love-marriage-divorce-hate

[truebrit 4]

funny how things turn out.

4 years of online flirting, thinking he was the one, staying up late every night and rushing home from work to see him waking up, as he put it, he wants me to be the first thing he sees in a morning and the last thing at night...lmao...ok...how pathetic and stupid i feel for falling for an online relationship! i gave up everything in my world (uk) to be with him and his kids, we marry, not quite our first anniversary yet, i honestly thought i had found the man of my dreams! it seems all he wants is an employee, a cook and cleaner, nanny type person to look after his kids who are little devilish teenagers who just know how to twist their daddy round their finger and wind up the evil step mom! 40 years old and never married, never found the right guy, no, im not too picky and have exceptional demands, just guys i get seem to turn lazy or unfaithful, and the trust goes out the window! no i wasn't scared of being left on the shelf, i believe that went out in the 70s! i had a good job and life in england, i paid my bills and looked after my world and had no cause for complaint,

but now...

i cant believe my life has come to this! friends who know us online, if you can really know anyone online, are now telling me that his ex and him were talking (she also sent me emails they had been sending to each other) and the reason why he wanted me here is because he didn't really want me to be his wife but more in the lines of cook/cleaner and she was supposed to have told him not to do it, but still he went ahead and did it. she would never move in with him so he got rid of her and found someone else to do his 'dirty work'

he has had foreign nannies for years and i guess this is what spoilt the kids, they did everything.

on a number of occasions he has said to me he isn't 'talking to me as an employer but in his experience this is how this gets done', or 'this is one of your jobs' one minute i am to be the parent figure and the next i am not to be involved. the kids push passed me, nearly knocking me on my a*se, they kick me under the table if i am talking to my husband, they are rude and have no manners, dirty and lazy and nothing i can do or say will change this, they have no clue (or seem not to) about how anything in the house works and are not prepared to learn, i have tried to teach them some responsibility for their things and they just don't care to learn, the 'things' they have you wouldn't believe, like i said, they are spoilt. when i tell my husband of this, and occasionally he sees for himself, it is my fault, i was being kicked because i was ignoring her etc

i really thought my life was sorted and i was going to be happy for the rest of it, but if i look at it from both aspects the wife and the employee, i am not happy as either! as the wife i get no respect, no privacy (they will knock on each others bedroom door and wait to be asked in, but our bedroom they just walk in, even if the door is closed) the whole house is an extension of their bedrooms, and its a big house! they throw the food at the wall when scraping it from the plates to the bin, they tread food into the carpets, they basically wont do anything i ask unless i ask a million times and they see me getting annoyed, dad asks and its immediate, they have made it clear they don't want me here by spitting in my tea and hiding things which i use, they have bitched me to their friends parents and everywhere i go where they are i am basically ignored and not one of them has spoken to me, its like instant dislike and i don't get it. all i have tried to do is get the kids to respect their world and what they have and try and show them things my mum showed me, Ive not tried to pressure them, except to give them a few small chores a few months after i arrived because they basically sit on their ar*s after trashing the house, chores being really nothing much, a lot less than what i was doing when i was younger than they are now! things like taking the recycling out or feeding the dog (which i get: 'its not my dog' thrown in my face!) it takes them a day to clean their rooms and a minute to trash it again, which they take pleasure in after Ive looked at it tidy...if i go back in the room minutes later its like its not been touched.

ok, enough of the kids (but still on the wife aspect)

my husband looks at me like im dirt, he never talks to me, he blames me for everything that breaks, even if i never touch it, he makes me feel like i am not here as the wife, he never touches me, Ive not had a kiss for ages and a cuddle for even longer, he wont just come up to me and kiss me Ive to take kisses and when i do its like im kissing a brother or something, ive given up trying, he has no feelings for me and it is obvious, in the bedroom he complains i don't initiate sex, but yet when i do he rejects me and well...there is only so much rejection one can take! his family have no knowledge of the UK and think i lived in a field in a cottage with no one round for miles, just me and my dog, and they really don't care to know anything about where i am from, i get told off for comparing things in the uk to the usa, im told to look out of the window! i am expected to forget my life before January 2008, it never existed. i am proud i am British and well, i just cant forget the fact i lived there for nigh on 40 years! the comparisons started as a bit of a joke, like chips, fries, crisps and vest, waistcoat, tank top, that kind of thing, now my rare comparisons are not allowed, even though most of the time i am trying to work out what they are talking about...he thinks i am stupid, Ive been no where and done nothing and the funny thing is...he knows what Ive done and where Ive been but...im still thick! he thinks i have amnesia and i forget things he says to me or i say to him, and when i correct him i am wrong! if this is how wives are to be treated...it sucks.

