Physically/emotionally abused by USC "WIFE"

[FCH 1]

sorry to have this happen to you...

but out of curiousity, are you both even in love? where is the love in all of this?

[jhcruz18 3]

that totally sucks. you're an american citizen now and you have your own rights now. leave the ######.

[Zayd 0]

Diadromous is right. Something seems fishy here. If an immigrant is abused by a USC spouse, they are eligible for expedited processing of LPR. We have to consider that there are two sides to this story especially given conflicting posts by this user. We shouldn't be so keen to jump on the wife when something here does not pass the smell test. There definitely seems there are some schenanagens going on. People who stick around "trying to work things out" don't say things like "thank god this is almost over!!! get done with this stupid immigration ####### and leave her!!!" or "what do i do,? how do i leave her???" We all support each other but we need to consider all angles.

[DanielParul 50]

I haven't read his previous posts but I still find it quite odd that the OP keeps refering to his country and his financial status and living standard in his country but still did not want to go back or get out of the situationafter being through so much abuse. If I was financially secure and had a better living standard, the first thing I would so is try to go back.

[strandedlost 0]

no....we ended up staying together, filed the I-751 together.

...and no mermaid, i was not manipulating immigration law....if so....how???

To me...im just someone who came here with good intentions.....tried to have it work out, it didn't, got threats made against me, and then didn't know what to do and stayed in the situation.

1st world countrya nd financially good yes i was, but im an older person and it would be hard for me to pack up, move and start all over again.

[strandedlost 0]

Are you sure you are completely innocent of manipulating immigration laws, yourself?

ever since arriving,.....i've been subject to emotional, physical abuse from my USC wife. I have also been subject to emotional abuse from both of her parents. This has happened on a weekly basis now for 3+ years.

had my N-400 interview, passed, taken the oath 1 month ago, but i just can't deal with it anymore, i want to leave her.

Anything i ever did or say, if it wasn't what my wife or her parents wanted they would always threaten me with getting deported and they would "make sure that it happened". in their exact words.

So i didn't know what to do. I held on through the conditional green card stage, i held on through removing conditions (THAT was a nightmare of a wait for a year) and i held on through naturalization, wondering to myself "what do i do,? how do i leave her???"

I didn't/don't know what to do. No matter what i did.....what i said, if it wasn't to their liking they would always say something like "you do this or we're calling immigration,"

Then my wife would say "you do this, or i'll f@#$ you and your life over and your immigration status and make sure you get deported if you don't do as i say".

I never used her because im from a 1st world country where we are in the top 5 economically and living standards. Its just that the reason WHY i didn't leave her and hung on this long is 2 reasons....

1.- I didn't, still don't know HOW to leave her, im afraid of repercussions after i leave her, afraid for my life.

2.- Constant daily threats of calling immigration just kept me hanging in so i could just "get done with the immigration ####### so they wouldn't have that to use against me anymore.

EVERY TIME i had to go to get my biometrics appointment, or have my N-400 interview....it came with ALOT of conditions...if i didn't do this....or i didn't do that,....she wasn't going to take me to get the fingerprints done, or take me to the interview.

She constantly ses that "i owe her everything for bringing me here"....Once again,...im from a 1st world country, and was better off economically where i was.

Now im sure she along with her parents called immigration and made complaints against me, plenty of times. I was surprised WHY it was never brought up at the n-400 interview.....very surprised, im not sure if they really did call immigration and made complaints, or just blowing smoke. OR they actually did and immigration disregarded it, im not sure, or if the complaints maybe got lost in the system.

I consulted a lawyer, he wanted me to leave her during the lifting of conditions phase. Although i'd been abused physically MANY times, had a knife held to to my throat, chocked me, kicked me, punched me, stabbed me in the leg (which required stitches and i NEVER went to the hospital because i didn't want the doctors to ask how and then she threatened to kill me if i did go), scratched me, i never called the police, because

1. Im a guy, and felt the police wouldn't believe me

2. Her parents are well known in the town for over 30+ years (reputation)

3. wanted to work things out with her (crazy of me)

I never have hit her, although i have defended myself and pushed her off me when she had a knife at my throat and put her in a hold that she couldn't get out of to prevent her from stabbing me again.

