to tell the world about it. I admit i was so freaking nervous when my husband asked my parents "on cam" for my hands in marriage. It is nice to have your parents blessings and support along this new journey of your life. It is just normal for parents to feel a lil sad when they hear the news co'z you will be leaving their house soon...and of course they worry if your man will treat you good etc. You will be ok sweetie. It is either you tell them or ask your fiance to talk to them.

Goodluck and best wishes. Smile Try to think of the happy moments that you and your fiance have shared together instead of thinking the distance between you two.

[Niels Bohr 72]

If it's true love, you wouldn't worry about being afraid of letting your parents know. In fact, you want them to accept you and your future husband. Your parents raised you since birth. They must atleast have the right know who their child that they sacrificed their own time to raise is going to marry. That is important. Don't be scared.

[alex and astrid 38]

Congratulations on your engagement! My fiance popped the question easter sunday...I fly back to Australia June 17, something that I am not looking forward to.

I would tell your folks. They are going to find out eventually right? You might as well do it on your own terms. My fiances parents were none too thrilled when he told them he had proposed to me, but it is what it is. Focus on your own happiness and getting to marry your man!

[sasha414 0]

congratulations on the engagement!

[NickD 203]

Vividly recall those parting days, we vowed never to let more than three months passing without seeing each other. Future mother-in-law was involved from the very start and even without meeting, from the joy she saw in her daughter, was willing to help us in anyway she could. Even offered to sell her apartment so we would have extra money, what a woman! But we didn't need that, we were actually married for a year before we finally met, never met a woman so concerned about me having enough to eat.

I was an eternity before my wife and I were finally together, but that time does pass, the really tough people in our life was the USCIS, hard to forget that. Wife has been a USC for ten months now, but even that strained relationship dealing with people that really don't give a damn about you passes, then you finally are free. Even my family loves my wife.

One big difference is that my wife is on the webcam with her family instead of me, having a supporting family in your marriage makes a huge difference, hope your family supports you as well. I actually two brother and sister-in-laws that I really like.

[alienlovechild 75]

The other part of me sees a solemn look hanging on their faces like a veil that serves to separate me from them and make me feel weak and vulnerable, wobbling on shaky legs and cowering beneath them.

My Mom didn't approve of most of the spouses her kids married. It turned out she was wrong most of the time as only 1 out of 5 got divorced. A lot of parents think nobody is good enough for their kid but they change their minds over time. Parental approval is probably more important when you're younger but your spouse is going to be around longer than your parents.

[GJen 9]

The other part of me sees a solemn look hanging on their faces like a veil that serves to separate me from them and make me feel weak and vulnerable, wobbling on shaky legs and cowering beneath them.

My Mom didn't approve of most of the spouses her kids married. It turned out she was wrong most of the time as only 1 out of 5 got divorced. A lot of parents think nobody is good enough for their kid but they change their minds over time. Parental approval is probably more important when you're younger but your spouse is going to be around longer than your parents.

Thanks. I guess I'm coming to the realization that everything isn't like it seems in movies. You know, you bring the boyfriend over for dinner, they fall in love with him, etc, etc.

I know they'll love him! I love him! And we're going to take the next weeks to fill out forms and do a little bit more of preparing and then I will tell them. *Gulp*

[Not Available 0]

Congrats! And just tell them!

I see it this way, tell them now and share the excitement, or tell them later and have them upset because you waited so long to tell them.