from the employee point of view, every job i have ever had i have done it for job satisfaction not the pay packet, if i don't like my work i walk and move onto something else, this has lead to a checkered work history but has made me capable of doing a lot of things, any job i have had for any length of time i have enjoyed and i am proud of that fact, ok, i don't have degrees coming out of my ears or the budging bank account but hey, im educated in life and its only money you cant take it with you! had i come here for employment reasons i would have my green card already, but i don't and i didn't come here for a green card i came here for my new family, if i were the employee i would have most definitely walked by now, the way they all treat their house and grounds is beyond a joke. and if i were the employee, where is my pay packet?

from both sides, wife and employee, i had no money before i came here, ok, and i still don't have any money, but then he probably sees it as i get bed and board i should be happy and grateful! trying to get money out of my husband so i can do the food shopping is hard enough. anything extra is a bonus...but i have to spend it on the kids, if i buy anything for myself i get bitched...so i don't.

i have been dealt some hands in my life and i honestly thought i had 3 aces but instead i got jokers and all they have done is mess my life up and that counts for nothing!

i stood up to my husband and his kids and he didn't like it, and now i have ruined my life, i gave up my world for this? again - it sucks. why i am writing this is because i need to know what i have to do to sort this - i am passed caring about the marriage, the life here - i worked at it, i tried my hardest, we just both have different ideals on what marriage is or what a wife is - we've had a million arguments and nothing gets resolved and we always argue about the kids, but the kids never do anything wrong.

so, i am heading home, dog in hand. but are there things i need to sort? obviously i am married and i have his name, do i have to ditch it? (my maiden name sucked and after all the ####### i think i am entitled to at least his name, i might not like the guy very much but i still love him! the feeling isn't mutual though) it is inevitable that divorce will come, when he eventually gets off his a*se and sorts it, i don't want any claim on what he has, im not in it for that, i just want to go home and find a field to restart my pathetic little life! but i have no money and no way of getting any, i have told him it would cost about $5000 to send me home, dog is big and can only go to machester or london, and my things need returning also, good job they never got unpacked after a year!!! out of the $5000 there will be about $600 left for myself to sort out a few things to get me started again. the way i see it is he got me here under false pretences...and he really doesnt give a ####### that it has come to this. i told him last week i was leaving and not a word has been said since, this tells me he just doesnt care anyway so whats the point in trying anymore??

am i being unreasonable with this amount? i have no family who will help and he promised me that if it went wrong then he would help me get home and well...he is good for it, but i feel i am asking too much.

obviously there is more to this than i have written, i dont think anyone wants day by day break down of events and ive tried to be as informative on my situation as possible without slagging off my other half and his kids too much.

is there anything else i need to do, do i need to inform anyone? do i need a lawyer?

i just want to go home.

[Cham 3]

Pleasedont blame the online issue. MANY of us here have working relationships that are or were from online meetings.

Plain and simple Sir Moron sounds like a pompous azz my dear and if it were me I would pack my things and head back for the hills!

I would sit down and tell him what you heard and were told and YOU are no longer a maid a housekeeper all that. STOP DOING IT...get a job if you have to do something BUT stop bowing down to King blowhard!!!! stand up for yourself and tell him to put THAT in his pipe and smoke it. YOU ARE BETTER THEN THAT! YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT so STOP allowing yourself to be girl..YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

HUGSSSSSSSSSSS and good luck to you!

[cnfused 0]

HMM, I am basically going thorugh the same thing, However I am the USC. My step kids came from Colombia and expected me to be the Maid. They have been here a year and it has gone from worse to worser ( I know not a word ) Their dad works away from home 6 days of the week. I have a natural born child of 18, however thank goodness she does not live here as she would have smacked these kids a million times. My Heart goes out to you, finally after a year and me packing my bags the dad realizes his kids either need to change or go back. I work full time and have no problem helping, however they think that I should do every thing like the maid they had before. Not gonna happen. I am truly sad upon your story becasue I see your husband does not support you, at least mine finally got it together when I sad that is it I am leaving. I wish you the best what ever you choice is knowing that it is a difficult one.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

funny how things turn out.

4 years of online flirting, thinking he was the one, staying up late every night and rushing home from work to see him waking up, as he put it, he wants me to be the first thing he sees in a morning and the last thing at night...lmao...ok...how pathetic and stupid i feel for falling for an online relationship! i gave up everything in my world (uk) to be with him and his kids, we marry, not quite our first anniversary yet, i honestly thought i had found the man of my dreams! it seems all he wants is an employee, a cook and cleaner, nanny type person to look after his kids who are little devilish teenagers who just know how to twist their daddy round their finger and wind up the evil step mom! 40 years old and never married, never found the right guy, no, im not too picky and have exceptional demands, just guys i get seem to turn lazy or unfaithful, and the trust goes out the window! no i wasn't scared of being left on the shelf, i believe that went out in the 70s! i had a good job and life in england, i paid my bills and looked after my world and had no cause for complaint,

but now...