I also didn't trust the justice system, and didn't want things to backfire on me through a VAWA believing that hardly any guys use this route............so basically i've just shut my mouth, held it in and kept cool, saying to myself "thank god this is almost over!!! get done with this stupid immigration ####### and leave her!!!" .....because thats what she ALWAYS threatened me with,...still does!!! even though i have been a citizen for a month. so i figured to myself...

......."well if you get the immigration part over-and-done-with that is something less they can't threaten you over anymore".

So now that i am wanting to leave her, and basically im ready to walk out and leave ANY day, im afraid that her and her parents will call immigration and make ALOT of complaints....more so,.....im afraid for my life. Im afraid that she will come after me in a rage of anger and try to kill me, and her parents, will feel very embarrassed about the situation because of their reputation and everyone will know in the town.

Even though im now naturalized (1 month since oath), and we've been married 4 years, is there a certain time frame that i have to wait in order to leave her so that immigration won't accuse me of fraud? or more so, process complaints that her and her parents will make to immigration?....

Can she claim fraud??? if so....how??? I did enter into it with good intentions.

The marriage started out well for the first 3-5 months,...then from there...it went downhill completely and i've just stuck it out since.

How many times can her and her parents complain to immigration and they take it seriously? I've heard that you can only complain once with very good evidence (what my lawyer told me) and that every complaint made, is recorded in the sense that if immigration starts to see daily/weekly complaints about an immigrant spouse, they will disregard it as just a spouse "who is sour" over the break -up.

If they make a complaint, and immigration somehow believes her and her parents and processes it, and even though im naturalized, what is the process??? am i sent a letter to be interviewed at the local district office even as a naturalized citizen? or does it go straight to an immigration judge?? I never made complaints to the police although people at my workplace saw my injuries. I took no photos of when she left marks.

I know her and her parents are excellent in lying, and making up stories, which is why i am asking.

What do i do.....how can i leave her?.....as a naturalized citizen...what are my rights? can i really get deported??? even as a naturalized citizen??...even when i entered into the marriage in good faaith (we both did)

Help me please.........

.........yes i am....why wouldn't i be???

then again i guess you've never been in an abusive relationship not knowing what to do.....

I haven't read his previous posts but I still find it quite odd that the OP keeps refering to his country and his financial status and living standard in his country but still did not want to go back or get out of the situationafter being through so much abuse. If I was financially secure and had a better living standard, the first thing I would so is try to go back.

.........bit hard when you've been here and are established to just pack up, go back and start all over again with the age i am......

Diadromous is right. Something seems fishy here. If an immigrant is abused by a USC spouse, they are eligible for expedited processing of LPR. We have to consider that there are two sides to this story especially given conflicting posts by this user. We shouldn't be so keen to jump on the wife when something here does not pass the smell test. There definitely seems there are some schenanagens going on. People who stick around "trying to work things out" don't say things like "thank god this is almost over!!! get done with this stupid immigration ####### and leave her!!!" or "what do i do,? how do i leave her???" We all support each other but we need to consider all angles.

yeah we do say things like that.....did you not read the part where i have had a knife held to my throat......

and what people are not looking at is the abuse that has happened to me.......

mermaid is too stupidly concentrated in only the immgration side of it.....but yet fails to read the abuse side of it.

and ANYONE who has been abused and gets threatened daily with immigration and doesn't have many options of course will just hang in and see whats ahead next.

in fact,...if memory serves me right...there was a post a few days ago in regards to a similar situation, and people were commenting on how they were threatened by their spouses or ex-spouses in regards to immigration.

they were getting support....

so basically im just wanting to know....

as a citizen...what are my rights.....what can/can't she do.

