She wants to go back :(

[JKD_88 0]

I need some advice, my wife has only been in the country for 7 months and she says she doesn’t like it here, that she wants to go back but will wait until she gets all her documentation and until we have the financial means to move back. All of this will take about 4/5 years, until then I promised her I would send her back every year. This is really freaking me out, we had all these plans and now she’s changed everything, I don’t know what to do, I’m hoping in the years to come that she will change her mind because I really don’t want to go. She misses her family a lot which I COMPLETELY understand she says that she will never be able to have a life with her family again because she’s here. I don’t know what to do; everything she says is valid but… I just don’t know, do you think time will heal her? Has this happened to anyone else here?

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I am sorry to hear that your wife is so unhappy. I think the most important thing is to think about how she is feeling. She has come here from her home country and is feeling totally cut off from her family. You are saying that you do not want to move to her home country so you have some hard choices to make in the coming months and years.

Just remember that you expected her to walk away from her life in her home country but it appears that you are not willing to do the same and are looking to find a way to get her to change her mind! I can see where she would think she would be better if she went home.

Good Luck with whatever happens.

[geezer 1]

I need some advice, my wife has only been in the country for 7 months and she says she doesn’t like it here, that she wants to go back but will wait until she gets all her documentation and until we have the financial means to move back. All of this will take about 4/5 years, until then I promised her I would send her back every year. This is really freaking me out, we had all these plans and now she’s changed everything, I don’t know what to do, I’m hoping in the years to come that she will change her mind because I really don’t want to go. She misses her family a lot which I COMPLETELY understand she says that she will never be able to have a life with her family again because she’s here. I don’t know what to do; everything she says is valid but… I just don’t know, do you think time will heal her? Has this happened to anyone else here?

I've known from the beginning that my wife really does not want to come here. So I have been basically commutting there for the last four years. I like it there we have a much higher standard of living there than we will here, she will come (maybe) when we get the visa again but I still see us going back there fairly often.

I would suggest you start going to her country also if its economically feasible. It may be that you can develop a lot of new options in both of your life sby being multicultural and an international commuter.

You seem to have a open mind and you are considering her feelings so just keep doing that, I think with time you will both find a lifestyle that works. It may not be what you planned in the beginning but it could very well much better than you ever imagined. I has been in my case.

Good luck

[lawrencetoland 3]

My husband felt awful for the first 2 years. He would actually cry he missed his home country. Now he hates to even go on vacation he misses here is Orlando too much. He has no desire to move back to England, he can't stand to be away from our cats and he is totally comfortable here. Give it time. If she is still too homesick after two years, agree to move back.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Sorry to hear that. Has she contacted the Brazilian community in your area? Is she doing something outside the home? I hope things get solved

[katiushka 1]

i can only tell you to be very supportive with her. South americans tend to be VERY family oriented and in most places a woman does not leaves her house (mom and dad house) unless she is getting married. i Think this can generate some problems trying to adapt to a new life and culture. I hope she speaks english, that helps a lot. also try to socialize as much as you can.

I can only wish you the best and recomend you to dont delay things. do the paperwork ASAP so she can get her advance parole. I've seen that between her entry and the wedding there was a lot of time so dont keep delaying things. once she get her AP she can go back to visit her family.

K.

[Jasman0717 8]

Maybe the US will grow on her. If you are going to be here that long maybe she should consider citizenship. At least if you did move back to her country you would be able to travel freely back to the US. An LPR can loose status if they stay outside the states for too long or don't reside here most of the year.

[bhajishah 4]

Oh heck yes, they (immigrants) all wanna go back @ some point they get over it, its mourning for homeland they neeed to do.

[Dakine 26]

I've known from the beginning that my wife really does not want to come here. So I have been basically commutting there for the last four years. I like it there we have a much higher standard of living there than we will here, she will come (maybe) when we get the visa again but I still see us going back there fairly often.

I would suggest you start going to her country also if its economically feasible. It may be that you can develop a lot of new options in both of your life sby being multicultural and an international commuter.

You seem to have a open mind and you are considering her feelings so just keep doing that, I think with time you will both find a lifestyle that works. It may not be what you planned in the beginning but it could very well much better than you ever imagined. I has been in my case.