i cant believe my life has come to this! friends who know us online, if you can really know anyone online, are now telling me that his ex and him were talking (she also sent me emails they had been sending to each other) and the reason why he wanted me here is because he didn't really want me to be his wife but more in the lines of cook/cleaner and she was supposed to have told him not to do it, but still he went ahead and did it. she would never move in with him so he got rid of her and found someone else to do his 'dirty work'

he has had foreign nannies for years and i guess this is what spoilt the kids, they did everything.

on a number of occasions he has said to me he isn't 'talking to me as an employer but in his experience this is how this gets done', or 'this is one of your jobs' one minute i am to be the parent figure and the next i am not to be involved. the kids push passed me, nearly knocking me on my a*se, they kick me under the table if i am talking to my husband, they are rude and have no manners, dirty and lazy and nothing i can do or say will change this, they have no clue (or seem not to) about how anything in the house works and are not prepared to learn, i have tried to teach them some responsibility for their things and they just don't care to learn, the 'things' they have you wouldn't believe, like i said, they are spoilt. when i tell my husband of this, and occasionally he sees for himself, it is my fault, i was being kicked because i was ignoring her etc

i really thought my life was sorted and i was going to be happy for the rest of it, but if i look at it from both aspects the wife and the employee, i am not happy as either! as the wife i get no respect, no privacy (they will knock on each others bedroom door and wait to be asked in, but our bedroom they just walk in, even if the door is closed) the whole house is an extension of their bedrooms, and its a big house! they throw the food at the wall when scraping it from the plates to the bin, they tread food into the carpets, they basically wont do anything i ask unless i ask a million times and they see me getting annoyed, dad asks and its immediate, they have made it clear they don't want me here by spitting in my tea and hiding things which i use, they have bitched me to their friends parents and everywhere i go where they are i am basically ignored and not one of them has spoken to me, its like instant dislike and i don't get it. all i have tried to do is get the kids to respect their world and what they have and try and show them things my mum showed me, Ive not tried to pressure them, except to give them a few small chores a few months after i arrived because they basically sit on their ar*s after trashing the house, chores being really nothing much, a lot less than what i was doing when i was younger than they are now! things like taking the recycling out or feeding the dog (which i get: 'its not my dog' thrown in my face!) it takes them a day to clean their rooms and a minute to trash it again, which they take pleasure in after Ive looked at it tidy...if i go back in the room minutes later its like its not been touched.

ok, enough of the kids (but still on the wife aspect)

my husband looks at me like im dirt, he never talks to me, he blames me for everything that breaks, even if i never touch it, he makes me feel like i am not here as the wife, he never touches me, Ive not had a kiss for ages and a cuddle for even longer, he wont just come up to me and kiss me Ive to take kisses and when i do its like im kissing a brother or something, ive given up trying, he has no feelings for me and it is obvious, in the bedroom he complains i don't initiate sex, but yet when i do he rejects me and well...there is only so much rejection one can take! his family have no knowledge of the UK and think i lived in a field in a cottage with no one round for miles, just me and my dog, and they really don't care to know anything about where i am from, i get told off for comparing things in the uk to the usa, im told to look out of the window! i am expected to forget my life before January 2008, it never existed. i am proud i am British and well, i just cant forget the fact i lived there for nigh on 40 years! the comparisons started as a bit of a joke, like chips, fries, crisps and vest, waistcoat, tank top, that kind of thing, now my rare comparisons are not allowed, even though most of the time i am trying to work out what they are talking about...he thinks i am stupid, Ive been no where and done nothing and the funny thing is...he knows what Ive done and where Ive been but...im still thick! he thinks i have amnesia and i forget things he says to me or i say to him, and when i correct him i am wrong! if this is how wives are to be treated...it sucks.

from the employee point of view, every job i have ever had i have done it for job satisfaction not the pay packet, if i don't like my work i walk and move onto something else, this has lead to a checkered work history but has made me capable of doing a lot of things, any job i have had for any length of time i have enjoyed and i am proud of that fact, ok, i don't have degrees coming out of my ears or the budging bank account but hey, im educated in life and its only money you cant take it with you! had i come here for employment reasons i would have my green card already, but i don't and i didn't come here for a green card i came here for my new family, if i were the employee i would have most definitely walked by now, the way they all treat their house and grounds is beyond a joke. and if i were the employee, where is my pay packet?

from both sides, wife and employee, i had no money before i came here, ok, and i still don't have any money, but then he probably sees it as i get bed and board i should be happy and grateful! trying to get money out of my husband so i can do the food shopping is hard enough. anything extra is a bonus...but i have to spend it on the kids, if i buy anything for myself i get bitched...so i don't.

i have been dealt some hands in my life and i honestly thought i had 3 aces but instead i got jokers and all they have done is mess my life up and that counts for nothing!