[Gemmie 142]

You've gotten your answer. You're a US citizen now, you can't be deported.

I do find it amusing that so many people are quick to be suspicious when it's a male poster claiming abuse though. So many times when it's the female, it's a different story.

[caybee 21]

Are you sure you are completely innocent of manipulating immigration laws, yourself?

ever since arriving,.....i've been subject to emotional, physical abuse from my USC wife. I have also been subject to emotional abuse from both of her parents. This has happened on a weekly basis now for 3+ years.

had my N-400 interview, passed, taken the oath 1 month ago, but i just can't deal with it anymore, i want to leave her.

Anything i ever did or say, if it wasn't what my wife or her parents wanted they would always threaten me with getting deported and they would "make sure that it happened". in their exact words.

So i didn't know what to do. I held on through the conditional green card stage, i held on through removing conditions (THAT was a nightmare of a wait for a year) and i held on through naturalization, wondering to myself "what do i do,? how do i leave her???"

I didn't/don't know what to do. No matter what i did.....what i said, if it wasn't to their liking they would always say something like "you do this or we're calling immigration,"

Then my wife would say "you do this, or i'll f@#$ you and your life over and your immigration status and make sure you get deported if you don't do as i say".

I never used her because im from a 1st world country where we are in the top 5 economically and living standards. Its just that the reason WHY i didn't leave her and hung on this long is 2 reasons....

1.- I didn't, still don't know HOW to leave her, im afraid of repercussions after i leave her, afraid for my life.

2.- Constant daily threats of calling immigration just kept me hanging in so i could just "get done with the immigration ####### so they wouldn't have that to use against me anymore.

EVERY TIME i had to go to get my biometrics appointment, or have my N-400 interview....it came with ALOT of conditions...if i didn't do this....or i didn't do that,....she wasn't going to take me to get the fingerprints done, or take me to the interview.

She constantly ses that "i owe her everything for bringing me here"....Once again,...im from a 1st world country, and was better off economically where i was.

Now im sure she along with her parents called immigration and made complaints against me, plenty of times. I was surprised WHY it was never brought up at the n-400 interview.....very surprised, im not sure if they really did call immigration and made complaints, or just blowing smoke. OR they actually did and immigration disregarded it, im not sure, or if the complaints maybe got lost in the system.

I consulted a lawyer, he wanted me to leave her during the lifting of conditions phase. Although i'd been abused physically MANY times, had a knife held to to my throat, chocked me, kicked me, punched me, stabbed me in the leg (which required stitches and i NEVER went to the hospital because i didn't want the doctors to ask how and then she threatened to kill me if i did go), scratched me, i never called the police, because

1. Im a guy, and felt the police wouldn't believe me

2. Her parents are well known in the town for over 30+ years (reputation)

3. wanted to work things out with her (crazy of me)

I never have hit her, although i have defended myself and pushed her off me when she had a knife at my throat and put her in a hold that she couldn't get out of to prevent her from stabbing me again.

I also didn't trust the justice system, and didn't want things to backfire on me through a VAWA believing that hardly any guys use this route............so basically i've just shut my mouth, held it in and kept cool, saying to myself "thank god this is almost over!!! get done with this stupid immigration ####### and leave her!!!" .....because thats what she ALWAYS threatened me with,...still does!!! even though i have been a citizen for a month. so i figured to myself...

......."well if you get the immigration part over-and-done-with that is something less they can't threaten you over anymore".

So now that i am wanting to leave her, and basically im ready to walk out and leave ANY day, im afraid that her and her parents will call immigration and make ALOT of complaints....more so,.....im afraid for my life. Im afraid that she will come after me in a rage of anger and try to kill me, and her parents, will feel very embarrassed about the situation because of their reputation and everyone will know in the town.

Even though im now naturalized (1 month since oath), and we've been married 4 years, is there a certain time frame that i have to wait in order to leave her so that immigration won't accuse me of fraud? or more so, process complaints that her and her parents will make to immigration?....

