Risks associated with marrying a foreign girl

[symbiosis 0]

Firstly, I think most Americans are arrogant to think that marriage is not about economics, caste/class, education, religion, security, you name it. It is about love (or affection), yes, but it's about all those other things too.

Many American women (and men too) are just sure that if you marry an Asian (for example) that it's some kind of a transaction. To some extent it is, but no less so in the U.S. -- it's just that people choose to place a thin patina over reality.

My response when I get this attitude from Americans married to Americans is to ask: How did you meet? (usually it's in some social setting -- job, school, mutual friend, etc. that speaks to the fact that the two individuals travel in the same socio-economic circles). Are you both the same religion? (95% are, at least broadly speaking). Did you get your family's at least implicit OK? (most do).

So, how is that much different, really?

I think most Americans are naive about marriage and perhaps that's why so many (full disclosure -- my first among them) end in divorce.

[NickD 203]

Ha, my philosophy on this, I have to roam the entire world to find components of the highest quality and lowest price just to stay in business, and shipping also is very much a part of that price. So in searching for a mate, but not really serious, was not disparate, maybe I was disparate with my first wife. That sure can lead into a miserable life.

We do have an option now where the world is wide open, at least for meeting new people, race and location were discarded, but did join a local singles club, over 300 women were there, just no interest in anyone of them. Can't believe I ended up with a Latin American woman, always heard they were hot headed an throw pots and pans, can't explain it, but just something about her, sweetest woman I have ever met, felt entirely comfortable with her, had no urge to put up false pretenses, was myself, and our relationship was purely honest. Also a knockout in a bikini that didn't hurt, but for the first time, I believed in that word, soulmate. We became extremely dependent on each other for a nine month period when I suggested we finally meet. Developed a very strong platonic relationship and became very good friends. Loved her voice, still do, but could have fallen flat when we first met, wasn't really apprehensive about that, think she was a little, but hey, we are good friends, let's just leave it at that.

Didn't work out that way, with the first touch of our hands and that first kiss, was pure magic. Sex is always fun, but the first time we made love, was a totally new sensation for both of us, not only our bodies were joined, but our souls as well.

One thing lacking from our relationship that I never really experienced before, is the total lack of jealously, always experienced that to some extend or another with all the dating I have done. As simple as a guy thing turning his head a bit, when a knockout walks by, with some kind of comment to that effect to yelling and screaming if you even mention another woman. We in this country tend to be more straight laced, when meeting a friend of your wife, even a darn good looking one, parting is like shaking hands with a dead fish at the most. LOL, not true in her country, a big hug and a kiss from her friends. Wife looks at that like she is pleased her friends accepted me, and I do the same with my friends when they want to hug and kiss her goodbye. But have to say, the magic is not there when kissing her friends, only when I hug and kiss her, like doing that a lot.

So is this person is in a foreign country, and it's like a miracle to meet someone like that, that is the key factor in getting together, not that they are from here or there, that is a stupid premise to follow if I have ever heard one. Both of you are positively sure, no doubts whatsoever, and not thing you wish to change about that person you meet. Some good guidelines to follow.

Worse stress in our marriage was with the USCIS as to whether they would let her come and stay here, but we already had an alternative, screw the bastards, if they don't let her come and stay, I was ready to leave this country, meeting a soulmate is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you in this life.

[maritoni 3]

Marrying a foreigner – especially one from a non-western country – can present some challenges. Am not saying obstacles but challenges. Challenges that need to be addressed nevertheless

[Jasman0717 9]

If you want to live your life according to statistics then probably you shouldn't get married at all

[symbiosis 0]

Worse stress in our marriage was with the USCIS as to whether they would let her come and stay here, but we already had an alternative, screw the bastards, if they don't let her come and stay, I was ready to leave this country, meeting a soulmate is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you in this life.

Ditto, there.