i stood up to my husband and his kids and he didn't like it, and now i have ruined my life, i gave up my world for this? again - it sucks. why i am writing this is because i need to know what i have to do to sort this - i am passed caring about the marriage, the life here - i worked at it, i tried my hardest, we just both have different ideals on what marriage is or what a wife is - we've had a million arguments and nothing gets resolved and we always argue about the kids, but the kids never do anything wrong.

so, i am heading home, dog in hand. but are there things i need to sort? obviously i am married and i have his name, do i have to ditch it? (my maiden name sucked and after all the ####### i think i am entitled to at least his name, i might not like the guy very much but i still love him! the feeling isn't mutual though) it is inevitable that divorce will come, when he eventually gets off his a*se and sorts it, i don't want any claim on what he has, im not in it for that, i just want to go home and find a field to restart my pathetic little life! but i have no money and no way of getting any, i have told him it would cost about $5000 to send me home, dog is big and can only go to machester or london, and my things need returning also, good job they never got unpacked after a year!!! out of the $5000 there will be about $600 left for myself to sort out a few things to get me started again. the way i see it is he got me here under false pretences...and he really doesnt give a ####### that it has come to this. i told him last week i was leaving and not a word has been said since, this tells me he just doesnt care anyway so whats the point in trying anymore??

am i being unreasonable with this amount? i have no family who will help and he promised me that if it went wrong then he would help me get home and well...he is good for it, but i feel i am asking too much.

obviously there is more to this than i have written, i dont think anyone wants day by day break down of events and ive tried to be as informative on my situation as possible without slagging off my other half and his kids too much.

is there anything else i need to do, do i need to inform anyone? do i need a lawyer?

i just want to go home.

WOW!!! What a jerk!!! It sounds like he thought you were just going to be the maid. Find a way to put back some money, or work on the side. Save some and then hit the road. This is the exact reason I would NEVER marry anybody who still had kids at home, much less teens. I feel really bad for you and your dog. This is really unbelievable. Did he act all lovey-dovey during the 4 years before you came here? Did he visit you in the UK and act "normal"? This is exactly why in the movie "Must Love Dogs" I can totally identify when Diane Ladd says to the a##hole in the movie, "I hate guys like you!!!" There are just way too many of them. I wish you love and peace.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Yes, talk to a divorce lawyer before you go home.

There are legal obligations you should start now, prior to leaving, just to cover yourself.

Yes, you can keep the name, it's yours now.

[butterfly1 0]

funny how things turn out.

4 years of online flirting, thinking he was the one, staying up late every night and rushing home from work to see him waking up, as he put it, he wants me to be the first thing he sees in a morning and the last thing at night...lmao...ok...how pathetic and stupid i feel for falling for an online relationship! i gave up everything in my world (uk) to be with him and his kids, we marry, not quite our first anniversary yet, i honestly thought i had found the man of my dreams! it seems all he wants is an employee, a cook and cleaner, nanny type person to look after his kids who are little devilish teenagers who just know how to twist their daddy round their finger and wind up the evil step mom! 40 years old and never married, never found the right guy, no, im not too picky and have exceptional demands, just guys i get seem to turn lazy or unfaithful, and the trust goes out the window! no i wasn't scared of being left on the shelf, i believe that went out in the 70s! i had a good job and life in england, i paid my bills and looked after my world and had no cause for complaint,

but now...

i cant believe my life has come to this! friends who know us online, if you can really know anyone online, are now telling me that his ex and him were talking (she also sent me emails they had been sending to each other) and the reason why he wanted me here is because he didn't really want me to be his wife but more in the lines of cook/cleaner and she was supposed to have told him not to do it, but still he went ahead and did it. she would never move in with him so he got rid of her and found someone else to do his 'dirty work'

he has had foreign nannies for years and i guess this is what spoilt the kids, they did everything.

on a number of occasions he has said to me he isn't 'talking to me as an employer but in his experience this is how this gets done', or 'this is one of your jobs' one minute i am to be the parent figure and the next i am not to be involved. the kids push passed me, nearly knocking me on my a*se, they kick me under the table if i am talking to my husband, they are rude and have no manners, dirty and lazy and nothing i can do or say will change this, they have no clue (or seem not to) about how anything in the house works and are not prepared to learn, i have tried to teach them some responsibility for their things and they just don't care to learn, the 'things' they have you wouldn't believe, like i said, they are spoilt. when i tell my husband of this, and occasionally he sees for himself, it is my fault, i was being kicked because i was ignoring her etc