Can she claim fraud??? if so....how??? I did enter into it with good intentions.

The marriage started out well for the first 3-5 months,...then from there...it went downhill completely and i've just stuck it out since.

How many times can her and her parents complain to immigration and they take it seriously? I've heard that you can only complain once with very good evidence (what my lawyer told me) and that every complaint made, is recorded in the sense that if immigration starts to see daily/weekly complaints about an immigrant spouse, they will disregard it as just a spouse "who is sour" over the break -up.

If they make a complaint, and immigration somehow believes her and her parents and processes it, and even though im naturalized, what is the process??? am i sent a letter to be interviewed at the local district office even as a naturalized citizen? or does it go straight to an immigration judge?? I never made complaints to the police although people at my workplace saw my injuries. I took no photos of when she left marks.

I know her and her parents are excellent in lying, and making up stories, which is why i am asking.

What do i do.....how can i leave her?.....as a naturalized citizen...what are my rights? can i really get deported??? even as a naturalized citizen??...even when i entered into the marriage in good faaith (we both did)

Help me please.........

.........yes i am....why wouldn't i be???

then again i guess you've never been in an abusive relationship not knowing what to do.....

I haven't read his previous posts but I still find it quite odd that the OP keeps refering to his country and his financial status and living standard in his country but still did not want to go back or get out of the situationafter being through so much abuse. If I was financially secure and had a better living standard, the first thing I would so is try to go back.

.........bit hard when you've been here and are established to just pack up, go back and start all over again with the age i am......

Diadromous is right. Something seems fishy here. If an immigrant is abused by a USC spouse, they are eligible for expedited processing of LPR. We have to consider that there are two sides to this story especially given conflicting posts by this user. We shouldn't be so keen to jump on the wife when something here does not pass the smell test. There definitely seems there are some schenanagens going on. People who stick around "trying to work things out" don't say things like "thank god this is almost over!!! get done with this stupid immigration ####### and leave her!!!" or "what do i do,? how do i leave her???" We all support each other but we need to consider all angles.

yeah we do say things like that.....did you not read the part where i have had a knife held to my throat......

and what people are not looking at is the abuse that has happened to me.......

mermaid is too stupidly concentrated in only the immgration side of it.....but yet fails to read the abuse side of it.

and ANYONE who has been abused and gets threatened daily with immigration and doesn't have many options of course will just hang in and see whats ahead next.

in fact,...if memory serves me right...there was a post a few days ago in regards to a similar situation, and people were commenting on how they were threatened by their spouses or ex-spouses in regards to immigration.

they were getting support....

so basically im just wanting to know....

as a citizen...what are my rights.....what can/can't she do.

That's exactly what Mermaid was trying to answer. Since you have not posted a timeline, we have to read back through you posts to get a clear idea of your situation so we can give accurate answers. Almost a year and a half ago, you stated you had already gotten divorced (perhaps you meant separated, but you clearly said divorced), and then in this thread you stated you'd just completed the three-year path to naturalization instead of the five-year one. The three-year path requires you to be and stay married. So going by your own words (which is all we have to go on) you would have had to make a fraudulent claim that you were still married in order to be a citizen now. And if naturalization is gained through fraud, it can be taken away. You asked what your wife could do. Based on the scenario you posted, she could indeed threaten your citizenship, not because you entered into the marriage fraudulently but because you obtained your citizenship fraudulently. Now you say you did not actually divorce but instead remained together. If this is true, she has NOTHING on you from an immigration standpoint.

I have seen Mermaid express sympathy for victims of abuse many times, male and female. But one of her strengths is in taking the facts as presented and giving a clear, succinct answer to a question. This is what she has done for you. Several people have expressed sympathy for you. I myself was horrified by the post about the knife. But sympathy doesn't answer your primary question, which is bolded in your last sentence above. The answer is if you did not gain your citizenship through fraudulent means, your wife can't do anything to your citizenship.

