Please help

[one...two...tree 2,762]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

No,the house we live in is his.

In exchange for putting me on the deed of his house he would have been put on the deed of the two smaller properties I'm about to buy

So you're the one hesitant about putting him on yours? Put him on the deed without hesitation.

[William33 110]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

No,the house we live in is his.

In exchange for putting me on the deed of his house he would have been put on the deed of the two smaller properties I'm about to buy

So you're the one hesitant about putting him on yours? Put him on the deed without hesitation.

I would suggest the OP make that call alone, based on instinct. If it does not feel right, don't do it. Period.

Money issues are the primary cause of couples splitting.

[Teacher Mark 53]

Is there a pre nup?

[cantbelieveit 0]

Is there a pre nup?

no, we don't have a prenup....we thought we'd figure all out on our own

[NickD 203]

I never hesitated on putting my wife on my deed, my home is paid off and worth a couple of bucks, (I think, least the tax assessor does). She owns a couple of condos in Venezuela, one is pretty nice, the other needs more work than I want to think about. Her son is living in that one, just as soon as she turns that over to him. If she did sell them, we cannot bring the money here anyway unless we went through the black market and lose about 60-65% of their value, but I didn't marry her for her condos, ha, even told her many times, I would take her naked, (especially naked, LOL).

If we were to break up, not even a small sign of that, she is not the type that would even claim half of my home even though she could under our states divorce laws. And she never asked me to put her name on the deed, I insisted on that, we are sharing both our lives and our possessions, somehow lives super exceeds possessions to me.

Now my ex, that was a different story, never worked, got half of everything, except our kids, I got those, she blows her cash and wants to come back to me, can't repeat what I told her. And met many a women that are gold chasers since my divorce. Had to work my can off to pay that off, but did that a lot quicker than I expected, not having her around blowing the money faster than I could earn it.

Marriage has got to come first, also had a secondary motive of making the USCIS happy so they wouldn't deport my baby.

[trailmix 77]

I realize that we are not business partners,but it hurt my feelings that he didn't say after we had learned that we can't refinance, that he'd just go ahead and put me on the deed w/o refinancing.It seems to me that we are starting off with a big disadvantage for me, which really bugs me.

If it had been the other way around I would have said to him "Ok, we won't add you to the deed through refinancing, but there are other ways"...but he didn't. That started the argument.

The part bolded above is the part I don't understand. As you touch on, refinancing and putting your name on the deed are two entirely separate things. I don't see how you can make a decision without having an answer from him about this.

As you have to take care of the first purchase on Saturday and he isn't there to discuss it and you mentioned he won't anyway, if you decide not to put his name on it, you can always do it later?

[Uncle Wally 2]

Jeeze, that's a tough call, OP.

You know, I'm not really sure what you should do.

You might want to try asking someone else.

[cantbelieveit 0]

I realize that we are not business partners,but it hurt my feelings that he didn't say after we had learned that we can't refinance, that he'd just go ahead and put me on the deed w/o refinancing.It seems to me that we are starting off with a big disadvantage for me, which really bugs me.

If it had been the other way around I would have said to him "Ok, we won't add you to the deed through refinancing, but there are other ways"...but he didn't. That started the argument.

The part bolded above is the part I don't understand. As you touch on, refinancing and putting your name on the deed are two entirely separate things. I don't see how you can make a decision without having an answer from him about this.

As you have to take care of the first purchase on Saturday and he isn't there to discuss it and you mentioned he won't anyway, if you decide not to put his name on it, you can always do it later?

By refinancing,we would have refinanced together. Once we knew that there's no refinancing right now I hoped that he'd just add me to the deed, in exchange for what he'll get from me.

But you're right. I can always add him later to my properties,too.

It just doesn't feel right for a married couple to be all about "Mine" and "Yours". But after this hefty argument he really made me wonder if I will be treated fair or not.

Like I said earlier, he knows all about my story with my Dad, and he knows why I am so anxious to have a sense of safety. Once you learn that your own flesh and blood is emotionally able to leave you behind in a mess, you end up having a serious trust issue...

[NickD 203]

I realize that we are not business partners,but it hurt my feelings that he didn't say after we had learned that we can't refinance, that he'd just go ahead and put me on the deed w/o refinancing.It seems to me that we are starting off with a big disadvantage for me, which really bugs me.

If it had been the other way around I would have said to him "Ok, we won't add you to the deed through refinancing, but there are other ways"...but he didn't. That started the argument.