i really thought my life was sorted and i was going to be happy for the rest of it, but if i look at it from both aspects the wife and the employee, i am not happy as either! as the wife i get no respect, no privacy (they will knock on each others bedroom door and wait to be asked in, but our bedroom they just walk in, even if the door is closed) the whole house is an extension of their bedrooms, and its a big house! they throw the food at the wall when scraping it from the plates to the bin, they tread food into the carpets, they basically wont do anything i ask unless i ask a million times and they see me getting annoyed, dad asks and its immediate, they have made it clear they don't want me here by spitting in my tea and hiding things which i use, they have bitched me to their friends parents and everywhere i go where they are i am basically ignored and not one of them has spoken to me, its like instant dislike and i don't get it. all i have tried to do is get the kids to respect their world and what they have and try and show them things my mum showed me, Ive not tried to pressure them, except to give them a few small chores a few months after i arrived because they basically sit on their ar*s after trashing the house, chores being really nothing much, a lot less than what i was doing when i was younger than they are now! things like taking the recycling out or feeding the dog (which i get: 'its not my dog' thrown in my face!) it takes them a day to clean their rooms and a minute to trash it again, which they take pleasure in after Ive looked at it tidy...if i go back in the room minutes later its like its not been touched.

ok, enough of the kids (but still on the wife aspect)

my husband looks at me like im dirt, he never talks to me, he blames me for everything that breaks, even if i never touch it, he makes me feel like i am not here as the wife, he never touches me, Ive not had a kiss for ages and a cuddle for even longer, he wont just come up to me and kiss me Ive to take kisses and when i do its like im kissing a brother or something, ive given up trying, he has no feelings for me and it is obvious, in the bedroom he complains i don't initiate sex, but yet when i do he rejects me and well...there is only so much rejection one can take! his family have no knowledge of the UK and think i lived in a field in a cottage with no one round for miles, just me and my dog, and they really don't care to know anything about where i am from, i get told off for comparing things in the uk to the usa, im told to look out of the window! i am expected to forget my life before January 2008, it never existed. i am proud i am British and well, i just cant forget the fact i lived there for nigh on 40 years! the comparisons started as a bit of a joke, like chips, fries, crisps and vest, waistcoat, tank top, that kind of thing, now my rare comparisons are not allowed, even though most of the time i am trying to work out what they are talking about...he thinks i am stupid, Ive been no where and done nothing and the funny thing is...he knows what Ive done and where Ive been but...im still thick! he thinks i have amnesia and i forget things he says to me or i say to him, and when i correct him i am wrong! if this is how wives are to be treated...it sucks.

from the employee point of view, every job i have ever had i have done it for job satisfaction not the pay packet, if i don't like my work i walk and move onto something else, this has lead to a checkered work history but has made me capable of doing a lot of things, any job i have had for any length of time i have enjoyed and i am proud of that fact, ok, i don't have degrees coming out of my ears or the budging bank account but hey, im educated in life and its only money you cant take it with you! had i come here for employment reasons i would have my green card already, but i don't and i didn't come here for a green card i came here for my new family, if i were the employee i would have most definitely walked by now, the way they all treat their house and grounds is beyond a joke. and if i were the employee, where is my pay packet?

from both sides, wife and employee, i had no money before i came here, ok, and i still don't have any money, but then he probably sees it as i get bed and board i should be happy and grateful! trying to get money out of my husband so i can do the food shopping is hard enough. anything extra is a bonus...but i have to spend it on the kids, if i buy anything for myself i get bitched...so i don't.

i have been dealt some hands in my life and i honestly thought i had 3 aces but instead i got jokers and all they have done is mess my life up and that counts for nothing!

i stood up to my husband and his kids and he didn't like it, and now i have ruined my life, i gave up my world for this? again - it sucks. why i am writing this is because i need to know what i have to do to sort this - i am passed caring about the marriage, the life here - i worked at it, i tried my hardest, we just both have different ideals on what marriage is or what a wife is - we've had a million arguments and nothing gets resolved and we always argue about the kids, but the kids never do anything wrong.

so, i am heading home, dog in hand. but are there things i need to sort? obviously i am married and i have his name, do i have to ditch it? (my maiden name sucked and after all the ####### i think i am entitled to at least his name, i might not like the guy very much but i still love him! the feeling isn't mutual though) it is inevitable that divorce will come, when he eventually gets off his a*se and sorts it, i don't want any claim on what he has, im not in it for that, i just want to go home and find a field to restart my pathetic little life! but i have no money and no way of getting any, i have told him it would cost about $5000 to send me home, dog is big and can only go to machester or london, and my things need returning also, good job they never got unpacked after a year!!! out of the $5000 there will be about $600 left for myself to sort out a few things to get me started again. the way i see it is he got me here under false pretences...and he really doesnt give a ####### that it has come to this. i told him last week i was leaving and not a word has been said since, this tells me he just doesnt care anyway so whats the point in trying anymore??

am i being unreasonable with this amount? i have no family who will help and he promised me that if it went wrong then he would help me get home and well...he is good for it, but i feel i am asking too much.

obviously there is more to this than i have written, i dont think anyone wants day by day break down of events and ive tried to be as informative on my situation as possible without slagging off my other half and his kids too much.

is there anything else i need to do, do i need to inform anyone? do i need a lawyer?

i just want to go home.