[InnocentBystander 0]

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone. Most of the principles stated here, I fully agree with. Even a couple of responses here alluded to the risk of finding a girl from Russia. You see, I've been told these girls will do and say anything to get a man here and then when green card conditions are removed, it's bye-bye! It's kind of a shame, because IMHO, Russian girls have it figured out (style, fashion, beauty, feminine charm). No slight on girls from other countries at all, by the way. But from what I have been told, Russian girls also seem to be the most dangerous.

I understand what you all are saying about developing a relationship and ignoring the statistics. Trust me, I'm not trying to live my life by statistics. I do think statistics can be useful sometimes. I like to exercise and work out. I also love food. When I go to the market now, I no longer buy what my stomach craves, just because I know it tastes really great. I look at the nutritional facts data on the food (or drink) to determine if it is a good idea to put into my body, because I am spending lots of my valuable time at the gym.

And that brings us back to Russian women... in my mind, they "taste the best" (not trying to be funny with that), but are they worth the risk? If a girl is totally committed to doing and saying everything in her power to make me happy, just to obtain a green card, how would I discern? It seems as if this is how American men get sucked in. I'm not saying it's true, but surely this reputation has it's roots in some sort of reality?

Maybe some of you are correct. Maybe I should stay single. In fact, many of my American male friends would tell you unless you plan on having children, there really is no reason to get married these days. It's too risky. Of course, if you want a Russian girl or a Caribbean girl, you have no choice but to marry her to get her to the States.

Edited December 26, 2008 by InnocentBystander

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

"Stay single" sounds too "forever". All I'm saying is stay single a while longer until the judgments of others become less of a factor in your mind and you begin to truly realize what you want.

[Old Dominion 26]

The sad thing is that in some cultures, people learn that it is not important to tell the truth. One learns to say whatever is needed to obtain a certain result. This is also somewhat true in the U.S. It has nothing to do with religious ethics, and everything to do with survival skills.

[trailmix 77]

For me, I found paradise when I found the Philippines.

Woman are in shape and have nice figures, they are very easy on the eyes, and they are regarded as some of the most beautiful women in the world.

They tend to be very caring, and put family high on their value scale. They carry themelves like a woman should in public, they are not loud and they have a high regard for how they carry themselve in the public eye.

One reason is Divorce doesn't exist in PI, so the woman are not raised in a society like the USA where they can take a man to the cleaners in divorce just because they have a child.

I have heard American woman say many times "I will divorce you and take everything you own",. I have never heard an American man ever say that to his spouse.

omg

What a broad generalization - never a good idea.

But I do have a question for you - what kind of people do you know where you have heard "I will divorce you and take everything you own" - many times?? I personally have never heard anyone say that (except in movies of course....)

Edited December 26, 2008 by trailmix

[Empress of Groovy 373]

My advice: Don't underestimate the importance of good hair. Be sensitive if she needs a lot of hair products, to include extensions and wigs, to achieve the desired effect. However, she may not taste as good after being encased in Aqua Net, but these are things you have to figure out.

[symbiosis 0]

The sad thing is that in some cultures, people learn that it is not important to tell the truth. One learns to say whatever is needed to obtain a certain result. This is also somewhat true in the U.S. It has nothing to do with religious ethics, and everything to do with survival skills.

VERY true in the U.S. if you ask me. We just putting a sugar coating on the lies. Better to be up front.

[mox 298]

You're an adult (I assume) so maybe it's time to start acting like one.

You can chart your own course or you can let your peers decide for you. Put another way, you can be a wolf or you can be a sheep.

Your entire article reeks of someone who cares way too much about what other people think.

Getting over that is step 1. Before you find a wife, find yourself.

This is the absolute best advice I've heard yet. Heed it well.

If you really want to get informative answers about Russian women and relationships with Russian women, come on over to the Russian forum. We run the gamut from those who are just starting out, to those who have been married a couple years or more. Also we have pie.

[Ilya R. 0]

Russian women are no picnic

But I married one anyway....