The part bolded above is the part I don't understand. As you touch on, refinancing and putting your name on the deed are two entirely separate things. I don't see how you can make a decision without having an answer from him about this.

As you have to take care of the first purchase on Saturday and he isn't there to discuss it and you mentioned he won't anyway, if you decide not to put his name on it, you can always do it later?

In most states, I assume yours, both spouses are liable for each others debts, don't mention this in the marriage ceremony, but sure learn about quick during a divorce. If closing, with the agreement of the seller, can be postponed until your husband gets back, but he will be liable for your payments, and if you don't make those payments and lose it, his credit rating will go to hell as well.

[cantbelieveit 0]

I realize that we are not business partners,but it hurt my feelings that he didn't say after we had learned that we can't refinance, that he'd just go ahead and put me on the deed w/o refinancing.It seems to me that we are starting off with a big disadvantage for me, which really bugs me.

If it had been the other way around I would have said to him "Ok, we won't add you to the deed through refinancing, but there are other ways"...but he didn't. That started the argument.

The part bolded above is the part I don't understand. As you touch on, refinancing and putting your name on the deed are two entirely separate things. I don't see how you can make a decision without having an answer from him about this.

As you have to take care of the first purchase on Saturday and he isn't there to discuss it and you mentioned he won't anyway, if you decide not to put his name on it, you can always do it later?

In most states, I assume yours, both spouses are liable for each others debts, don't mention this in the marriage ceremony, but sure learn about quick during a divorce. If closing, with the agreement of the seller, can be postponed until your husband gets back, but he will be liable for your payments, and if you don't make those payments and lose it, his credit rating will go to hell as well.

Both small properties I'm about to buy are cash deals. No mortgages involved. I'm going to rent out both, the rental income will be family money

[trailmix 77]

By refinancing,we would have refinanced together. Once we knew that there's no refinancing right now I hoped that he'd just add me to the deed, in exchange for what he'll get from me.

But you're right. I can always add him later to my properties,too.

It just doesn't feel right for a married couple to be all about "Mine" and "Yours". But after this hefty argument he really made me wonder if I will be treated fair or not.

Like I said earlier, he knows all about my story with my Dad, and he knows why I am so anxious to have a sense of safety. Once you learn that your own flesh and blood is emotionally able to leave you behind in a mess, you end up having a serious trust issue...

What I hear you saying is that it isn't really a 'business transaction' and it isn't about the money or possible divorce etc etc etc

It's about the fact that he didn't take your feelings in to consideration at all here, which hurt you. The situation with your Father was terribly unsettling and hurtful and I think you deserve consideration here, based on that alone.

Anyway, try not to worry too much, you two will sort it out, probably after he has had time to cool down.

Whatever you decide I wish you lots of happiness

Edited February 5, 2009 by trailmix

[cantbelieveit 0]

By refinancing,we would have refinanced together. Once we knew that there's no refinancing right now I hoped that he'd just add me to the deed, in exchange for what he'll get from me.

But you're right. I can always add him later to my properties,too.

It just doesn't feel right for a married couple to be all about "Mine" and "Yours". But after this hefty argument he really made me wonder if I will be treated fair or not.

Like I said earlier, he knows all about my story with my Dad, and he knows why I am so anxious to have a sense of safety. Once you learn that your own flesh and blood is emotionally able to leave you behind in a mess, you end up having a serious trust issue...

What I hear you saying is that it isn't really a 'business transaction' and it isn't about the money or possible divorce etc etc etc

It's about the fact that he didn't take your feelings in to consideration at all here, which hurt you. The situation with your Father was terribly unsettling and hurtful and I think you deserve consideration here, based on that alone.

Anyway, try not to worry too much, you two will sort it out, probably after he has had time to cool down.

Whatever you decide I wish you lots of happiness

Thanks a lot for your thoughts!

[Teacher Mark 53]

So by "family money" you mean he will be benefiting from this property anyway? Never mind. I would add him in the situation you described.

Edited February 5, 2009 by Joe Six-Pack

[cantbelieveit 0]

So by "family money", you mean he will be benefiting form this property anyway?

Yes, that's what it means... the rental income was supposed to go on our joint account,that's what I was planning on doing

[Teacher Mark 53]

So by "family money", you mean he will be benefiting form this property anyway?

Yes, that's what it means... the rental income was supposed to go on our joint account,that's what I was planning on doing

Maybe that does make a difference then. I just woke up and am horrible at giving advice! I also put Bill Clinton to shame in the waffling department.