[Precious 2]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I can totally understand your side. But I'm with Cham. You are better than this and you DESERVE respect.

And you need a plan. I know that it is hard to cope sometimes, we want immediate solutions to get us out of the painful situation, but you need patience to undo this the best way possible.

I would stop working for the brats. Believe me, they are not going to change. It is a huge cultural shock to see how teens behave, and american teens are particularly hmm..let's say..difficult. I have a step daughter myself and I had to work hard in the relationship with her. But my husband always stands up for me, and that kind of support makes a huge difference.

Get a job, anything that would make you get out of the house and save some money. That might help them to look at you differently.

Believe me, I understand there are jerks everywhere, but at the end of the day, we have to take care of ourselves.

So, make a plan, get a job, stop working for them and start working for YOU. Once you have some of your independance back you will feel stronger. Take good care of yourself. Nourish good thoughts, put things into perspective. And have patience, things will change.

I hope all the best for you and I will be praying for you.

HUGS

[anitacastillo 0]

True Brit -

Sorry you ended up in this situation.

I think $5K is a reasonable amount - but I don't know what the family finances look like. I suggest you find a time alone to discuss the separation plan. Maybe you could stay to the end of the school year - or something that would help him out. You can discuss divorce plans and financial settlement/divisions.

From your posting you don't care to maintain your green card. (I am guessing you have a 2 year conditional one - not a 10 yr one) So I don't believe an attorney or notification of USCIS is necessary. If you want to visit in the future, you will disclose that your divorced and returned to the UK.

I believe it is better to be alone than in a crappy relationship. Good Luck!!

[Jasman0717 8]

I am so thankful I found Claudeth

[truebrit 4]

cham, im not generalizing, i was truly hoping that this was it for me.

im not a 'social butterfly' and ive more friends in the box than out of it...

so i guess an online relationship was inevitable for me.

thank you for the replies...encouraging.

4 years 'flirting' and 2 of those years working at getting to where we are now, yes its been hard,

every one here can say the same about their own journey, i know of non that has had true success and speed,

every one has hit walls somewhere. if they haven't they are not posting here!!

the online relationship stands just as much chance as the 'offline' ones we could be having! as much 'work', if not more,

needs putting into it, to get us to how we are as a couple, i told him that had this been a relationship in the uk,

and he were living down the road or wherever...i would have been long gone...this relationship was doomed from the start,

nothing to do with on or offline, he expected me to be what i am not and i expected things to be a little different and there is no happy middle ground

as long as he lets the kids drive me nuts and he totally blanks me out of everything, i will never be happy here...

same as i wouldn't be if he were down the road from me!

good luck to those that are on the up and up...i am jealous of your success and happiness!

lol@cnfused, worser...yup, not a word, but still funny! we first went through this around june last year, only been here 5 months and i was finding it hard,

with the adjustments and stuff, driving, finding my way round and basically re-teaching myself basic things like how everything works, everything is the wrong way round! and well...the list goes on...

but, that accounted for nothing, in between arguments with the SAT NAV and my husband, trying to learn the american way of educating (sorry, its different!)!!

i ask for a little bit of 'change' and im told why do they have to change to suit me? i am supposed to be running the house and anything i request gets laughed at!

my cooking goes in the bin because we are so close to the fast food flingers, the youngest has ADD and ive been there before but i am talking ####### when it comes to her diet,

im sure he likes her bouncing off the walls!

i basically told him, he treats me like ####### so ####### is what he is getting...maybe childish...

hehaditcoming, trying to get money from him fro the food shopping is hard enough, anything extra is a bonus but the kids always need something so extra money soon gets eaten up, working on the side isn't an option, i couldn't do it, id be 'bricking it' in case i got caught. the times he was with me in the uk he was great, and different (and he says it is me who has changed!) yes he was all lovey dovey in our 'online moments'. sometimes it is like he is a completely different person. Ive not seen the movie, but Ive seen it was on tv a couple of times, im guessing he has seen it because he jumps straight past it, probably doesn't want me to see it...lol...

bobby, he said this morning he will sort the lawyer and get the papers drawn up.

i just dont get his attitude about all this, i cant do right for doing wrong, this morning we had another argument, basically because i turned my alarm off when i realized he was still home (its only the 2nd time ive not got up on a school day), he could deal with the kids this morning, after the ####### i got last night from them i wasn't interested, i was showing the eldest how to use photoshop and even though the youngest had been in bed an hour at least, she felt the need to get up and start shouting and fighting with her sister (i know, its what kids do!) i had purposely left this task until she was in bed because if i am helping the eldest, the youngest starts demanding all the attention and i cant get anything else done, the eldest was encouraging her so i just got up and walked away and then they started fighting again, because i stopped helping the eldest with her project...eventually they got the message. ive tried to show them things and i am accused of talking to them like adults, yet i explain anything they need to know simply and try to show them the easiest way to do things...but for this, i am wrong. he says i have never tried to build a relationship with the kids, the eldest is hard to work out, she is a closed kid and i know this isnt good, but i give her more credit than she deserves because she basically doesnt want to know anything and is only happy when i am spending money on her...then the things i buy her get thrown in the back of the closet never to be seen again.