But as I said before, in any case, your life is worth more than your immigration status. Call a police escort while you pack your things and go, if you think your wife or her family will try to stop you. Call a domestic violence hotline in your phonebook and ask what shelters or other resources are available to you. If you need a few days to make arrangements, keep your car keys, some cash, and a cell phone with you at all times. Try to stash some emergency cash outside the house somewhere. Don't argue in the kitchen -- too many weapons in there. Worry about getting yourself safe first and the divorce later. Several members have mentioned Catholic Charities as an organization that might help with legal expenses. Be safe. Good luck.

[Perseverance 1]

wimp!!!!......r u from Nigeria??

Not nice...not nice at all

He does not sound like a Nigerian to me, and I deal with Nigerians on a daily basis

[JayJay 4]

Ah - just leave, I'd say. I was probably one of the people you read about being threatened with deportation and all that crud when I wanted to leave. Bah - I tell you...your life is more important. Why stay around in a relationship when you only have one life to live?

Ever since I first went out with anyone, all I wanted was a stable life and a loving relationship...kids...love...family. That's all. That's what I wanted when I married my ex. Sadly, he was totally messed up and couldn't function in a proper relationship...he never would. Every day I stayed was a day wasted, and I could feel those days slipping through my grasp. Every evening I slept in that house, by myself, upstairs in bed while he watched TV all night long on the sofa downstairs was an evening and a night I should have stuck around. My words were a waste of breath - he wouldn't even answer me 80% of the time, and the vast majority of the rest of the time the answer I got wasn't worth waiting to hear. My actions were a waste because the way he lived, he took what I had to give as though he was entitled to my soul and gave me nothing whatsoever in return. When he "acted", it could be anything from a push onto the floor or into furniture to a push over the railings on the stairs, or a choke, or an asphyxiation, or a wrestle hold so tight I couldn't breathe...and so on.

Eventually I realized I was just...killing time and probably would end up being killed in the process. So I left one afternoon toward the end of June...and I never moved back in again. You know, a few months later I met a lovely man, and he is the man I'm with now. None of the time I spend with him is wasted time. Ever.

Just leave her - who cares about anything else. You're a citizen. Who cares about immigration - do you really want to live like this any longer? Every day you spend there is one more precious day of your life that you're wasting. Hugs to you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know it happens to men too and you know, many police forces know that as well. I hope you get out of there and have a much better life afterward X

[Cuchita 1]

Is Nigeria a 1st world country??????????????

If what he is saying is true apparently he's just not a strong man I would have ran the next day after the knife, he just has to be smarter than them and start gathering evidence of the abuse, which means he has to put up with the abuse for a little longer (and pray you don't get hurt or killed) then find a way to take off when they least suspect it, then file for divorce thru a lawyer. BE STRONG MAN!.

We'll be praying for you.

[joelunchbox 0]

Is Nigeria a 1st world country??????????????

If what he is saying is true apparently he's just not a strong man I would have ran the next day after the knife, he just has to be smarter than them and start gathering evidence of the abuse, which means he has to put up with the abuse for a little longer (and pray you don't get hurt or killed) then find a way to take off when they least suspect it, then file for divorce thru a lawyer. BE STRONG MAN!.

We'll be praying for you.

Just a thought here, but I do remember what it was like for me when I visited Ukraine, when I visited Moscow and when I visited Uzbekistan--not to mention visiting Honduras, Egypt, Germany, and even England. No family or friends to fall back on--it was exciting and pretty scary too!

I think about my wife and how she gave up her job, her friends and moved away from her family to come with me.

I often ask myself if I could be that brave.

Cut him some slack.

But please give us the facts, timeline, etc we need to help you.

Good luck, get out of there. No one deserves what I am reading about here.