[NickD 203]

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone. Most of the principles stated here, I fully agree with. Even a couple of responses here alluded to the risk of finding a girl from Russia. You see, I've been told these girls will do and say anything to get a man here and then when green card conditions are removed, it's bye-bye! It's kind of a shame, because IMHO, Russian girls have it figured out (style, fashion, beauty, feminine charm). No slight on girls from other countries at all, by the way. But from what I have been told, Russian girls also seem to be the most dangerous.

I understand what you all are saying about developing a relationship and ignoring the statistics. Trust me, I'm not trying to live my life by statistics. I do think statistics can be useful sometimes. I like to exercise and work out. I also love food. When I go to the market now, I no longer buy what my stomach craves, just because I know it tastes really great. I look at the nutritional facts data on the food (or drink) to determine if it is a good idea to put into my body, because I am spending lots of my valuable time at the gym.

And that brings us back to Russian women... in my mind, they "taste the best" (not trying to be funny with that), but are they worth the risk? If a girl is totally committed to doing and saying everything in her power to make me happy, just to obtain a green card, how would I discern? It seems as if this is how American men get sucked in. I'm not saying it's true, but surely this reputation has it's roots in some sort of reality?

Maybe some of you are correct. Maybe I should stay single. In fact, many of my American male friends would tell you unless you plan on having children, there really is no reason to get married these days. It's too risky. Of course, if you want a Russian girl or a Caribbean girl, you have no choice but to marry her to get her to the States.

Legitimate concerns about marriage, read the "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits " section of this board, I did, depressing. Time cures at lot of these concerns, both my wife and I married the first time only have a few months to the people next door, we gave it two years before tying the knot with constant contact, and many visits. Some Russian women are very sharp indeed, just never hit it off with any of them, but beware of the ones if you don't marry them on the second meeting, they will call it off and will look for someone that will, kind of a dead giveaway at to there intentions.

Culture can be a shock with our nice clean neighborhoods without bars on the doors and windows, and safe to take a walk at night, grocery stores loaded with goodies, huge state and national parks, amusement parks, museums that take over a day to go through, the best tasting, safe, and cleanest water right out of faucet, not to mention a humidity and temperature control home, a large yard, five minutes to open a checking or savings account, etc. Even have a local store carrying her arepa flour, same brand she is use to.

Really the only problem with the USCIS was with that long I-751 processing and wife meeting a ###### for citizenship, but the oath ceremony was wonderful. Still a question of finding the right one and knowing for sure it's the right one, time is still required.

Yeah, was told that also by friends and relatives when I was getting serious with a foreign gal, but that's history, they all love her.

[shaggy_mutt 0]

If a girl is totally committed to doing and saying everything in her power to make me happy, just to obtain a green card, how would I discern? It seems as if this is how American men get sucked in. I'm not saying it's true, but surely this reputation has it's roots in some sort of reality?

Yeah, it happens. It's happened to some people here, and it happened to a coworker of mine [not sure she was Russian, may have been Eastern European] and to a high school friend who met a girl while studying in Russia. In the latter case he and his family helped her to get a student visa (fortunately he was too young to be thinking K visas), only to have her lose all interest in him the moment she got here.

Risk of fraud is affected by a number of things:

- Country of origin

- Way that you met

- Age differential

- 'Desirability' differential (looks, wages, education, etc)

- Ability to make a real relationship work (does she speak any language that you do?)

- Her reason for looking for a mate outside her country.

There's a range of reasons for a woman to seek a mate outside her country. Some are pretty cheesy ("All the men here are lousy"), some make more sense (i.e., a woman in an ethnic or religious minority wants to meet more people who share her heritage or beliefs).

You asked about warning signs. Apart from being aware that certain consulates are inherently higher-risk than others, I'd basically be wary of anything that would make you say "She only loves him for his (money, status, etc)" if she were American. Also, watch for odd behavior - like a girl who's in a mad rush to the altar with seemingly anyone.