he doesnt get it that this house is full to bursting with their things and i have no clue what to do with any of it, im told to 'gut the rooms' but everything has some value to them, i have no idea what value, so i ask them to sort their things and they dot want to...they collect everything from dead petals (not throwaway) to the pieces of plastic that holds the carrier bags together in a bundle on the rack at the bottom of the checkout (yes i know that this would be 'throwaway'...after it has been thrown all over the house that is!) each piece means something...and i would be the evil step mum for throwing it out. all i have ever wanted to do here was have this house in some kind of organization and sorted with less clutter so that it is easier to clean and easier to find things, not just for me, but for everyone, even the basement (100ft) is bursting out the door! and i am still expected to know what is what! guessing isnt an option.

someone once told me to lay it down what i was going to do, so i did, mid last year, i told him i was only going to clean the 'communal areas' and cook i did that and now it is thrown in my face...i stopped the mad blasts around the house to try and provoke some kind of help...but they would rather the recycling piled up to falling over...the skivvy will do it...im not asking they get on their hands and knees and scrub the floors...far from it, they have prooved many times that putting rubbish in the bins is too hard, or picking the food they dropped and would rather tread in in the carpets...4 days their clean clothes have been sat on the dryer, they walk past a million times and get asked to move them 3 times a day...still there...how could i expect anything more...this is their world and they like it 'just so.'

unfortunately...i like it 'just so' also...just not this kind of 'so' im expected to run the house...just not run it the way i would like...

i apologise in responding a little late, i was trying to reply in between my husbands home time.

True Brit -

Sorry you ended up in this situation.

I think $5K is a reasonable amount - but I don't know what the family finances look like. I suggest you find a time alone to discuss the separation plan. Maybe you could stay to the end of the school year - or something that would help him out. You can discuss divorce plans and financial settlement/divisions.

From your posting you don't care to maintain your green card. (I am guessing you have a 2 year conditional one - not a 10 yr one) So I don't believe an attorney or notification of USCIS is necessary. If you want to visit in the future, you will disclose that your divorced and returned to the UK.

I believe it is better to be alone than in a crappy relationship. Good Luck!!

posted at the same time i guess!

i dont have any green card, i have my SSN and thats all.

[truebrit 4]

also,

i know, mums fold and put away the clothes...but they dont want me in their bedrooms and i give them that choice...they have so many clothes and both have similar tastes i dont know whos is what and i got fed up of the arguments when the youngest was wearing the oldests clothes, so they sort their clothes after ive taken them from the dryer and folded them, then there is no arguments of whos is what!

[Mrs.J06 4]

Sounds like you are living a nightmare.

Guess I'm greedy, but I would expect a little more financial help from the ex to start over again in my home country, especially since you haven't worked and didn't get a chance to put some money aside for yourself. Depending on your financial situation, of course. I would expect him to help with the moving cost and maybe some support for the first couple of months when you'll have to pay rent and buy furniture and will be looking for a job again in Britain.

We talked about the "what if" before I moved here and my husband said he would support me for a while if I at some point chose to go back to Germany and start over, I didn't even have to ask for it. Since I'm working and able to safe some money for myself I wouldn't even ask for it but if I wasn't I guess I'd expect some help.

[Peikko 1,575]

I think you need a back up plan. Someone said that the catholic charities are really helpful. I would go talk to someone because should this guy decide not to help you out financially and get you home, I am not sure what would happen, but it sounds awful. Perhaps someone else can help with the types of organizations that may be able to help, but I don't think you can do this on your own if he doesn't cooperate.

[Kiv 32]

Hi Truebrit,

I am sorry you are going trough this.

How did you get your SSN?

Did you get the EAD?

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

cham, im not generalizing, i was truly hoping that this was it for me.

im not a 'social butterfly' and ive more friends in the box than out of it...

so i guess an online relationship was inevitable for me.

thank you for the replies...encouraging.