[Arthur Roberta 1]

I am afraid I was also subject to physical and mental abuse from my USC wife. This was my second marriage and I was determined that it should work. I could write a book on my experiences (if I could remember all the facts) but needless to say I persevered with what eventually ended in her passing away.

To be brief I fell in love with someone who had mental and medical problems of an extent I did not realise at the time. My wife was Bi-polar and also had endured previously an operation to remove a bowel obstruction that left her with just a small amount of small intestine. In this operation which was a butcher job the surgeon had stapled her intestine to the wall of her stomach. This resulted in her having to be opened back up and the wound left to heal by itself. In effect she had what appeared as a large hole/scar on her stomach. This in itself was tragic as her body had difficulty in absorbing the nutrients she needed. Couple with this she had cirrohis of the liver, which was in an advanced stage. I also found out she had Hepatitus C which she vehermently denied when I questioned her. The extent of her medical and mental condition became more apparent after we were married and I eventually came to the USA a year after we were married on a K3 visa.

My wife was living off social security and my income was a small pension therefore we had to manage our money carefully. Unfortunately my wife was not too good at managing money. I through what savings I had accumulated and from sending her money whilst waiting to join her in the USA cleared the majority of the debt. Only to find more debt awaiting me on arrival. This I cleared and attempted to be thrifty and manage our financial affairs to the best of my ability. What went on over the next couple of years has made me question why I persevered as I did. The fact was I loved her and when you love someone and feel such compassion for their situation one makes excuses for their behaviour. Yes I was physically abused notwithstanding she was just 5 ft tall weighing approx 90 lbs and I could well imagine under such duress someone with less control given the abuse I suffered would have struck back or left her for good.

Her time left on this earth became more apparent to me as time went on and I questioned whether she did at any time love me given how she had treated me when I had done so much for her. She would kick me out of the home and at times I would leave on my own volition due to her making my life so intolerable. If it had not been for friends here in the USA I would not have survived both mentally and physically. Many a time they put me up after I was kicked out and their tolerance to my situation goes beyond belief. What wonderful compassionate people I have met here in the USA. Towards the end she was determined I leave totally, her reason was that she did not want me to see her "go down" as she would say. I would tell her I wanted to stay and take care of her, even though by this stage due to high levels of ammonia building up in her body, which in turn caused her to become more paranoid and unstable. In effect she could not fully take care of herself and from the time I had known her she had a nurse that would come and do simple things around the home, paid for by Social Security.

I could go on and in reality typing this is upsetting. What I have come to realise is that there are some people that no matter what you do cannot be helped. I truly believed I could give her some quality in her life. Do things for her that had never been done, love her like she had never been loved. Unfortunately it was not to be.

I have since met a wonderful woman and re-married. We are very happy and work together as a loving couple should. I am currently in the USA and awaiting a notice for a hearing in Atlanta for deportation. The reason is for overstaying my visa and the fact that my previous wife had withdrawn her petition for me. I have an attorney who has requested information from the Freedom of Information Act and has to date not received a reply..sent in March this year. We have also submitted an I 130 which is currently in the queue in Vermont.

I throughout my life have had it easy I suppose. I was told life was never to be easy. I have certainly found it can indeed be complicated.

To close I would like to say that I could have saved myself countless grief tremendous expense both mentally and financially if I had listened to other people. Unfortunately I let my heart rule my head and payed the price. I would advise those who are embarking on this great journey to take care and should there be doubt don't ,for one's instincts should not be over ridden nor sound advice from those who love you dearly.

Thankyou for reading but a small part of my journey

[JenT 0]

What I have come to realise is that there are some people that no matter what you do cannot be helped.

xxcessuk, this is a key sentence.... I was also married to someone like this and know how helpless a feeling it is....

Thank you for posting your story... I wish you the best for your future.

Jen

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You've gotten your answer. You're a US citizen now, you can't be deported.

I do find it amusing that so many people are quick to be suspicious when it's a male poster claiming abuse though. So many times when it's the female, it's a different story.

Bingo. Agree with sister Gemmie