Good luck

We are trying to get our act together and eventually live 6 months in RP and 6 months here in Hawaii. It's not a easy thing to do. Gets down to money and health. So far "we" own 4 "houses" in a barrio in RP. 3 for our relatives and 1 for us. Also own 2 houses here in Hawaii. Nothing fancy but liveable, rentable and paid for.

Currently on hold until my wife gets her USC.

Edited January 15, 2009 by Haole

[Krikit 1,163]

I am from an extremely close family and love my home country also. I found that it took a year for me to begin to settle down and start to feel comfortable, then another year to finally feel I am home. A lot will have to do with getting familiar with the area, finding food items, restaurants, etc, which are familiar to her, and your patience in understanding that this is a passing phase and the best you can do is let her vent, tell her you love her and that you realize this homesickness is very painful for her. Bring her flowers. Give her a big hug. Take her out to explore your surroundings. Allow her to travel back home when you can. The homesickness should pass. Well, maybe "pass" isn't a good word. Diminish is more like it. She will always miss her home but she is building ties to her new home and they will strengthen. I wish you the best.

[Craneman 2]

I need some advice, my wife has only been in the country for 7 months and she says she doesn’t like it here, that she wants to go back but will wait until she gets all her documentation and until we have the financial means to move back. All of this will take about 4/5 years, until then I promised her I would send her back every year. This is really freaking me out, we had all these plans and now she’s changed everything, I don’t know what to do, I’m hoping in the years to come that she will change her mind because I really don’t want to go. She misses her family a lot which I COMPLETELY understand she says that she will never be able to have a life with her family again because she’s here. I don’t know what to do; everything she says is valid but… I just don’t know, do you think time will heal her? Has this happened to anyone else here?

My wife is from Brazil too.

I spent 2 1/2 years working in Brazil, this is haow we met, I was having a beer on the beach when she walked up.

Hell, I want to go back to Brazil myself, eu saudade muito.

She has been in this country for 2 months now, she has twin daughters in Brazil that will follow in a few months.

This lady really misses her family.

When I asked her to come to the U.S. I promissed her to visit Brazil at least once a year and possibly 3 times a year.

She always likes talking to new people here that speak Portuguese.

I could go on and on.

Hell, PM me and maybe we can get them together to talk, it always helps to have someone who truely knows your feelings.

[Jasman0717 8]

I've known from the beginning that my wife really does not want to come here. So I have been basically commutting there for the last four years.

My wife has taken to the US like a duck to water.

[broma25 2]

I need some advice, my wife has only been in the country for 7 months and she says she doesn’t like it here, that she wants to go back but will wait until she gets all her documentation and until we have the financial means to move back. All of this will take about 4/5 years, until then I promised her I would send her back every year. This is really freaking me out, we had all these plans and now she’s changed everything, I don’t know what to do, I’m hoping in the years to come that she will change her mind because I really don’t want to go. She misses her family a lot which I COMPLETELY understand she says that she will never be able to have a life with her family again because she’s here. I don’t know what to do; everything she says is valid but… I just don’t know, do you think time will heal her? Has this happened to anyone else here?

This happened to me in reverse, my husband came to England and stayed for 3 years. He never really settled and always wanted to come home. I love my husband so I moved here to the States. He now realizes that perhaps he did not make enough of an effort when he was in England and now he misses it.

We are settled here now!

[Lyuba 0]

I hated the US my first year here. I come from the capital city and had to move to a little city where people were afraid of foreigners and it was impossible to get a job. I cried every day for my old life. Then I just made an effort to move to a bigger city which we did (I got a job offer). It isn't a capital of course but at least people don't get scared if you have an accent.

Everything takes time. And effort. And the US is a hard country to live in. Many people can't do that at all.

Edited January 15, 2009 by Lyuba

[LiszyandKenny 5]

I am Brazilian and I moved here 2 years and 4 months ago..... I can tell you that I had a very very very hard time in the beginning...I missed my family A LOT.

With time, I got to drive around here, met some people, found a job, gained the independence that I had back there. It got better after all that, but there were times where I told I should just go back...

I still miss my family terribly and I don't think it is going to be any different, regardless of how many years I've been here. I go there once a year just to see them again but missing them will never change.

I like it here now but of course I love Brazil...my husband would love to move there with me too... but he doesn't speak Portuguese

Have patience... give her lots of love... hugs and kisses can work wonders try to find some Brazilian communities in your area... supermarkets, things like that. And then.. only time will tell

Edited January 16, 2009 by LiszyandKenny