4 years 'flirting' and 2 of those years working at getting to where we are now, yes its been hard,

every one here can say the same about their own journey, i know of non that has had true success and speed,

every one has hit walls somewhere. if they haven't they are not posting here!!

the online relationship stands just as much chance as the 'offline' ones we could be having! as much 'work', if not more,

needs putting into it, to get us to how we are as a couple, i told him that had this been a relationship in the uk,

and he were living down the road or wherever...i would have been long gone...this relationship was doomed from the start,

nothing to do with on or offline, he expected me to be what i am not and i expected things to be a little different and there is no happy middle ground

as long as he lets the kids drive me nuts and he totally blanks me out of everything, i will never be happy here...

same as i wouldn't be if he were down the road from me!

good luck to those that are on the up and up...i am jealous of your success and happiness!

lol@cnfused, worser...yup, not a word, but still funny! we first went through this around june last year, only been here 5 months and i was finding it hard,

with the adjustments and stuff, driving, finding my way round and basically re-teaching myself basic things like how everything works, everything is the wrong way round! and well...the list goes on...

but, that accounted for nothing, in between arguments with the SAT NAV and my husband, trying to learn the american way of educating (sorry, its different!)!!

i ask for a little bit of 'change' and im told why do they have to change to suit me? i am supposed to be running the house and anything i request gets laughed at!

my cooking goes in the bin because we are so close to the fast food flingers, the youngest has ADD and ive been there before but i am talking ####### when it comes to her diet,

im sure he likes her bouncing off the walls!

i basically told him, he treats me like ####### so ####### is what he is getting...maybe childish...

hehaditcoming, trying to get money from him fro the food shopping is hard enough, anything extra is a bonus but the kids always need something so extra money soon gets eaten up, working on the side isn't an option, i couldn't do it, id be 'bricking it' in case i got caught. the times he was with me in the uk he was great, and different (and he says it is me who has changed!) yes he was all lovey dovey in our 'online moments'. sometimes it is like he is a completely different person. Ive not seen the movie, but Ive seen it was on tv a couple of times, im guessing he has seen it because he jumps straight past it, probably doesn't want me to see it...lol...

bobby, he said this morning he will sort the lawyer and get the papers drawn up.

i just dont get his attitude about all this, i cant do right for doing wrong, this morning we had another argument, basically because i turned my alarm off when i realized he was still home (its only the 2nd time ive not got up on a school day), he could deal with the kids this morning, after the ####### i got last night from them i wasn't interested, i was showing the eldest how to use photoshop and even though the youngest had been in bed an hour at least, she felt the need to get up and start shouting and fighting with her sister (i know, its what kids do!) i had purposely left this task until she was in bed because if i am helping the eldest, the youngest starts demanding all the attention and i cant get anything else done, the eldest was encouraging her so i just got up and walked away and then they started fighting again, because i stopped helping the eldest with her project...eventually they got the message. ive tried to show them things and i am accused of talking to them like adults, yet i explain anything they need to know simply and try to show them the easiest way to do things...but for this, i am wrong. he says i have never tried to build a relationship with the kids, the eldest is hard to work out, she is a closed kid and i know this isnt good, but i give her more credit than she deserves because she basically doesnt want to know anything and is only happy when i am spending money on her...then the things i buy her get thrown in the back of the closet never to be seen again.

he doesnt get it that this house is full to bursting with their things and i have no clue what to do with any of it, im told to 'gut the rooms' but everything has some value to them, i have no idea what value, so i ask them to sort their things and they dot want to...they collect everything from dead petals (not throwaway) to the pieces of plastic that holds the carrier bags together in a bundle on the rack at the bottom of the checkout (yes i know that this would be 'throwaway'...after it has been thrown all over the house that is!) each piece means something...and i would be the evil step mum for throwing it out. all i have ever wanted to do here was have this house in some kind of organization and sorted with less clutter so that it is easier to clean and easier to find things, not just for me, but for everyone, even the basement (100ft) is bursting out the door! and i am still expected to know what is what! guessing isnt an option.

someone once told me to lay it down what i was going to do, so i did, mid last year, i told him i was only going to clean the 'communal areas' and cook i did that and now it is thrown in my face...i stopped the mad blasts around the house to try and provoke some kind of help...but they would rather the recycling piled up to falling over...the skivvy will do it...im not asking they get on their hands and knees and scrub the floors...far from it, they have prooved many times that putting rubbish in the bins is too hard, or picking the food they dropped and would rather tread in in the carpets...4 days their clean clothes have been sat on the dryer, they walk past a million times and get asked to move them 3 times a day...still there...how could i expect anything more...this is their world and they like it 'just so.'

unfortunately...i like it 'just so' also...just not this kind of 'so' im expected to run the house...just not run it the way i would like...

i apologise in responding a little late, i was trying to reply in between my husbands home time.

True Brit -

Sorry you ended up in this situation.

I think $5K is a reasonable amount - but I don't know what the family finances look like. I suggest you find a time alone to discuss the separation plan. Maybe you could stay to the end of the school year - or something that would help him out. You can discuss divorce plans and financial settlement/divisions.

From your posting you don't care to maintain your green card. (I am guessing you have a 2 year conditional one - not a 10 yr one) So I don't believe an attorney or notification of USCIS is necessary. If you want to visit in the future, you will disclose that your divorced and returned to the UK.

I believe it is better to be alone than in a crappy relationship. Good Luck!!

posted at the same time i guess!

i dont have any green card, i have my SSN and thats all.